heart dance
Really the first time it happens Nancy’s ten years old holding both her and Mike’s ice cream cones at the lake on the Fourth of July and he’s taking too long in the bathroom and so she starts to walk over there to yell at him to hurry up because his nasty plain vanilla is dripping down her fingers.
But then she trips and almost falls, but she gets her footing back and manages to keep both cones upright. (about half of Mike’s actually falls in the grass but that doesn’t matter) What matters is that Jessica Burgess, who she knows because she's a lifeguard at the local pool, jogs over and asks if she needs help with her laces.
Nancy knows how to tie her laces in a bunny knot (her mom taught her when she was six) but since her hands are full she nods and Jessica drops to her knees to do it and oh. That was really sweet and Nancy knows she appreciates it because when she looks up at her and flashes a thumbs up and a smile her heart does a little dance and she says thanks before going to give Mike his half melted ice cream.
The next time it happens she’s fourteen on the track field (Hawkin’s doesn’t have a football team), waiting to be flipped into the air by the cheerleaders to see if she’s good enough to be one.
And she really wants to be one. Because she sees the way they’re praised and how the boys seem to like a girl so much more when she’s wearing one of the uniforms.
But then it is her turn and Chrissy Cunningham is in front of her, bending down as she explains how she’s going to hold her and not let her fall. But Nancy can’t hear what she’s saying because all she’s focused on is the way Chrissy is looking at her under her eyelashes as she quickly picks a piece of grass off her skirt and smiles at her, saying she's got this.
And Nancy's heart does that little dance again as she shakes her head and says she can't before running off to the bleachers and sitting by the other freshman who had hurt her leg earlier. She decides she doesn't need one of those uniforms anymore.
But then she’s seventeen, almost eighteen, standing in Eddie Munson’s trailer (it’s actually a copy of his in a hellscape she’s gotten too familiar with over the past few years) looking up through a portal. And Robin Buckley who runs weird and talks too much is beside her making a dumb joke about Steve as he tumbles through.
But now it’s Nancy’s turn as she grabs the rope made of knotted sheets, tugging lightly to make sure it’s secure before lifting a leg to start climbing. Except she doesn’t make it the first time and she needs to swing her leg up again to loop it around the sheets.
And she’s going to do that but then Robin’s dropping to her knees and clasping her hands together, setting her shoulders as she looks up at Nancy with those big eyes. And suddenly she’s back on the field in ninth grade and then back at the lake with her heart losing it behind her ribs.
But now she knows the feeling because she’s gotten it before with boys with nice hair and kind eyes who she’s kissed and loved.
But just with boys. And Robin’s not a boy. She’s a girl offering up her hands for Nancy to step in, looking up at her with nervous eyes under that stupid maroon beret.
And Nancy does it. She plants a boot in her palm and finally swings her leg around the rope, pulling herself up as her heart settles in her throat.
And later when she grabs Robin’s hand and repeats what Chrissy had said hears earlier, she feels her heart start up again, this time with a new understanding.