Chapter 4
Right now, lying in a soft, warm bed without you, I feel a little empty. A little bit like I might not want to exist if I don’t hear your voice soon. I’ve been courageous; I’ve been living, for two years now – without you. Nights like these, when I think about how good my life is now, are the hardest. Mainly because I want you here, experiencing the easy days with me.
Steve says he’s “always here if you need to talk,” and I know he went through similar things to us. That he struggles some nights, he misses someone like a piece of his heart like I do. But he’s not you and he’ll never be able to replace my twin. I know that’s not what he’s trying to do because he understands that it doesn’t work, but I can’t help but feel like if I move on and let go, I’ll forget about you.
Anyway, Steve is going through a lot right now – looking for his friend and all. And I don’t want to bother him; or any of them for that matter. Steve’s friend, Sam, is a counselor of sorts and deals with lots of people with PTSD but even though I should probably be more open with him, I still feel like an annoyance. Even Natasha once said that she’ll listen if I ever want to talk but she’s so strong and I don’t like feeling compared to that. They’re all so nice, but not enough, not like you.
I just wish you were here with me, to remind me how to be brave.
I’d give anything to hear you say it one more time
I wish you were here to remind me how to see the world as a beautiful thing instead of all the pain and suffering I see now. I wish you would tell me…
That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes