Not in Love
Steve words echoed in your ears. You looked at your hands folded in your lap, unable to look at him in the eye. You knew he was waiting for an answer and you didn’t want to lie to him.
You and Steve had been working undercover as boyfriend and girlfriend for two months. The closeness between you and your best friend made you cross the line. Little did you know that Steve was head over heels in love with you and what you saw as a casual one night stand had terrible consequences.
There he was, sitting in front of you waiting for your answer. The longer you stayed silent, the more afraid he was. The hope in his eyes faded, his shoulders sagged.
“I’m sorry, Steve.” You finally said, meeting his eyes for only a second. “I don’t love you like that.”
Steve’s face turned grim. He expected it, but it didn’t hurt less. You took his heart, ripped it out of his chest and crushed it in front of his eyes. He was not sure why he felt the need to tell you more, but he cast his blue eyes down, hiding the tears, and spoke again.
“You were my first.”
You closed your eyes and tried to process his words. You always thought that Tony’s nicknames for Steve were just a way to get under his skin. You had no idea Steve was a virgin. He looked so broken, so dead inside. You hated yourself for what you did to him. You should have known that sleeping with your boss was a bad idea.
“I’m sorry, Steve. If I had known all this, I would have never slept with you.”
You needed him to know that you never wanted to hurt him. Unfortunately, it was a series of bad decisions and lack of communication. Steve huffed out a dry laugh, your words rubbed salt into the wound.
“Thanks, was it really that bad?”
“No!” You quickly reached out for his hand but he pulled away. “God no, you’re a wonderful man, Steve. And it was a great night, but-”
“Don’t bother, I get it.” He cut you off and turned his gaze away from you, pinching the bridge of his nose.
After you waited in silence for a few minutes he opened his mouth to speak again.
“I don’t regret it.” Steve said, his tone less hostile than before. “I can’t make you fall in love with me, but I wished you had been honest with me from the beginning. I thought… I thought we had something.”
“I was doing my job.”
“Sleeping with me wasn’t part of the job!” He shouted, making you jump in your chair. He sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm himself.
Before he could speak again, you stood up and rounded the table. Tentatively, you put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t flinch, so you continued.
“I’ll work the night shift until Tony can find someone to replace me.”
“So what, you’re just going to leave?”
“What other choice do we have?”
Steve considered your question for a minute, took a deep breath and looked up at you. “I guess you’re right.” He shrugged.
“You’re a passionate man, Steve. You deserve to be happy and loved.” You rubbed your thumb along the side of his arm. “I can’t give you back what I took from you. I’m sorry, really. Goodbye, Steve.”
You left the room without saying another word, your stomach was still twisted in knot. You lost your mentor and best friend because you didn’t love him back.
“You were my dream.” Steve whispered to himself once you were gone.