As Christmas was one of Wade Wilson’s favorite holidays, along with National Chimichanga day, Halloween, and Groundhog day, you had been spending the entirety of Christmas Eve making everything perfect. You had been wrapping gifts, making some deserts, and completing any last minute shopping all day. Thankfully, you also enjoyed Christmas so it was fine, and you were having a great time. Even though almost every step of the way some sort of Deadpool Hijinks™ would slow down the process.
Like for example, when he decided to actually light up the tree, like, with actual fire. After panicking about your house burning down, the tree was burned to a crisp and you had to send him out to get a new one.
You released a giggle just thinking about it. This was by far the wackiest Christmas you had ever had, but it was also your favorite since you were spending it with your merc’ boyfriend. Although.. there was one thing that could’ve made the day even better.
Sadly, most of your usual friends and family weren’t involved this Christmas, as it was either too tricky to break the news that you were dating a literal mercernary who was also essentially a superhuman or they immensely disapproved of this decision.
Wade had picked up on this throughout the holiday season, and you figured his constant affections and jokes were a way for him to try and make you feel better.
You were both admiring your new and improved Christmas tree, but you couldn’t help but think of the tree at your parents home.
"I'll have to show you pictures of my house at Christmas, we have an enormous tree and everything. It's really beautiful."You murmured, unable to stop yourself. You weren’t trying to make him feel guilty or anything, your tree was a good size, but was about half as big as the one you were used to at home.
Looking over to him you could tell that he was feeling guilty. His gut twisted, a wave of guilt washed over him, but he knew he couldn't fix it this time.
You jumped in to try and comfort him, "I love the decoration on this tree much better, I think the garland of bullets is a really nice touch! I hope that Santa doesn’t accidentally set off any of the booby traps though.”
This sparked an idea for Wade, maybe he could do something extra special this year. He gave you a smooch, “Don’t worry hotcakes, this house is ready for the old dude, and by ready I mean, I’m ready to catch the geezer and take all of the presents for you.”
You laughed and shook your head, “I don’t know what I would need literally all of the presents in the world when I already have you!”
He smiled, this was just one tiny example of how completely and utterly happy you always made him feel. He pulled you into a tight bear hug and then released you so that you could go to the kitchen to check on the cookies.
While you did that, he went in his ammunition room and looked in the back of the closet. Underneath the dirty rags and porno magazines, ironically, was a tiny ring box.
A few months ago he finally got a job in a town near his closest stash of "cash-money”. He had stored his earnings in different places because he usually blew everything he earned at once, lost all of it during the job, or was frequently attacked at his home so his cash would be either blown up or stolen. Additionally, it would be entirely out of character for him to just use a bank like a normal person.
So, he had grabbed what he needed and nervously bought an engagement ring. It took a few days to actually work up the nerve to buy it. Originally, he didn't know when he wanted to ya know... Yeah. But now, with the holiday season, maybe now is a good time?
Wade began a mixed dialogue between himself and the various internal voices that spoke with him: What if it's too soon. It's probably too soon. I wonder if you would even say yes. He didn't know. Maybe. He never really had someone to buy gifts for, and he freaked out about it because what if he messed up? What if you said no.. It’s not like I expected to really get a happy ending. I don’t deserve one, but I still want one with you.
He shook the voices off, and pumped himself up for what would now go down in about 12 hours. All he had to do now was to sneak away while you slept to put a few extras out under the tree from Santa. Awesome.
After all the preparations were complete Christmas Eve went smoothly. The meal you both cooked together was delicious, and both of you were as excited as kids to open up presents.
Finally he lugged out your gifts while in a ratty Santa costume and you squealed with delight hugging and kissing him incessantly. His heart was pounding out of his chest, how could you be so cute?
Then you both opened the gifts one by one. You anxiously waited to see if Wade would like the gifts you got him. He really liked all the gifts, especially the concession you made to have a weekly Taco Tuesday that was now in writing.
You were pleasantly surprised with the gifts he had bought, even if he snuck jn some lingerie that made you blush and swat at him. That was Wade for you, you honestly should have expected it.
Then, after all the exhaustion of the day, you tried to scuttle off to bed, but you were stopped by the merc.
"Wait we should leave out cookies for Santa!" Wade whined, and you looked a little surprised.
"Do you?..." You asked, trying to be delicate.
"Believe? In the Christmas spirit, yeah." He answered matter of factly and you breathed a sigh of relief.
You smiled and kissed him hard on the mouth, "'Kay".
Then you went into the kitchen to make a plate of cookies while Wade pulled out a beer for Santa.
You put a hand on your hip, giving him a smirk, “Wade.”
“C’mon babe, you know the big guy will have had a hard night.” He grinned and you both had a laugh.
After that was done, you both said goodnight and went to bed, finally.
Once he was sure you were asleep, which wasn’t hard as you were clinging to him tightly while drooling all over his chest. Very cute. He snuck away from your iron grasp to grab the ring.
He gingerly fingered the box, he could just vomit he was so anxious... He sat down again and just thought for a minute. He knew he should just walk out of your life, but he couldn't. In his mind, he was too weak and too selfish.
He took a huge breath and shoved the box into your stocking over the mantle, which was really a piece of cardboard with a badly drawn sharpie fireplace that Wade had taped to the wall.
He decided there was no playing Santa unless it was realistic, so he was “forced” to chug the beer and eat a few cookies. Then he went back to bed, pulling you in close to him.
In the morning you had been woken up by a surprise attack of kisses.
"Wade!!!" You giggled and rubbed your eyes sleepily.
“Merry Christmas!!” He said, mixed with anxiety and excitement.
"Thank you, Deady Claus." You teased, “Let’s go make some Christmas pancakes.”
As you headed to the kitchen, he stopped you by grabbing your hand. “Let’s see if the creepy old dude set off any of my traps first.”
You gave him an inquisitive look and then noticed the cookies and empty beer, “Ohh, I see that Santa did appreciate the beer!” You giggled, then you noticed that your stocking looked a little off.
You turned to look at him curiously, and he motioned for you to go look.
"But I... I didn't get you any Santa extras.. I'm sorry I didn't think to" you frowned.
He shook his head and kissed your forehead, "No, no that's ok. You can always make it up later." He winked, then gently pushed you over to the stocking.
You turned to reach inside and were surprised to feel a small box.
Your heart lurched, it couldn’t be.
You hastily pulled the box out, so fast that the stocking fell off the fake fireplace.
Frozen, you shakily opened up the box to reveal an absolutely perfect ring.
“W-Wade!” You turned around sharply, to find him kneeling in front of you.
"It’s okay you didn’t get me anything from Santa... because you are all the gift I need... You're all I.. You're all..." He took the ring from the box and you were near tears now. His hand trembled as he put the ring on your finger, "You are all I will ever need. You wanna, uh, do this thing?... Will you marry me?
"Yes! A thousand times yes!!" you choked out through tears and he felt a flood of relief.
"Thank god because I don't know if they take returns." He joked and fell backwards in relief, pulling him down with him.
“Merry Christmas, I love you.”