Queen of Crows

“Wake up!” a voice whispers in your ear. “Come on its too late to be sleeping.”
Cracking your eyes open, you see the smiling face of Aru next to you. She’s got her hair up in the elaborate style the court favored and her face is done up with the cosmetics that mother allowed her to wear. Rosy cheeks and red lips compete with kohl lined eyes and for a moment Aru looks older that you’ve ever seen her. Maturity makes her sad to the focused observer.
“Little Sister,” you muse. Reaching out with a hand to pat her cheek. “How are you here? Am I no longer -”
She presses a finger against your lips. “Today is your birthday, Sister.”
Sister.
A title you had not heard in a long time.
You pull the sheet over your heads and hide the two of you away in a world of white. Pressing closer to Aru, you grasp her hands in yours. Hidden from the rest of the world you move closer until your foreheads are pressed together.
“This isn’t real.” Saying the words out loud makes them even more realistic to you. It hurts to be back where you’ve always longed to be, only to know that it isn’t real. There is no going back. The past can never be changed. Only the future can be altered.
“Is anything?”
Aru’s gaze is innocent and full of questions that a child can never answer. For a moment you forget that she is so young and reach for her to anchor yourself. You know she has the answers you desperately want answers to… Yet, if you ask they may not be the answers you want to hear. Who can say? Ask and live with the truth or forever remain in the grey area between until forced to hear the truth.
You open your mouth and she presses her fingers against your lips.
“Enjoy the present, Sister. It is a gift.”
With those words, she pushes the sheet off of you both, and drags you out of the safety of the bed. She gets you dressed with an efficiency that amuses you as it always did. No one could order things together like Aru when she was intent on something. When you’d been dressed in a draped gown similar to Aru’s yet with darker coloring, she rushes you out the door while shoving your coronet onto your head.
“Come along!” Aru laughs as she drags you down the hallway, but for a moment your feet refuse to move as you take in your home. It has been too long since you gazed at its subtle beauty.
The entirety of the palace was built into the side of a giant cliff with a waterfall running underneath of it into the sea. Structured as part of the rock formation it is part of, the palace is a towering concoction of cream stone and glittering bronze roofs. At its creation, it was a homage to the elements and all of them were seen in its design. The, seemingly, flaming roofs were a special addition that everyone swore were not intended to be there. But, when the sun hits the roofs exactly right, it is as if the palace is ablaze. The stone used was a type of sandstone made in the depth of the ocean, but carved so intricately that from afar it appears as if it is merely textured rock. Upon closer inspection the swirls and designs become visible to the observer.
The weather of the region is mild and even tempered with calm rains and only occasional vicious storms. For this reason many of the rooms and hallways are made with giant arched windows with no glass. It is an open air palace with the entirety of nature allowed into its depth. Many rooms have fountains fed by the waterfall’s river and plants are easily found everywhere.
A place where nature and humanity meet in harmony.
Your childhood home.
Marveling at the sight of the sea from the archway next to your bedroom, you are struck by how familiar this all feels. As if you have had this moment before.
Aru tugs on your hand and drags you a few steps before huffing about lateness as you laugh.
“I’m coming, Aru!”
This time you let her pull you along. Past servants that all stop to give you both bobs of their head and soon enough descending the stairs toward the throne room. It is like a waking dream as you see every detail of your past laid out so perfectly that you feel it must be a lie. How could it all still be untouched? Has nothing changed?
Except, this is a dream or a memory?
A memory of a dream? Or a dream of a memory?
You can’t figure it out and the more you try to the more it slips away from you. Like trying to bottle the wind or catch smoke – a useless endeavor that evades you at every attempt. And, yet? Without meaning to you try.
As the doors are opened by the stationed guards, Aru flounces through them like the princess she is and always will be. Sunlight glistens off her diadem and she raises her arms to embrace the room as she glides across the floor in a sea of skirts that flutter like petals around her as she moves.
“I brought the birthday girl!” she announces with a twirl as she presents you to your gathered family. “Papa! She’s ready!”
Your father smiles indulgently at his youngest child as she pushes you to where your parents are standing.
“Come, Daughter.” He holds out his hands for you.
This is an important occasion - the coming of age of a princess. It is a day of ceremony you vaguely remember as you cross the room to where your father stands.
Unlike Aru, when you move it is with calculated grace. Every step is measured in sure as you dress, a creation that rivals the night sky, flows around you with a whisper of fabric as you move. There is nothing carefree or whimsical about you. Today you are as vast as the darkness, as mysterious as the cosmos, an as stoic as one who has seen the void and returned. Today, you stand ready to face a destiny you had nearly forgotten.
“I’m ready, Father.” You hold out your hands and kneel before him.
Closing your eyes as your knees adjust to the stone floor, you listen to the king issue commands to let the witnesses in. The court files into the upper, indoor balconies that allow them to watch from above as the ceremony proceeds. It is customary for the coming of age to be witnessed by those of the court and dignitaries from neighboring kingdoms. The presence of hundreds of people fills the room as you wait for the ceremony to begin.
“Another day,” the king begins.
“Another brilliant dawn.” Answers the crowd.
“My third child comes of age today.”
“May she serve us well.”
“Who will stand with her? Who will bless her to a prosperous future?”
A heavy hand falls on your shoulder, the worn callouses chafing against your bare shoulder. “I stand with her, so that she will always have enough sunlight to see how bright her future is.”
Ezekiel’s words sit heavily on you, the magic in them potent as it weaves its way around you.
“I stand with her.” Another hand, on your other shoulder. This one delicate and lightly calloused; Kore’s. “So that she will always have enough rain to wash away any obstacles in her way.”
“I stand with her,” announces Zacharias, joining hands with Kore. “So that she will always have enough pain to understand that she is alive.”
“I stand with her,” intones Zacchaeus, as he steps up to join his twin. “So that she will always have enough gain to satisfy her desires.”
“And I stand with her.” Aru’s voice comes out like the tinkling of bells as she slips in next to Ezekiel. “So that she will have enough loss to appreciate all that life has given her.”
The magic of their words and promises wraps around you; binding you to the position that you are about to undertake. There will be no escaping your status once you accept this role, and the sense of déjà vu is overwhelming. You’ve heard these words spoken before. This magic is not old to you, though it has been and endless time since you’ve felt it.
A moment like this changed your life. And to be feeling it again makes tears gather in your eyes. What would have happened if you had said no?
(Could you have said no?)
“Your family stands united with you.” Your mother steps up beside your father as you open your eyes.
Seeing her standing next to him in all her glory it is as inspiring as it is intimidating. She is a creature of extreme power and little mercy. If you seek mercy ask the king, if you seek justice or revenge the queen can satisfy your desire.
She sets her hand on top of Ezekiel’s while the king sets his on Kore’s. “Do you accept this offer of power and position? It will be filled with responsibilities and regrets. There will be days of heartbreak and heroism. Times of peace and of pain. Nothing can be done without balance. Will you pledge your life to your family, to your people?”
“Do you accept?” the words echo through the room as the crowd speaks as one.
Your gaze is caught on the intensity of your mother’s eyes and the uncharacteristic seriousness of your father. In that moment, you realize all over again that you could have never said no. Family is everything to you and this moment has reminded you that it always was and always will be.
If it is a dream it is one that became true. And if it is a memory it is one that you are desperate never to forget.
There is no saving you for you do not wish to be saved.
Jutting your chin out with pride you reply, “I accept.”
And the darkness swallows you.
~
“I think it is shaped like a bunny?” muses a giggly voice right next to you.
You peel your eyes open to be confronted with a breathless blue sky filled with giant puffy clouds; one of which is shaped like a bunny. “Hmm?”
“A bunny, Sissy! Look at the little cotton tail!”
Tilting your head, you see a young Aru lying beside you. She’s smiling and there’s none of the sadness and regret in her eyes that comes later. It makes you ache to remember how soon enough she will be weighed down by the sins of her beloved brother. His cruelty of life will eat away at her and make Aru into a shell. Her smiles will never reach her eyes, her laugh will be hollow with pain, and when she gazes on Ezekiel she will not be able to stop herself from tearing up. Yet, she will always seek to protect and save him.
The Speaker of Truths only bites her tongue for her brother.
“It could be a bunny.”
“Do you want it to be one?”
“Huh?” You see Aru’s earnest face as she asks you. It makes you wonder what the true intent of her question is.
“What do you want?”
“I don’t understand.”
“You must want something. Everyone wants something out of life. What is it you want, (y/n)?”
“Why are you asking? This isn’t…”
“Shh,” she interrupts you with a finger to your lips. “Everything is real. Everything connects in a giant ocean of time. There is no escaping it and all we can do is learn to swim down. Don’t worry about it now. Let it sink in as you figure out what you want to do. Because you’re going to have to do something, Sissy. Breath deep because the bottom is a long way away and you’re going to need every drop of air in your lungs to make it. So, prepare. Gather your friends and enemies close as you wait for what could be the end, or perhaps, the beginning.”
You open your mouth to respond when a voice calls out. “Aru!”
We sit up to see Ezekiel walking toward us with Kore beside him. He’s waving his arms wide with an infectious smile on his face. Kore looks amused by his antics and attempts to trip him as they skirt around a patch of flowers.
“Ezekiel!” squeals Aru, as she leaps to her feet. “You’ve returned.”
She takes off running and manages to catch herself from tripping over the hem of her skirt. It billows around her like a rose’s petals dancing in the breeze. Bunching it in her hands in an undignified manner she continues to near them.
Ezekiel speeds up to a run and manages to catch her in his arms as she trips into them.
They’re laughing.
He’s twirling her about.
Kore is smiling and teasing them.
This is how things used to be.
... This is how things should be.
~
Bong.
It is the final hour as the bell begins to toll.
The world is black and charred. There is nothing left living on it as you stare at the last remaining barrier blocking you from your quarry. Flicking out a hand, the stone door in front of you is obliterated. The castle in which you’re invading is the only structure remaining the wasteland you’ve turned to world into. The seat of power of a sadistic man whose captive you’ve come to reclaim.
Bong.
Stalking through the empty hallways you hear the sound of tinkling laughter and your heart aches. He keeps the chaos from touching her, but you know it is leaving invisible scars. There is no way it can be kept from her when she sees everything. No matter how much he makes her laugh there will always be pain in her soul
“She’s here?”
Your heart aches at her voice. It has been so long since you heard it that you began to fear that Aru had finally perished. And, yet here she is somewhere behind a door waiting for you with Ezekiel, her faithful hound, ready to attack at a moments notice.
“Yes, little star, she’s here.”
Hearing his voice makes you feel cold. Like ice has infested your veins and turned you to stone. Darkness quivers at your anger and draws around you in a protective armor both beautiful and deadly. He will feel the wrath of The Destroyer.
Bong.
Another door falls to your might and behind it sits Ezekiel on a throne of bones with Aru, cloaked in her now customary crimson, staring out a window. The scene is both ominous and saddening as you watch Ezekiel lounge on the remains of those he killed with the ease of sated predator. He is at his leisure as he waits for your arrival, always one step behind him no matter how hard you try.
And, Aru. She stands with her back to you, hands held calmly at her sides and posture relaxed. What does she have to fear when the universe’s greatest monster holds her as his most prized treasure? When he kills her it will be with love in his eyes and the best intentions in his heart, ever the devoted brother.
“Sister,” Ezekiel drawls. “So nice of you to join us. Did you enjoy this round?”
You clench your fist and the shadows in the room dance. “Aru, are you alright?”
Ezekiel sneers. “Of course she is! I would never harm my beloved sister. I adore my siblings.”
“Aru?”
Bong.
She turns blinded eyes toward you and smiles. “I’m alright, Sister.”
Your breath catches in your throat. “You’ve lost yourself in the future. Stop looking, Aru! Stop looking and come back to us!”
You plead for the one thing you fear she cannot do any longer. Once she had dived too deep into the pool there is no way for her to resurface. She may be lost to all of you without any hope of freedom. Trapped in an endless see of what has been, will be, and is happening. It is a prison of her mind.
Tears flow silently down her cheeks. “I can’t. I’m too lost in it to make my way back.”
“The future is endless, Sister. Endless.” with trembling hands she raises her hood so her face is covered.
Bong.
“Why, Ezekiel?” You ask, as you have many times before when you’ve nearly captured him. “Why have you done this? What about our home was so unsafe that Aru could not remain there? There must be some reason you’ve chosen to do this?”
He shakes his head at you with pity. “How could you not see the truth? How they bottle us up and kept us trapped? We never got true freedom! The palace was a gilded cage and we were the tigers kept tightly leashed within. What good did it do to remain?”
“Fine!” you shout, shadows lashing out as you do. “So, you didn’t want to remain Crown Prince and watch Kore take the throne! So, you didn’t want to remain in our home trying to be happy! So, you wanted more than you were given and struck out to find something else! FINE! But WHY? WHY DID YOU TAKE HER?”
Bong.
“Because I wanted to go.”
Bong.
Aru’s hushed confession breaks something in you and with a violet scream you lunge at Ezekiel, shadows forming a blade in your hands as you go.
He meets your attack head on, his blade drawn and a glint in his eyes telling you how long he has waited for this moment. No opponent can satisfy his desire for a fight the way you or your siblings could. No one has trained the same and no matter how worthy the opponent nothing gives Ezekiel more pleasure than besting you. Time and time again he wins, and still you chase him. Destroying worlds and trying to protect as you go along behind.
It is a thankless task and as you spin and lunge again, you wish you had never taken up the duty.
You imagine how easy your life would have been as Queen. No need for blood and sorrow as there is now. It would have had its own challenges but nothing like what you deal with now. No, now you fight every day.
With yourself.
With Ezekiel’s minions.
With the worlds.
Bong.
“Stop! Please!” Aru cries out as she tries to come between your fighting.
Suddenly, she sways where she stands and Ezekiel moves faster than a single breath to steady her. “Hush, little star. Why don’t you lie down?”
“It won’t end here.” Aru’s voice takes on a dreamy quality. “No, it isn’t quite ready to end, but it is coming…”
“Shhh,” Ezekiel hushes her. He gathers her into his arms and faces you. “Until next time.”
“NO!” you shout as shadows swarm your siblings’ forms in an attempt to ensnare them.
Bong.
Once again, you’re too late.
Bong.
You stand in the empty room and fall to your knees a wail of injustice careening from your lips. Leaning down you press your forehead against the floor and scream, knowing it’ll take you too long to catch up with them. Everything hurts and slamming your hand repeatedly against the floor is causing it to go numb.
Falling back onto your heels you stare unseeingly at the walls.
“This isn’t real…”
Taking the blade in your other hand you draw it across your palm and watch the blood drip down.
“None of this is real…”
Hands shaking you stare around you at the scene of your last failure.
“Why are you showing me this?”
You ask for answers you’re not yet ready to learn.
Bong.
“I don’t want to remember it.”
“Just let me forget.”
“Anything is better than this!”
“JUST LET ME GO!”
“PLEASE!”
“He can have her! I won’t stand in his way anymore! Let the worlds he touches rot from the inside out and crumble around them as he sucks everything dry with his constant need for chaos and power.”
“please?”
“Let me return to the darkness.”
“I want to give up…”
“Maybe… Maybe one day… Maybe one day I’ll actually believe it when I say that.”
Bong.