His Prayers Have Not Been Answered
Panic sets into Diluc's chest, pain shooting through his hands. Clenched so hard that he knows his nails are cutting his palms, he can feel the blood dripping down his knuckles.
The room is suddenly quiet, though Diluc knows he can't hear clearly when he feels like this. There had been times where Mona had to pour the water from her water bottle over his head, just for him not to respond.
The thought of his friend makes tears well in the corners of his eyes. Slowly dripping down his face as he stares at the wall, right where the boy with blonde hair and a star tattoo on his neck stood. Diluc can't look away, even if he can't see through his tears and blurring eyes.
He can't understand why the boy isn't there anymore, Diluc didn't see him leave the classroom, nor did he see the boy move.
"Diluc," The voice Diluc hears is far away, and it's not Mona, so he doesn't even attempt to answer. God, Diluc wishes Mona was here. He wants to have her hold him, whisper that he's her platonic soulmate, that he's alright, that he's lovable.
But Diluc is painfully aware that this voicer that keeps calling his name isn't Mona. Though it does sound soft, comforting almost. Even though it still isn't his friend.
So badly does Diluc want to place the voice, it's not Mona. Was it Kaeya, his brother who he loved so much despite not being blood-related? No, this voice wasn't as deep as Kaeya's voice. What if it was Jean? Diluc would never hear the end of it if Jean had found him like this. She would worry, and worst of all, she would never let Diluc out of her sight.
It couldn't be Lisa, it wasn't as smooth as Lisa or Kaeya's voices. Though it's still laced with worry, but Diluc can barely detect it. There's not any pity like he's used to.
Pity was almost as bad as others being cruel. The things other kids would say while he was still in high school, it was horrible.
The voice says Diluc's name again, but this time it's paired with a putrid smell. Snapping back to reality, where he's standing next to the whiteboard, Tighnari standing right in front of him, holding some kind of ball wrapped in leather. It smells horrid.
"Diluc, where are you?" Tighnari asks, looking Diluc in his, still very tear-filled, eyes. Diluc must look confused, because Tighnari asks again. "Where are you, Diluc?"
It takes everything for Diluc not to mutter his answer, to speak clearly. "In your classroom." He tries to sound confident, like he's not having a panic attack, but the way his voice shakes makes Diluc shudder.
"Good, tell me which way you're facing." It confuses Diluc, why does it matter which way his feet are facing?
"Towards you, and where students sit." Diluc tries to take calming breaths, trying to focus on Tighnari, but he's still clenching his fists tight, blood dripping onto the floor. It almost makes him feel guilty, he can feel the blood on his hands, he can tell it's dripping off of him, and the thought that this will upset Tighnari almost sends Diluc into another spiral.
God does he wish Mona was here.
"Alright, don't stop looking at me." Tighnari doesn't wait for an answer, moving to take Diluc's hands. Slowly, Diluc lets Tighnari unclench his fists, looking at the damage. Diluc's hands are covered in more blood then he thought, his nails longer and sharper then he remembered.
Diluc lets both of his hands rest on top of one of Tighnari's hands, while the other pulls a small compact out of his pocket. Opening it, Tighnari makes eye contact with Diluc again, silently asking if he can put what looks like ointment on Diluc's injuries.
Diluc nods, though he wonders if he should trust his teacher. Diluc knew nothing about Tighnari, but yet here Tighnari was, helping him through a panic attack. With an efficacy Mona never had.
Mona had never been good with panic attacks, no matter who it was. She want the best handling others anxiety.
The ointment stings as it makes it's way into the bloody cut. Diluc's body tries to flinch away, but Tighnari holds onto his hands tight, not letting him go. It's almost comforting, the only reason it wasn't was because Diluc couldn't stop staring at the small puddle of blood on the classroom floor. He didn't know you could bleed that much from cuts on your hands.
"Don't focus on the blood, Diluc. It can be cleaned." Tighnari looks at the clock again, hoping that Diluc didn't have another class today. Diluc shouldn't be alone, but he shouldn't be surrounded by people either. "Do you have anyone you want me to call?"
Diluc shakes his head. He wants to be with Mona or Kaeya, but he also didn't want them to see him like this, despite the fact that they've seen him like this multiple times...especially after what happened.
Sighing, Tighnari picks up the phone, almost sending Diluc back into a full blown panic attack, the only thing keeping him from that was the thought that Tighnari couldn't possibly have Mona's or Kaeya's numbers.
Diluc can't hear what Tighnari says on the phone, still standing stiff as a board, staring at the wall.
Tighnari stares at the clock while he wraps Diluc's hands in gauze he keeps in his desk. It doesn't take long for there to be a knock at the door of the class room. Tighnari doesn't leave Diluc's side, watching him like a hawk. "Come in." He calls, watching Diluc stare at the wall, borderline unresponsive. Only answering questions when directly asked.
"Nari? What happened?" Diluc recognizes that voice now that he's just a tad bit more aware. That was the voice of the General Mahamatra, Cyno. He can feel Cyno's eyes on him, and when Diluc turns to meet Cyno's gaze, he see's that Cyno is staring at his hands, and then the blood on the tile floor.
"Diluc," Tighnari stars softly, looking Diluc in the eyes, despite his gaze still distant. "This is my husband and my daughter. They're here to help, in any way you need." Tighnari smiles when Diluc's eyes clear up a bit, his pupils constricting back to a normal size instead of being dilated.
Starting to sob, Diluc doesn't notice a green haired girl wheel in front of him in a wheel chair. She stands up, a little wobbly but determined. She greets him as if Diluc wasn't holding his bandaged hands in front of his eyes.
"Diluc, was it?" She asks, not moving at all, other then the swaying from not sitting in her wheel chair. The girl doesn't walk often. "I'm Collei. It's nice to meet you."
It comforts Diluc, the lack of pity and worry. She introduced herself as if they met in study hall instead of the middle of Diluc's fifth breakdown of the week. It's only Wednesday.
Pulling his hands down slightly, Diluc looks at Collei through his tears. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He doesn't answer the question, staring at Collei and the hopeful look on her face.
"Does it have something to do with your hands?" Diluc nods a little bit, letting his hands fall to his sides. "I think I get it."
Collei shows Diluc the watercolor mark on her fists, the watercolor meaning she's touched her soulmate.
"I punched both of my girlfriends in a fight during a visit to Mond when I was ten. Eula started talking about vengeance and I guess she hit a nerve, because I punched her, and then Amber when she came to help." Collei smiles like it's a fond memory. Though Diluc doesn't understand why.
"I don't want to be a violent person." Diluc mutters, not willing to look Collei in the eyes.
"Then don't be. I know lots of people who have their soulmarks on their hands. Sometimes it's from holding their soulmates hands, or grabbing their face to kiss for the first time. It's okay to be worried. Anxiety is a valid thing to have, especially when it comes to the love, or loves, of your life." Cyno smiles at his daughter, while Tighnari has a frown on his face.
Tighnari doesn't like the idea that Collei had been violent, it was always something that made a tinge of disappointment appear in his chest, right where his heart is.
Hanging his head slightly, feeling embarrassed, Diluc sighs before looking Collei in the eyes for the first time. Her irises are the color of moss. It reminds him of Venti, who's eyes are the color of a mix of grass and a clear blue sky. It's calming, though Diluc can't tell why.
Cyno steps forward, putting a hand on Collei's shoulder, asking her to sit in her chair again. She does, though Diluc continues to make eye contact with her.
"Why do you use a wheel chair?" Diluc finds himself asking, feeling horror when her realizes his actions. But Collei smiles, looking at her dads.
"I have Eleazar. It's been taking away my ability to walk for several years now." Collei doesn't look at her dads now, knowing that Tighnari would be holding back tears.
Clearing his throat, Cyno hands Diluc a card. A business card to be exact, a business card with Tighnari's, Cyno's, and Collei's numbers. "Don't be afraid to call us, Diluc. You will find no pity with us. Only a friend, or a family if you need it."
Diluc smiles for the first time in a hour. He's thankful, he'll call them, he knows he will.
"Go home Diluc, if you have any more classes today I'll call your professors." Diluc nods at Tighnari's words, though he doesn't want to. Going home meant seeing Mona and Kaeya, who would both be worried sick knowing he had a panic attack in class.
And oh God, what was he going to tell Venti? He saw the worried glance Venti had when he was sent to his next class in the corner of his eye.
But he didn't see Venti walk off with Albedo, the cause of Diluc's panic attack, to their next class.
Diluc really wants Venti to like him, he wants him to be his friend. But Diluc is sure that if Venti found out about his past he'll be freaked out.
"None of my other professors take role, and all of the assignments are online." Nodding, Tighnari hands Diluc his book bag, before moving out of the way so he can walk to the door.
There a look in Cyno's eyes that makes Diluc and Tighnari pause. "I want to walk you to your dorm." He says, playing with the two bow pendants on his necklace.
Both Collei and Tighnari look at Cyno, almost skeptical. But they don't question it, deciding that they all have Diluc's best interests at heart.
Diluc nods, a little worried about being seen with the General Mahamatra, but also not wanting to be alone.
They head out the door, Collei and Tighnari staying behind to clean up the blood on the floor.
Thankfully, no one sees Diluc walking with Cyno, and Cyno makes no attempt to make conversation, which Diluc is grateful for.
When they get to Diluc's dorm, Cyno almost insists on walking Diluc to his floor, but Diluc thanks him before he can offer.
"Thank you so much Cyno." Diluc nods and Cyno nods back. Both of them turning their body's slightly, getting ready to walk in different directions.
"Remember that you can call. Any time, may it be day or night." Diluc smiles, nodding and saying that he will.
They both turn and walk their different ways, Cyno heading back to Tighnari's classroom to pick up his husband and daughter, and Diluc walking up the stairs to the dorm room he shares with his brother.
Praying that Kaeya wasn't there, Diluc opens the door.
His prayers have not been answered.