Little talks
Ushered out of Bucky’s room, Steve had decided to return to his own bed. He opened a book and stared with bleary, tired eyes at the words, not taking anything in. After some more blinking and possible sleeping with his eyes open, Steve’s stomach rumbled, prompting him to get up and find something to eat.
Bucky should eat something too, he thought.
He stumbled out of his room, entered the kitchen and mumbled answers at his teammates. He was so damn tired.
They had asked him some things and he had nodded and grunted. They understood he wasn’t up for talking and let him be.
He made himself and Bucky some food, stumbled back to his room and knocked on Bucky’s door. “Buck? Food. You need to eat pal.”
No response.
“Buck, I know you’re in there. You really need to eat. You’re a super soldier, you need it, just like I do.” Steve reasoned. Their metabolism was crazy.
Still no answer.
“JARVIS, has Bucky left his room?” Steve finally asked the AI.
“No Captain. He is still in there.”
“Hmm…” Steve knocked again, warning him, “If you don’t open the door I’ll get my key and open it myself, Buck. I’m worried about you.”
No answer.
Steve got his spare key and unlocked the door. He looked around the apartment and found Bucky sitting on his bed, staring at his phone.
“Buck, you okay?”
He didn’t look up.
Steve stepped closer, “What’re ya lookin’ at Buck?” He asked carefully.
“This is us?” He asked, sounding confused.
~
The Soldier, or Bucky, really, had heard Steve come out of his room. Probably to get some food for the both of them. He knew Steve would try to get him to eat something.
It may have shocked his housemates, but Bucky actually already knew how to use a phone, or the internet, or a computer. You can say what you will, but Hydra got with the times quickly.
Naturally Hydra’s Winter Soldier would be skilled at communicating by internet or telephone.
Stark quickly got with the program and got Bucky his own Stark Phone. It was a little fancier than Hydra’s phones, but the basics remained the same.
Bucky had used his phone for his own research. With loads of free time on his hands he’d scoured the internet for information on Steven Grant Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes. What had amazed him was the amount of information on the internet. There seemed to be no end.
With the missing pieces in his mind, Bucky had learned to love the internet. He could always find something new. Just like he did this morning.
He looked up ‘Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes’ and found a few sites he already memorized. Today though, a new one had surfaced and he clicked on it. It looked like a collage on Captain America. There was a combination of old photos and new ones. The new ones were taken from the Smithsonian, including the shield and a mannequin wearing Steve’s suit. Then there were some black and white photos from the war and even from before that.
Steve was so tiny.
He’d seen the pictures in the Smithsonian, of course. Steve and Bucky plastered together, side by side. Like it’d never change.
This picture was new for him, though.
The picture itself was good. Steve and himself were smiling at the camera which was in his own hand. Bucky had his hand on Steve’s lower back and they were standing really close, almost hip to hip. Steve’s hand was in the air, hovering over Bucky’s collar bone, where Bucky noticed a small bruise. Like a hickey, almost.
His thoughts were interrupted by Steve knocking on his door. Bucky hoped he’d leave on his own accord.
Steve didn’t, of course. Stubborn bastard.
He kept on banging until he just opened the door himself.
Steve stood in Bucky’s room, staring at Bucky, who in turn was staring down at the picture until Bucky finally spoke up, “This is us?”
~
“Ehh, yeah Buck. That was us.” Steve smiled at Bucky, who still looked confused.
“When?”
“Before the war. 1938 I think.”
Bucky remained silent for a while, thinking, before asking, “What were we?”
“I don’t know what you mean, Buck?” Steve asked, feeling nervous at the topic. Did he find out?
“What were we before the war, Steve? We don’t look like friends.” He asked again.
“We were friends, Buck. Haven’t you read up on us?” Steve insisted.
“I have. I don’t believe it. Look at this picture Steve. We look like...” He stopped and frowned.
“Like what, Buck?”
“Like a couple.” Bucky finished.
He knew.
“Buck, that’s –“
“Don’t lie to me, Steve. I know when you’re lying. Were we?” Bucky pushed.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Buck.” Steve responded, standing awkwardly on the side of the bed.
Bucky growled and stood up, pointing his finger in Steve’s face, “Don’t lie to me, Steve.
“I’m not-“ Steve tried, but Bucky cut him off.
“Were we a couple, Steve?” He asked, a dangerous tone lacing his voice.
“We-, ehh, yeah. Sort of.. No one knew ‘cause it wasn’t accepted back in our day.” Steve sighed.
“So we.. You and I where-? What the-“ Bucky couldn’t yet understand. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Bucky followed.
“I didn’t want you to feel like you had to put up with me because of history. Not like that. I wanted you to know I was a friend.” Steve said, staring at his toes.
“I’m sorry, Buck.. I’ll leave..” Steve said, trying to duck out of the room.
“Steve-, Wait.” Bucky called as soon as his brain had started to work again, but Steve had disappeared into the hallway already.
“Damn it.” Bucky whispered to himself. He grabbed his phone and alternated between staring at the picture and staring at the wall, trying to see all the things he knew about himself and Steve in this new light.
~
“Nat, you got some time?” Steve asked, a sad smile on his face. Trying to forget the discussion with Bucky wasn’t working. Distractions like reading or training didn’t help. Maybe what Steve needed was a good friend.
She frowned, “Sure Cap. What’s up?”
“Bucky knows, Nat.” Natasha saw Steve’s shoulders hunching, his hand was circling over his leg in a nervous gesture, his foot was tapping on the floor.
Natasha processed the meaning of that for a second before asking how Bucky had found out.
“The internet of course. Some old picture from before the war. He saw it and figured we weren’t just friends, there. So…” Steve ended, rubbing the back of his neck.
“How did he respond?” Natasha asked carefully.
“I uh-, I don’t really know. I left…”
“You should talk to him, Steve. This is confusing news for him. You two need to talk it over.”
Steve knew she was right.
~
Bucky sat on his bed and processed the fact that Steve and him had been more than friends. Not just best friends on battlefield and playground.
They used to be… boyfriends?
Bucky didn’t even know that he was gay. Was he?
He’d ask Steve about it later.
Bucky knew that love was a strange concept. He didn’t understand the feeling, but he did know that he felt different around Steve. He had figured it was because of their shared history and Steve being overtly nice and sweet in general.
Bucky also liked Natasha and Clint. Nat understood him, having been through the same crap he had. Clint was just a nice guy. Funny and a bit of a coffee addict, but that was okay.
Bucky didn’t get on that well with Bruce. He learned he was a doctor and that was the end of him trying to befriend him. He disliked doctors. Even though he did see Bruce that Bruce was a nice guy. Much nicer than the ones he'd gotten to know during his time with Hydra.
Then there was Tony Stark. Blegh.
He didn’t like that guy. Stark spent too much time on his high horse and he was generally annoying Bucky.
But Steve, Steve was different. He liked Steve. And he needed to talk to Steve.
He rose from his bed and put his hair in a bun. He opened the door and went to find Steve.
He walked into the kitchen, hoping Steve was there. He wasn’t.
His stomach reminded him that being in the kitchen was a good thing, though. He grabbed some food and made his way over to the training hall.
Clint was practicing his archery, hitting every target every time. No sign of Steve, though.
“Clint. Do you know where Steve is?” Bucky inquired after watching the archer’s training efforts for a minute.
“Hmm? Oh, hey there. Ehh no, don’t know. He went off with Natasha, I think they went up to the roof.” He responded.
Bucky mumbled a thanks and asked JARVIS how to get up to the roof the fasted way while munching on his breakfast. Damn metabolism. He was still hungry.
Turning the corner towards the elevator, he bumped into Natasha. She smiled a little sadly at him and pointed towards the ceiling, “He's still there I think, unless he jumped.” She smirked.
Bucky’s body went rigid in a flash. Panic surged through his body at the thought of Steve ending his life. Natasha noticed and quickly followed up with, “Joking. He’s fine. Go up and see for yourself.”
The elevator stopped and Bucky stepped out on the roof. The sky was grey, promising rain. Probably a whole lot.
He scanned the roof for Steve but couldn’t see him. Panic seeped back in again.
“Steve?” He shouted.
“Hmm.” He got in response. “Buck? What are you doing here? I can leave if you want.” Steve said, stepping towards the elevator without waiting for a response.
Bucky grabbed his wrist and spun him around, “Sit.” He ordered. Steve listened.
Bucky sat across from him and stared at Steve. He noticed Steve did look nervous, but not enough to be jumping from the building. Damn Natasha.
“I want to talk.” He started.