You were depressed. Clinically, you were so emotionally destabilized and detached, that you were on at least three medicines to improve you, but they only somewhat helped. In your life, only one person ever made you feel good, alive, present on Earth. That was your employer, and former Avenger comrade, Anthony J Stark, or as he prefered, Tony. He perked you more than you ever thought a man could.
Long before you met Tony, you gave up on ever being with someone or ever being happy again due to your depression. The drowsy and empty cloud you lived in was thick and overbearing, an Atlas level weight upon you, crushing and suffocating you into pure nothingness until Tony. He was willing to help with your burden, push the clouds away, bring in the sunshine. A perfect beam of pleasant warmth that heated your frigid, cold soul. Nothing was crude, or dark. Light shined in. But, you were not the only person fighting for Tony’s attention, and being interesting and romantic was a battle you had yet to win.
Pepper, his previous girlfriend of more than three years wanted to be with him again after their break of two years. And she had so much more to give to him than you. Pepper cared for you as well, but you knew she held a small degree of resentment towards you for the care and attention Tony gave you, but it was her fault. You were the homewrecker, you were the ‘other woman’. You were not with Tony romantically or sexually, but you wished. But you knew it could never work. But you knew he would become tired of you and it would be your fault. YOUR fault.
You stopped eating. Stopped leaving your bed except to trudge out for water and to use the restroom. Others in the tower knew, but they said nothing. They knew at some point you would have to leave, you would have to move on to something else in your life. You were not an Avenger anymore, you were too depressed. You did not go to work, you were too depressed. You did not make money, you were too depressed. They saw the impartial favors Tony granted you, always filling your bank account, always getting your prescriptions filled. But Tony had disappeared. He was gone for at least three weeks before anyone heard from him, then another four before he returned.
When Tony returned, he walked out of the elevator with Pepper, talking about something with business deals the next month. He looked around the living room, where before he left you frequently were. But, there was no you. He figured you were sleeping, and sat down with Pepper to discuss things.
Two hours into his individual work, long after Pepper left, you emerged from your room and scuttled into the kitchen, clad in a thick blanket, like a burrito. You did not see Tony, just heard someone’s mumbles to themselves. You assumed Bruce was doing his laptop work or paperwork in the living room again, and paid him no mind. You ruffled through the cabinets, and opened drawers, capturing the attention of the Stark.
Tony thought no one else was there, and he stood to see who it was. It was you, your back to Tony. He walked a little bit closer to you, as not to startle you. “(Y/N)?” Tony called out softly.
You turned and nearly fell. It was Tony, after all the time he had been away, and he looked the same as when he had left, maybe more tired. He softly smiled at you. You looked towards your feet, and sat down, not wanting to stand. You heard footsteps coming towards you. Tony crouched down next to you.
“They’ve told me you stopped eating.”
Your voice came out fragile. “Tony I-”
“(y/n) listen you can’t be so easy to fall back into this. You have to eat, hun.”
“Tony, I don’t need a lecture about it, I don’t try.”
“(y/n), please…”
You curled into a ball, and felt tears prick at your eyes, felt numbness creeping into you. The void you’d tried so hard to close had been wide open, and you couldn’t close it. Tony sighed next to me.
“Next…..Next month Pepper and.. Pepper and I are going to England for some vacation time then to a business thing in Tokyo. We’re getting back together so I need you to be strong for me, I can’t alway be here to help you… Yaknow? I, mean, you need to …. I can’t keep coddling you like I have. And, I just don’t really know what to do with you (Y/N)..” Tony breathed.
“Just kill me.” you whispered. Not looking up, you pulled yourself tighter together. You buried yourself inwards, ready to meet an end.
Tony stood, and left you to yourself, sensing you were done talking. Maybe you needed to help yourself to have him help you. You sat there to ponder.