Chapter 9
The ground felt strange under Thor's feet. Or, perhaps it wasn't really the ground. Perhaps it was only in Thor's mind. He just couldn't remember the last time he had been so thoroughly rocked back on his heels. The past hours had been filled with such upheaval that he still felt unsure of his footing. With the devastation of the dark elf attack and subsequent loss of the Aether came the near loss of both his mother and brother. A part of him was overjoyed at their respective recoveries but it was tempered by another part that reminded him that others were not so fortunate. Large sections of the palace still lay in ruins and it was not unique in that respect. Many of the surrounding buildings suffered a similar fate. It would be days before the full toll of the attack was known. And the fight was not yet over, not now that Malekith possessed the Aether.
It was difficult enough knowing that he and Loki had failed in that regard but after returning to Asgard, Thor was on the receiving end of lectures from both his parents. By the time they were through explaining in excruciating detail the foolishness of his deeds, he was beginning to wish it was he who had been stabbed through the chest, not Loki. Surely that had to be less painful.
He had yet to shake off the feeling when he went looking for Jane, his first chance to do so since returning from Svartalfheim. He found her in the same room where she had been before their little sojourn to the dark world. The moment their eyes met, Thor knew his trouble was not over. She came at him with a determined stride.
"Jane, I-" was as far as he got before Jane slapped him across the face. The hurt was negligible but the shock of it, that would take longer to fade.
"That's for holding out on me," she declared. "Why the hell didn't you two tell me the plan? I deserved to know."
A childish impulse to lay all the blame on his brother rose and died within Thor with equal speed. Though it was his brother's plan, Thor was a grown man capable of independent thought. He was fully aware of what Loki intended and he made the choice to go along with it of his own free will. Now he would accept the consequences of that choice.
"Loki thought... we thought if you knew the full truth that Malekith might see through the ruse. He had to believe that Loki was betraying you. If he suspected your fear wasn't genuine-"
"My fear?" Jane interrupted. "Let me tell you something about my fear, Thor. My body was invaded by a quasi-sentient relic with the power to invert the makeup of all the matter in the universe. I could feel it overwhelming every part of me, including my brain, and I knew despite what you said that none of you had a way to stop it. I didn't need any help in the fear department. I was doing fine on my own."
Thor bowed his head, feeling his guilt over everything begin to grow, but Jane was not yet finished.
"And then you let your brother haul me off to an empty wasteland and throw me at the feet of the person I just watched decimate half this city and personally almost killed your mother. Believe me, pal, I would have been plenty scared then even if I knew the whole plan."
Thor nodded, waiting for the tirade to continue. Only, it didn't. Jane was instead looking at him with her arms crossed and an expectant expression on her face.
"Well?" she said.
"...Well what?"
She gaped at him for a moment before shaking her head. "Thor, I swear to god, if the next words out of your mouth aren't an apology-"
"I'm sorry," he rushed to say.
"For?"
"For not being honest with you."
"And?" she prompted, but Thor couldn't think of what else to add. At his continued silence, Jane sighed. "You don't even really understand why I'm upset, do you?"
"Perhaps I don't," Thor conceded, almost bracing himself for another slap.
Jane turned away from him. Lifting both her hands up to her head, she ran her fingers through her hair before giving it a brief tug and taking several deep breaths through her nose. After smoothing her hair down again, she turned her gaze back on him.
"The Aether was inside me. It was killing me. And when you came up with a possible solution, you didn't tell me about it, you just went ahead and did it. What if it didn't work or Malekith had just killed me instead?"
"I would never have let that happen," Thor assured her, but her response was another exasperated sigh.
"That's not the point. You and Loki made a decision that would have life or death consequences for me and you did it without even consulting me. I mean, I know there's a hell of a lot more at stake here than just me but this is my life we're talking about, Thor. My life. I have a right to know when it's being put on the line. God, is this what you guys do with the lower realms? You just decide what's best and then do it without any input from them?"
"No!"
Jane cocked a disbelieving eyebrow at him.
"Well, at times, perhaps," he said. "But Asgard is the chief protector of the Nine Realms. It is our responsibility to ensure their continued safety"
"Tell that to Malekith's people," Jane retorted dryly.
The glib response rankled Thor. "I am not my grandfather, Jane," he told her, his voice low and edged with anger. "And whatever you or I may think of his actions, neither of us were there. It would be more than unfair to condemn him when we cannot truly put ourselves in his stead."
Jane's posture deflated a little, her righteous anger diminishing. "That's true, I suppose," she admitted a bit grudgingly. "Though I still don't like the idea of Asgard unilaterally deciding what's best for everyone."
"Well, what would you have us do, solicit opinions from each realm on how best to defeat the dark elves? Gather all their representatives together for a summit while Malekith draws ever closer to victory? Is that what your rulers do for each decision they must make for their populace?"
Jane thought in silence for a few moments. "I guess it would be a little impractical to ask for input from a few trillion people," she said. "My government can hardly get anything done and we only have a few hundred million to deal with. And I know there are a lot of times when they make decisions for us that we don't get a say in, especially when it comes to national security." She paused again. "It still doesn't make what you did to me right."
"I realize that now and I am truly sorry," Thor apologized. "Our actions were well-intentioned but ill-considered. I should have known better than to try and decide your fate without your knowledge. It won't happen again."
"It better not," Jane replied, giving him a half-hearted punch on the arm while a tentative smile spread across her face.
Thor held his arms out wide. "May I?"
Jane nodded and stepped into the embrace.
"I'm so glad you are all right," he murmured, lips brushing the top of her head.
"Me too." They stood together for a moment before Jane leaned back to look up at him. "I'm sorry, I never asked. How is Loki?"
"Healing, thank the Norns."
"Can I see him?"
"That depends," Thor said, feeling himself smirk. "Do you plan on striking him as well?"
A snort of laughter burst from Jane's mouth. "As if I could actually hurt you guys."
The two of them walked hand in hand to Loki's chambers. They arrived just as Odin emerged from within.
"Is he awake?" Thor asked.
"He is, though he must rest a few hours more or your mother will have all our heads."
"Would that not defeat the purpose of healing him?" Thor asked wryly.
"Thor, I learned many years ago that questioning her logic seldom leads to anything but more confusion."
"I heard that," Frigga said from some distance down the corridor where she was walking toward them.
"Go," Odin urged in a theatrical whisper. "Save yourselves."
Thor made a show of ushering Jane inside Loki's chamber and closing the door behind them as though he were shielding them from a great danger. Once inside, he led the way through the outer room into the bed chamber where they found Loki still abed, just as fearful of Frigga's edict as the rest of them. As happy and relieved as Thor was that his brother survived, he still felt a painful clench in his chest when he thought of how close Loki came to death. Even completely healed, he still bore the signs of the ordeal. His complexion was whiter than his bed sheets and he bore dark smudges under his eyes as though he hadn't slept for many days. The tightness in Thor's chest eased a little when took a closer look at Loki's eyes, though. They were as clear and alert as ever, if a little red and puffy at the edges.
"How do you fare brother?" Thor asked.
"Well enough, all things considered," Loki said. "And you? I'm afraid I rather lost track of you after I, well..." he trailed off waving a hand over his torso.
"I was unharmed."
Loki cocked his head to one side and looked past him. "And the lady?"
Thor looked to his side expecting to find Jane, but she wasn't there. He turned around and saw her hanging back by the door.
"Me? I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine," she rambled.
Thor stared at her. The confident woman who took him to task minutes ago for presuming to make her decisions for her had vanished. In fact, she almost appeared to be shrinking away from Loki's gaze.
"No, I daresay it isn't," Loki sighed. With a grunt and visible discomfort, he propped himself up on one elbow. Holding out his other hand, he said, "Jane, come here. Please."
Jane hesitated a long moment but did as Loki requested. Thor stepped aside to let her by and joined her beside the bed. When she was close enough, Loki grasped Jane's hand with his outstretched one. She flinched but didn't pull away.
"First," Loki began, "let me say I have been an entirely unmitigated ass. You did nothing deserving of my treatment of you and even if you had, it would be no justification for it. My behaviour was unbefitting a prince and inexcusable for a friend. You have my most sincere apologies."
Jane blinked in surprise. "Thank you."
"Second, I'm sorry for putting you through such a dreadful ordeal to remove the Aether. I didn't even think what what it would be like for you believing I had betrayed you to an enemy and for that, I can only beg your forgiveness. I promise I will do everything in my power to once again be worthy of your trust."
There was a lengthy pause after Loki finished. Just when Thor began to wonder if Jane was all right, she spoke.
"Thor," she said. "That was an apology."
~~~|~~~
When Eir at last pronounced Loki well enough to get out of bed, he was profoundly relieved. He was not unaccustomed to long periods of stillness but when such inactivity was forced upon him, he loathed it. Having to remain in bed while knowing Malekith possessed the Aether and was at that very moment making his way to Midgard was torturous.
Rising from his bed took more effort that he liked and hurt more than he would ever admit but he pushed himself on in spite of it. All of his research into the Aether was resting on his desk, his intended destination. Though his steps were slow and laboured, he made the brief journey without collapsing and sank into the chair with a relieved sigh. He rested a moment to catch his breath, one hand pressed over his still healing scar. The effort of crossing even that short distance left his his insides throbbing almost as though the blade were still there, reminding him he was not yet hale. Once it subsided he turned his attention back to his research.
Before his focus had been on the Aether's possible location and a means of tracing its energy, efforts made superfluous by Jane finding it first. A fresh pang of frustration over his wasted effort struck but he tried to push it down. He only partly succeeded. He no longer bore Jane any malice but he could not help but feel irked that someone discovered by pure accident what he could not after a year of focused searching. What good was study and learning if the answers could be found merely by stumbling over them? Why should he even bother when clearly all it took was—
Loki cut off his train of thought. That was precisely the kind of thinking that gave rise to the doubts of which his father spoke. Doubts which, in turn, could lead to reckless actions like a desperate bid to reclaim the Aether by himself to make up for failing to stop an attack that even Heimdall had not seen coming. Asgard and the rest of the Nine didn't need another reckless, desperate scheme. They needed a real solution, preferably a permanent one, and he wasn't going to find it if he was preoccupied with his own shortcomings.
Closing his eyes, Loki took a deep breath and did his best to banish the lingering darkness that still hovered in his thoughts. He didn't succeed, not fully, but he managed to push it to the very back of his mind where it was not such a distraction. He opened his eyes with a renewed sense of determination, reached for the closest tome, and began reading.
An hour later, he had little to show for it except for a headache that had started behind his eyes, spread up into his skull, and was now working its way down his neck and into his spine. He was about to move on to yet another volume when a knock sounded at his chamber door. With a wave of his hand, he released the lock on it, allowing it to swing open. A set of heavy footfalls sounded in the outer room.
"What is it, Thor?" Loki called out. He felt a flicker of satisfaction when Thor's steps hitched slightly.
"You knew it was me?" Thor asked as he walked in.
"I always know. No one else in the palace walks the all the grace of a stampeding bilgesnipe."
Thor came to stand next to the desk. "I see. I suppose you are back to normal then."
Loki leaned back in his chair, easing his stiff back. "Yes. Eir finally allowed me to get up, though she made me swear to do nothing more strenuous than walk around the room."
"Actually," Thor said with a smirk, "I was alluding to your words. They were practically dripping with honey when you spoke to Jane. It made me suspect you were still not well. But 'stampeding bilgesnipe' has a more familiar ring to it. I'd rather grown used to such flattery from you of late."
His earlier satisfaction was dulled by a twinge of shame. "I really have been unfair to you, haven't I?"
"No more unfair than I was impatient with you. What say you, shall we declare a truce?"
"We might as well, considering we may all be turned to ash and dust tomorrow. Best to face the end having put to rest such trivial things."
"Loki," Thor chided. "You must learn to not always imagine the worst possible outcome. Malekith was stopped once before. It can be done again."
Loki reached back and started massaging his sore neck with one hand, wincing a little when the movement pulled at the still tender scar below his sternum. "I'm not so sure. The Aether makes him more powerful now than he was then and he knows how to wield it. The uncontrolled bursts from Jane are mere sparks compared with the inferno he could unleash. Our best chance of defeating him would be to remove it and the only way I know how to do that is to kill him, which may not even be possible now."
Thor thought in silence for a moment. "He may be strong, brother, but he is not invincible. And the Midgardians are cleverer than you think. Together, surely we can find a way to defeat him."
"I hope you're right," Loki said, giving up on his ineffective neck massage and letting his hand drop into his lap. "What brought you here? I assume you had a purpose other than idle talk."
"I do," Thor replied. "Jane and I are leaving for Midgard soon. We must help the mortals prepare."
"I suppose I should ready myself to depart as well." Loki made to get up but searing hot pain lanced through his back. His knees buckled and he fell back down into his chair. He tried again to rise but Thor stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Loki, stop. You are not coming."
His eyes flew to his brother, fury surging through him. "After everything that's happened, after Asgard and the palace and Mother, after I nearly died, you now expect me to sit back while-"
"I said, stop."
The command, and it was a command, was stated with such authority Loki fell reflexively silent as if it was an edict from the All-Father himself. In that moment, he glimpsed the king his brother would one day be.
"Did I not just tell you that you mustn't always leap to the worst possible outcome every time?" Thor asked. Scolded was more like it.
"You did," Loki conceded with reluctance.
"Then do you think perhaps there is a chance you have done so?"
Loki didn't say anything but Thor didn't seem to need a reply.
"You are not coming like this," he explained. "The Convergence will not reach it's peak for another half a day. Malekith will have no need to show himself before then which means you have half a day to rest and gather your strength. I know you wish to avenge all that has happened today, I do as well. And I would gladly have you by my side as we defeat Malekith, but only if you are hale. Exerting yourself prematurely will only slow your healing and who would you be helping then, brother?"
Thor paused and knelt down so he was no longer standing over Loki. He grasped the back of Loki's neck and carried on speaking in a much gentler tone.
"I nearly lost you today. I've never been more frightened than when I saw you fall. I will not let it happen again, and if all it takes to prevent it is letting you rest and recover then that is little price to pay. So rest, my brother. Let yourself recover. Once you have, I will welcome you at my side and together we will vanquish Malekith once and for all."
Loki sheepishly let his gaze fall from Thor's. Of course that was what he meant. It should have been obvious. Thor was no longer that arrogant brat who didn't want his irritating younger brother tagging along on his quests. He hadn't been for a long time. His brother was right, he truly did need to learn not to always think the worst.
One corner of Loki's mouth quirked into a half-smile. "I think perhaps I should relinquish the title of Silvertongue to you, brother. It seems to suit you better than me now."
His brother laughed. "Perhaps. Heimdall did tell me the Convergence would bring all manner of strange occurrences. This must be one."
"It must," Loki replied, his half-smile growing into a real one. "It's certainly more plausible than you developing such wisdom on your own."
Thor laughed again and reached up to ruffle his hair. Loki slapped his hand away, laughing himself by the time he made contact. All of a sudden, Thor's expression sobered.
"Loki, promise me something."
"What?"
"Promise you will not follow to Midgard unless you are well enough to fight. If you are still not at your full strength by the time the peak arrives, stay here."
Though he was deeply touched by Thor's plea, Loki shook his head. "You cannot expect me to sit by while you and the others risk your lives."
"You've already risked your life, and look where it got you. It is enough, brother. Let others take up the burden now."
"I-"
"Promise me. Please," Thor implored him. "Loki, when you fell on Svartalfheim, I feared I would never see you rise again. If I didn't know before, I do now—I cannot bear to lose you."
Pinned there by Thor's piercing blue eyes, Loki felt all his objections die one by one under his gaze. It was too easy to imagine what his brother must have felt seeing him almost succumb to his wounds. He could feel the grief and fear in Thor's eyes echoing in his own heart. After all, he felt exactly the same watching helplessly as their mother was almost struck down.
"Only if you promise me something in return," he said.
"Anything."
"Promise you will return."
Thor's expression turned slightly quizzical.
"I could not bear to lose you either, you dolt," Loki told him.
Thor smiled at that but somehow the expression still managed to be a solemn one. He rose and held out his arm. Loki grasped his forearm and Thor did the same to him.
"It is a promise," Thor said. "Farewell, brother."
"Farewell," Loki replied. "Be safe."
"You as well." Thor stared to leave but Loki stopped him.
"Wait." He pawed through the books on his desk until he found a small leather-bound one. "Notes on my research," he explained. "Jane might find something useful in them."
Thor took the book almost reverently and, much to Loki's relief, didn't say anything about his change of attitude toward Jane. "Thank you. I'm sure it will be a great help."
Neither of them said anything more as Thor left. When the door closed behind his brother, an uneasy chill ran down Loki's spine. It continued to trouble him in the hours that followed. As much as tried to listen to his brother's advice and not conjure the worst possible outcomes, he couldn't help but wonder if Thor might not be able to keep his promise after all.