In Need of Salvation

This wasn't the first time she's died and it most certainly won't be her last. Her dreams were plagued by many scenes of her past. She remembered the white sterile room in which they held her in. She could now recognize the quick Russian that was being spoken around her, not to her. She remembered the pain and the misery, the cries for help, the cries for it to stop, and how her last breath came quicker than expected.

Death was a brief peace, before she awoke from the dead and was forced to do it all over again.

It seems that her death caused her brain to recalibrate slightly. Not all of her memories returned, but the few bits that did eased her. The few memories that decided to return explained a lot of the unexplainable. She would have to let the team know when she woke up which was why she still remained in bed. She had just received these memories and as selfish as it was, she wanted to keep them to herself for a while longer.

"I know you're awake, Angel," Bucky called out to her, seeing her still completely.

"That's not my name," she replied, not daring to turn to face him.

"I thought we settled this," Bucky sighs out.

"I remember my name," she tells him, causing Bucky to become still. "I remember a lot of things."

There was a moment of silence as Bucky processed this. He's been in her shoes before, remembering a past that sometimes is better left to be forgotten. He was worried as to what kind of horrors she's seen.

"What kind of things?" Bucky asks nervously.

"So many lives..." she whispers to him as she slowly sat up from the bed and pushed her lose hair away from her face. She now noticed that her body was still in a hospital gown that was barely covering her body. "I need to shower and change."

Bucky noticed how she avoided his stare and entered the bathroom. He heard the lock settle in place before there was only silence. She hadn't looked at him at all in their small interaction. She had remembered something, and she couldn't even look at him. He let out a shaky sigh before stepping out of the room in desperate need of fresh air. It didn't help that once he got out of Angel's room that he was immediately cornered by Steve.

"Is everything ok?" Steve asks him, noticing Bucky's fallen expression.

"Everything is fine, Steve." Bucky responds as he makes his way upstairs to the open balcony.

"You don't seem fine," Steve continues, following after him. "What's going on?"

Bucky burst through the balcony doors and took in a deep breath of air. He started to pace the area slowly, not daring to get close to the ledge.

“Bucky, just tell me what’s going on?!” Steve exclaims concerned.

“She remembers something, ok?!” Bucky shouts back. “She remembers and… I think I did something to her. I think I hurt her.”

Bucky continues to take deep breaths and Steve just watches him.

“I can’t remember,” Bucky sighs out. “I can’t remember her after all that I know of her. I can’t… I’m trying, but I can’t.”

“I was worried that this might be the case,” Steve whispers, Bucky barely hearing him. “I was worried that she might be more toxic than good.”

“You still don’t understand, do you?” Bucky asks him. “I’m not the one who’s toxic. It’s me!”

“No, it’s not.”

The voice was so quiet that both super soldiers thought they were overhearing things except that Angel came out onto the balcony wearing a shorts and a tank, a bathrobe was around her shoulders keeping her warm.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. told me you were outside,” Angel tells them. “I thought I’ll come and get you for the debriefing.”

“Debriefing?” Steve asks confused. “Who called for a debriefing?”

“I did,” Angel says before walking back into the building.

Steve turned to Bucky who had a blank expression on his face. Any emotion he had before was gone. Steve sighed at the sight of this, knowing that Bucky was just placing a mask on to hide what was underneath. It was the way he protected himself from the slander of outside sources.

Steve followed Bucky back into the building and they both made their way to the conference room. It was obvious from everyone’s face that they didn’t know what to expect and were trying to hide that from Angel who was standing at the top of the table.

“Now that everyone’s here, I should start.” Angel states with a soft voice. She stares at everyone in the room before taking a deep breath. “I’ll like to formally introduce myself. Hydra called me Lucy, short for…”

“Lucille?” Tony guessed.

“No,” she answered. “It was actually short for Lucifer.”

Sam choked on his water as he heard that and Tony and Bruce looked alarm at the answer. Wanda and Pietro just stared at her in shock while Natasha and Clint were the only ones being able to hold a blank expression. Steve was just confused while Bucky just stared at her with realization.

“Angel of Darkness,” Bucky huffs out annoyed. “The worst Angel of them all, Lucifer… Hydra were always ironic bastards.”

“It goes beyond the name,” Lucy tells him. “It’s my nature.”

“Are you saying you’re the devil?” Steve asks her.

“No, of course not.” Lucy replies. “I’m saying that Hydra used me to find the sins of anyone. They made me reach into people’s minds, pull their memory… drain it, and the information I confiscated, I could use as leverage.”

“Blackmail,” Natasha states. “You were their prized weapon to get blackmail information.”

Lucy nods at this and sighs.

“That’s not all…” she whispers. “I was also the Winter Soldier’s… I was James’…”

She clutched her head and grimaced in pain. Bruce, who was the one nearest to her, quickly gave her his seat. After a few seconds, Lucy relaxed and she sighed in relief.

“Are you ok?” Pietro asks her as Bruce handed her a glass of water.

“It happens,” Lucy tells him. “The headaches happen when my mind glitches. I’m fine.”

“You talk like you’re a computer.” Tony points out.

“Because my mind practically is,” Lucy explains. “My brain is my hard drive and my powers the way I get information to store.”

“You must have like thousands of memories in your brain.” Wanda pipes in startled. “How can you even function?”

“I don’t… or well I didn’t use to.” Lucy sighs out. She takes another shaky breath before going through another explanation. “The way Hydra cleared my hard drive was by frying it.”

“They wiped you.” Bucky states. “They wiped you like they did to me.”

“They fried my brain until it couldn’t sustain my body anymore.” Lucy explains. “I then rose from the dead, mind clear, and was prepped for my next mission or for cryo.”

“So what do you remember?” Clint asks this time.

“Him,” Lucy answers looking up at Steve. “I remember you.”

“What?” Steve asks confused.

“My memories…” Bucky whispers softly. “My memories, you have them.”

“I have some of them,” Lucy tells him. “Not all of them.”

“Can you give them back?” Bucky asks her in which she nods. Bucky immediately kneels in front of her. “Then do it.”

Lucy doesn’t hesitate to reach for his neck but her hands falter as she grimaces once more. She clutches her head again and groans.

“Oh God…” she mumbles. “Things are still…ah… things are still settling. I can’t…I can’t…”

Bucky reaches for her hands and pulls them down. His face was one of concern as she still grimaced at the things in her mind.

“What other memories do you have in there?” Bucky asks her.

“Confusing,” she whispers. “So many… none of it makes sense. I don’t know why I would remember some of this stuff.”

“Probably because it resonates something with you,” Bruce pipes in. “I don’t have a PhD in psychology, but I’m sure the memories you’ve managed to remember are ones that your subconscious wants you to keep.”

“He’s right.” Sam adds in. “Once you get another physical check-up done you should come talk to me. I can try to help you sort through this.”

Lucy just frowned at this. Some of these memories, the unrecognizable faces didn’t make sense to her. How could these strangers be like her?

“Doll?” Bucky calls out to her. “You ok?”

“Hmm…yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Lucy responds, her headache fading away. “I just… There’s this church I remember… a very pretty church.”

"And?" Bucky asks her.

"I think Hydra operated in it," Lucy tells him. "I think that's where I started."

*************

Dr. Banner's brain scans just showed that her brain had more activity than before. As for Sam, Lucy didn't really dive into the memories that she had. Her brain was still calibrating into holding the ones she now received. Sam did offer her a notebook, suggesting that she should write her memories down and they could work through them in another session. Lucy promised him she would do just that before running out of the room.

The day had been draining for her and she just wanted to go back to bed. It didn't help either that the Avengers were breathing down her neck in hopes that in her dreams she'll find the location of this church Hydra was operating in. Lucy didn't know if it still existed.

"I see that you got gifted with the notebook too."

Lucy turns around to find James behind her. His hair was tucked in a ponytail and his skin was glistening with light sweat. She looked down at her notebook and simply nodded.

"Can't wait to write all my little dirty secrets in this," she sarcastically states as she holds the notebook into her chest. "That's if I have any."

"You don't remember anything else about yourself?"

"Besides my name, the church, and the torture induced... nothing." Lucy sighs out. "I wonder if there's anything left of mine in here or if it's just other people's memory I'm stuck with."

"I'm sure you're strong enough to have stored your own memories in there." Bucky assures her. "If I can remember, then so can you."

Lucy smiles at this faintly and takes a deep breath.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked yet."

"Asked what?" Bucky asks her.

"Asked me why I have your memories in my mind." Lucy answers in which Bucky sighs, ignoring her gaze. "Don't you want to know?"

"Of course I do, but I don't want to stress you more."

"The answer is simple, James." Lucy tells him. "I was in Hydra's clutches before you were. I was there when they brought you in."

"What?" Bucky asks confused.

"They didn't want you to completely lose yourself so they used me as a back-up." Lucy explained to him. "They told me to only use defining memories. In case you became defiant, I could use these defining memories to put you in ease."

"They had their own leverage against me." Bucky realizes.

"Pretty much," Lucy answers. "I wonder what they had on me."

They both trailed off into their own worlds, trying to remember their darkest times instead of running away from them. Lucy stops as her head aches once more.

"Are you ok?" Bucky asks, immediately coming to her aid. "Do you need to sit down?"

"No, I'm fine." Lucy answers as she looks up at him. "They're becoming shorter. I think my mind is finally settling."

"Was it something worth remembering?" Bucky asks her.

"I'm not sure," Lucy answers as she frowns slightly. "I don't know why it matters."

"What did you see?"

"A baby," Lucy tells him. "A crying baby... at the steps of the church."