Chapter 93
Avengers Tower
October 2011
“New hobby?”
Clint looked up from the balcony and the pots that covered it in a carpet of colors. “Maria–Hey. Uh, no, not really, I’ve been doing this for years, just… it’s my thing.”
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” Maria said, coming farther into his living room. “Since you seem to be better at keeping secrets than I remember.”
He winced. Should’ve seen this coming, idiot. “I’m sorry for keeping it from you. I didn’t want to.”
“But you did.” Her voice, and face, were inscrutable. As usual.
Clint rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Yeah. I did.”
“Why?”
“Because… I had to.” He met her eyes so she’d know he was serious. “It sucked, but it was necessary, and I won’t lie to you: I don’t regret it. I didn’t want you to have to keep it from Fury, and I didn’t want you to have to choose… us or him.”
Maria looked almost hurt for a second. “You didn’t know I would choose you?”
“I–we–couldn’t be sure,” Clint said, wondering whether she meant singular or plural you.
“Well.” Maria looked down. “Now you know.”
“Are you… can you forgive me?” Clint said softly. He was taking a risk. He never got this… vulnerable… with Maria. He’d always gotten the sense that she didn’t like it. And she was so walled off all the time that who knew if she’d even be willing to reciprocate? So Clint had kept his mouth shut for years out of respect for her closed-off-ness. But maybe he could take a step in that direction. If she shut him down, he’d back off.
Maria let out a long breath and sat on the couch. “It’s forgiven, Clint. I just… wanted to ask you why.”
He hesitated, then walked over and sat down next to her. “If he bothers you that much, we can–you can get a flat nearby.”
Maria snorted. “I’m not going to pass up free rent.”
“I’m serious,” he said.
She finally met his eyes. Paused. “I… no, it doesn’t bother me that much. It was just a shock. I can deal. I’m already getting used to it.” Maria hesitated, then added, “Have you been avoiding me for the past few weeks?”
“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me,” Clint admitted.
“I always want to talk to you,” she said.
Clint’s heart was beating a little faster than normal.
“I’m asexual,” she blurted.
…
“Really?”
“I wouldn’t have said it otherwise,” she said, already retreating back into her walls.
“No, no, I don’t… I was just… surprised,” Clint said, stumbling over his words. “I don’t care. Maria. Don’t leave.”
Slowly, she sat back down.
“I wasn’t… I don’t think any less of you for it,” he said, trying to make her understand. “It makes sense, actually.”
“What, because I’m not feminine?” she said, an edge to her voice.
“What? No!” Clint hated this. He wasn’t good with words. Not the sincere kind. “Just that you’ve never seemed to date anyone, or if you did it seemed like… you always seemed frustrated that they were asking something of you that you didn’t want to give, so you ended it. I always thought they just couldn’t handle you not telling them about your job, but it makes sense that… that a partner wanting something else from you… I’m gonna shut up now.”
When he dared to look up, he saw that Maria, unbelievably, was smiling. “I can’t believe you noticed all that.”
His lips quirked into a half smile. “I was paying attention.”
“Any particular reason?” she asked.
“I… care about you,” he said.
Maria hesitated. “As friends.”
“Always that. And… maybe more.”
“Even…” She didn’t have to explain what she meant. He understood her. He always did.
Clint shrugged. “I’ve had sex with a fair number of people. It’s fun. But I don’t really need it or anything. It’s not a big deal to me either way.”
“You’re sure?” Maria said.
He grinned. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”
She laughed. Touched his hand once, lightly.
Clint leaned back on the sofa, grinning like an idiot.
“Okay, now tell me more about your plant hobby,” Maria said, pointing at his window. “Why are there tiny trees?”
“They’re bonsai trees,” he said with mock offense, jumping up. “An ancient Japanese tradition. It’s relaxing.”
“Okay, Yoda,” she said, snickering. “And the flowers?”
“More immediate gratification,” he said with a grin, kneeling by the balcony. “Here’s some top-secret botany information: trees grow slower than flowers.”
“Gasp,” Maria said, voice dripping sarcasm. She joined him at the window and reached out to brush her fingers over one of the bonsai trees. “How do you keep them so small?”
Clint smiled.