Luna's Letter
Standard Disclaimer:
Glancing around carefully, Airilymusing made their way into the theater. Writersblock was on the stage arguing with what looked like a cannibal.
“...I don’t care what agreements you had with the former tenants, I barely got the beta I have now, I can’t afford to sacrifice her for a disclaimer- not to mention that I don’t think she would be very tasty anyway; poor girl’s skin and bones.” Block rubbed their forehead tiredly. The person they were talking to caught sight of Aer, and motioned to them. Aer had the general feeling that they were being considered as a meal.
WB just shot them a look out of the corner of their eye. “No, you can’t eat that one either. Knowing Aer, there’s a distinct possibility that their breakfast was high in toxins on the off chance that I would try this exact thing.” Grinning, the writer waved. “Not that I would ever do that again.”
Aer crossed their arms, a smirk playing across their face. “I still haven’t forgiven you for that.” Well, they had, but there was no way they would tell Block that. Let them sweat. Jelly doughnuts weren’t good enough to sell your beta over. Llamas though…
Wait, where did that thought come from?
“Look, I get it, you’re hungry.” Block cut off the cannibal who seemed upset they weren’t going to be getting lunch. “There’s a fast food place just up the road, and I can practically guarantee you that with the current standards that workplace safety has adopted there’s probably at least a finger or two- and probably an ear or three -in the food down there.” Whatever the response was didn’t seem particularly pleased, but the writer just waved the annoyance away. “Well, go there, or don’t, but stop bothering me. I’m supposed to be working!”
Aer watched as the cannibal picked up a spear, shot them a betrayed look (which was unnecessary, they hadn’t played any part in Block’s decision; even if they agreed wholeheartedly with the outcome) before yelling loudly, and racing out the front door. A moment later a group of about twenty more cannibals followed, yelling and whooping. The door slammed, and silence fell. Finally Block spoke,
“I honestly have no idea.”
“This was your idea of a disclaimer?”
Block shrugged. “I think last time they had soup, tied up the author’s wife, and established that it would become a kind of regular occurrence. Apparently no one told them that there was new management.”
“You are not tying me up.” Block shook their head fearfully, and Aer smiled. “I think it goes without saying that you won’t be tying up Morrigan or Jeneralissima either.”
“I happen to like all of my organs where they are, thanks.” Block shuddered slightly. “Look, I’ve just got a small piece. Microscopic really-”
Airilymusing felt the color drain from their face. “Another Harry Potter one?”
“Well, yeah. I had wanted to write a whole thing about how Luna was secretly an unspeakable, and twist the whole ‘seer’ trope into being just really good at probabilities-”
Aer stopped listening. Turning to the audience, (and hadn’t they arrived at the most opportune time?) they quickly exclaimed. “We don’t own Harry Potter!”
“Um-”
Grabbing Block, and ignoring their complaints about their jelly doughnuts, Aer dragged them out.
“I think I’m gonna get myself a Llama.”
Dear Ms. Lovegood,
We, at [Redacted] have finished processing your father’s recommendation. While we find the idea of using a student, no matter how promising, hazardous to your academic career, we are taking Agent X at his word, and will be implementing you as an active watcher- at your discretion of course. Should you be uninterested, simply return this letter. Otherwise destroy this parchment.
We look forward to working with you.
Luna gently set down the letter, looking out over the fields as they raced by outside the window of the Hogwarts Express. Perhaps if she’d made a friend on the train...or maybe if she’d seen more than just curious looks from people as they passed the compartment…
She wasn’t stupid. The letter was hardly the favor it pretended to be. Between her ‘gift’ of making educated guesses based on statistics and knowledge, and the fact that Harry Potter was about to tip the world on its ear (if what her father had said about his first year was true), they wanted a spy at Hogwarts.
The fact that their spy would be smart was just a bonus.
Still, looking over everything, she realized that it would be a hard life. Her employers would doubtless see anything that happened to her as a test, and not involve themselves unless she was actively in danger.
Statistically speaking, her life would be made harder by the students, who would doubtless see her secrecy as an invitation to abuse her mercilessly. Worse, she wouldn’t be able to go to the teachers without risking tipping her hand as a spy. No, it would be a hard life, but it would no doubt be rewarding.
Glancing down at the paper, she reread it, and smiled to herself. She wouldn’t be an agent, like her father, at least for now since she was at school. And being a watcher came with its own perks. Access to spells and knowledge, both forgotten and hidden. Experiences unlike anything else. Dental coverage…
Shrugging, she put her wand to the paper and watched it slowly burn to a crisp. No doubt her life was about to get difficult, but she imagined that they would also get very, very, interesting.
And there wasn’t a Lovegood alive who didn’t like that.