good night, Izuku Kyūseishu.
“Boom Boom, I’m home,” Katsuki whispers into the darkness of his apartment. He sags heavily against the front door, pushing it closed with his back, sighing with fatigue. He has no one else to blame for his exhaustion but himself — he’s always up at the shop by 2:00 a.m. because there’s a lot to take care of. The flowers need to be watered, moved to their particular spots by the windows depending on whether they’re partial sun or full sun perennials — Katsuki keeps the flowers that require full sunlight further back with lamps over them, since the location of Katsuki’s shop isn’t exactly convenient for them. And, because of all this, Katsuki doesn’t really have time to sleep or do anything else, really — like eating, for example. He’ll eat an apple or two during the day at the shop and that’s about it. He doesn’t like going anywhere else in town because one: it’s almost always too crowded and Katsuki being in public, he fucking hates crowds. They make him claustrophobic and feel like he’s going to suffocate and he’s got this voice in his head that goes — They’re all staring at you. So that doesn’t help at all. But Katsuki’s never been a people-person. He didn’t talk to other people besides his dad and mom — unfortunately her — until he was in second grade. That, as you can expect, freaked his mother out. Why isn’t he talking like a normal kid? is what she would ask the doctor on occasion and other times she’d drag Katsuki by the arm and scream in his face, saying Why the fuck aren’t you normal?! Are you retarded or something? Mentally deficient? No child of mine is going to be disabled —
And that’s that. The flower shop helps with all this, though. Being around nature and all of his flowers calms him, so talking to one or two people a day isn’t that bad. It’s different when he’s with his friends. Even then, he doesn’t talk to them much. But they ‘understand’. That’s what they say. Though, Katsuki thinks, that is what everyone says when they don’t really understand and just don’t want to make themself seem insensitive. Katsuki thinks no one ever truly will understand, anyways. How could they understand when Katsuki didn’t understand himself?
Katsuki is ripped from his mind when Boom Boom licks at his hand, her ears pressed against her large, fluffy brown head, her chocolate eyes wide as she stares up at him with her cute dog smile — the thing dogs do with their lips that make them look like they’re beaming at you — and her huge, fluffy tail thumping as it wagged back and forth against the floor. Katsuki grins, his chest becoming lighter, the fatigue being lifted from him for a brief moment. Katsuki makes a cooing sound and scratches Boom Boom behind her ears, his smile growing as Boom Boom’s eyes slip closed as she grunts in pleasure, leaning her heavy head into Katsuki’s hand. Katsuki hums and leans forward to smack a kiss in the center of Boom Boom’s head. He ruffles her ears and pets her softly before standing up and wandering to the laundry room. Boom Boom barks and races after him, her claws clacking against the hardwood.
Katsuki smirks and looks back at her. “You hungry, girl? Yeah? You hungry?” he hums. Boom Boom’s tail wags and she barks at him, as if saying, Yes! Katsuki grins. “C’mon, then,” Boom Boom scrambles to do so.
Katsuki opens the door to the laundry room and peers down at Boom Boom’s food and water dish. She still has water, but only a few bites left of food. “Okay, pretty girl,” he murmurs, reaching for the tub of dog food, “I’ll give some more. Then I’ll take you outside, because I guarantee you will need to take a shit. Am I right?” Katsuki says as Boom Boom munches down her food. Katsuki sighs fondly and shakes his head. As he stands up to leave, he strokes her once across the back and walks out the door.
“Okay, Bitch, where are you?” He calls for his cat. Knowing Bitch, she’s probably under the couch to the left. That’s where she’s hid since she was a kitten. “Biiiitch.” he drawls. He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Wanna treat, Bitch?”
Bitch meows. Katsuki grins wickedly. “C’mere, Bitch. Come get your treat, you pretty bitch!” Katsuki kneels to his knees, ignoring the slight ache that it causes his joints and his brittle bones — he broke a lot of bones when he was a kid. Some genetic disorder he has, makes his bones weaker than that of normal, but not like glass. Just more prone to breaking or shattering and shit. And he’s always has body pains and shit, from being thrown around and hit constantly, but that might run in the family, too. His dad used to complain about his body aching so bad that he almost couldn’t stand it. Thank you so much, Dad, Katsuki thinks sarcastically. Katsuki makes a clicking noise again and calls for Bitch, tapping his knee with his fingers. Seconds later, Bitch comes trotting around the corner, her fluffy white belly swaying slightly. Bitch wasn’t fat, but she wasn’t quite skinny, either. Katsuki smiles as she meows furiously, running up to him. She slides her body against his leg and he coos, petting her thoroughly, combing back her pretty white fur.
“Hey, kitty.” he whispers. Bitch purrs. Katsuki nods his head and caresses her head and ears. “Boom Boom is eating. I assume you’re hungry too, huh.” Bitch meows and butts his hand. Katsuki smiles. He picks her up and carries her like a baby to where Boom Boom is, and to where the treats are. Boom Boom looks up from her food and barks excitedly when she notices Bitch in Katsuki’s arms. Bitch meows and purrs. Katsuki huffs and sets her down, letting the two love up against each other. Katsuki goes to the treat container and plucks a fish-shaped one from the jar and dangles it in the air. He clicks his tongue to capture Bitch’s attention. “Here, Bitch,” he says.
Bitch meows in thanks before leaping into the air and grabbing it from Katsuki’s fingers. Katsuki smiles as she lands, chewing it slowly. “Bye, losers.” he says as he walks out of the laundry room. He makes his way down the hallway, dragging his feet. His stomach growls as he passes the kitchen, and he sighs. He swallows and shakes off his hunger. He didn’t want to eat right now. The idea of eating and seeing food makes his belly churn and turn, a bile threatening to emerge from his throat. It made him want to throw up.
He turns his back to the kitchen and plops down onto his lumpy couch, sinking deeply into the cushion, closing his eyes with an exhausted exhale. He buries his head in one of the pillows and pulls his knees to his chest. Something cold and wet head-butts his palm. Katsuki grunts and lifts his hand without opening his heavy eyes, petting Boom Boom’s soft fur. Boom Boom whines and nuzzles into his hand. Katsuki sighs.
“I’m okay, you big oaf.” he mumbles. Boom Boom whines again. Katsuki cracks an eye open. His throat gets tight with tears the longer he stares into Boom Boom’s chocolate brown eyes. “You’re a good girl, you know that? Such a good girl.” Katsuki chokes out, his voice strangled and trembling. He hiccups and pulls Boom Boom close, burying his face in her neck. Boom Boom snuggled into his shoulder in return. Katsuki sobs and grips her tight.
He’s had Boom Book since he was 16. Eight years. Eight years of living with Boom Boom, of waking up to Boom Boom’s wet kisses, of playing ball and taking naps with Boom Boom, of crying into Boom Boom’s shoulder when things get too much, too overwhelming — like he was doing now. It had hit him suddenly, and hard like a freight train. When he met Boom Boom’s soulful, warm eyes, he realized that he didn’t have that much time with her. According to the veterinarian, Newfoundlands only live to age 8-10 years. And Katsuki wasn’t fucking ready to lose Boom Boom.
“Boom Boom,” he whispers, “I don’t want you to die.”
Boom Boom says nothing in return. Katsuki sniffles and wipes his eyes and cheeks, getting rid of his pathetic tears. He sniffles again as he sits up, Boom Boom’s head falling into his lap. He huffs a raspy chuckle and strokes her. Boom Boom grunts.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his phone to check the time. Something falls out, landing behind his thigh. Katsuki’s eyebrows furrow and he picks the piece of paper up and unfolds it. He gasps and a slow, fond grin stretches across his lips. He opens his lock screen and goes to messages. Typing in Izuku’s number, he sends the man a text.
You
hey nerd
Typing bubbles appear almost immediately, and Katsuki laughs breathlessly and shakes his head. Shouldn’t have expected anything less from him, he thinks.
Izuku
Kacchan!
Hi! <3
Katsuki blushes and typed a quick reply.
You
stop being a weirdo ew
Izuku
Aw, Kacchan! Don’t be mean!
I’ll cry! ;(
Katsuki scoffs.
You
do it
Izuku
Rude!
I’m hurt! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
Katsuki blinks at his screen.
You
are old fucking are you?
you type like an uwu nerd boy
Izuku
I’m 30!
My inner child is just a little more outer lol
Katsuki barks out an unexpected laugh, gasping and covering his mouth when he snorts. Boom Boom shifts her head against his thigh, making a vaguely irritated-sounding grunt at the back of her throat. Katsuki pats her and mutters an apology.
Izuku
How old are you, Kacchan?
You
what, tryna see if you’re simping over a teenager or not? you into that shit or smth?
Izuku
WHATDOBSUAOX
NO
KACCHAN PLEASE DONT SAY THAT
. . .
Please tell me you aren’t a teenager, Kacchan.
You
you were six when i was born
Izuku
UGH YOU’RE MAKING ME DO MATH
IM A TATTOO ARTIST NOT A FREAKING MATHEMATICIAN KACCHAN.
You
pussy
. . .
i’m 24 you little bitch
haha
that’s my cat’s name
Izuku
. . .
Kacchan.
Your cat’s name is the b-word?
You
you’re a weirdo
just say ‘bitch’ like a normal person
bozo
Izuku
BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You
oh
so you like being made fun of and being called a bozo?
masochist.
Izuku
No.
I’m more of a sadist, actually. ;)
Katsuki chokes and turns a bright, dark red, squeaking in surprise. He presses his phone to his chest and his pulse pounds in his ears. He squeezes his thighs together and bites his lip. His core throbs. A breathy, sighing moan escapes his lips. He looks down at his phone again.
You
cool
Katsuki cringes and scoffs, shaking his head. “Cool.” he mutters under his breath. I’m a loser, he thinks.
Izuku
Oh!
Have you come up with a cool new last name for me, Katsuki With No Last Name?
You
nope
sorry bozo
Izuku
AW MAN I WAS EXCITED TO HEAR IT
You
be quiet ugly ass
Izuku
WHAT WHY
You
i’m going to bed you dipshit
Izuku
. . .
Kacchan.
You’re aware that it’s not even past 7:00 p.m.?
You’re going to bed right now?
Have you even ate dinner yet?
Katsuki swallows and types slowly, feeling oddly ashamed and disgusted with himself. He was sort of starving himself, wasn’t he? Two apples or bananas a day isn’t eating. Katsuki knows this. He just. . . he doesn’t. . . he can’t. . .
You
no
i havent
im not hungry
Izuku
Kacchan. . .
You
night nerd
bye
see you later ig
Katsuki slips his phone into his pocket. It vibrates, but Katsuki ignores it and gently, soundlessly moves Boom Boom’s head from his lap. Staring at nothing, Katsuki gets up from the couch and shreds off his shirt, throwing it against the arm of the couch. He walks down the hall and into the bathroom. Boom Boom follows him, sensing his off-ness — as she should. She was trained to do so; Katsuki wouldn’t expect anything less of his good girl — Katsuki closes the door and locks it before Boom Boom can slip through. Katsuki leans his forehead against the wood and rests his eyes and he listens to Boom Boom whine and claw at the door.
“Boom Boom. No.” he murmurs.
Boom Boom stops. Then she does it once, as if pleading and begging one last time. Katsuki swallows and turns away from the door. He unbuckles his pants and slips out of them. He places them on the toilet seat and leans over the side of the tub and turns on the faucet. As he straightens, he catches sight of himself in the mirror.
His heart pounds. His chest gets tight and his breath stutters. He stares at himself in the mirror, shame bubbling in his stomach and making it toss and clench. Scars are scattered across his skin, some from his mother and others from himself and his razor. Swallowing down his self-loathing, too tired to let it consume him tonight — he pulls the shower curtain to the side and steps into the shower.
The stream of water quickly soaks his hair and his body. The water runs down his face and he stands there for a moment, allowing himself to feel every droplet of water that hit his back and rolled down his legs and his scarred thighs. Allowing himself to escape his head. Mechanically, he reaches for the shampoo and pumps some into his palm. He slowly washes his hair. After that, he applies some conditioner. Then, for a while, he leans against the tiled wall of the shower and rests his eyes.
He waits until the water runs cold to wash his face and body. Then he stays under the shower head until it becomes so unbearably cold that it leaves Katsuki shivering, teeth chattering audibly.
He turns off the shower and steps out. He wraps a towel around his waist and grabs his pants on his way out of the bathroom. He ignores the sight of himself in the mirror as he passes, skinny and disgusting.
Right as he steps from the bathroom, Boom Boom begins sniffing him, eyes sharp and hard, no doubt searching for the scent of blood. Katsuki sighs. “Not this time, Boom Boom. I said I was okay. I wasn't at my lowest, this time.” he says again, voice quiet — a mindful whisper, barely there in the stillness of his apartment. “Good girl.” he says after a bit, petting her head in a feather-light stroke, dragging his feet as he walks slowly to his room. He leaves the door open and lets Boom Boom follow him inside. He knows she gets anxious when he locks himself in the bathroom or his bedroom — or anywhere, really. Because she knows that when he’s alone, that’s when he spirals the worst. Presence was important to Katsuki — that’s why he had Boom Boom. A warm, solid body behind him was grounding and it reminded him that he was real, and he wasn’t anywhere else but his home — not with his mother, or locked in the closet down the hall of his childhood home, or —
Katsuki clenches his fists and the fabric of his t-shirt wrinkles in his hands. He exhaled slowly, deeply, willing his heart to stop beating so fucking fast. After his breath is semi-normal and not as labored and quick as before, he throws on his shirt and a new pair of underwear. He pulls his phone out of his worn pants before tossing them into the laundry basket. Plopping onto his bed with a heavy sigh, he clutches a pillow to his chest and opens his lockscreen.
His message app was left open. Katsuki’s heart squeezes and pounds wildly when he notices the texts Izuku had sent after he had a small breakdown — or whatever.
Izuku
Kacchan?
Kacchan, are you there?
Oh.
You’re probably asleep now.
I’m sorry if I woke you up with these.
I just wanted to say that
that I hope you purposely aren’t eating.
I hope you’re doing okay, Kacchan.
If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I’m here.
Anyways, sorry for rambling. I should let you sleep.
Good night and sweet dreams, Kacchan.
Be safe.
You
good night, Izuku Kyūseishu.
Katsuki sets his phone on his nightstand and turns off his lamp. He’s bathed in darkness. Katsuki snuggles into the pillow tucked into his arms and closes his eyes with a sigh. Boom Boom snores where she’s pressed up against the back of his knees. Katsuki sinks into his bed and surrenders to the abyss of sleep at the back of his mind, allowing it to swallow him whole.