Trust me

It was already dark when they were finally allowed to go home. According to the doctor Ethan’s fever was a sign of his body successfully fighting germs, and as long as it didn’t get worse, there was no need to worry. He had prescribed him some antifebrile medications and told James to come back in the morning if the fever hadn’t declined by then or if other symptoms like coughing or a runny nose added.
While he was driving back home through the darkness, James kept looking anxiously at his son who had finally fallen asleep in the baby seat next to him.
He had loved him from the very first moment but only now he realized just how much he loved him. Seeing this little person suffer and being unable to help him had been worse than any torture he had had to endure during his time as Hydra’s Winter Soldier.
His heart made a jump when his phone rang in the car’s silence. He quickly answered it without checking the caller’s ID and a second later Natasha’s voice was heard over the speakers.
“James! Where are you?”
“Natasha.” He had forgotten their daily evening call. “What’s up?”
“I’m asking you! I just talked to the kids and Violet told me that you couldn’t come to the phone because you were outside with some of the neighbors looking for the Kaminskys’ dog! Their dog died three weeks ago, why is she lying to me?”
James sighed. “She’s only covering for me because we didn’t want you to get worried.”
“Well, that didn’t work out. I am worried. Where are you? What’s going on? Don’t tell me the kids are home alone.”
“Of course not. Steve is with them. And I’ll be home in a few minutes. I was … I was at the hospital with Ethan.”
“WHAT?!”
“Shhhh. He’s sleeping. Please don’t wake him.”
Natasha’s voice immediately dropped to a fierce whisper. “What’s going on, James? Why were you at the hospital? What’s wrong with my baby?”
“It’s nothing, really. He had a little fever but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about. He’s sleeping now and he’ll be better tomorrow.”
“Why didn’t you call me? How could you just keep that from me? Forcing the kids to lie to me! I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with them!”
“Natasha, please. That’s not –“ He was interrupted by the dial tone. She had hung up.
James cursed, trying to ignore the cold grip around his heart, and dialed her number. She didn’t answer. During the remaining drive he tried it a couple more times but every time his call went directly to voicemail.
He entered their driveway and parked the car in the garage. Carefully he took Ethan out of his seat. The baby stirred a little but didn’t wake up when James carried him into the living room where Steve and Violet were sitting on the couch watching TV. When they saw James, Vi got up and walked over to him looking anxiously at her little brother.
“Is he okay? What is it?”
“Nothing to worry about. He’ll be better tomorrow.”
“That’s a relief. Listen, dad, mom called about half an hour ago and I told her you were out looking for the Kaminskys’ dog. She didn’t say anything but I don’t think she believed me. I just wanted to give you a heads-up.”
“Thank you,” James said determaned not to tell her about her lie’s consequences. “You didn’t have to lie for me though. We’ll tell her the truth when she comes back.”
“Okay, I’ll be in my room. Good night, dad. Bye, Steve.”
“Bye.”
When she had left, Steve got up as well. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You look terrible.”
“Well, it’s been a long day. And Nat called right after talking to Vi. Of course she didn’t believe her, and when I told her I had been in the hospital with Ethan without telling her, she got furious and hung up. And now she doesn’t answer her phone anymore.”
“Oh, man, I’m sorry. Do you want me to try and talk to her?”
James shook his head. “No, it’s … it’s okay. I’ll call her again tomorrow. I just really need some sleep right now. Thank you for watching the kids.”
“Hey, no problem. I love spending time with them.”
“Thanks. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Steve left and James carried Ethan upstairs to put him into his bed. After sneaking into the rooms of Daisy and Hunter who were already asleep, he dragged himself into their own bedroom and sat down on his side of the bed. He felt incredibly exhausted, and knowing that Nat was mad at him and refused to talk to him felt like somebody had pushed a knife straight through his heart. Even though he could hardly keep his eyes open, he dialed Nat’s number again in a last desperate attempt to apologize.
Again he was directed to voicemail but this time he left a message. Sitting sunk down on the bed in the darkness of the room, he felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and the only person able to lift it was his wife. “Natalia,” he said quietly. “I know I should have told you about Ethan being sick. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to worry but now I realize that this only made things worse. Please forgive me. Please call me back. I cannot bear the thought that my actions hurt you and drive you away from me. I had to spend too many years without you, I cannot take a second more. Please. I love you.”
He hung up and dropped back on the bed but he had hardly closed his eyes when he heard Ethan cry over the baby monitor. Tiredly he went to fetch him, and five minutes later they had both fallen asleep, huddled together in the big bed that felt so terribly empty without Natasha.