Chapter 1
after Emily’s fight with Doyle, she was rushed immediately to the hospital, her heart stopping in the ambulance on the way there. she woke up in a hospital room and was immediately informed that she would need to flee to protect herself. her mind immediately drifted to her team, who she hated having to lie to but she knew they would come for her and she couldn’t have that. she met hotch in paris and was given bank accounts to keep her comfortable and get her through, and different ID’s. she had been there for about 7 months when she got back from shopping and had a missed call from hotch, saying she needed to come home because declan had tried to reach out to her. truthfully, she had been aching to get back to her team. hotch and anderson were the only ones that knew where she was, but she couldn’t reach out to them in order to keep her completely safe. she was on the plane back when she thought about jennifer — her heart ached the most for her. she had missed everyone, but there was just something about the blonde she’d missed the most. truth be told, she knew she’d always had feelings for jj, but was always too scared to tell her. she got off the plane at the airport, immediately heading to the bau. she walked through the doors, in on everyone talking. she took out a deep breath as everyone’s eyes were on her.
When they got told that Emily never made it off off that table Jennifer’s heart broke into a million pieces. She was hugging Spencer tightly as tears streamed down her face. It had to be a joke right?
It didn’t feel real until they buried Emily’s coffin.
She tried everything to not break down completely at her funeral.
She had cried for weeks, months even. Every little thing had reminded her of the raven haired agent.
Where it was the empty chair at the BAU, or her picture that hung on the wall.
She never stopped grieving. How could she? The one person she had feelings for died. And she kind of was blaming herself for it for not finding her any sooner.
But months had passed and they all were gathered in the round table room. JJ was confused as she had a mug in her hand with coffee in it.
That’s when she saw her. She probably was hallucinating due to the lack of sleep but everyone was looking at her. The grip on her mug loosened and it crashed down on the floor shattering into a million pieces just like her heart had done. Coffee spilled everywhere as she teared up.
Emily was alive.
Emily’s eyes drifted from each of her team members, but they landed on JJ’s the longest. her breath caught in her throat at the sight of the blonde — Emily swore she got more beautiful as each day went on. she smiled lightly, though she knew they were all going to be heartbroken and confused. she gasped softly as JJ dropped the cup she was holding, walking over to her and grabbing her hands to make sure she was okay. she hugged her gently, not sure how the woman would feel about physical contact but Emily needed it after not hugging anyone for over 7 months. she apologized profusely to every single person, hugging them as well before her eyes drifted back to JJ and her heart softened.
Saying Jennifer was in shock was an understatement.
On one hand she was more than happy Emily was alive and here but on the other hand she was hurt. Her heart ached. It’s been months and all this time she had been alive...how could she do this to them, to her.
Her eyes followed Emily’s steps as she was standing in front of her and pulled her into a hug.
Jj didn’t know what was happening but as she breathed in the familiar scent of the raven haired beauty she knew this was real. She was taken aback a little as she was huh but she couldn’t help but hug her back as a tear slipped down her cheek. She didn’t want the hug to end but unfortunately it had to.
She was carefully watching her as she went on and hugged the others.
Her heart was beating fast as she excused herself to walk to the restroom.
Emily came back up to JJ to hug her again, wiping the tear from her cheek. she watched JJ walk away, her heart clenching. she wanted to follow her so badly, but she knew she needed to talk to the team about Doyle first. she answered questions, debriefing them about Declan and everything, glancing at the door every so often and waiting for JJ to come back. after a few minutes when she wasn’t back, Emily excused herself as well, heading off to the bathroom. she opened the door slowly, looking around. “Jayje?” she called out.
JJ was standing in the far back in front of the mirror looking at herself.
She looked like a mess. Her mascara was smeared under her eyes so she took a paper towel and wet it to wipe away the last traces of her black mascara. She threw it away and took a deep breath as she looked back at her reflection. She could still feel Emily’s arms around her. “Get yourself together JJ” she had told herself. The blonde agent didn’t hear the door open as Emily walked in. She only noticed her when she called out her name. Great. She didn’t need Emily to see her like the mess she was right now.
She took another deep breath before she spoke “em...”
Emily felt her heart clench as the woman held her tightly. she ran her hands through JJ’s hair, holding her tightly as she cried. she whispered sweet nothings to her, trying to calm her down. “I know, Jayje. I’m so sorry, you have no idea how bad I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. he could’ve hunted me down and killed me if I reached out, or he would’ve went after you guys, and I wouldn’t have been able to handle that.” she explained, rubbing JJ’s back. she kept her tight hold on the blonde, grabbing her hips and rubbing them gently to try to soothe her nerves.
“I-I thought I had lost you forever Em. I thought that bastard had took your life! I was a complete mess, you have no idea...”
She sobbed into her back as she tried to calm down a little.
She really wished Emily didn’t see her like this. She also knew Emily had no other choice but stay hidden away from everyone in order to keep herself safe and the rest of the team.
“I was so lost without you. Everytime I walked past your picture I tried my hardest not to fall apart. God I missed you...”
Emily felt her heart drop at the sounds of Jennifer’s sobs. she wanted to make them stop, she hated seeing her cry. she shook her head, “no. he’s not getting rid of me that easy.” she said softly, cupping JJ’s cheek. she moved her hair out of her face. “I missed you so much, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” she whispered, looking down at the shorter blonde. her eyes drifted to her lips, but she looked away and into her eyes immediately.
“You did what you had to do in order to be safe...I cannot blame you for that “ she softly spoke as she had calmed down a little as she felt her hand on her cheek.
All she wanted to do was to tell her how she felt about her but she was scared. Scared she did not feel the same and then she’d ruin their friendship and she couldn’t risk that. She just got her back.
Jennifer took a deep breath as she locked her blue eyes with the beauty brown ones of the older agent.
Emily felt Jennifer’s body relax at her hand on her cheek, so she kept it there. she rubbed her cheek with her thumb gently, holding the blonde close to her. she wanted to pour her heart out and tell JJ how she felt, but she knew there was no way the woman felt the same. she felt her heart skip a beat as their eyes met, wanting so badly to lean in and press her lips against the woman’s but she couldn’t. “we should probably get back out there, yeah?”
JJ took another deep breath before she nodded and agreed. “Yeah...yeah we have to find Doyle and keep Declan safe. But Emily promise me once we find him you have to keep him away from me because once I see him I will kill him “ she told the dark haired woman.
She looked at her with a serious look on her face.
Emily cupped her cheek, making JJ look up at her. “I know you want to, but you won’t be killing anyone okay? Hotch would freak if it wasn’t a clean arrest, and I can’t have you losing your job.” she said softly, pulling JJ back into her arms. “I know you want to.. and I do, too, but we can’t.”
“That’s why you have to keep me away from him. I cannot promise anything. Once I lay an eye on him it’s over...” she said in all honesty.
She was filled with anger and rage when she thought about Doyle and what he had done.
“We should head back... the sooner we find him the sooner this is all over, yeah” she slowly got out of Emily’s arms immediately missing the feeling.
Emily rubbed her arms gently, trying to calm her down as JJ’s body tensed with rage. she nodded, “just stay by me, okay?” she said, knowing she would do everything in her power to keep JJ safe, but she also wanted her close. she nodded once again, “yeah.. they’re probably wondering where we are.” she said, trying to hide her frown as JJ moved out of her arms.
“I-I’m sorry...I never meant to make such a scene. I probably embarrassed myself in front of everyone “ she let out a sigh as she slowly walked out of the restroom making sure Emily was with her.
She would stay with her the whole time too scared she’d lose her again. But she wouldn’t let that happen this time.
She hated showing her weakness. Normally she would try to hide it but when it came to Emily it was different. She knew she could trust her more than anyone.
Emily shook her head, “you didn’t make a scene. you were just surprised, they all know that.” she said, opening the door and guiding JJ out of it. she stayed behind her the whole time, keeping an eye on her. now that Emily was back, she was planning on protecting JJ with her whole life. she placed a hand on her back, rubbing it gently before walking over to the rest of the team as they made their way into the roundtable room.
Once they entered the room JJ kept her head down not ready to face the others yet.
After all she ran out of the room, which was pretty unprofessional.
They discussed what their next steps would be in order to keep Declan safe and to find out where Doyle was. The criminal didn’t know Emily was alive.
after an exhausting week or so, they finally wrapped up the case. Declan was safe, and unfortunately Doyle passed, but Emily felt relieved knowing she was safe and so was the rest of the team. they got back to the BAU and Emily got out with the team, heading inside. she checked on JJ immediately, making sure she was alright. she knew the rest of the team probably would be exhausted, but she wanted to make sure she got home safe. “hey Jayje, would you like a ride home?” she asked softly, playing with her fingers as she anxiously waited for her answer.
JJs gaze immediately went to Emily as she said her name looking at her before she let out a yawn.
She was glad Doyle was dead. He couldn’t go after Emily anymore. She was safe now.
“Actually that sounds good. I’m too tired to drive “ she said with a cute chuckle. It had been a stressful week and even though she was tired she didn’t want to leave Emily’s side. They had missed so much time together.
Emily smiled as JJ fell asleep with her head pressed against the window. she felt her heart flutter as she thought about what a future would be like with the blonde, then shook her head because she knew that was near impossible. a beautiful woman like that wouldn’t go for her. she pulled into JJ’s driveway, looking over. she grabbed the bags, slinging them over one shoulder and she grabbed JJ’s keys she sat on the console, turning the car off. she slid her car keys into her pocket, going around to JJ’s door. she unbuckled her seatbelt, picking her up gently and wrapping the woman’s legs around her waist, holding her up with one arm as she went to JJ’s front door, unlocking it.
It wasn’t even JJs intention to fall asleep like that but exhaustion had taken over.
As Emily picked her up her arms automatically wrapped around her neck as she stayed asleep.
She didn’t even notice she was being carried inside. But she hadn’t had a good night sleep in so long and around Emily she was safe and secure. She always made her feel safe.
Jj nuzzled her face into Emily’s neck smiling in her sleep.