Love Like Dandelions

Scratched, rewritten, and almost unreadable are some words written in your diary. A hidden object of your possession. Hidden by the world, even Tyelkormo. None know of it except for you. In those worn pages are desires lost to time. 

In an unvisited ruin of Middle Earth lay the dreams that you had once dared to dream.

1. Map stars with him: before the blinding light of Laurelin and Telperion came the stars that were put into the skies by Varda. As you gaze into the ancient sky that had once guided the Quendi on nether shores, you wonder if one day your beloved would find time away from the thrill of the hunt. If one day, he too would join you in naming the stars that wink back at you. He is gone for now but you believe and wish that one fateful day when the skies will lay bare like this Tyelkormo would join you.

2. Shop in the streets of Tirion: walk through the bustling streets of Tirion. Your hands linked with Tyelko. The noise of the market fades into the background as you find yourself lost in each other’s excitement. You imagine him gazing at you with a soft look as you struggle to try out a bangle that seems to be a tad too tight. Your beloved then sighs with fondness, gently takes your hand and with practiced motions slips the bangle on your wrist. Uncaring of people around you Tyelko seductively leans in to kiss the tip of your ear and you don’t stop him.

3. Hunt in the woods of Orome: you wish to join him during his hunts one day. To watch his wild expression and write it down in this diary. You yearn to watch the dance of his bow and arrow. To see the Feanorian fire unlike any in Aman. You imagine sitting next to him with the blazing fire of the camp. Maybe Illuvatar would grant you a chance to see him generously free the animals stuck in his traps. A gesture that goes unseen by the world. 

4. Plant a garden: Tyelko loves forests, plants, and the slight fragrance of soil. There is an empty patch of land in your garden and one drowsy afternoon you dream of planting a garden with him. Frail plants that would need utmost care. Your vision forms the scene of you both crouching by a plant. Your hands touch as the soil hugs the sensitive roots of the sapling you both are planting. With a smirk, you watch your beloved smear a line of dirt on your face with his dirty finger. The garden brims with your squeals as you run from the vicious hands of your lover.

5. Race our horses: while walking on the widespread shores of Alqualonde you can’t help but wish for a day when you race your horses next to the never-ending ocean of Ulmo. Your stallion next to Tyelko’s as you both compete with the slight brine in the air hitting your face. Maybe losing would be sweeter or maybe your beloved would lose for your sake. 

6. Hold him and be held as Laurelin blooms: your room fills with the unrelenting rays of Laurelin. Your cover your eyes, still bleary from the dream that golden rays snatched away from you. You cherish it and hold it close even as your consciousness returns. Your dream held a room. A room mix of your and Tyelko’s. Full of bows, arrows, and rare feathers but also books, inks, and scattered pages. In that room, you found yourself next to your beloved smirking at you. With your back to the window, you observe the gradual blooming light of Laurelin in the stormy eyes that stare back at you. Your hands cup his face and his arms circle around your waist. Pulling you closer until the light of his eyes overwhelms everything.

7. Show him every word ever written for him: as you tuck your diary in a secluded corner of your bookshelf you wonder of a day when Tyelko finds it. Would he dare to muster the patience to flip through pages that talk of him? Would read with a smug smile or would he for a rare moment lose his composure? Even as you hide your diary you wish for a day when Tyelko finds it. You wish that your words and wishes find him. 

8. Trace the lines of his palm: on a cloudy day with a silent house, you wish to hold his hand. He’s been gone for the past year. Gone with his father and brothers in exile to the solitary land of Formenos. You rush into your room and pull out all his letters. They are rare but exquisite. The only reminder of the love you share. In the darkest times when you miss him, you wish to hold his hand. A luxury of the past. You wish to hold his hand and trace the lines on his palm. To soothe the callouses and blisters with an ointment. Hold his hand and play with his nimble fingers until mischief sneaks into his mind and his fingers end up tickling you to tears.

9. Speak words that bring a smile to his face: you follow after him and Curufin. The deary lands of Middle Earth hold no joy leave for him. You followed him and only him. Your fingers twitch to grab and pen and write your agony in another greedy wish. Your want that knows no bounds. You ask for one day when your beloved smiles carefree, unbound by the oath of distant oath. You beg for some hours where you get to have your beloved free of all the burdens that make his brow frown. You want his eyes to shine with the fervor of passion unmarred by the madness that now lingers there.

10. Build a home: jealousy grips your heart as you sit under a tree. All the calm and peace left with the arrival of the ethereal princess of Beleriand. Celegorm, as you know him on Middle Earth, traps her for what he states is for her own good. Yet, when you watch him gaze at her with a lust-ridden look you wonder if it is fair to betray your lover this once. You find yourself fading into the forest a desperate wish rises to your tongue. A wish of old. To own a home with him. A cottage by the edge of the forest or a house near his family in Tirion. Once you wished for it. A marriage, a home…a wish that seems so distant. Slipping through your fingers.

11. Make him look…just once: your mouth fills with metal-tasting blood. Your breaths come short and uneven. Laying on the cool and hard ground you try to move. You move your head to find him. Amongst the fighting elves, you search for one last time. A heavy body falls on top of you and a foot stomps on your broken leg. An arrow sticks out from the column of your neck. You try but fail to form any words. Not even a single whisper of his name is allowed from your injured throat. In those moments as the summons of Mandos pull at your fea you wish for a last time. You wish for him to look for you. Pray for this mercy…last wish to heal all that the world has ripped from your heart. If not you wish to forget and to let go of the heart that longs for him.