Begin Again

“Coulson, we need to talk.” Daisy says as she walks into the director’s new office.

“Yes Daisy, please come in, take a seat.” Coulson says, friendly sarcasm laced into his voice. “What is this about? Is there a problem with the team? Is it Ward? I thought he was doing fine. He even has a code name. ” Ward had joined Daisy’s team months ago after getting his powers through the fish oil. To say that the team was happy about it, was like asking a pig to fly. But when he helped get Simmons out of the Kree rock, slowly everyone started to accept him back into the team.

“No it’s not him,” Daisy said, “It’s about me. And S.H.I.E.L.D.” Ok, maybe he is part of the reason but there’s more than him, she thought, so much more. Coulson motioned for her to continue. Daisy took a deep breath.

“I’m done. I’m leaving S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Coulson blanched. “What? Why? Daisy why are you doing this? We have done so much together, you’ve done so much. For God’s sake we finally got the team back together! Are you in trouble, is someone forcing you to do this? Tell me and we will fix it Daisy, just don’t leave us.” When he was done he just looked at Daisy with a myriad of emotions. Disbelief, concern, sadness, hurt, shock, and a hint of anger.

Daisy stiffened under Coulson’s stare. She had expected this from him. To not understand her decision, to not understand her reasons, to not understand why she needed to get away, to leave. He loved her like the daughter he never had and now he was afraid he was losing her. “You’re right, we have done things together. Great things but now it’s done. The team is doing well, S.H.I.E.L.D is finally back to where it once was, HYDRA is merely a few bases….you don’t need me anymore.”

Coulson glared. “That’s not everything is it? Is it!” Coulson’s previous emotions soon melted into confused anger. “Do you really think that we don’t need you? We rebuilt S.H.I.E.L.D from the ashes together! We all did! And now you are going to leave us all! With what, an explanation of how we don’t need you!” Coulson yelled.

All the while Daisy’s eyes were glassy and held a faraway look. After a pause she finally said softly, “You all used to call me Skye.”

“And you used to call me AC.” Coulson replied equally as softly.

“Then I guess we’ve all changed.” Daisy said with a humorless laugh. “That’s another reason why I’ve chosen to leave. We all have changed, I’ve changed. God, I used to be this girl who was a “hacktivist” named Skye no-last-name living in a van just searching for her parents who turned into Agent Skye, another emotionless S.H.I.E.L.D specialist. And now I’m Daisy Johnson, this woman who is now a leader of a group of powered people. And let’s not forget to mention Quake, this façade that people call a hero, when I’m not. I’m not any of that. I don’t even know who I am. And I can’t do it anymore. I need to find out who I am. I used to be a girl with no name but now I’m a girl with too many.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?” Coulson asks quietly.

“Since I killed Donnie Gill. I realized what it felt like to kill someone. It didn’t feel right but it didn’t feel wrong either. And I don’t want to justify having to take someone’s life. I didn’t really think about leaving that much, it just went through my mind for a moment but since then, “Daisy trails off, “I’ve been thinking about it more and more.” She continues, “And then I found my parents and that didn’t exactly turn out to be the family reunion I wanted. My personal mission was over. The only reason I joined S.H.I.E.L.D was to find my parents. But I stayed anyway because you all needed me and I still needed all of you. We were our very own family. But we are not the people who made that family. Not after everything that has happened. For God’s sake Coulson, you don’t even have a hand anymore!”

At that Coulson tensed involuntarily. Even after all these months he is still coming to terms with the loss of his hand. He knows that Skye—no not Skye—Daisy still blames herself for what happened so he tries to joke about it to make her feel less pain. One of his favorite jokes is that all the directors of S.H.I.E.L.D are required to lose a body part in order to lead the organization.

“And then there’s the whole topic of Ward, coming back to S.H.I.E.L.D and being part of the team ag-”Daisy is cut off by Coulson.

“Wait a minute, I thought you said that this isn’t about Ward! Why is he involved in this?” Coulson demands protectively.

“He’s not. Well, he doesn’t know it. I don’t know, it’s complicated.” Daisy scrambles for words, “I might still feel something for him.”

Coulson’s eyes bulge out of his head.

“I don’t know what it is exactly I might feel for him,” Daisy rushes on to explain before Coulson can say anything, “But it’s something, and it scares me. When he was in Vault D and all that time I pretended I hated him, I really was hating myself for not being able to hate him after everything he did. And when we all went on the mission in the Artic to take down that Hydra base it reminded me of before. I almost thought it was before. And now having him permanently being part of the team scares me because now it’s easier to pretend like it is before. And I’m scared that he will think that and think about what could have happened with us. I’m not that girl he had feelings for. And if I lov—,” Daisy cuts herself off, “If I do feel something for him and he does too, I don’t want him to realize he’s falling for someone who doesn’t exist anymore.” If he even does, she thought bitterly.

“Daisy—“

“No Coulson, I’ve already made up my mind and there’s no way you’re changing it. I will either leave here with or without your permission. It’s your choice.” Daisy says sternly.

“I wasn’t going to stop you from leaving, if that’s what you really want. It’s just,” Coulson hesitates, “How are you going to tell everyone else.”

“I was hoping you would tell them.” Daisy says, “I’m not good at goodbyes. And I don’t want to see their faces when I tell them. Because if I do I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it out the door.” You mean you don’t want to see his face, she thinks.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Coulson asks, doubt evident in his voice.

“I’m sure. Like I said, I’ve been thinking about this for a while.”

“Ok. I guess I’ll just get the paper work then.” Coulson says sadly. “Can I just ask you something?” Daisy nods. “What are you going to do after you leave?”

“Get a new identity. One that matches myself this time.” Daisy says, “Then I’ll start living in a world I’ve lived in all my life but never actually seen.”

Coulson leaves the room to get the paper work leaving Daisy to create a new name for herself.

Who should I be this time around, she thinks. Someone entirely new? Or should I go back to my old roots? Definitely not Mary Sue Poots, Daisy thinks with disgust, I never was her to begin with. I could combine the then and the now and see where that leads me. Yes, I think that will work. Be a little bit of both.

Skye. Skye Johnson.

Skye Johnson smiles as she watches her life begin again.

8 Months Later

Every day, Skye Johnson walks into her favorite café at 7:15 a.m. on the dot. She orders a coffee with creamer and three teaspoons of sugar and a croissant each time and proceeds to read a book or work on a new algorithm for her newest project at work. She works for a security company and she is content. She gets to do what she knows best while at the same time protecting people. Almost like back from her S.H.I.E.L.D days.

One Wednesday morning, after Skye Johnson sits down at her favorite booth in the back corner of the café and orders her usual she feels someone sit across from her. Not needing to look up from her book to realize who it is she continues to stare at the words on the page, no longer bothering to pay attention to what they say.

“You know if you came here for the book recommendation,” Skye starts, “I wouldn’t bother because I’m guessing you’ve already read it.”

“Hello to you too Skye Johnson. But you’re right, I have read it,” Grant Ward says smoothly without missing a beat, “But I think everyone has read To Kill a Mockingbird at one point in their life.”

“Yes, well this is the point in my life where I read it,” Skye says, “But as much as I would like to be just two people talking about their favorite book, let’s just cut to the chase. Why are you here, Ward? Did Coulson send you? Because he knows how I feel about S.H.I.E.L.D keeping tabs on me. And anyway, how did you find out that I changed my name?”

“Aw why not?” Ward says, “Why can’t we just be two people finally getting around to having a drink together?” Skye gives Ward a glare. “Coulson doesn’t know I’m here. I came here of my own accord. And the part about your name, you’ll always be Skye to me.”

“Why are you here Ward?” Skye repeats while trying to ignore the rapid beating of her heart. You’ll always be Skye to me, her subconscious whispers.

“I want to know why,” Ward says, “I want to know why you left, why you didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Didn’t Coulson tell you? I left S.H.I.E.L.D because I was one too many people. I was a girl named Skye who was picked up by S.H.E.L.D in an ally and now I’m Daisy the S.H.I.E.L.D agent doing the picking. I had too many names, too many personas people expected me to be, to the point where I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’ve left all that behind, made a new name for myself. I’m happy.”

Ward raises his eyebrow. “Are you really happy? Is that what you’re telling yourself? Because like it or not Skye I know you. I know you aren’t happy just being some IT person behind a desk. I know this because of the location of the booth you are sitting in right now. Close enough to an exit to make an easy escape and near the window to watch your surroundings. You can’t let go of S.H.I.E.L.D no matter how much you make it seem like you want to.” Ward continues, “I know that you don’t give up on saving people so you’ve been digging around for HYDRA files. And I know that HYDRA is now following you and targeting you.”

Skye rolls her eyes. So somebody’s caught on and it happens to be him of all people, she thinks, but he knows you. He always did no matter which person you were. Contrary to Ward’s belief, she does know that HYDRA has been following her. She’s just playing them just like she did to the ex—HYDRA agent sitting across from her all those months ago in Providence. Ok maybe I wasn’t entirely playing him, Skye admits, maybe what I was doing was what could have been if it weren’t for the whole HYDRA thing.

“Do you have any idea how much danger you’re putting yourself into by doing that,” Ward is fuming, “God, what would I—what would the team do if something happened to you? HYDRA may still be broken but they are still a threat and just God Skye what were you thinking?”

“Do you honestly think I would be that stupid to start tracking HYDRA’s movements and not expect some unwanted company,” Skye says quietly and she leans in towards Ward, “Do you honestly think that I didn’t plan all of this? Allowing all of HYDRA’s security breaches to lead back to me? Do you honestly think that I’m not counting on them to be following me so that I can eradicate Hydra by using their own data? Because like you said, Ward, you know me so do you honestly not know what I am planning?”

“But why do you need HYDRA to follow you? If you really want to get rid them can’t you just quake their bases to the ground?” Ward says with a small smirk, “Or just hack into their database and do your computer voodoo to it?”

“Because Ward, unfortunately Hydra has begun to start adding more security measures to their database and servers.” Skye says, “I might be able to crack it but the person who made it is just a little bit smarter than me. A little bit. If I can get my hands on a HYDRA soldier’s access information than I can easily create a Trojan that would eradicate HYDRA’s resources. Fortunately for me, every HYDRA agent has an access code. The code is in a chip impeded in every HYDRA agent’s body so I just have to get up close and personal so I can hack the code and the server. On second thought, they weren’t that smart after all by putting in that chip.” Skye says as an afterthought.

“Why have them follow you though? Not that I’m saying you should, but wouldn’t it make more sense to infiltrate HYDRA base?” Ward asks.

“That’s suicide. There may be fewer agents out there but they are concentrated around their bases. I may be Inhuman but I’m not invincible.”

“Then come back to S.H.I.E.L.D with me and you can finish the job there. I—we can help you.” Ward pleads, “It would be safer and more secure for you if you did it there. We miss you, Skye. I miss you.”

“I don’t know, Ward, I—“Skye is cut off by a loud explosion.

Before Skye can process what is happening she can feel Ward’s body pressing against hers, pinning her to ground in hopes of protecting her from the fire and flying debris. The first thing Skye registers is his warmth. The way how his body pressed against hers sends waves of heat through her own. How his heart beats in harmony with hers even through all the adrenaline coursing through their veins. How their bodies fit together so perfectly that it’s almost as if they were two pieces solving their own puzzle.

“What,” Skye coughs as she finally focuses in on reality, “What’s going on? How did this happen?” She asks even though she knows exactly who is behind this. She looks over Ward’s shoulder only to see a blur of fire, dust, and smoke.

“HYDRA,” Ward replies gruffly though the smoke, confirming Skye’s fears. “They knew you were here so I’m guessing they planted the explosive. We need to get out of here.”

“Yeah right, Captain Obvious.” Skye mutters under her breath.

Skye and Ward get up and slowly make their way toward the emergency exit. It’s difficult for them to see where they are walking because of the smoke and the debris lying all around them. Once they get to the emergency door, they find it’s blocked with chunks of what used to be the second story of the café’s building.

“Move over!” Skye shouts over the dizziness in her head, ringing in her ears and loud buzzing of the fire. Ward steps, more accurately stumbles, aside as Skye directs a wave of vibrations aimed towards the exit. Soon, the debris is mostly moved and there is enough room for the two to get out of the burning building. “I can’t move it anymore or else the rest of the building will collapse on us!”

“Sorry, I don’t think my powers are going to be very helpful right now.” Says Ward trying to make a joke. “Ladies first,” He says gesturing to the small hole.

“If you think I’m going in there first—“Skye begins to object.

“Skye, I swear to God if you don’t get in there and get out of here I won’t get in there at all! It’s both of us or no one and if we both die I will haunt you in the afterlife!” Ward growls.

“Fine.” Skye huffs while crawling through the small opening. Once she gets through the opening and feels the outside air hit her face, she immediately turns to see Ward right behind her.

“Crazy thing is,” Ward says as he crawls out, “This kind of reminds me of back in the day.”

Suddenly a bout of nausea washes through Skye. The last thing she hears is Ward calling her name as the darkness consumes her.

When Skye wakes up, she can hear the sound of beeping and warped voices. As she blinks, the world comes into focus and the voices become clearer.

“Daisy,” Simmons leans over her, “Can you hear me? You were in an explosion and you passed out from smoke inhalation and shock.”

“Can I have some water?” Skye’s voice comes out raspy and cracked. Simmons rushes to the bedside table and hands her a glass of water.

“Actually I’m going by Skye again.” Skye says after gulping down the water with a hint of a smile. “How long have I been out?”

“Oh. Well then Skye, you’ve been out for a little more than twelve hours. You’re on the BUS.” Simmons smiles at the familiarity of Skye’s name. “Ward called for a medevac and no one knew why because last we had heard he had taken the day off. When we saw him panicking over you, we knew. Everyone started panicking. No one has seen you or heard from you since you left.” Simmons’s voice is filled with hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Skye manages to get out.

“Knock, knock.” Ward appears at the door. “I heard you woke up and I wanted to see how you were.”

“I’ll be outside if you need me.” Simmons says before exiting the room.

“How are you feeling?” Ward asks as he sits down on the chair beside the bed.

“Better,” Skye responds, “Much better than what I felt like the last time I was in this med-pod.” Ward looks down at the mention of the events that happened in the cellar in Italy.

“You never told me why you left, Skye.” Ward says finally.

“Do we have to do this now?” Skye groans.

“Yes, I’m not leaving until you do.” Ward says stubbornly. Skye stares at him defiantly and Ward mirrors her with a stare of his own.

“I couldn’t keep being Daisy Johnson.” Skye admits after a pause, “I have changed so much, we all have. And that really got to me because I didn’t know who I was anymore. And then the family we once were wasn’t the same. We weren’t the same people that made that family.”

“Oh Skye,” Ward says, “Everyone here is your family whether we are the same people or not. It doesn’t matter if we’ve changed because the feelings we have for each other are still the same. Fitzsimmons are like your brother and sister and May and Coulson are like your other set of parents. But why didn’t you even say goodbye?” Ward asks in such a pleading voice that Skye finds no other choice but to answer.

“If I saw your faces if I told you I wouldn’t be able to leave. If I saw your face I knew I would stay. And I had to go, to figure things out.” There is a long, silent pause.

“What about you?” Skye breaks the silence.

“What about me?” Ward asks, confusion laced into his voice.

“You said that the whole team was my family but you didn’t say anything about yourself. What about you?”

“I can be whoever you want me to be.” Ward’s eyes and soul possess an emotion that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe it’s lo— no, she breaks off her train of thought and fantasy, no he’s not, get a grip. No………but what about what Raina said in San Juan?

“You were the other reason why I left.” Skye blurted out. Great job, Skye, she thought, great way to ruin the moment.

“What? I made you leave?” Ward says with hurt and anger evident in his voice. Not anger at her, anger at himself. And that makes Skye get a sick, tight knot in her stomach.

“No!” Skye tries to fix her mistake, “Not in the way you think! I didn’t leave because of anything you did. I still had, I still do, have feelings for you. And I was scared that if you fell for me again you would fall in love with the Skye from before. I didn’t know who I was at the time and I was terrified that you would fall for someone who no longer existed.”

Ward is stares at Skye in silence. “Say something.” Skye says weakly.

“Do you know who you are now?” Ward asks her.

“Yes.” Skye answers. Her eight months with just herself gave her a lot of time to think things through about herself and it succeeded. For the first time in a long time Skye was finally sure of herself and who she was.

“Then how about when Simmons gives you the all clear we can finally get around to getting that drink and from there we can figure us out”

“Us? Well then I guess that means I’ll be staying here at S.H.I.E.L.D for a while doesn’t it.” Skye teases. I think it’s time to come home, she thinks to herself.

“I guess so.” Ward replies as he clasps her hands into his.

And Skye Johnson smiled back and watched it all begin again.