Nightmares
12 years ago
I sat down on the couch, it was late at night, probably midnight, everyone else was asleep. The babies were at their nurseries and my mama was in her room, where she has been staying the past few days, ever since Hyacinth was born… Hyacinth, our newest member, named after the last flower our father smelled and touched. I was so nostalgic of him. His sweet smile, his funny jokes and pranks.
Sleep wasn't an easy thing the past week, I haven't revealed it to any member of my family, especially not Anthony, he was the viscount and suddenly he had the weight of us on his shoulder. I felt so alone, it was actually cold… I started shivering the moment I heard a baby cry, I wasn't certain whether it was Hyacinth or Gregory, I wished for them to feel the love of the family and not of the maids. Since mama was unable to process anything or approach Hyacinth, I was the eldest sister, that was on me. I dragged my feet to the staircase as the shrieks of the baby got louder and tenser. It was Gregory, I picked him up in my arms and rocked him gently patting his little back softly. He seemed hot, I touched his face softly, he seemed hot… I placed him back on his crib, I would make some vinegar and cold pack to lower it. I stood up and felt dizzy the moment I did… I took a few more steps to the staircase before everything blacked out…
"Eva!" I could hear Anthony "Help somebody;"
"Anthony what happened?" This was Benedict, I could hear them close to me, I couldn't speak, I had my eyes open but there was only a blur in my vision. "Daphne, take Eloise and Fran in their room" Benedict ordered as i felt him touch my wrist, I knew it was him, I could sense his soft grip, Anthony wasn't speaking. "Colin wake up Mrs Wilson and call a physician" he added. "She has a steady pulse, she is only unconscious. Anthony, she will be alright" he told him.
"She fell down stairs Benedict" Anthony spoke breathlessly, I was endeavoring to speak make up a word to let him know I was still there I could hear him.
"She is alive Anthony" Benedict almost yelled "I shall attempt lifting her to her bedroom" he stated and he swept his arms first underneath my knees and then he attempted to raise my waist, I blared in agony while he lifted me, I squeezed the fabric of his sleeve. The dolor was unbearable, I was unaware of the reason it was happening, I could barely recall what happened before I slept.
"Ev!" He exclaimed slowly letting me back to the ground, I felt another set of strong arms assisting him,sharing my weight.
"Uh, don't- don't do that" I breathed out looking around.
"Oh my god you are alright" Anthony held my cheek softly as I was looking into his eyes.
"I am" I assured my brothers and moved to sit up and cried. "On a second thought no, it aches too much" I panted slightly and let my body loose to fall down, Benedict caught me landing me softly.
"We cannot leave you here Eva" Benedict sighed, Anthony was silent and even more pale than he was supposed to be. I assumed it was owing to the fear I've given him. "You ought to be a bit patient though" he spoke, stroking my head softly and I simply nodded. "Anthony, we are going to sweep her as carefully as we can right?" He asked and Anthony nodded silently. I felt their arms coo my body softly, the stings of sore pinching my left side as they didn't touch my waist only my knees and shoulders. I shrieked slightly leaning my head against Anthony's sighed, my forehead touching his cheek, he placed a kiss on it softly.
We climbed up stairs and placed me on my bed, it was made,untouched. They sat by me on the mattress looking at me. "What happened?"Anthony asked and I rolled my eyes lightly.
"Gregory was crying, I thought he was feverish and on my way to make some cold packs for him-" I explained and paused trying to recall the rest "I fell, I think" I stated.
"Dear God, Eva, Did you feel somewhat ill?" Benedict asked, he placed his hand on my forehead checking my temperature.
"No I did not, I- I haven't slept in a while, there are all these bad dreams, remember when I used to have them and I would come to one of you and then dad would find out and take me back to my room staying with me until I fall asleep" I reminisced and teared slightly at the nostalgia of his voice that burnt within my chest.
"I remember"Anthony smiled slightly booping my nose. "You ought to have told us earlier sister" he sighed, his face darkening again.
"You had so much on your hands already, being the new viscount is one too much already" I enlightened him apologetically.
"Yes Eva! While you are cater for the house and the children, Hyacinth and Gregory are completely on you… and I have no choice than to do what the viscount has, therefore you sister… you are not obliged to take on such burden if it's harming you" Anthony preached me and he was right but how could I not tend to Hyacinth and Gregory?
"Do you feel exhausted now?" Benedict asked me to change the subject. I stared elsewhere, and blinked. I nodded, I teared more.
"I can't sleep, the same nightmares the same fears, and those thoughts, I cannot bend this to stop, every night I fall to bed" I started off, my panic rising without my realizing. "I feel like drowning in this endless ocean of obligations and depression-" Benedict interrupted my fluency of words.
"Breath, I am going to stay here alright? Until the doctor arrives" Benedict suggested and smiled at both me and Anthony, he was the most composed.
"Alright, we shall have him check on the babies first" Anthony smiled and kissed my hand before leaving my room.
I turned to survey at Benedict, he moved closer to my head "Close your eyes sister" he murmured and stroked my head slowly and I nodded closing them "I am going to be here all the time" he reassured me covering me with my blanket, I could hear him breathing as his fingers were slowly caressing my curls.
~
Ev's POV
I tensed, and spasmed turning around repeatedly. "Love" I heard Owen's voice.
"No- uh" I moaned between my breaths, I was soaked in sweat. I was trying to run, but I could not.
"Eva!" He spoke louder, shaking me out of my deep sleep, I inhaled rapidly trying to find my breath as I shot up straight in his embrace. Owen rubbed my back as I leaned against his chest. "Are you alright?" He asked me and nodded tensly, I was shaking while he took a handkerchief and wiped my face off the sweat I had, he kissed my cheek.
"I love you" I told him, looking up at him.
"I do too" Owen responded with the sweetest smile. "Do you want to sleep again?" He suggested, softly, he was aware I didn't prefer referring to what I was seeing in my sleep.
I gave him a nod as I rested my head on his torso hearing his heartbeat, his fingers tangled for my hair softly, I loved him so much and I was sure Anthony had mentioned how I was calming by the stroke on my hair. He placed the heavy blanket over me despite the fact that he was actually not that hot. My lids go heavy quickly.
The next day was the grand pic nic. I woke up and rubbed my eye, my face was unusually swollen due to the too deep sleep. Owen next to me still asleep, I covered him. And walked out to get breakfast before starting to get ready. Daphne already was, I asked Anthony to let my husband sleep and he agreed as Benedict offered me his arm to escort me to the event. I smiled as we got to the same carriage as Collin Hyacinth and Gregory.
"Will you do my hair Ev?" Hyacinth sparkled with a great smile that made me smile too.
"Of course" I responded softly kissing her cheek softly as I took the ribbon and started braiding it softly.
"Are you feeling better than the other night Ev?" Colin asked me and I smiled giving him a nod
"I have my nightmares but nothing that I cannot handle when Owen is there I smiled, I really gave him a sleepless night, so its better he rests, especially after his outbreak with that loathsome toad." I revealed and looked at Benedict "I am sorry I didn't mention anything to you, I know we always share everything… Daphne was scared of Anthony's reaction, so I had to step in… therefore everything was true… I actually fell and I was unwell, I hadn't slept…" i spoke and bit my lip as I was almost done with my sister's hairstyle "which I should probably have told you" I confessed apologetically.
"Eva, how many times do I have to tell you;" he exclaimed and looked elsewhere "at least you found your way around" he saw the bright side as always. The carriage stopped and we moved outside setting the small camps and buffets. While we got off I spectated the area, Eloise was with Penelope and Daphne was probably being preached by Anthony who was soon abandoned as The Duke of Hastings arrived causing my beautiful sister to go there and welcome him. The five of us approached mama and Anthony who had Hyacinth hopped around Anthony showing off her hair. Mother hugged me and I kissed her cheek telling me she was glad I was alright. Benedict had taken something to eat sharing it with Gregory.
"Incoming" Colin commented and my glare turned towards the direction he was spectating. I witnessed Nigel Berbrooke beaten up, his face bruised. He was jogging almost, angrily towards us holding a piece of paper.
"Gregory take Hyacinth to play" I dictated to my younger brother and he obeyed too immediately. I rarely gave orders, that's the reason I faced no protests concerning it. Anthony let Hyacinth leave with Gregory as he turned to see what was so urgent. Once he realized he shot up standing in front of us all as the Duke of Hastings was pacing to our place as well with my sister.
"Bridgerton" he barked "I bring cheerful news Bridgerton" he added Colin made sure I was behind him as mother was standing next to Anthony. "I have taken matters to my own hands and sought a special license for my wedding to Miss Bridgerton" he insisted
"There is to be no wedding" Daphne tried
"I told you the arrangement is canceled" Anthony pointed out.
"And Lord Berbrooke you look in a great deal of pain. Shall we do tinue this conversation in a more private location" mama suggested looking around at the people staring right at our spot seeking for drama and more yellow propaganda that would probably unfold on the next leaflet of The one lady Whistledown.
"I require no further conversation. Though perhaps, I am finally speaking to the true head of the Bridgerton house. For if it were you would have instructed your sister to take better care than to encourage certain attentions. What would someone like, say, lady Whistledown do with such unseemly information?" Berbrooke babbled out looking at all of us one by one, Benedict stood at the other side of me.
"Is that a threat!?" Anthony asked standing next to mama
"It is certainly not" Berbrooke smiled.
"Then you ought to take a look at lexicon perhaps" I barked sarcastically
"Oh I assure you lady… " he looked at me and hid a laugh "Bailey, because in three days I am to marry… I have the diamond of the season. I have the best the ton has to offer. I have a Bridgerton." He smiled proudly as if he accomplished something, he mocked me, straight to my face right in front of my family. I could see panic slowly overflowing on Daphne's expression. "I shall save her… as well as your entire family, as seemingly the first wedding attempt turned out to be more of a burden than aid." He spoke and turned his gaze at me, I was squeezing Benedict's sleeve unintentionally.
"Bold of you to mention someone who is not here, we are aware it is pottentially out of fear… you may not have observed my Lord… but the only unsuccessful wedding is yours." I responded breathing heavily.
"Oh I will save you from the fate you and the husband you picked once again caused…." He turned to Anthony smiling as if he was doing him a favor "I shall protect them all" he said and tossed the envelope to my brother as I was looking at me, I turned to look at the Duke who was fuming as well and walked towards Berbrooke, Benedict stopped him. He left and we also left.
Anthony mama and Daphne were speaking, and speaking of how we couldn't do anything, of Daphne's dishonor, of everything going south. "How can he do that? He can force us into an arrangement when it was only spoken, opinions change" I remarked and looked at mama and Anthony.
"It is not that simple" Anthony sighed… "I would appreciate if you don't speak to Owen what was said about him" he started off.
"Of course I wouldn't, he is too proud… He can snap at the hearing of his name …" I knew my man very well.
"Owen is a spectacular man, full of honor, you are lucky darling" Mama told me and smiled.
"Of course and we are lucky too, don't hear what this abomination says" Daphne smiled.
"Of course Eva, I , most of all appreciate him, he is the greatest friend I have and partner" Anthony took my hand as we were going home. I nodded and exhaled in relief, and rubbed his palm with caringly.
~
I walked to my husband and sat on the desk next to him. I smiled and kissed his cheek softly. Owen pulled me to his lap and kissed me deeply without talking, my mother had gone to talk to my sister about all that had happened today and I felt the need to tell all these to Owen. I knew it would hurt him but in the end the way Daphne, mama and Anthony talked meant a lot. I decided not to speak as he was spreading kisses on my neck making me giggle like a teenager.
"I missed you this morning,why didn't you wake me up?" He whispered softly and smiled at me, I could feel his breath down my skin.
"I kept you up, and you slept like an angel, I couldn't bring myself on waking you up." I smiled gently and kissed his cheek cutely. That was the moment my mother screamed. We both shot up and run to the drawing room,soon all my siblings arrived as well.
"Are you alright mother?" Owen asked first as we were the first ones to arrive.
"Yes dear, yes more than splendid actually, the queen- she - she invited me privately on tea" she announced red and smiley I approached and took the royal letter to read it.
"Dear go we shall get you prepared". I exclaimed in enthusiasm.
We breathed out in relieve that nothing of importance happened and us girls retired to our mom's room discussing what she should wear and what the queen would probably want.