Secret Identity
“Are you serious?”
“No, I’m Wanda,” your friend replied with a proud smirk.
You rubbed the spot between your eyes where you could feel a headache coming. Wanda was in charge of Natasha’s bachelorette party. You were supposed to spend the evening in a fancy restaurant, but clearly Wanda had other plans.
“I love it!” Natasha took your hand and made you follow her.
You paid the entry fee and walked into the strip club. It was noisy and surprisingly bright. You cringed as the smell of alcohol hit your nose. Wanda gave you her best innocent smile and looped her arm through yours.
“It’s a special day today,” she cooed, tugging on your arm to make you move.
Above the bar, there was a poster of three dudes wearing nothing but speedos. The one on the right was wearing large goggles and a pair of dark wings. His name was written in bold letters above his head: FALCON.
The one called WINTER SOLDIER was wearing a black muzzle, although his long hair already concealed most of his face. Tattoos covered his left arm right up to his sleeve, but his blue eyes were his most striking features.
The third had a blue helmet on his head and a shield in his right hand. CAPTAIN AMERICA. You rolled your eyes good-naturedly and turned to the bartender. He leaned forward and turned his head so he could hear you over the music.
“Who are these guys?”
“The Avengers. They perform together on Wednesdays. Lucky you!” He gave you a flirty wink and slammed his hands on the counter. “What can I get ya?”
“It’s her bachelorette party!” Wanda pushed Natasha forward.
Apparently, while you were studying the poster, Wanda made Natasha wear a sash that read ‘Bride to Be.’ Natasha ordered a bottle of champagne and told the bartender to bring it to your table. Wanda had booked a table near the stage, you sat near the long runway.
“It’s a full house tonight,” you observed as a group of women sat at a table behind you.
“Blame the Avengers. They’re so hot!” Wanda whined, which prompted an eye roll from Natasha.
The bartender arrived with the bottle of champagne and three shots of tequila. “On the house.” He grinned. “Have fun ladies.”
“Let’s drink! Y/n needs to loosen up.”
“I do not need to loosen up,” you objected, arms crossed over your chest. “I have a meeting tomorrow at eight and I don’t want to show up with a hangover.”
“It’s my bachelorette party, Y/n,” Natasha grinned, placing her shot next to yours. “My only bachelorette party.”
Wanda understood what Natasha had in mind and put her shot of tequila in front of you. “Bottoms up, babe.”
Your eyes darted back and forth between your two best friends. “You want me to drink three shots on an empty stomach?”
“I’ll order some food.”
They started cheering, making you chuckle a bit. With a defeated sigh, you put the first glass to your lips and drained it.
“One drink Y/n’s a little spacey,” Natasha giggled as she watched you swallow the second shot in one go. “Two drinks, loud Y/n.”
“What?” you shouted, scaring the girls sitting behind you.
You swallowed your third shot, coughing as the burning liquid slid down your throat. Your head was spinning and a wave of euphoria hit you. You stood up from your chair and started cheering loudly with a bunch of other women.
“Three drinks,” Natasha and Wanda said in unison. “Y/n dance pants!”
Sure enough, you were crazy dancing with a bunch of drunk girls. Your friends joined you until the lights dimmed and the host’s suave voice boomed through a speaker somewhere in the room.
“Ladies… and gentlemen, you’ve all been kidnapped,” the man laughed like a cartoon villain. “HYDRA is taking you hostage. No one will save you.” Another evil laugh.
There was a chorus of protests. You joined the crowd and booed the host before he continued.
“What’s that? You think somebody will come to your rescue?”
Everyone in the club started shouting ‘YES!’ and ‘THE AVENGERS!’ Wanda took your hand and squeezed it, mumbling something that sounded like ‘it’s happening!’
“You want the Avengers?” the host asked, faking an incredulous voice. More people started screaming, fuelling more euphoria. “Let’s see if FALCON can save you!”
Your throat was sore from screaming. Natasha handed you a glass of champagne and laughed when you drained it. Too bad for your morning presentation…
A man in khaki army trousers walked on stage. His eyes were hidden under large goggles and fake, yet impressive, dark wings framed his strong shoulders. He stopped right in the middle of the runway and brought a finger to his lips, silencing the crowd. His face showed nothing but seriousness, which made you giggle and shiver a bit.
There was a sudden silence in the room. Three stuntmen appeared out of nowhere before Falcon beat them one by one. Then he ripped his tear-away pants off and made a show of flexing his biceps, clad only in a red G-string, the word ‘redwing’ written across the noticeable bulge.
Girls screeched like furies when he turned around and flexed his butt muscles. Wanda was screaming too, a five-dollar bill clutched tightly in her hand.
Falcon fell to his knees in front of the sea of women and ran his hands up and down his torso while women stuffed money under the waistband of his thong.
The sound of heavy footsteps caught the attention of everyone in the room. A dark figure with a sleeveless jacket marched out onto the stage. Falcon got to his feet and walked towards the man wearing a muzzle.
The crowd went silent again as the two men circled around each other like they were enemies. The host’s voice bellowed through the quiet room.
“I see a few ladies who yielded to Falcon’s charm. Good for you, Bird Brain, but you won’t save them all! HYDRA has a special weapon! Give it up for the WIIIINTER SOLLLLDIERRRR!”
Natasha gripped your arm as the bartender brought another bottle of champagne. She screamed into your ear to be heard over the cheers of the crowd.
“Oh, my God! I want a lap dance from him!”
“You’ll have to pry him from my cold dead hands,” you replied, licking your lips at the mouth-watering sight of the Winter Soldier. “Look at his thighs!”
“I bet he’s a fucking sub!” she shouted before drinking directly from the bottle.
“Duh! He’s wearing a muzzle,” Wanda joined, waving the bartender over. “You two can fight over the sub, I’m taking Falcon home.”
You practically climbed Natasha like a tree when the Winter Soldier removed his clothes. Natasha held onto you so tightly that you knew you’d have bruises later. You were too drunk to care, empty bottles of champagne littered your table.
Falcon and the Winter Soldier fought, although it looked more like a choreographed dance. The Winter Soldier pretended to kick Falcon in the chest, making him fall on his back. It gave the audience a nice view of the guy’s thick thighs.
The Winter Soldier scanned the crowd with narrowed eyes as all the lights turned red and blue. The crowd made a collective gasp when the velvet curtains revealed a man in a tight dark blue combat suit. A helmet hid most of his face, but his blue eyes were mesmerising.
“Ooh, Captain America!” the host shouted, “and he doesn’t look happy.”
He put his gloved hand on the Winter Soldier’s bare shoulder. Actually the Winter Soldier wasn’t wearing much, just a tiny black G-string.
“People are gonna die. I can’t let that happen,” Captain America said.
“He’s a bit dramatic,” Natasha whispered as the silent crowd waited. “We’re just going to have an orgasm without him touching us. That’s what’s going to happen.”
You chuckled at Natasha’s joke, making the patriotic soldier look at you. You quickly looked away, he really had the most expressive blue eyes. He stared at you, forgetting his next line.
“P-Please, uh,” he looked at the Winter Soldier with a look that meant ‘what’s the line?’ The Winter Soldier rolled his eyes, he was wearing a muzzle after all. “Please, don’t make me do this.”
The Winter Soldier flipped the plastic knife in his left hand and tried to ‘stab’ the other guy. Captain America punched the Winter Soldier with his shield. The Winter Soldier’s muzzle fell on the ground.
“You’ve known me your whole life, you’re my friend.”
“Damn, it’s getting intense,” Wanda plopped down in her seat as the man in a G-string and Captain America stared at each other. She cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted, “Hey, tear his clothes off!”
“You’re my mission,” the Winter Soldier screamed before he jumped on Captain America and tore up his suit.
“Oh, my God, I can’t believe it! I can control his mind!” Wanda slurred, drunk out of her mind.
Captain America tried to hide his star spangled thong behind his shield as if he wasn’t paid to remove his clothes in front of a cheering crowd. He helped Falcon to his feet and the three super studs started shaking their booties.
They moved together in perfect sync, hands running up and down their glistening bodies.
When Captain America dropped his shield, Wanda nearly spat her champagne, “How many socks is he hiding in his thong?”
You stared wide-eyed at Captain America and nudged Natasha in the ribs. “You can have the sub, I’ll take Captain America.”
“Deal! Bad Dong and you are meant to be together anyway,” she replied with a smirk.
“You’re hilarious.” You playfully rolled your eyes before you casually slipped a twenty-dollar bill into the Winter Soldier’s leather thong.
Yes, a body like that deserved at least a 20. He winked at you and sat on his haunches in front of you. Your face was directly in front of his crotch.
He took your hand, placed it on his toned chest and slowly slid it down the length of his body. You felt his warm, firm skin under your palm and mewled pitifully. He couldn’t hear it, the music was too loud, but he knew. He gave you a heart-stopping smile as you caressed his inner thigh.
Well that was $20 well spent!
The show ended way too soon, but the host declared that it was now time for some one-on-one. The Avengers turned and walked backstage, showing their firm butts to the audience one last time.
“What the hell happened back there?” the Winter Soldier asked Captain America once they were out of earshot of the crowd. “Steve, you never forget your lines. We’ve done this show a million times.”
“I don’t know.”
“And you kept trying to change places with me,” he continued. “You’re the leading man, you’re supposed to be in the center.”
“Drop it, Bucky.”
Sighing loudly, Bucky sat next to Falcon who was cooling himself with a fan made of green bills. Steve stood next to the props guy, trying to steal a glance into the main room.
Falcon nudged Bucky in the ribs and jutted his chin toward Steve. “Someone caught the Captain’s eye.”
“Sam,” Steve warned.
“Guys, you’ve seen the redhead with the ‘bride-to-be’ sash? I’m pretty sure she was checking me out.”
“Of course she was checking you out, dumbass,” Sam snickered loudly. “You’re a stripper and she’s a client. But I’ll admit that all the pretty girls are always on your side of the stage. S’not fair!”
“Can’t help it. Even got a twenty from the redhead’s hot friend.”
Steve turned back to his friends, “She gave you a twenty?”
“Yup.”
“Why?”
“Cause my ass is round and firm, my abs look delicious and my thighs are thicker than your fucking skull,” Bucky replied with a cocky grin, his legs spread open as green bills poked out of his G-string.
“She’s too cute for you, Buck,” Steve mumbled before his face scrunched up in embarrassment.
“Ouuuh!” Sam and Bucky cooed teasingly and burst out laughing. “Someone has a crush on a client. Tony’s not gonna like this.”
As if on cue, their manager entered the room. Tony Stark was wearing a nice Tom Ford three-piece suit in a room filled with guys in speedos and G-strings. He clapped his hands once, calling their attention.
“Spidey, you’re next,” Tony pointed at a nervous young man who was collecting his props. “Try not to fall this time, huh.”
The three Avengers gathered their money and changed into their next costume.
“Great show, boys. The ladies are waiting for their one-on-one,” Tony praised before he walked away. He looked over his shoulder to glare at his dancers. “Remember, you’re not allowed to play hide the zucchini in the champagne room.”
Wanda stayed in the main room, entranced by the young new recruit. Natasha was overjoyed when you told her that you’d bought her a private dance with Falcon and the Winter Soldier.
While Falcon rubbed himself all over Natasha, you were waiting for Captain America. Natasha and Wanda had urged you to pay for a private dance. The euphoric effect of the alcohol started to wear off and the room was spinning.
You closed your eyes shut as a wave of nausea bubbled up the back of your throat. You should have eaten something before drinking like it was the end of the world.
“Steve! It’s her!” Bucky cackled when he saw you waiting for Captain America. “I bet you’re going to make her sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the top of her lungs, huh?”
“Don’t make me muzzle you, jerk.” Steve grumbled, shoving his best friend playfully.
“Kinky bastard.” The Winter Soldier smirked, entering his own booth.
When he entered the booth, Steve felt like it was his first day on the job. He felt himself sweating and fidgeting with his hands, not what you’d expect from a stripper. You didn’t notice, you were too busy trying not to pass out.
“You okay?” he asked, closing the purple curtains.
You groaned and sat on the edge of your seat, feeling like you were going to be sick. He crossed the room in three long strides and knelt in front of you.
“It’s okay,” he soothed gently. “Have you eaten anything? Drank water?”
You groaned again, hoping he’d understand that the answer was no.
Steve got to his feet and walked over to a box in the back of the room. Inside there were a bottle of water, a few protein bars and a blanket. He took the first two.
“Believe it or not, but you’re not the first drunk woman who sat in this chair,” he tried to lighten the mood.
You made the most unladylike snort and rubbed your eyes, smearing mascara all over your cheeks. You ate the protein bar slowly, already feeling a little better, and looked around the room. By now, you were half-drunk half-hungover, your filters were non-existent.
“You’re so hot.” You pointed your protein bar at his abs. “Do you work out?”
Steve tilted his head, his eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Um, yeah, I do.”
“It shows,” you replied through a mouthful of candy bar. “I bet that helmet is squeezing your brain. Wanna remove it?” You gave him a hopeful smile.
“Can’t.” He rapped the blue helmet with his knuckles. “Need to protect my secret identity.”
You gave him your best drunk-sad pout, but he only chuckled.
“Feeling better?” He smiled when you nodded. “Unfortunately, your time is up and we don’t do refunds.”
“Refunds for what?”
He chuckled again, “Lap dances.”
“Sorry, I forgot.” You cringed, scrunching your face up like you’d just sucked a slice of lemon.
He found it adorable. He quickly grabbed his robe and tied the knot around his narrow waist.
Steve helped you to your feet and watched you wobble. It was like watching Bambi learning to walk, if Bambi had one too many shots of tequila. When your legs buckled under you, you fell into his arms and smiled up at him as his arms circled your waist.
“Hey, you’re pretty,” you said patting his cheek affectionately.
He laughed, “I’m going to carry you, okay?”
Steve scooped you up into his arms and cradled you against his chest. He walked back to the bar and asked the bartender to call a taxi for you and your friends. Outside the strip club, you waited with Natasha and Wanda who were as pathetically drunk as you were. Steve made sure you were all safe before he went back to work.
The next day, you woke up with a migraine.Thankfully, the shutters were still on so you managed to open your eyes just a little bit. Your head pounded from the alcohol you had consumed the night before, but you recognised your surroundings: Natasha’s bedroom. Wanda was still asleep next to you, but Natasha was no were in sight.
“Must have been one hell of a night,” Clint’s incredibly loud voice made your ears ring. He snorted when you shushed him. “Don’t shush me, I had to pay for your ridiculously expensive cab ride.”
You vaguely remembered slurring different addresses to the driver before you finally gave him Natasha’s right address.
“And then you three kicked me out of my own bed. I had to sleep on the couch,” Clint recalled, making loud slurping noises with his coffee.
“I want to die,” you groaned dramatically as you pushed yourself off the bed, almost stumbling over Natasha who had somehow ended up sleeping on the floor. “What time is it?”
“Almost noon,” Clint replied.
His words sobered you up instantly. You staggered toward the front door, mumbling something about a presentation. You were gone before Clint could react… or tell you that in your hurry you took Wanda’s bag.
You eventually noticed it when you had to pay the taxi driver with a huge stack of one-dollar bills. He crumpled the money into a ball and cupped his hands over it. He cocked a brow at you, and you gave him an apologetic smile, or at least you thought you did. You were still pretty groggy.
Your associate was sitting at your desk, her foot angrily tapping the carpeted floor.
“Where were you? Why are you wearing a cocktail dress? Are you hungover?”
“Maria, I love you, but shut up. I woke up fifteen minutes ago and I’m dying.”
“You missed the presentation.” Maria crossed her arms. “I had to do it alone, thank you very much. Now move your ass or you’ll be late.”
“Late for what?”
“Your lunch date,” she said, shaking her head. “You look like shit, though. Sit, I’ll take care of you.”
“I feel like shit.”
You collapsed into your desk chair and let Maria give you a quick makeover. She took the makeup bag you kept in your drawer and tried to make you look human again.
“Can’t I just reschedule?”
She looked at you like you had grown another head. “Reschedule? Oh, honey, you don’t want to make Steve Rogers wait.”
“But I am dying,” you whined like a child.
“You’re so dramatic. You’re perfect for each other.” She took a step back to look at you. “Okay, I did the best I could with what I had. Now go, he’s waiting downstairs in the lobby.”
She dragged you towards the lift doors and pushed you inside where you caught a glimpse of your reflection. You decided to quickly ditch the guy and hide in your office for the rest of the day.
As you walked to the front desk, you saw a man sitting in a large leather seat, patiently waiting. He was blond, muscular and drop dead gorgeous. You felt the sudden urge to run away. He looked up from his phone and smirked when he saw you.
“Steve Rogers,” he said, shaking your hand. “Nice dress.” You let out a small laugh, no need to embarrass yourself any further.
“I’m sorry, I forgot that we were supposed to see each other today. I went out with some friends last night and…” you trailed off, deciding to tell him the truth since it was kind of obvious.
“Had fun?” he asked with a toothy grin.
“Yeah, it was great,” you chuckled sheepishly. You looked at him and frowned. There was something familiar about him. “Have we met before?”
“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Who are you?”
“Promise me you’ll keep my secret.” He gave you a beautiful white smile and chuckled when your face twisted into a confused frown. He leaned over and whispered in your ear. “I’m Captain America.”
Your breath caught in an audible gasp as he pulled away. “You’re the… the,” you lowered your voice, “stripper?”
“We prefer the tern exotic dancer, but yeah, it’s me.” He laughed at the look of shock on your face. “I’m glad you got home safely. I was a bit worried, you and your friends were really tipsy.”
“Oh, my God,” you groaned, sinking into the nearest seat. “This is so embarrassing! I’m so sorry.”
“Like I said yesterday,” he sat next to you, “you were not the first.”
“Not really helping,” you mumbled, hiding your face with your palm.
He laughed. “If you feel up to it, I know a place where they serve really good coffee.”
“You still want to go out with me?” You peeked through the fingers that covered your face.
“I do,” he replied with a warm smile. “I really do.”
“Can we go somewhere-”
“Quiet?” he supplied.
You laughed softly, meeting his eyes. “Yeah.”
You shyly took the hand he offered and let him pull you to your feet. His hand rested on the small of your back as he guided you toward the exit. A memory rushed at you, making you smile.
“Hey, did you carry me last night?”
He held the door open for you, doubling over with laughter.