“I lost my asshole friends in this club and I'm kinda drunk and you're kinda gorgeous, please help me,” Tony Stark told a stranger in a slurred voice.
*****
To say that he was just kinda drunk was such a tremendous understatement that it needed an entirely new magnitude scale of its own. Tony was drunk on adrenaline, frustration, anger, and a totally unhealthy and unstylish mix of shots and champagne.
He had returned from the country of Sokovia in Eastern Europe earlier that day, where he and his teammates Steve Rogers, Thor, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, also known as the Avengers, had successfully raided a Hydra facility commanded by Baron Wolfgang von Stucker. After that, they had returned to New York as soon as possible.
Back at the Avengers Tower, the team found that they were all too wired and overexcited by recent events to just settle down for the night. They also felt afflicted with a touch of desynchronosis from travelling between time zones. Tony had had no difficulties with talking his teammates into joining him and visit a very hip and select club to celebrate. Only Bruce Banner decided to stay behind and meditate.
At the club, events had escalated quickly. There was a lot of tension in the group despite their recent victory, and it began to surface after just a few drinks. The fact that no one had had a substantial meal for hours didn't help either.
Steve Rogers was the first to leave. Alcohol never affected him after he had undergone a treatment with the infamous Super-Soldier Serum back in 1941, and he felt troubled by the team's growing divisiveness. Thor went home next, simply because he had serious issues with Midgardian music and claimed that the DJ deserved a brief but final encounter with Mjolnir, his celebrated theurgic war hammer.
That left Natasha, Clint, and Tony.
Unfortunately, Tony seemed to suffer from startling mood swings that changed from hostile to gloomy and back again.
When he returned from a trip to the bathroom, he found that Natasha and Clint were preparing to leave.
”Jet lag finally got me,” Clint said while carefully avoiding to make eye contact with Tony.
”See you at the Tower,” a smiling Natasha added.
Then they were gone.
Tony felt it was a dickmove.
So he finished what was left in the champagne bottle and went to the bar to get himself another drink.
Perhaps, he thought, it's not too late to find some company for the night.
Then he looked around, checking out the people near him.
When Tony noticed a tall and slender man with black, shoulder length hair who gave him a very thoughtful look, he decided to embrace the opportunity and give it a try.
The fact that the stranger's expression changed from thoughtful to downright worried did not stop the drunken billionaire from throwing what was probably this year's lamest pickup line at him.
*****
The stranger smiled cautiously at Tony.
“Have we met?” he asked, sounding thrillingly refined and polite. There was some sort of European accent.
”Not yet, I think,” Tony answered, eying the other's handsome face and lithe body with appreciation. “But I feel we should get busy and work on that. Care for a drink?”
”Ah,” the man said. “I see. You are very kind, but I think I shall stick to this.” He raised a glass that had been sitting next to a small bottle of sparkling mineral water. The label showed that it was a hip and insanely expensive brand imported from Norway.
Suddenly there was a mischievous glitter in the stranger's eyes. “I rather feel that you should join me.”
”And I feel it's much too late at night to start and drink water,” Tony tried to quip, his voice still blurred by too many drinks.
But the stranger had already ordered another bottle.
“Indulge me,” he murmured. “And now tell me, please: where do we sit?”
Tony guided him to his booth after the other man had paid for the water. The stranger also tipped the bartender handsomely. But when he saw the three glasses on the table, the worried expression on his face returned.
”Do you expect your friends to come back?” he asked.
Tony laughed and shook his head. “They're probably sitting safe and sound in my tower emptying my fridge right now.”
”You don't sound too happy about that.”
”Sometimes I feel it's no longer my home since they moved in,” Tony confessed.
”Hmm.” The other man looked at him, frowning. “They are living in your house and left you here alone in this state? I don't want to offend you, but you appear to be more than just a little inebriated.”
”Yep,” Tony said bitterly. “That's them. My friends.”
He looked suspiciously at the water in front of him. There was a slice of lemon in his glass, and Tony wondered if he should ask for some salt and pretend that it was Tequila.
The other man nodded encouragingly.
When Tony took his first sip he suddenly realised how thirsty he was. Must be completely dehydrated, he thought. Then he took another look at the stranger.
”Are you sure we haven't met before? You look somehow familiar.”
”Well, it's a small world,” the stranger said, his green eyes gleaming with sincerity. And for a fleeting moment, Tony thought he could see a reflection of other worlds in those bright, clever eyes. Larger worlds, unexplored and far away, filled with danger, joy, and adventure. It only lasts a second or so, but the impression left a yearning in Tony's heart that makes him want to jump up and follow this guy wherever he is going. Then the man leaned over, smiled, and asked Tony politely for his name.
Tony smiled back at him. ”Name's Tony, and you are...?”
”Oh, I'm Louie, and I feel honoured to meet you.” There was a touch of formality in this.
”Same here,” Tony said, poking at Louie's chest with an index finger. “You're weird, Louie, totally weird, but you look great.” Tony leaned forward. “And you smell great, too.”
”Why, Tony, I believe you are trying to seduce me.”
”And what if?”
”Then I'd be terribly sorry that you are drunk because I would not like to take advantage of that. But if it makes you feel better, I'm planning to slip you my card later tonight while whispering something utterly naughty into your ear.”
Nice breath, too, Tony thought. That's certainly a point in favour of drinking water.
Tony tried to concentrate on Louie's face again. There was something strange going on. Tony was certain they had met before, but somehow he just couldn't lay a finger on it. Whenever he seemed to get close, his thoughts just went kind of blurred as if his inner eye couldn't focus any longer. Then there was a feeling of dizziness, and an entirely different person with a different name appeared in his mind. Whenever Tony tried to centre upon likely situations, the same thing happened.
”It's like watching Cap throwing punches at one of his bloody punch bags,” he complained.
”Would you like to enlighten me on the context, please?” Louie raised a shapely eyebrow enquiringly.
”Looking at you,” Tony said. “Everything goes blurry.”
”The curse of drunkenness,” the other man told him. “Tut-tut.”
”Don't tell me you never...”
”Let's put it like this: I'm not overly fond of getting a headache.”
”Good point. Very good point.” But then Tony looked longingly at the drinks on the next table. "And I bet you love to be in control of yourself."
Louie smiled cutely. “You know what? This is my bargain: if you stick to water for the rest of the night I will see you home safely and leave you my card. You may contact me when you're sober again. That is if you still want to.”
”I hope you don't turn out to be a moralist like Cap.”
”I'm just an egotist who doesn't like to see feelings of regret and guilt in his partner's eyes the morning after.” Louie gave him another smile. “And then, of course, there's this other problem with bedding a drunken man.”
”Which is?”
Louie leaned towards him, so close that Tony could smell his minty breath again. Now Louis's smile had turned positively saucy.
”Performance issues,” Louie said with a naughty glint in his eyes. "One out of five, I've been told."
And then Tony just knew for sure that he and Louie had had an encounter not too long ago and not too far away. If only he could remember what it had been about.
Tony looked at the other man with bloodshot, unfocused eyes.
“Bastard.”
”Tut-tut again, Tony. That's no way to talk about mother,” Louie replied.
”Now you do sound like Cap indeed.”
”And who would this Cap who appears to give you so much trouble be?”
”Well, he's... Wait, are you trying to tell me you've never heard of Captain America?” Tony waited for a couple of seconds. “Like, seriously? Louie? The Avengers?”
Understanding seemed to dawn on Louie's face. “Oh, you're Tony Stark. Iron Man.”
“The same,” Tony said with a dash of pride in his voice.
”Now that's an honour indeed.” Louie even managed to sound a little shy while his eyes suddenly appeared enormous. “I always thought you're all best friends and such in the Avengers team.”
”You wish. I'm sure they're trying to turn my home into some kind of bloody frat house." Tony huffed. "Sand in my gym.”
”Huh?”
”Cap uses these old fashioned army sandbags for his work out. Sometimes they burst.”
”That's too bad.”
”Yeah, he does that to me and then he has the nerve to criticise the way I speak. Language, he said. In the middle of a fight, too.”
“Fancy that.” Louie looked at him sympathetically. “What did you say?”
”Shit.”
”I'm sure you had your reasons.”
Tony watched approvingly while the other man touched his hand in a soothing gesture. It was a pleasant feeling, smooth, cool, and reassuring.
”I was under fire, you know.”
”Now that explains your extraordinary choice of words.” Louie was all sympathy and consideration.
That's more like it, Tony thought while bathing in Louie's attention. A waiter appeared at the table to remove the empty glasses and the champagne cooler, and Louie took the chance to order more water. ”Struts around my place with all those muscles while wearing t-shirts from the children's department. It's a miracle they don't burst,” added Tony, not willing to drop the matter so easily.
”Like those sandbags?”
”Yeah. So many of my female employees are salivating over him. And some of the male ones too.”
”How unpleasant! That must be truly messy with all the sand of the floor. It sounds most unhygienic and also slippery.”
Tony hesitated for a moment. Was Louie trying to pull his leg? But the other man just kept looking at him with innocent green puppy eyes opened wide, and a concerned smile on his face.
”Him and Thor.”
”Thor...” Louie sounded a little thoughtful now.
”Bloody muscleheads, both of them. You should see the way they eat.”
”Well, they are tall, brawny men, and I'm sure they need a lot of protein.”
”You're not taking their side now, are you?” Tony asked suspiciously. “Not going to join Team Beefcake all of the sudden?”
Louie denied this in his calm, sophisticated voice.
”I swear Thor is planning on exterminating the chickens of America.” Tony sniggered. "And single-handedly, too."
”Sounds like him,” Louie said with a sullen undertone.
”Do you know Thor?”
”I saw some footage on the news.”
”You, on the other hand, don't look like you're pigging out on a regular basis.” Tony appreciated the other man's lithe and lissom body with a long, longing look.
Louie chuckled and leaned slightly back to give him a better view.
”Tease,” Tony said.
”I just want to make sure you won't forget me so easily,” Louie said, chuckling again.
”Don't worry. Do you want to know something else about Thor?”
”Oh, I'm still trying to get over the fact that he has appalling table manners.”
”He's either totally dimwitted or he has terrible eyesight.”
”Has he, now? Well, I'm thunderstruck.”
”Do you remember this alien guy, Loki? Tried to take over Earth some time ago.”
Louie stiffened a little. “How could anybody forget about that?”
”Right. I'm sure I can't. It seems that he and Thor were supposed to be brothers. Adopted brothers. And the funny thing is they only found out when they were already grown-ups."
”Perhaps it wasn't so funny for those involved,” Louie said kindly.
”Oh come on, Louie.” Tony took his StarkPhone and called up some pictures of the Asgardians. “You see? Not the slightest family resemblance. In fact, you might call it the exact opposite.”
”An anti-semblance?” the other man, who had stopped breathing for a moment, asked in a mocking voice.
”Whatever. It's either dimness or an impaired eyesight. Either way, Thor was not able to see the obvious.”
”And sitting right in front of him, too,” Louie said, thoroughly fascinated. “Perhaps the whole Realm of Asgard is affected in this wise.”
”Well, it seems Loki's dead now. Got himself killed on some weird planet no one has ever heard of before. Thor says he fought bravely for a righteous cause.”
”Does he mourn?” Louie was suddenly very tense, and there was some longing in his eyes, but Tony was still too drunk to notice.
”It's an on-off situation, I think. There are long periods of silence, and then, completely out of the blue, Thor starts bragging about his brother being in Valhalla now, where he is apparently feasting on roast pork, ale and mead in the company of some busty, leather-clad dames.”
”Valkyries,” Louie said without missing a beat.
”Huh, you're some kind of expert?”
This earned him another smile. “Scandinavian background. I grew up with those stories just like American children grow up with Disney movies.”
”Well, lucky us, then.”
”You fought bravely that day,” Louie said suddenly, his eyes steady and his voice sincere.
”What day?”
”New York.”
”You were there?”
”You bet I was there, Tony. It was a nightmare.”
”I still have nightmares,” Tony told him. “And a bad case of PTSD on top of everything else.”
”Bad dreams,” Louie said thoughtfully. “I have them too.”
Tony stared into his glass of water.
”You saved the world that day,” Louie continued, his voice suddenly warm and soft.
”Yeah, and a lot of thanks that got me.”
”I'd like to thank you.”
”What?”
”Thank you, Tony Stark. Thank you for saving the world.”
Tony couldn't believe what he had just heard. Then he felt how he blushed.
“Well, that's very kind and thoughtful of you. And totally unexpected, too," Tony said. He was not used to this kind of talk. Perhaps it was another Scandinavian thing. "Anyway, I had some help, you know.”
Louie laughed. “I forgot. The world's mightiest heroes...”
”Including an actual archer,” Tony said dryly. “Now tell me: whose insane idea was it to involve an archer in a battle like this? There was an alien army with incredible tech from outer space that even Thor and Cap found hard to deal with. And SHIELD sends us an archer.”
”I'm sure he's a worthy warrior in his own right, Tony. And the exploding arrowhead was a nasty surprise.”
”How do you even know about that?”
Louie's green eyes widened and he swiftly looked away. Then he started to worry his fingers.
“Sometimes I watch some video footage from that day on youtube,” he explained hesitatingly. “It helps me to deal with things.”
Tony watched as Louie bit his lower lip. “Strange. I never saw that clip. Clint says that Loki was high up in the sky at that point, kind of joyriding some alien air mobile he'd hijacked. I'm going to look for it tomorrow.”
Louie grimaced, and suddenly something else caught Tony's attention. “Do you want to know something really funny about Clint?” he asked.
”Well, yes. Tell me, please.”
”He's always reading all this agricultural stuff. Print, e-papers, it doesn't matter. The moment someone sets up a website on the virtues of clover as cattle fodder, he's on.”
”And you truly know not why?”
Tony shrugged.
”Perhaps you should ask him, then. Now that you're sharing house. A little conversation could help to ease the tension.”
”Ah, you're really sweet,” Tony said while trying to grab Louie's hand.
”Not tonight, my dear.” Louie signalled a waiter to come to their table. Several dollar bills changed hands. “Be so kind and call a cab to pick us up at the back entrance, please.”
Tony watched as a grinning waiter hurried away. “Now, Louie, suddenly afraid to be seen with me after all the fun we had together?”
”Perhaps you wouldn't like to be seen with me,” the other man quipped in return.
”What are you, some kind of disgraced Scandinavian royalty?”
”Possibly.” Louie gave him a mischievous smile. “Come on now, we better try and catch our cab.”
*****
Just as he had promised, Louie gave Tony his business card on their ride home. He had added something in handwriting. Tony smiled when he noticed that Louie was actually using an old-fashioned but very stylish fountain pen.
”The Norse Pagan Society,” Tony read out aloud. “I knew you were weird.”
”Oh, I'm just doing the research.”
”You're weird, Louie. It's official now. Cute, but weird.” Tony studied the card. “You guys even have a website? I have to check it out.”
”Please do so. Can you read my handwriting?”
”[email protected]. Do you always use green ink?” There was no actual telephone number on the card. For some reason, it never occurred to Tony that this was rather unusual.
”It's a fancy I have,” Louie told him.
”Still weird.”
The cab stopped in front of the Avengers Tower and Tony asked Louie again if he wouldn't like to join him.
“In a tower that is overrun with Avengers? I'm afraid not.”
”There's going to be a party later this week to celebrate our victory.”
”Sorry again, Tony. Not after all those scary things you told me about your housemates.” Gracefully, Louie leaned forward and gave Tony a peck on the cheek. Well, it was probably a bit more than just a peck, because it involved the tip of Louie's tongue and a brief, suggestive bite.
”You know, now I really hate that gang,” said Tony. "In a world filled with people ready to give everything to meet me, I had to stumble upon you."
Louie smiled and touched Tony's lips gingerly with his fingertips. "Just send me a mail, I'd love that."
"First thing tomorrow," Tony promised. Then he sighed, made his farewells, and left the car.
Louie watched till the night porter had safely acknowledged his employer's arrival. As Tony entered a lift, Louie gave his driver an address only a few blocks away near Central Park.
”Wasn't that Iron Man?” the cabbie asked.
”I believe so.” Louie leaned back in his seat and looked out of the window, ignoring the inquisitive man in front of him.
*****
Loki smiled as he watched the cab drive away. Then he started to walk towards his real destination, the famous Bethesda Terrace in Central Park. It was the same spot from where he had been deported back to Asgard after his ill-fated adventure on Midgard. The barrier between the realms was very thin there and for Loki, it was the easiest way to travel home.
It was still a mystery to Loki how Thor or Heimdall had sensed that this was an ideal starting point for the journey. They were not supposed to be able to feel these things. It must have been Odin's idea, he thought.
If only the Midgardians knew what really happened on that day they fought me, Loki mused. Unfortunately, the time to open their eyes hadn't arrived yet.
But how much he had learned to love his little sojourns on Midgard! Running into Stark had been a bonus. Loki wondered briefly if the other man would remember the encounter. Well, possibly. Stark had been drunk, but not that drunk. And they had spent quite some time together.
I guess I'm going to find out soon, Loki, who had found flirting with Tony surprisingly exciting and pleasant, though. Let's see if something comes out of this.
It would also be a convenient way to keep track of Thor's actions on the foreign realm.
Loki's thoughts turned towards the glamour he had cast over himself to keep Tony and everybody else present from recognising him. It was a new spell, and one of his own creations.
The spell allowed Loki to look like his Aesir self while disabling the people he met to realise who he really was.
Loki was a little surprised at how well it had worked. There had been one or two moments when he thought that Tony was seeing through the glamour, but the God of Mischief just couldn't help himself: he had to try and push the limits. It was in his nature. Loki always had to find out precisely how far he could go, because sometimes, backing off just wasn't an option.
Still, the glamour stood. I truly am a master, Loki mused, feeling like he was humbleness incarnate. While wending his way through the abandoned nocturnal park which was officially closed to the public at this time of day, he wondered why nobody else on Asgard could see it this way.
Well then, Loki thought when he finally arrived at his departure point. As always, he shuddered at the memory of the manacles and the muzzle Thor had made him wear when they went there together. And sooner or later, I will surely kick Barton's ass for the ugly, unsightly sneer he gave me that day, see if I don't. With that thought in mind, Loki started to poke around in the dark for a bit until some faint green sparks appeared at his fingertips.
"There you are, my dear," he said to the invisible phenomenon in front of him. Loki knew that it took a lot of serious magic to even find something like this.
The barrier felt a little thicker than usual, but it made no difference to Loki. He turned around and looked in the direction of the Avenger's Tower, wishing that Tony had arrived safely at his penthouse.
I hope the fool goes straight to bed, Loki thought fondly. He remembered all those bottles Stark kept in his bar only too well.
Suddenly, a strange idea crossed Loki's mind.
Stark asked for help and I gave it to him. Perhaps I'm turning into a benevolent deity after all.
The God of Mischief felt an odd kind of satisfaction at the thought while feeling a little embarrassed at the same time.
”Good night, Tony,” he whispered. “I hope you sleep well.”
It sounded like a blessing.
And then, without further ado, Loki stepped through the barrier and started his journey back home to Asgard.