Maya Bishop
I feel betrayed.
I was fine and still needed to stay in this stupid hospital bed.
Dehydrating was manageable. Carina was overreacting.
Carina.
My heart ached. I told Carina we were done and she left.
Why would I say that? Why would she do that?
This wasn’t looking out for me. She was so desperate for me to find help, so desperate for me to be just another thing she needed to fix.
- Why? - My hand formed into a fist, when I angrily hissed these words.
I had woken up when it was already morning, not remembering when I fell asleep. The door right in my face. The image of my wife leaving right in my brain. I turned over so I was laying facing the window.
Fine by me.
If she wanted to leave, so be it. I wasn’t about to fight for her to come back to this broken piece of life that I became.
I know I wasn’t okay but I wasn’t that far gone to be committed against my will. Never did I thought I would feel betrayed by Carina.
She acted like I needed this. She embarrassed me in front of her colleague.
You yelled at her.
I really did. Twice.
Once when she was on my bed and then when she was leaving.
My eyes burned.
I wanted to disappear. This thing got bigger than I wanted.
How could she do this? I was getting there myself. I was helping myself.
I didn’t need to be committed, damn it.
Someone came into my room but I didn’t look. I didn’t care.
Andy touched my hand and sat down. Not saying a word for which I was thankful.
My body didn’t had any energy to yell anymore.
My heart felt like someone was putting pressure on it.
A tear fell from my eyes and Andy wiped it away with her fingers. She squeezed my hand, probably trying to get a reaction from me.
- She left. - My voice cracked at the end of the sentence.
Andy gave me a look that said, I am sorry, Maya.
I didn’t want sorry. Be mad, that I let her go.
I closed my eyes again.
When Carina was walking out, I tried to get her back. I told her if she left we would be done, so she wouldn’t.
But she did and now I was alone.
Alone and numb.