Talk to me, Luc
"Diluc? Are you okay?" Kaeya asks, his eyebrows knitted together in concern. Kaeya hadn't watched Diluc walk up to the dorm building with Cyno, but he could look at his brother's face for a second and know something is wrong. "Did you have another panic attack?"
Looking at his feet, Diluc refuses to answer for a moment. His eyes sting with fresh tears threatening to fall. He hated this part, the part where Mona or Keaya ask if he's okay. They know he's not, and even if he was okay, the question brings all of those feelings back up to the surface.
"I'm fine," Diluc answers, moving to look in the dorm's mini-fridge. His shoes scuff the ground as he walks, and though Diluc knows this will only prove that he's not okay, he chooses not to pick up his feet.
"No, you're not." Kaeya puts his bag down near his bed, deciding in that moment that his brother is more important than his art class meeting up. "Come here." Diluc looks up at his brother, who has a soft smile on his lips. They both hated having to comfort each other, only because they dislike that to comfort one another, they have to be upset in the first place, which is never fun.
Pausing, Diluc looks at his bed, searching for his favorite material thing. Taking notice, Kaeya picks up the stuffed horse from Diluc's bed, holding it out to his dear brother. Sighing, Diluc walks over, not expecting Kaeya to take him into a hug. His younger brother's arms hold him tightly, so tight that Diluc almost starts crying again.
This wasn't fair, why was he the unlovable one? Kaeya could have anyone he asked for. Kaeya is charismatic, confident, and above all, fun. All things Diluc is not. He's shy and awkward, and worst of all, boring. Complete opposites.
"Do you want to talk about it?" No, no Diluc does not want to talk about it. What is he supposed to say? 'Yeah, I had a panic attack in class because I saw someone with the same soulmark as me and it reminded me I'm unlovable and inherently violent.'
"It's nothing really." Even Diluc can hear the lie. His voice cracked, the tears finally starting to fall again. He sniffles, burying his head into his brother's shoulder. He had to stop this. Diluc had to stop. Kaeya has his own life. Diluc can't rely on his brother all of the time.
Kaeya's grip on Diluc tightens, causing Diluc to flinch slightly. Kaeya could see through him and Diluc knows it. " That's not true and you know it. What happened?" Groaning slightly, Diluc tries to step back to look Kaeya in the eyes, but Kaeya doesn't let go. A part of Diluc is glad that his brother doesn't let go. He never does. He always waits for Diluc to be done with his meltdown before letting go.
"There's a guy in my class that has the same soulmark as I do. I don't know why I haven't noticed before, but I just noticed today." Sighing, Diluc decides to squeeze Kaeya a little tighter. "What if I hurt him? Whoever my soulmate is, what if I hurt him? I know I get too angry sometimes, what if I take it too far?"
Kaeya can feel his shirt getting wetter the more Diluc cries into his shoulder. "I'm sure you won't. Don't listen to those thoughts in your head." Kaeya pulls back a bit to look at Diluc's face for a moment before continuing. "Remember what we said? Those thoughts aren't yours. They were rooted into your mind by some jerks from high school. But we're not high schoolers anymore, remember?"
Diluc nods, feeling just a little bit better. "We're not high schoolers anymore," Diluc repeats, knowing that's what Kaeya wants to hear. But Diluc's not so sure. He's only eighteen, he got out of high school at the end of last spring. No gap year, no nothing. From one school to the next.
"Say it like you mean it, Diluc." Kaeya smiles at him, though Diluc can tell that it's a little forced. Kaeya's getting tired of dealing with him, he can tell. Diluc can feel it in his bones.
"We're not high schoolers anymore." He says again with a little more force. Kaeya smiles, whispering that he's proud of Diluc, something that Diluc wants to appreciate, but can't. If Kaeya's getting tired of helping him, what was Diluc supposed to do?
Sighing, Kaeya takes a step back. He hands the stuffed horse, Dawn, to Diluc, who takes it in his arms. "I'm skipping class, do you want to hang out?" Diluc nods despite the caving feeling in his chest.
How long would Kaeya stay by his side? It had only been about a year, and Kaeya had his own problems to deal with. What if suddenly Kaeya just up and left? Though it wouldn't be 'sudden' per se, Diluc can see it coming. He can feel it in his spine like his back needs to be popped. "Are you going to leave me?" Diluc almost cries out, more tears falling from his eyes.
Kaeya looks appalled, making Diluc flinch for a moment. "I would never leave you! Diluc, what's going on?" Looking to the ground, Diluc shakes his head. Nothing was going on, right? Diluc was just reacting to the things around him, he wasn't blowing anything out of proportion, right? "Talk to me, 'Luc."
And so, Diluc does. He unloads everything, every mean thing someone he didn't even know said, every disgusted look from someone who knew them in high school, every soulmark that looked a little too much like his, what had happened in Tighnari's class.
"I always thought he was crazy." Is all Kaeya says when Diluc's done talking. It's late by now, Kaeya's class long over. More pizza is laid out in between Kaeya and Diluc as they sit on Kaeya's bed, Dawn in Diluc's hands.
Diluc only shakes his head, smiling at the thought of how nice Collei was. "Nah, Collei's sick, so he does what he wants, not taking his life for granted." Something in the way Kaeya smiles at him makes Diluc smile too.
"Sounds like a good life philosophy, we should try it." Kaeya's grin turns to a shit-eating grin quickly. It makes Diluc laugh, the sound echoing through the room. Kaeya's smile gets even bigger, the sound of his brother's laugh bringing him comfort. It will be okay, Diluc will be fine. Kaeya knows it, he's sure of it.
"What do you mean 'we'? You always do what you want to." The question doesn't catch Kaeya off-guard, though he knows that he should probably tell Diluc that he's wrong. "Don't you?" This does catch Kaeya off-guard.
"What do you mean? I...You're right." Hanging his head in shame, Kaeya tries not to look Diluc in the eyes. He knows that Diluc relies on him, that Diluc looks up to him despite Kaeya being younger.
"Talk to me, Kae." Kaeya smiles at his words being turned around on him. And Kaeya couldn't lie, he had missed the days when they had used those nicknames. Though an incident where they had used them at school had ended badly, they rarely called each other those names for almost a year.
"Alright fine. There's, uh, there's a boy." Diluc lights up at this small amount of information. Kaeya likes a boy? This was great news. Diluc had always known, but hearing Kaeya confide in him made Diluc light up with joy. He's glad that his brother trusts him, even if it took forever for Kaeya to admit the obvious.
"Yeah? What's he like?" Smiling at his brother, Diluc takes a bite of pizza, almost spilling topping onto his lap. Looking up at Kaeya, Diluc can tell that he's feeling nervous, and embarrassed.
Sighing, Kaeya thinks for a moment, thinking about what he could say. There were so many things about this boy, and Kaeya liked, even loved, every little thing. "He's an artist, but not a snobby one where he thinks that he's better than everyone because art comes naturally to him."
Kaeya pauses, taking a moment to compose himself. There was so much he liked, how could he choose what to tell Diluc?
"Well, I'm sure he has to be amazing to have caught your eye." Kaeya nods at Diluc's words, smiling at the memory of one of the few boys that caught his attention. "Do you know if he likes you back?"
Shaking his head, Kaeya frowns. "I don't think he knows I exist. We've spoken three times in total, and all three times it was about homework." Diluc frowns too, seeing the problem in the way that Kaeya speaks. He's hesitant and nervous.
"We'll have to come up with a plan then." Kaeya cocks his head to the side at Diluc's words, causing the redhead to elaborate. "We have to get the two of you to talk to each other. I can't stand by and let you have an unrequited love."
"Diluc," Kaeya starts, only to pause to tuck his hair behind his ear. "I don't know if that's a good idea. I think he's kinda shy. I've seen him talk to Venti, but no one else in class. At least when I'm there he only talks to Venti."
"We'll have to fix that." A determined look finds its way onto Diluc's face, giving Kaeya a small amount of hope. Maybe they could get him to like Kaeya. Or at least that's the plan. Diluc and Kaeya both feel excitement running threw their veins, both of them thinking up a plan, but coming up with nothing.
Deciding not to share the lack of a good plan, Kaeya changes the subject. "So what do you think of Venti? You seem to like him a lot." The question catches Diluc off guard, the question confusing him more than he already was.
"I'm not sure. He's kind, and I consider him a friend, but, well I don't know." Putting his face in his hands, Diluc groans. "I find myself feeling better and calmer when he's around. But I don't want him to know anything about me, it'll scare him off." Sighing, Diluc refuses to look at his brother, knowing that Kaeya would say something that Diluc didn't want to hear.
"I don't think it'll scare him away. Who knows, maybe he's attracted to trauma. I mean, he is friends with Xiao." Kaeya laughs a little, causing a smile to form on Diluc's face. Though a frown quickly replaces the joyful expression.
"What do you mean?" Diluc didn't like where this was going. If Kaeya had a bad vibe then Diluc would have to drop them. As far as Diluc was concerned, if Kaeya thought the vibes were off then the vibes were off. And Diluc didn't put himself in positions where the vibes were off anymore. He had learned his lesson.
Sighing, Kaeya looks away from Diluc, not wanting to reveal what he knew. "They're just rumors." Kaeya starts only to pause, looking at Diluc, who nods and waits for Kaeya to continue. "But he apparently had a really bad childhood. Over in Liyue, but Zhongli got him out of the situation and now Xiao and Venti are almost inseparable."
"Well fuck, maybe I have a chance then." Diluc laughs not realizing he just admitted to liking Venti. Diluc couldn't admit it to himself, much less telling his brother. Kaeya stares at Diluc, shocked for a moment before catching himself.
Deciding not to comment, Kaeya takes another slice of pizza, putting the empty box on the floor to be picked up later. They were busy at the moment. Diluc looks up at his brother, not realizing the admission, clueless as to why Kaeya was avoiding eye contact.
"What?" Kaeya asks when he finally looks up to see Diluc staring at him. Diluc doesn't answer at first, looking down at the pizza box. Shaking his head, Diluc shifts, the day's events catching up to him. Smiling, Kaeya gets up before offering his hand to Diluc. "Come on, let's get you to bed. "
Diluc smiles, using Kaeya's hand to help pull himself up, the need for sleep weighing down his body.