Bucky can’t help but love Jemma. She’s imperfectly, perfect for him. A perfect person couldn’t accept the darkness in him, but while she is good, she also is accepting of his darkness.
While Jemma is drawn in enough to his world, she isn’t so much so that she has been affected by his crimes. She knows, she understands, but she’s still somewhat on the outside.
She has this quirky, odd, curiosity that makes her able to overlook the things that makes him different, terrible. Jemma doesn’t see an atrocity when he pulls his shirt off his chest. She doesn’t shy away from discussing how he is ‘different’ in his genetic makeup. Jemma talks about it as if discussing the weather, and then offers to buy him lunch.
When it’s eighty degrees and he’s wearing a jacket she argues with him to take it off, insisting that it’s ridiculous to die of heat stroke just because people can’t understand. ‘I’ll make them understand’ she says forcefully.
What he really loves about her is how she has always been vocal and insistent on a life for him, a very normal life void of fear, guilt, and anger. Jemma has always wanted the best for him.
For those reasons it’s a shock for him to see her upset. When he sees her with watery eyes, shiny and red, damp cheeks, and a crease in her brow, he isn’t sure what to say. “What happened?”
Jemma shakes her head and moves decidedly towards one side of the room, yanking towels out of a dispenser and wiping angrily at her face. “It’s nothing. Just…someone bringing up an old hurt.”
“What kind?” He asks without thinking. It’s rude he realizes after he asks it, he shouldn’t push. She never has pushed with him.
Jemma blinks a couple of times. “I lost someone.”
That’s a hurt Bucky doesn’t really know, which is strange, because he hurts over a lot, but he’s never really lost anyone. His family, he struggles to remember them still, but he never really lost them. Bucky had been lost to them first. And Steve…well Steve was there. As for the people Bucky killed, they were a source of guilt for him, but not a personal loss. The hurt that troubled
Jemma was a hurt Bucky couldn’t relate to, and it was one he had no wish too. What he had was so precious in his life that he couldn’t bare the thought of losing it. “I’m sorry,” he said, at a loss.
“It’s okay, really,” she said with a watery smile. “Alright, let’s get to it.”
Bucky sat quietly and watched her go through her normal routine, but her movements were forced. And when she rolled in her chair to him she didn’t meet his eyes with a smile. “Hey,” he said and she looked up, “you know you’re pretty when you cry too.”
The corner’s of her lips turned up in a gentle smile. “When did you become good at making women blush?”
Her brown eyes looked down and she wiped alcohol over the inside of his elbow. “I’m glad you could tell me. That…means a lot to me.”
She looked up at him with a wider smile, then down again. “You really need to shave.”
“I was trying for ruggedly handsome.” Bucky didn’t usually joke, but there was something addicting about being able to raise her spirits. He could see her cheeks swell with a smile.
“I suppose. That might be an accurate description.” There’s humor in her voice, but she never looks at him. Instead she removes the needle and places an unnecessary bandaid over the pierced skin. When she does look up there is still a soft, yet sad smile on her face. Then she grabs his right hand gently. “Thank you Bucky.”
She gives his hand a a squeeze and begins to stand as she releases it. Bucky can’t help himself, because suddenly he doesn’t want to take a step, he wants to jump off the edge. He tightens his hand and around hers and tugs it back. Standing still, she looks back at him and he brings her hand to his lips. The sweetest thing she does is rub her thumb over his hand. Bucky thinks that might be her only response to his gesture, and then the sweet smile on her face fades. Suddenly, she leans down, her hand goes to his cheek, and she kisses him.
It’s Bucky that is the one that is always left wanting more, it’s him that wants her, not her him. At least that’s what he told himself. Before, he hadn't expected Jemma to kiss him. Her lips are forceful and her tongue teases him, flicking just past his own lips, inviting. When she finally pulls away and her eyes begin to open Bucky stands, taking the burden off of her, and meets her lips with more intent, pushing her back into standing and then dragging her against him.
If Jemma had lost before, he would show her how much she was wanted now.