Roseanne feels the weight of her hand as she clings on to something she never planned on dreading. A message from Jennie stares back at her. It’s absurd how a single word elicits fear, afraid she might bite the bullet and risk herself to yet another wound that hasn't yet scarred. Terrified that she might add insult to injury.
From: Jennie
Hello
Read 2/26/23
To: Jennie
I miss you
Not delivered
Albeit progress has been made for the past weeks, nights like these pull her back, making all of her efforts collapse into thin air. The hand that has become pale and numb searches for something warm. Mayhaps the warmth stands as a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle that lies cold on the floor, ready to fill the gap of each of her fingers. The warmth she longs from the same hand who held hers for a long while, though she vowed, she still chooses to let go.
It’s better off this way, Roseanne thinks.
She is aware that at the other end, Jennie awaits for a response that’s beyond reach. Matter-of-factly, she thinks Jennie despises her and that Jennie thinks she’s moved on by the way she’s turned a blind eye on Jennie’s attempts to get in touch.
Jennie will eventually stop, anyhow.
Regardless of how hard they try, debris from the wreck is unsalvageable. That while Jennie tries to rebuild the path, Roseanne is burning bridges. The possibility of the fall is foreseen yet overlooked.
Roseanne giving up seems to have never crossed Jennie's mind.
Perhaps the number of times Jennie has asked for her to stay reaches its limit. Jennie isn’t making an unreasonable demand. Just that it’s not for Roseanne to fulfill.
The message that follows after sends thousands of torments, causing Roseanne to rush home with vision blurry. The mass on her chest is as heavy as the tears that beg to be freed, as if allowing them to fall is a felony, and they are all held bondage. The line between resisting and insisting—so thick and inviting—is luring her feet to go across.
But Roseanne knew better.
She does, however, hopes that Jennie is aware that a thought of consideration lies concealed behind her lack of response. That a night of relapse happens and her head succumbs to the idea of wanting things as they were before. Of the thought that she may have done something wrong. That she may have neglected a crucial step. All the wishful thinking seeping through her lids, flowing down her chin. And that if she has known by then, it would still be repairable.
From: Jennie
Do you wanna try again with me?
Delivered
Roseanne had always known what she wanted, and was it unfortunate that she decided against it this time.