Chapter 20
HELHEIM
Hela paused, hearing Odin roaring through her halls before she even entered her palace. She wrapped shadows around herself before entering unseen. The dead for the most part had lingered back to watch him rage, Farbauti shaking her head with an unimpressed expression that Loki had obviously inherited from her.
While Odin had done a decent job of tearing apart any available surface he had been smart enough to not lay his hands on her throne. Because she would have ripped his arms off…and not given them back.
She let the shadows around her fade at the same moment she gestured and repaired the damage. He whirled on her with his teeth bared. “You planned all of this.” She knew his reaction had all to do with pride, which had been grievously injured thanks to the now public knowledge of his disgrace.
She just smirked at him. “Both of your sons live and will rule Asgard…until Thanos destroys this cycle. Find satisfaction in that.”
Odin snarled at her wordlessly before approaching, forgetting himself in his rage. “You have brought shame to my house. How do I rejoice in that?”
Hela retorted with vicious words and a cool temper. “You brought shame to your house, Odin. A man who took a child to be a political tool. A coward who couldn’t find the courage to tell that child the truth. A man who was a terrible father. You allowed your children to raise themselves, both of them spoiled and both unfit to rule because of it. One son with the knowledge and power, but without the charisma and support. The other with the warrior’s prowess and character to be a just king, but with no knowledge or cunning.”
Farbauti sighed tiredly as she asked, “Must we lament over this again?”
Hela glanced at her for the briefest of moments before nodding slightly. “You are right.” She gestured and vines grew out of the ground, snaring the AEsir king and wrapping around him tightly. “I had forgotten how preoccupied the dead become, only concerned with what could have been.” He started roaring incomprehensibly and struggling and she calmly produced a thick roll of duct tape which she held in one hand. “ODIN.” Even the former king of the AEsir stilled at that tone. “Unless you wish to experience the joy of removing this after having your hairy person bound in it you will be silent. Now.” Odin noticed every human male who knew what it actually was shudder. Fool though he was. He was a man full of arrogance and bluster but he apparently had at least a little common sense and chose to be silent. She smiled at him now, a vicious smile of all teeth. “I think I like you this way.” She turned from a bound Odin dismissively and ascended to her throne, tossing her words back over her shoulder, “Besides, what is to come is so much more entertaining.”
Farbauti studied the former AEsir king who struggled silently. And though he was incorporeal, for some reason the vines held him. With a dismissive shrug she turned her attention to her queen. “So you will step back and watch the path unfold?”
Hela waited until she was seated and carefully put the tape on a small pedestal next to her before answering Farbauti’s quiet query, “I might…none of the cycles yielded this result. It will be interesting to see what develops.”
The former Jötunheim queen blinked once in surprise. “None of them?” Over a thousand-thousand possible pasts, and not one of them yielded this present?
Hela looked distantly amused as she leaned back. “No. More often than not Surtur is defeated and a good many of the AEsir perish with him.”
“Loki?”
“If he chooses to aid them, he dies with them.” Hela’s green eyes turned distant as she reflected on those other possibilities. More often than not Loki did choose to aid them for in only some of those possibilities had this battle been by his design. “The surviving AEsir return to Asgard and Thor returns to Midgard with tail tucked firmly between his legs.” A grim little smile curled her lips. “I even recall one instance where Sif takes command after Thor’s departure and orders the last remnants of the AEsir to Vanaheim.” Sif had stepped forward and the AEsir had followed her as a queen, even without the title. It had been a short cycle, the nine realms destroyed soon after but Hela still remembered that possibility.
Farbauti’s expression had turned thoughtful, both ladies ignoring Odin still huffing and struggling silently. “And how is this result different?”
“Both are recognized kings of Asgard. That’s never happened before.” It had never happened before and she doubted if it would ever happen again. For she had been speaking the truth, Loki never repeated himself. She tapped her chin with a finger, looking thoughtful. “If what I suspect is about to occur, I may have to whisper in Sigyn’s ear.”
“The…light elf queen?”
Hela nodded slowly. “Et’ana Sigyn. She is Alfheim’s queen and in some of the cycles she and Loki take an interest in one another.”
“If the end is approaching then what would be the point?”
The Helheim queen waved a dismissive hand, looking amused. “Oh no, there is still time. And unless I am mistaken, which I am not, Sif has also taken an interest in Loki.” Now she grinned as new plans started to unfurl in her mind. This was a whole new possibility and it must be explored in full. “It might be interesting to see which lady wins his heart if that occurs.”
“Why would you cause him heartache?” Distress filled Farbauti’s tone at the thought of causing her son distress.
“He is a favorite of mine. I favor him because of how he reacts.” Hela looked over one of her favorite denizens who still didn’t look especially pleased with her. Feeling generous since she was in such a good mood, she decided to explain. “An unchallenged life is a boring life and one not worth watching.” Sighing in satisfaction while Farbauti sighed in resignation. “Besides, he could be happy with either of them for different reasons. If anything it will be one of them that will have a broken heart.”
ASGARD
Loki didn’t quite leap back to consciousness. He was drifting for a while, the murmur of voices in the distance slowly catching his attention. He felt fuzzy, his head stuffed full of cotton and his mouth far too dry. Thankfully he also felt his magic gently kissing the tips of his fingers or life wouldn’t have been worth living. But he felt something else. Something strange. For the first time in his life he felt like wherever he was, he was home.
That had been what had devastated him the most. Learning that he was a stolen Jötunn prince, it suddenly explained why he had felt like an outsider for all of his life. The realm had always seemed just a little too bright and hot and not quite right. The people were strange creatures he couldn’t quite relate to. It was more than just instinct. Anyone who wielded seidr felt the ebb and flow of the world around them. As a mage, without even understanding why, he had always known Asgard wasn’t his world.
At every turn he was told he was just imagining things. That he was mistaken. That he was wrong. To protect the one lie of his true birthright, countless others had been piled on top of it. Was it any wonder his ability to trust had been destroyed? Was it so hard to grasp why he couldn’t believe words like “love” and “family” if they, the race who practically worshipped truth, could lie so easily to him? Why would anyone be surprised at the depth of his rage?
Yet for some reason that feeling was gone.
His brow furrowed as he slowly forced his heavy eyes to open. It was the most taxing of endeavors to blink and as he was able to focus he identified a familiar face in the small room with him. “Anya…”
Her head jerked up from the book she was reading at his bedside within the healing rooms when she heard his rasping call, a large smile instantly followed. She ducked her head slightly a moment later and retrieved a small glass of water from the stand next to the bed he was occupying.
He was silently grateful for her assistance for he didn’t feel he could manage to lift a hand towards the glass, much less his head to drink the contents. Without a word she assisted him and had just put the glass back on the side table when Eir walked in with her usual air of professional authority.
“Ah, sire. It is good to see you awaken.” There was even a gentle relief in her eyes, supporting her words.
Loki studied her for just a moment, searching for any sign of pity and as usual finding none. “Indeed. Am I to assume I have been forgotten already?”
Her expression turned slightly amused but there was a note of exasperation to her tone. In truth she had been nearly overwhelmed with the inquiries to the point that she had almost lost her temper with Thor and his friends. “Without inflating your ego too much I will simply state that you have had a great many inquiries.”
“Truly?” Surprise flittered across his face as he asked. He would have expected perhaps a few polite inquiries but enough of them to irritate Eir had been outside of his expectation.
“Of course.” Loki nervously noted something too close to understanding in her eyes. He was thankful when she turned her attention to a more professional discussion. “Your return amongst us is without precedent but I would expect nothing less than a full recovery. Now that you have awoken your brother will be pleased.” A not so subtle hint that Thor was on his way. The fact that the healer said this while looking at Anya made Loki very suspicious. He gave the healer a very small smile, the most he usually granted her. Eir returned the gesture before she soundlessly slipped out without a word.
Loki turned his attention to Anya who was frowning at the fingers in her lap. After a moment or two of uncomfortable silence her frown deepened before she asked, “May I bring you anything, sire?” She hadn’t quite begged Eir for an advanced warning but the healer knew how to read between the lines. The AEsir healer also firmly believed that as Anya’s loyalty to Loki had never wavered she had more than earned the right to access to him even ahead of his own brother.
He studied her, took note of the faint blush on her cheeks and slowly shook his head before asking softly, “What must you do?”
Her head jerked up in surprise, poised to feign ignorance. “Sire--?” She didn’t even complete the question at the look on his face.
His tone wasn’t much more inviting. “Anya, I am not in the mood.”
She pulled in a breath as if she were pulling together her courage. “You succeeded and you survived.” Anya ducked her head again as she moved a few strands of hair behind her ear. The unconscious act displayed the narrow streak of ebony within the blond strands. He frowned slightly to himself, not noticing that color within her hair before.
Were he to see his own reflection, he would see a few strands of gold hidden within the normally pure ebony locks. Not that he would understand the significance, even upon seeing it. It wasn’t that he was incapable of understanding, but he didn’t know the context behind it.
They weren’t related in any sort of biological sense but that tiny drop of blood had formed a connection between them. Nothing so dramatic as a blood bond, but a tie that the seidr running through his veins recognized. Asgard was her home. So because of her, Asgard had become his home.
He decided to play along, knowing he would ferret out the truth from her eventually. “Mhmm…I believe that is rather obvious.”
Anya’s voice quieted and she hesitated before speaking further. “Those were the conditions for Lady Hela’s assistance.” Then a completely perplexed expression crossed her face. “I am also to inform you that part of this aid was gifted by your younger brother.”
Loki felt himself internally and externally freeze. There were extended cousins but in spite of the myths there were no other sons of Odin. Which meant that Hela was indicating assistance by way of his Jötunn relatives. He breathed the word “why” without even thinking it through.
Anya spoke slowly, still not seeing the connection but relaying what Hela had told her, “To be a monster is a choice, not a genetic predisposition.”
Jötunn were monsters. It was what he grew up thinking and believing, taught this by the words and stories of those around him. He shoved it to the side, refusing to get wrapped up in that debate but no matter how hard he tried, the words still burrowed into his mind. He may not want to think about it, but his eternally working mind wouldn’t allow him to stop thinking about it. A thought that would eventually form a doubt. A doubt that would later grow and allow him to ponder the possibility that perhaps he was only a monster if he chose to be one.
Instead of responding to the confusion dancing in her eyes, for internally he was just as confused, he huffed, “I knew her price was insufficient.” Loki rolled his eyes with a sigh but he wasn’t truly annoyed. He was more concerned about what price Anya had paid for him, because if it was too high once he was back on his feet he and Lady Death were going to have a little chat. “So we return to the question. What must you do?”
She nibbled on the inside of her lower lip before she suddenly blurted out, “I have to hug you.”
Loki froze for several seconds. “You have to hug me.” It was a statement, not a question. He blinked rapidly several times, certain he had heard her wrong. When no further response was offered his head tilted ever so slightly and asked, “And this distresses you?” Anya glanced up and stilled. Even though his voice was teasing it didn’t quite match his expression as something like hurt crossed his face. “Am I truly that repulsive--…”
“Of course not!” He didn’t look reassured and she was starting to realize given how currently expressive his normally guarded features were that at the moment he wouldn’t be able to easily hide what he was truly feeling. She pulled in a slow breath and explained her hesitation, “It’s not proper conduct for a servant to presume…”
His scowl was instantaneous as well as the relief. “If you mention rank one more time in an effort to distance us I will ennoble you.”
She sputtered and his scowl slowly melted in his amusement as he listened to her struggle to retort, “…you…you cannot…”
Loki just raised a single eyebrow and continued, “I believe I can. Keep saying that and I will do it just to spite you.” He gave a dramatic sigh a moment later to try to put her at ease. “You might as well get it over with.”
Anya studied him but he just stared calmly back. She felt truly awkward as she sat on the edge of his bed. His face was not quite blank but even with his currently compromised facial control she couldn’t tell what he was feeling. She leaned into him since he didn’t have the strength to meet her halfway, wrapping her arms around his torso. She felt him stiffen reflexively, before she felt him relax into her.
Loki felt his face contort in a pained expression he had no control over before he relaxed into her embrace. It had been too long since he’d felt a gentle, innocent touch. Her cheek was resting on his shoulder so it wasn’t difficult for him to duck his head down as his arms tightened around her in return, unwilling for this to end.
He didn’t have to say a word or make a sound. She could feel the way he was holding onto her, his fingers lightly clenching her clothing, that he wasn’t merely indulging her. ‘…why did you never say anything?’
Anya had assumed she had thought the words to herself, until he muttered a soft reply against her shoulder. “Not even for something that is needed...”
She would never mock him. She would never even breathe a word of this. The corner of her mouth quirked in amusement before she asked, “Then I should hug you once daily?”
It had the desired effect as quiet amusement filled his voice. “It might become rather medicinal if you did so.” She giggled ever so softly. But she also resolved to herself that this wouldn’t be the last time.
Eir cleared her throat for the third time, speaking softly. “Your highness, Lord Thor is almost here.”
When Anya stiffened with a great deal of reluctance Loki allowed her to make a hasty retreat. Her reasons may be for propriety but his had little to do with it. If Thor caught him hugging Anya, all sorts of teasing would commence and he preferred to have the upper hand when dealing with his brother. She did pause to squeeze his hand before exiting swiftly. In all honesty Loki would have preferred the hug to continue so Thor’s pending arrival put him in a foul mood.
Thor paused at the entrance to the private room Eir had set aside for Loki. Hunther was standing guard proudly, though he bowed appropriately and stepped aside so that the king of Asgard could enter. One of the kings of Asgard. It’s not as if vows can be taken away. Thor had already decreed the decision would be Loki’s, though he would prefer if they could rule together.
Their friends were absolutely beside themselves. Sif was filled with all sorts of worries. Worry of what Hela wanted in recompense for her actions. Worry that Loki wouldn’t survive his recent return from the beyond. She, all of them, had been pestering Eir for updates. The only reason they weren’t here now was because Thor had made the healer promise he would have a private moment first before the rest of Asgard came knocking.
With a slight nod he entered the room, breathing the word. “Brother…”
His brother was tucked under thick blankets. He was scowling heavily, but his green eyes weren’t as sharp as usual. It was no doubt due to the herbs and medicines running through his system. Thor had come as soon as Eir had confirmed that Loki would be awake by the time he arrived. Loki was as snarky as ever, much to Thor’s relief. “You have, yet again, thwarted my wishes for a simple end to my own existence.”
Thor didn’t slam the door behind him but he did close it. He didn’t want something like that being overheard out of context. He pulled in a slow breath before correcting Loki quietly. “You do not truly mean that.”
Loki’s scowl only deepened as he retorted, “Do I not? Do not tell me what I mean.”
The thunderer hid his grimace, unable not to feel hurt and sorrow. He wasn’t certain if Loki were just in a mood, jesting, or sincere. He honestly didn’t want to know though he suspected it had to do with Loki currently being trapped in bed. Loki always had been prickly in being perceived as weak after being injured. “In actuality it was Hela who did so.”
“Figures…” Loki muttered the word to himself, indulging in just a bit of a sulk. Yet he couldn’t say he was completely disappointed to having survived and it surprised him. His brow slightly furrowed and he glanced at Thor to find the thunderer still standing there. Huffing at him before asking, “Is court really so boring that staring at me is more entertaining?” He didn’t need to ask to know that Thor had been crowned. After such a war Asgard would need a king as soon as possible.
“Asgard can wait.” Loki felt both eyebrows hike up at that declaration. Odin would never have taken a moment away from the throne because one of his sons needed him. He had assumed Thor would be the same. Thor noticed Loki’s surprise and nodded his head slightly. “I wanted to see you awake with my own eyes.”
Loki rolled his eyes and made a slightly dismissive gesture with his hand. “And I have done so. Your self-appointed task complete yet still you remain.” He shifted a pillow under his back slightly and pushed himself up enough so he was more comfortable.
“I made a vow--…”
“I recall hearing nothing so you might as well return to your throne.” Loki cut him off with a casual tone but there was a hint of warning within his voice as well. Knowledge passed between the two of them silently. His spirit may have been safely contained in a small sphere of magic but he had somehow heard the vows.
“I meant what I said, brother.” Thor remained stiff and awaiting Loki’s word. Thor had meant his vow and would in no way persuade his brother to choose anything but what Loki wanted. “Say what you wish and it will be so.”
Loki was clearly agitated, unable to hide it. “I wish for you to allow me to recover before ambushing me for decisions I have yet to decide.”
“That was not my intent…” Thor slowly frowned as he trailed off, brow furrowed, before turning towards the door.
Loki sighed and rubbed his face with his hand in irritation. Only this time it was with himself. He was not in the best mood since he was deprived of his hug before he was ready. Not to mention he hated pity almost as much as he hated appearing weak. He could easily imagine his mother frowning at him for trying to start a fight and he was surprised to find the thought of her not as painful as it had been just a short while ago. The empty hole in his heart was still there, but the desire to see all of Asgard burn for failing her was fading. “I assume Asgard was victorious.”
Thor smiled before he turned back, knowing Loki wouldn’t call him back with an apology but thankful he did it with a convenient excuse. “Of course we were, b--…Loki.” He wasn’t certain if Loki’s agitation stemmed from the identifier but he was almost desperate to keep peace between them. “Your actions assured it was so. They will be speaking of your victory through the feasting hall for centuries to come.”
Loki snarled lowly, focused on only one thing. “If you stop calling me brother now, so help me Thor I will order Sif to kick you out of Asgard since she will have no choice in obeying.” He smirked evilly. “Her vow if I retained this body. I cannot wait to rub it in her face.”
“Brother.” There was as much warning as there was affection in the word.
Mentally Loki grimaced a second later, heat racing across his face. He remembered only too well what he had said to her. What in Helheim had I been thinking? No, he was certain of his own demise. He knew what he’d been thinking. How tragic that even he could fall prey to being a melodramatic fool. It had been the truth, but he knew better than to offer potentially damaging truths on the chance that fate had decided to have a bit more fun with him. Perhaps avoiding her for the next millennia or two would be the best plan. But then again if she wasn’t actively avoiding him she might be slightly receptive to the idea. Hmm…
Thor nodded once to himself, knowing this was his chance. He’d made too many assumptions concerning his and Loki’s brotherhood. If one or both of them departed for Valhalla tomorrow he would make certain that Loki knew his heart. Such talks were also something that Loki avoided at all costs. This was the one time Loki couldn’t run as he was prone to. Pushing aside his own pride and taking advantage of Loki’s distraction, he reached down and wrapped his arms firmly but carefully around his brother.
Loki stiffened in his arms as he was pulled away from the pillows but the trickster found he didn’t have the capability to fight the thunderer. He was awake but his body was still recovering and currently his mind was slightly muddled. Magic should never be used if the mind wasn’t sharp and clear. His voice muffled by Thor’s tunic, trying to sound calm but Thor noted a hint of panic. “Thor? What are you doing?” At least Anya had asked for permission. Not that he would have rebuked her even if she hadn’t.
“I wish to say what should have been said long before now.”
Loki turned his head enough so that his face was at least partially visible from Thor’s tunic. “And you must touch me to speak?”
Thor nodded once solemnly, his voice grave. “Aye.”
“Unnecessary.” Loki pushed at his shoulder with a single finger.
After a second the thunderer shrugged that shoulder. “Yet I find it vital.”
“Thor…” Horror crossed Loki’s face. He wasn’t whining. He wasn’t!
Thor grinned just a little at the whine that had crept in, his hesitation gone, and ignored Loki’s soft protests. “You have played many roles in my life. Friend. Advisor. Confidant. Rival. Enemy. But most of all, you have been my brother. It was true from the day I peered over the edge of your pram to see you for the first time, just as it is true now. I care not where you were born. I care not who your parents are or are not. I care not that you are an arrogant fool.”
“You’re the arrogant fool, not I.” Loki growled softly at that one and squirmed but he wasn’t going anywhere until Thor allowed it.
Thor continued on, putting conviction in his tone. “I only care that you are Loki, brother of Thor. No one, not even you, can ever change that.” The words Loki spoke to him before his failed coronation came to him again. He leaned his head down to speak what should have been his reply in Loki’s ear and he knew by Loki stilling that he was listening. “Sometimes I’m oblivious, but never doubt that I love you.” Thor wasn’t certain what Loki’s reaction would be or if he even remembered that moment but he hoped more than anything his brother believed him.
Loki stopped breathing for a full two heart beats before swallowing thickly. He blinked rapidly, his brow furrowed in pain before whispering harshly from trembling lips. “Damn you.” His left hand clenched around Thor’s tunic as he ducked his head further to hide his face. Anger, joy, sorrow, love; Loki couldn’t even begin to define all the emotions swelling in him. But they overwhelmed him, welling up before spilling down his cheeks in release. If Thor noticed that his tunic became slightly damp, he never mentioned it.
Thor stayed still, eyes closed in relief that his brother believed him. The past was as it was, but Thor knew that Loki would never deny they were brothers again. They remained unmoving until he felt Loki unclench his hold on his tunic. Taking the silent hint for what it was, he released Loki and took a step back. He ignored the trickster quickly passing a hand over his face and clearing his throat before asking hoarsely, “How fairs the repairs?”
“Slow but they have begun.” Thor let the conversation turn. Most probably it would never be brought up again but it didn’t need to.
Loki settled himself back against the pillows. He silently praised and damned Eir in the same breath. Whatever she had given him left him blissfully pain free as his overworked nerve endings coped with he in fact having a body again. On the other hand his mind was dulled by it so he had little control over his emotions and he had the insane urge to hug Thor. Again.
Which wasn’t happening.
“Once my mind is clearer we will need to have a discussion.” A curious look crossed Thor’s face and Loki didn’t keep him waiting. “A warning that Odin would never have heeded since it comes from me but I feel certain you will.” A warning that a mad titan called Thanos was coming.
Thor could see that Loki was drooping just a little, whether because of physical exhaustion or emotional he wasn’t certain. He was reluctant to be parted so soon but he wanted Loki to regain his strength. “I should leave you to your rest…”
“I said that my mind was unclear, not that I had difficulty with my ears. It will simply mean that for once you will regale me with stories.” What Loki could have normally said with a snappish tone was mysteriously absent. Instead Loki was examining the sheets covering him, plucking at them with restless fingers. Almost as if he were nervous Thor would refuse.
Thor’s smile was beaming as he regained his seat, spinning stories about his adventures with the Avengers. Loki settled in and got comfortable. Perhaps Thor didn’t realize how much information he was passing on concerning his mortal allies. Then again he just might and it was a gesture of trust. Loki just smirked quietly and listened, nodding when appropriate but all the while his mind was still focused on what was to come. It wouldn’t last.
Thanos. The infinity gems.
War was coming and no doubt they would all be thrown together. It was a certainty which part Thor would play, his brother the eternal hero. Sif and the warriors 3 would follow whoever asked them to do so, though Loki had a quiet suspicion that they would now heed his request over Thor’s. But he was Loki, there was no such thing as certainty for him. Perhaps he would still die gloriously. Perhaps he would choose to assist the Avengers and his brother or perhaps he would choose his own path.
Whatever the outcome, Hela was doubtlessly going to spend the next few years being entertained.
Author's Notes:
Whew. It's done. Sorry for the delay but I wanted to get this chapter just right and 'cause I was suddenly inspired by duct tape. Thanks for joining me on this ride. Hope you enjoyed.