Awaking

Steve tried to relax for a few hours before Bucky woke up. T’challa said he would alert Steve as soon as Bucky was awake and his vitals were stable. Steve paced around his room and thought about how Bucky would react to see him. Would he be happy that he was awake, or sad or angry that part of the Winter Soldier was still in control of his brain. Then a new terrifying thought came to mind: what is Bucky didn’t remember Steve? What would Steve do, he always knew in the back of his mind that this was a possibility, but now it seemed much more real. Time flies when you are tearing yourself apart and soon enough it was one o’clock and T’challa knocked at Steve’s door.
“Can I see him now?” Steve blurted out before T’challa could get a word in. “Yes,” the king replied calmly but Steve could tell he had surprised him. On the way to the Cryochamber room Steve cautiously asked “Does he remember me.” “I think so, but he is not in the most communicative state, we have already explained the procedure. He didn’t take it so well.” T’challa spoke softly he could tell how much this news was hurting Steve. “Oh, well let's just see how he reacts to me” Steve said a little doubtful. By then the king and him were stand outside the closed white door. “When you’re ready Captain Rogers,” T’challa said. Steve took a deep breath and opened the door slowly.

There he was. Facing away from Steve looking out at the jungle. Steve was about to run over and hug Bucky before he saw that state he was in. Bucky had his left shoulder angled close to him holding it with his human right hand steady, as if to hide from Steve. Bucky also had a bunch of wires hooked up to him, keeping track of everything. Steve knew that it could not be easy for Bucky once again being surrounded by doctors watching his every move.
“Buck,” Steve inquired hesitantly. Bucky whipped his head around so fast, Steve was not prepared for them. Them being Bucky’s eyes. Eyes that had once been full of such hope before the war, now shattered. The eyes looking back at him were not happy crystal blue eyes, they were distant stormy grey eyes. They had a look of fear and sadness. A mix of seeing everything and nothing at the same time. Steve was prepared to see his best friend, not a crumbled outline of one. Bucky replied with “yes.” His voice was rough and quiet like this was the first time he had talked in years and was now afraid of his own voice. “How are you doing buddy” Steve tried to keep it light while slowly approaching the white cot Bucky was sitting on with his knees to his chest. Steve gestured to the bed asking to sit, and Bucky just nodded slowly eyes returning to the jungle.
“Stevie?” Bucky asked tentatively. “Yes!” Steve replied fast knowing that it was wrong to scar Bucky by raising his voice, but he couldn’t help it. Bucky hadn’t called him Stevie since the war. And with that simple word Steve felt calmed and once again hopeful. “I’m scarred, Steve… I… I….I… um when I was asleep…” Bucky stopped his voice fearful his eyes large and on the verge of tears. “Shhhh” Steve said softly “ We don’t have to talk about that now, I;m just happy to be here with you” Steve took a big risk and decided to hug Bucky. He tried his best to avoid that left arm knowing it was a hard topic, but as soon as he touched him Bucky grabbed Steve so hard it hurt. He buried his head into Steve’s neck. Steve could feel the wet tears rolling down his chest and hugged Bucky back tighter. After a few seconds when Bucky didn’t let go Steve wondered if this was the first time he had felt touch with fear. And with that Steve gave up and just sat there with bucky around his chest for the rest of night till Bucky fell asleep in Steve’s arms. Steve couldn’t bring himself to let go, so that is how the stayed. And it was like the whole world had stopped.