Jemma beamed as she opened the door to her big brother. He wrapped her in a familiar hug, and she pressed her nose against his shirt, breathing deeply at his familiar smell, even if it overlaid by the stink of sweat. She pulled away, raising her eyebrow teasingly.
“You stink, Lance.” She told him, and he laughed.
“Bobbi loves it.” He smirked.
“Bobbi loves what?” Bobbi called, running down the stairs and into Hunter’s arms. Jemma looked away awkwardly as they began to make out in the doorway. Thankfully she was saved from too much public affection by the arrival of Melinda.
“Ahem.” She said, loudly, and Bobbi and Hunter pulled apart, grinning. Mel hugged him tightly. “So good to see you, Lance. How’ve you been?” She asked, ushering him into the house and shutting the door.
He smiled widely as he began to chat animatedly about his training, the early mornings and the hazings and all the guns he got to play with, and Mel and Bobbi asked all the right questions as they took his bags from him and settled him onto the sofa in the sitting room.
Jemma stayed silent, choosing to listen instead to his excited voice as she tucked herself into his side on the sofa, willing to put up with the smell to be close to him.
It had been eight long weeks since Hunter had left for basic training, and he was only back for the weekend before heading back to the barracks. She’d missed him terribly when he’d left, feeling conspicuous; a stranger in the Coulson’s familial home. She’d tried to stay out of their way, to be the exemplary guest whilst Hunter was away. The Coulson’s had respected her space and been more than generous in their treatment of her, but it only served to highlight how out of place she felt in their home without her brother to help her feel comfortable.
Mel had even taken on Jemma’s schooling, going to meetings with her teachers and picking her up when she stayed late. She’d even gone so far as to invite Fitz over for dinner when Skye and Nat had had their friends over. Jemma could tell Melinda was still watching her closely with regards to the event that had led them to meet in the first place, despite Jemma’s promise that she’d not go down that road again.
Jemma still didn’t know the rest of the family that well, except for Bobbi, obviously. Nat was several years older than her, a talented dancer who’d just been accepted into an Ivy League college and oozed confidence in everything she said and did. Skye was almost the same age as Jemma, just a few weeks younger, but she was the kind of girl Jemma had always been jealous of, effortlessly popular and liked by everyone. Jemma was the awkward kid in a class with kids three years older than her and only one friend. Her and Skye were at the same school, but Jemma rarely saw her around campus. That said, they had been spending time together at home, Skye often coming into her room in the evenings and doing her homework there. She’d stay once she was finished, sitting of Jemma’s bed and chatting about events of the day, or moaning about her mum. Jemma wondered if maybe they were friends.
Even though Mel and Phil and all their kids had gone to extreme lengths to make her feel comfortable despite the fact Hunter was no longer living here, making her favourite meals and including her in any and every family activity she was around for, she continued to feel like an intruder on their happy lives. Jemma knew Bobbi especially was trying to help her feel at ease in the Coulson household for Hunter’s sake.
She was grateful, she truly was, and she did everything she could to show her gratitude, but each act of kindness, each imposition she placed upon them, she felt the guilt in her chest grow ever heavier. She was permanently aware of the inconvenience she had placed on them from their very first meeting when Melinda had been forced to risk her medical licence to save her life.
Hunter gave her a jab in the side, distracting her from her thoughts.
“What?” She grumbled, frowning at him.
“Someone’s tetchy.” He said quizzically. “Bobbi said dinner’s ready.”
“Oh.” She looked up at Bobbi, who was watching from the doorframe. “Sorry.” She said sheepishly.
Dinner was an enthusiastic affair, and the kitchen table was packed tight. Nat’s new boyfriend Clint had come over, and he and Hunter were teasing Skye about her new haircut, whilst Nat and Bobbi fuelled the fire, giving Skye ammunition against them both. Phil and Melinda were laughing at the increasingly ridiculous taunts flying around the table.
Jemma was a little jealous of the easy flow of conversation, of the way they all seemed to fit together. Hunter looked natural with them, his cheeky charm endearing him to them all. If she slipped away, nothing would change around the table.
After dinner she helped Mel tidy the kitchen whilst the rest of the family settled down in the sitting room to watch a film.
“You should go join them Jemma. I’ve got this.” Mel suggested, but Jemma just shrugged.
“I’ve already seen the film before.” She said, forcing a smile onto her face as she loaded the dishwasher.
“Lance is only back for the weekend sweetie. You should spend time with him.” Mel said, her voice knowing, and Jemma looked at the ground. “Go on. I’ll finish off here.”
Jemma had no choice but to go and join the rest of them. There was no space left on the sofas, and she settled awkwardly on the floor, leaning against the wall. Hunter gave her a wide grin and threw a cushion at her.
She was relieved when everyone trickled off to bed, the house finally quieting as she shut the door to her own room and she crawled into bed feeling tired and upset, but not knowing why. Hunter was back. She should be feeling happy. Not like the hole in her chest was slowly ripping wider.
She woke suddenly when her door opened, and she jerked upright in her bed, her heart pounding.
“It’s only me, Jem.” Hunter whispered, and she relaxed, breathing out heavily as he hopped up onto the bed beside her. “Bobbi was snoring.”
“You scared me.” She said quietly, and he looked guilty.
“Sorry.” He said, giving her a quick hug. “I wanted to come chat with my baby sister. I’ve hardly had time to say two words to you since I got back.”
“Yeah, it was a busy evening.” She muttered.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’ve missed you.” She said softly.
“I’ve missed you too, Jem.” He said, squeezing her hand. “What’s bothering you? You’re never this quiet.”
Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. She knew that if she told him how out of place she felt with the Coulson’s, how she didn’t fit into the natural rhythm of their family, he’d laugh and confidently tell her she had nothing to worry about, that they cared about her and that it was all in her head, so instead she shrugged.
“There were a lot of people tonight, huh.” He said, and she wondered if maybe he suspected what she was feeling.
“I guess.” She muttered. “No more than usual, except you.”
“It’s pretty different from before, isn’t it?” He said probingly. “When it was just the two of us.”
“And dad.” She added, without thinking. Hunter stiffened beside her. “Sorry.”
He sighed heavily. “You haven’t tried to contact him have you?” He asked.
“I’m not an idiot, Lance. I know that that would be considered interfering in an on-going case.” She said bitterly. “I don’t want to see him anyway.”
“I know, Jemma. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to accuse you.” He leaned back against the pillows. “Bobbi said the school spoke to Mel about you graduating this year.”
Jemma shrugged. “They asked Fitz too.”
“That’s amazing Jemma. God knows where you got your brains from, but they certainly skipped me.” He said lightly, trying to lift the mood. Jemma ignored him.
“I don’t need a guardian once I leave full time education.” Jemma said softly. Hunter froze, then took a deep breath.
“I guess not.” He replied, finally. “It’s still six months away, anyway. No need to think like that. With a bit of luck we’ll have our own place by then. I’ll have saved enough to pay some rent.”
“Really?” Jemma said, looking at him excitedly.
Hunter’s brow creased. “Jem, are you not happy here?” He asked tentatively. She didn’t know what to say. “Jem?” He said again, his voice thick, like he was trying not to cry. “Bobbi said that you’ve been keeping yourself to yourself, or spending your time at Leo’s.”
She shook her head slowly. “It’s just different, like you said.” She muttered, turning her head away from him as her eyes burned.
“It’s better though.” He said firmly. She knew he was waiting for her response, for her to agree with him, so she nodded. It was better, too. She wasn’t scared here, she didn’t have to run home to make sure dad hadn’t passed out, or lock herself in her room to stop him hurting her. But she also wasn’t anyone’s responsibility there, and they’d had a place to live, and Hunter wouldn’t have had to join the marines if she hadn’t been a selfish idiot and overdosed and sent their old life tumbling away from them.
“I know it is.” She told him softly, and he breathed out a sigh of relief, like he actually thought she’d rather be living in a crumbling house with an abusive father. “I’m sorry, Lance. I’m just getting used to everything still, what with the court case and school and the Coulson’s. It’s all rather a lot.”
Hunter nodded slowly. “I know it is. I’m sorry I left, Jemma. If there’d been any other way…” He sighed. “Its just another month till training is over.”
“And then god knows where you’ll be.” She said so quietly she thought he didn’t hear. Then he hugged her tightly, and she let herself sink into his touch.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “Listen to me Jemma. This isn’t your fault, okay? I don’t want you to think that I only signed up because of what happened. I’ve been talking about it for a long time with Bobbi. Ask her: I’ve been saying for at least a year now that I wanted to join the marines, make enough to get our own place. I’m just relieved I didn’t follow through before… well, before I knew about dad.” He said slowly, and she realised that he was feeling guilty, too.
“Lance, I’ve told you before. What happened wasn’t your fault.” She told him, and he squeezed her hand tightly.
“Well it wasn’t yours either.” He growled. He clearly knew her too well. She shrugged, knowing he was just trying to make her feel better. If she’d been a better daughter… if she’d not started taking that crap that Raina gave her, maybe things could’ve been different with dad. “Jemma. I’m serious.” Hunter said after a heartbeat, when she didn’t reply.
“If I hadn’t – “ She began, angry tears now lining her eyelids, but Hunter interrupted before she could explain.
“No, Jemma. You couldn’t have changed anything. It was never you, only him. He’s the only one to blame.” He said loudly. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”
Jemma was about to reply when there was a soft knock on the door. They both froze as the door slid open and Bobbi appeared, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
“What’s going on?” She said quietly, her eyes questioning. “Sounds like you were arguing.” She glared at Hunter.
“No, Bobs.” He replied softly, glancing at Jemma. “Not arguing. Sorry, I hope we didn’t wake anyone else.” He looked guiltily at Bobbi, who shrugged.
“Mum wakes up if you so much as roll over, so she’s probably listening right now.” She admitted, and Jemma felt another small weight fall onto the coil in her chest as she added it to the list of inconveniences she’d caused.
Hunter gave Jemma one last hug before rolling out of her bed. “I meant what I said, Jemma, and I think you know I’m right, deep down.” He said, his eyes pleading.
“Goodnight, Hunter.” She said quietly.
…………
Bobbi wrapped Jemma in a tight hug when Hunter left, and Jemma clung desperately to her, the tears she’d been holding back whilst she said goodbye now cascading down her face.
All day she’d found herself choking back tears, trying not to upset Hunter before he left. They’d both pretended like the conversation the night before hadn’t happened, which she was glad about, and they’d spent the day together, just her, Bobbi and him, laughing about little things and watching the clock tick down till the moment he had to leave, willing the hands to stop moving quite so fast.
“Sorry.” She gasped into Bobbi’s shoulder, struggling to catch her breath, and Bobbi shushed her gently, rubbing calm circles on her back.
“You’re allowed to be upset, hun.” Bobbi said firmly, and Jemma was dimly aware that she was crying too.
“God, Lance would be so smug right now if he could see us crying over him.” Jemma choked out, and Bobbi snorted, a laugh bubbling up from her chest and spilling out along side their tears.
When Mel came to give them both a hug she found them both giggling uncontrollably in the hall, Bobbi’s arms wrapped protectively around the young girl, and she thought that, just maybe, things were going to be okay, after all.