Chapter 2
Growing up in a big family was fun. They used to get up once in a month, and Bucky remembered him and his sister Becca playing with their cousins while their parents set up the barbeque and chatted about their adult things. Bucky remembered his little cousin Penny with special love, how she stucked with him until the end, telling her parents that Bucky was her brother even if they had diferent parents. Bucky may have taken advance of the situation more times that not. But he loved Penny; he really did.
Being a vet who had a terrible fear of loud sounds, couldn't watch war films without breaking into tears (yes, he was such an adult, he knew) and didn't feel secure going outside, a big family was incredibly overhelming. He had to call his parents nearly everyday, call his grandparents once a week (preferibly on Sunday mornings), and the rest of his family once in a month. And on birthdays, let's not forget the birthdays (the worst was his; he had to talk to his whole family. Last year he finished with a panic attack).
Extrangely, talking to Penny was plesurably calm and nice. His sweet sweet Penny, who had cried beside his hospital bed asking his mum if he was gonna be okay.
"College is frustrating Bucky, you should be thankful for skiping it" he hold the phone tighter and hummed, saving the I would rather had gone to college than to war for him. "Although, you should try it and study history. You loved it back un high school".
"Lots of people Penny" he said ashamed "I still panick sometimes. I'm working on it" he added, embarrased because he couldn't handle being in the same room with to many people. "But I could try it when I get better" he knew it was an empty promise; he didn't really believe he would get any better. There was no point in upsetting Penny, though.
"Right. It could be cool though. We could be roomates! It would be awesome, wouldn't it?" her dreamy tone set a smile on Bucky's usually straight face.
"Yeah, it would. But what with Haley then? You got a cool rommate too" he looked at his computer screen, Penny's facebook page opened. "Speaking of uni people. Who's Marcus?"
"W-who? What Marcus...?" she asked nervously. "The one who's crosing his eyes on your profile picture. You know, red hair, light stuble, nerdy look-"
"Yeah yeah, I know, shut up" she bubbled for a minute, flustering. "He's a friend, we're friends. I met him trough Haley. We're friends" she reminded him.
"Friends? Is that how you kids call it nowdays?" he squinted closer to the screen, crosing his own eyes to take a better look on the kid.
"Gosh, you sound a lot like uncle George" she laughed. Bucky squealed an undignifying sound, making her laugh even harder.
"I sound nothing like my father, thank you very much" he said in a huff. Like his father? Please.
Penny didn't say nothing, he realised once he hanged up. She was a total master in distracting. Bucky was %80 sure his cousin and Natasha were friends behind his back, and Penny was his friend pupil. His phone pinged.
Natty: We're at mine. You better drag your sorry ass here and apologise to Clint. Besides, there's popcorn.
Oh yeah. Clint. He didn't call him to say he was sorry. "Is three days too long to apologise for being a dick, eh Winter?". The cat, being the helpful soul he was, licked a long stroke on his paw. "You're such a burden. I'm feeding you, the least you could do was help a bit" again, Winter didn't acknowledged him.
He tried avoiding his colorful t-shirts, he really did. The laundry was done (his uncle Mitch dropped two days before, and nearly beated the shit out of him whrn he saw his laundry basket) and he had a long sleeved plain brown shirt between his hands when a particular one caught his eye. A rainbow colored t-shirt with a message on the front (of course, why not?). Let's kick your ass befor letting you kiss mine.
"You take it? Kick and kiss asses, 'couse your a badass gay guy" Clint had laughed when he gave it to him. It had been a joke-gift, days after Bucky told them he was gay. He knew Clint better. It was a way of telling him he would be by his side no matter of what. He accepted him in every way.
He had never wore it. It was embarrasing.
A strong pang of guilt went from his neck to the bottom of his spine. Clint was such a good guy, the best friend nobody could ask for. And there was him, treating him like trash.
With a regretful sigh he drop his lovely brown shirt and took the other. Without thinking it to much, he wore it and looked at his reflection. He grimaced at the empty left sleeve. It was so wrong, everything. To much color, to less arm... Their friendship was worth it, though.
Winter eyed him jugdmentally. He clung onto his sweater.
"Oh, James, enter" Nat opened her apartament door and Bucky slumped next to her, panting. "You came running?" he didn't say nothing 'cause there was no point in denying it. It was pretty obvious he came racing, didn't take the sub or the elevator. Natasha sighed preocupied, but said nothing.
"Where's Clint?" he asked once his breath returned to his lungs. She pointed behind her to the lounge. Bucky nodded, preparing himself while he unzipped his sweater. It was to hot inside.
"What the fuck is that?" Natasha bursted out laughing when she saw his t-shirt. Shit, he had forgotten about it. Tears collected in her eyes. "My god, you're a sap".
"Shut up" he whined like a five year old, and made his escape.
Clint was on the sofa, beer in hand, watching some kind of documentary about whales. Bucky walked timidly, clinging onto his sweater for dear life. He took a seat besides him, sending a look at Nat when he sat in the other sofa. He crossed her legs, telling him she was going nowhere.
"Hi Barnes" Clint's voice came cold and serious, like he wasn't talking to his best friend.
"Clint..." his voice came out soft, shy. Nat had to supress a smile at the endearing sight. Not that Bucky saw her. Clint didn't even looked at him. "Clint..." he tried again. This time, the man looked at him with tired eyes.
"What?"
"... I'm sorry" Bucky held his gaze pitifully, feeling small and vulnerable. Clint said nothing, again, waiting for him. "I was such a prick, and I know you know it, but I didn't mean what I said".
"I know, but that doesn't make you less stupid".
"I know".
"I shouldn't forgive you, y'konw? It's not the first time this happens" Clint reminded him. Shame flew trhough his system, making his cheeks crimsom red. He nodded, unable of saying anything else. He listened Natasha moving behind him, but kept his gaze on his trousers, missing the look Clint gave the girl. "What?" Clint asked sudenly "No way..."
Clint went forward and sat on Bucky's lap, making him both uncomfortable and unable to move. His hands unzipped Bucky's sweater.
"O man! Oh, oh God, yes!" Clint's laugh filled the whole room. "Oh yeah, this is so sweet! You're gonna make-"
"Who wants a drink?" Natasha asked with a forceful smile, sending daggers to Clint. Bucky raised his hands, refusing to say nothing.
Nat stood up, but her phone went out, blasting loudly. Bucky winced at the sound.
"Yeah? Oh hi Sam!... Yes, I've got it... No, I'm not... Need it? Well, I'm at home, you could always come by... Yeah, I've got beer... Clint and Bucky are here, two friends, but it's okay... Perfect, see you in ten" she hung up and tossed the phone carelessly. "Sorry guys, Sam needs some papers I've got here. I told him to come. Hope it's okay with you".
"Nat, it's your home, you can invite whoever you want" Clint said snuggling Bucky's side. "Besides, it's Sam Wilson. I wanna met your famous friend".
"You're such a child". Both of them sared a funny look. Bucky looked at them suspiciously, but said nothing.
The bell ranged minutes later, announcing Sam's arrive.
"Hey Sam, come inside- Oh! Hello, I didn't know you were coming" Nat's voice said.
"Yeah well, sorry, I hope it's okay?" said a deep voice; Sam's maybe? Natasha wellcomed him (them?) and footsteps were listened.
"Come come! I'll introduce you, guys". A tall black handosme man entered the room, greeting them with a cheerful smile. An even taller and handomer blonde man followed him.
"Well guys, this is Sam" Natasha said, pointing at the black man. "And this" she said a little bit smugly "Is Steve" her eyes fixed with Bucky's.
Oh well, Bucky should really remind that Nat always had her way.
It was hot inside Nat's apartment, it made his shirt clung onto his torso. Any other would have been uncomfortable, but Steve was so used to tight clothes that it never bodered him.
Nat welcomed and guided them to her lounge. There were two men there, a sandy haired rather short man called Clint, and a little bit taller (still, smaller than him, but who was taller than Steve?) brown haired man called James. Steve had a particularly hard time ignoring the guy's t-shirt. Who wored such a horrible t-shirt? His eyes needed to rest a bit.
"It's a pleasure" Sam shook his hand with Clint, and turned to James with a bright smile. "I feel like I know you two. Nat always tell us storys" She did? Steve didn't recall any of them. Sam offered his right hand to James. The guy looked unsure of what to do, like he hadn't had a hand-shake in his life. He finally raised his right hand to, offering it with an embarrased blush.
"It's nice to meet you two" he said, trying to clear the mood while Sam changed his hand uncomfortably. "I met you once, when you did that film 'bout the soldier" Steve felt the need of an eye-roll. 'You visited our division".
"You were on the 107th?" James guy nodded and Sam gave him a tight smile. "I heard what happened. I'm sorry".
Thing is, Steve had always been a curious kid. Since he learned to talk, he bored his mom to death with questions; and his curiosity never died. So, he wanted to ask. What happened? Why that made James twist his expression? Why everyone seemed so unsure suddenly? and, most important, what happened to James' left arm?!
He didn't ask, 'cause his mamma rised him well. And Nat's glare scared him to death.
"Yeah well, show must go on" James smiled tightly. "It's nice to meet you too, Steve" James' hand (right, of course) was calloused, rough against his soft and tender hand.
"Likewise"
"This is so cool" Nat said "It's the first time I've got all my true friends together".
"Your life is pretty sad if you only habe four true friends" Clint smiled tesingly at Natasha.
"Well, I've got more friends that someone, so my life is not the saddest" James gapped at his friend.
"Well, excuse me, but I've got a cat. My life is not sad" Steve watched at Sam, who saw their teasing with a delighted smile on his face. Steve felt bad for him. The hadn't a lot of friends, and it didn't particularly bother him, but Sam was a lot more people-person.
"Yeah yeah, cry me a river" James turned his mouth in a pout. It was an extrange expression on his face. The chin lenght hair and the three day stubblegave him a rough appearence, but that pout made his face a lot younger, sweeter even. "I'll go grab some beers".
Sam took a seat on a single chair, and Steve felt forced to do the same. He sat on another chair, leaving the love seat to Nat.
They drank in a peacefully, and Steve let the chat to the others. He was usually loud and easy-going, but he didn't feel it that day. Sharon had called him, saying he had some of his things in her house. He went there, being polite and kind, but she wasn't having it. They had fought about everything, about every single damn thing Steve had done during their nine months. He didn't try getting along with her parents, he didn't try to spent holidays with her, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't... What he did was gain an awesome headache.
Days like this he missed his mother the most. He hadn't known his father, him dying when Steve was just a baby, but his mother was a whole other thing. She had been there for eighteen years, an immobable pillar in his life; and losing her had been losing that security, that light at the end of the road. He knew for sure that if Sarah would had been alive, he wouldn't have done a lot of things he did.
He was terrible at making choices.
"I can't believe you Nat" Clint cried taking Steve back to the reality "You said you had Tai for dinner!"
"I thought I had!"
"Kids, kids, don't worry" Steve smiled at Sam. He had became friends with Clint pretty quickly; it looked like they knew each other for a time. James, on the other side, was quieter, sending glares to Natasha and frowning when she smiled at her. "We can go now and buy something. Watcha think?"
"It's cool for me. Let's go" Nat stood up and clapped her hands "Sam, Clint you coming? Steve and James can stay here, looking after the fort" James scowled her even harder; Steve thought his eyes were crosing slightly. "Steve, take Clint's seat, it's confier!" Nat shouted while exiting the house giggling with the others.
"Liar bitch" James' words catched Steve by surprise.
"Sorry?"
"Eh? Oh, am, e... I don't like Tai food" James said with a hard blush on his cheeks.
"Oh... Well, you should have said something" he said, unsure of what to say to him. "Do you wanna call them? I could-"
"No!" James nearly lifted from his seat. "No, it's okay. Let them buy what they want".
Steve wasn't much of a talker, but he hated unconfortable silences; and the silence between them was pretty uncomfortable. But what was he ment to say to James?
"So... James, isn't it?" Okay Steve, he thought for himself, you're pretty lame.
"Yes, but only Nat calls me that. It's Bucky for most of people".
"Bucky?" Steve asked. What kind of name was Bucky for a war veteran. For fuck's sake, could someone tell him what the fuck happened to that guy's arm? The curiosity was eating him alive.
"James Buchannan Barnes" Jam-Bucky said "My little sister didn't like James and Buchannan was short of dificult for her. So she started calling me Bucky, and it kind of stucked with me".
"That's cute. Do you mind if I sit there?" Bucky shook his head and Steve sat where Clint had sat before, in the same couch as Bucky. "My name is Steven Grant, buy my mother never liked it. She used to call me Steve".
"Why did she gave you Steven Grant, then?" Bucky stirred on his seat and sat sideways, looking directly at Steve's blue eyes. Bucky's where a paler blue, nearly gray. Steve liked them.
"Her father was Grant, and my dad's father Steven" he explained "They both died before I was born. It was kind of a tribute, I think. I prefer Steve too".
"Then Steve it is" Bucky smiled an awkward smile, making Steve a bit uncomfortable.
Bucky was an obviusly nervous man. He sat on the couch trying to look all laid back, but the way he moved is eyes around the room, focusing on every corner every 2 minutes while trying to make a decent conversation with Steve blew his cover away. He moved his right hand to where his left forearm should be, and jolted it away like he suddenly realised he hadn't a left arm. It was strange.
Steve loved strange things.
"You know?" Natasha's voice startled them, floating behind them "It's awfully dificult to find Tai food around here. It's pizza okay?" she asked in a tone that made clear she didn't give a shit.
"More than okay" Steve said with a smile. "You don't have to suffer now" he smiled a little teasingly to Bucky, not knowing how to behave with him yet. Bucky gave him a strange look, like he didn't know what was Steve talking about.
"Oh! Yeah, yeah" he said unsure, blushing adorably.
Steve had always been atracted to beautiful people. It wasn't intended even, it just... happened. Every time he saw a gorgeous woman or a handsome man, his inner self would be instantly interested in that person, pulling him towards them until they talked to him. Sometimes it wasn't even sexual (at first), his needs would be satisfied with a talk, with some smiles and light touches on the shoulder. Sometimes with a little flirting. Sometimes with sex.
Objectively Bucky was a handsome man.
Steve laid on his bed tat night, thinking about everything, when his phone went on. His bedroom was dark, so the bright light of the screen hurt his eyes more than he thought it would.
Natasha created a new groupchat.
What the fuck? Steve looked at the contacts, the only ones he knew being Sam's and Natasha's. There were two new numbers. One was Clint's, obviously, it had a photo of him with a bow and an arrow. The other had a beautiful sunset. Steve thumbed the screen absently. It had to be Bucky's, right?
Unknown: Hey, it's Steve? I suppose it is, if not, let me know. Anyway, thanks for driving me home. Sweet of you. Thank you!
Steve smiled at the screen and started writting an answer.
Unknown: It's Bucky, by the way.
He chuckled and sent his answer.