Chains are Irrelevant
They’d let you out of the prison they thought could hold you (HA!). Now, the would-be heroes had you confined to one level of the tower that was shared by Clint and Nat. It was an amusing situation for the two spies as they found themselves subjected to your new-found hobby – cooking. After whipping them up the best pancakes they’d ever tasted Nat went out and bought Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Between that and Pinterest you’d started perfecting your new skill. Water-cress soup became Nat’s favorite much to Clint’s and your surprise and she refused to share after you’d each had a single bowl.
Along with cooking you baked. Thus, Clint and Nat found themselves in a decidedly cushy position as all their meals became decadent and sublime. When the others began to notice the tasty treats the two sometimes had, at first they were jealous until they learned of the source. Then, the jokes began. Teasing over the thought of poison in the food and to watch out letting you around sharp instruments. Those jokes started to die down as they heard more and more about the meals you cooked and the other things you did for your favorite duo. You sparred with Nat occasionally and were always up for late night snacks when they had trouble sleeping. One night when Clint woke up after a nightmare about his family you strolled into his room with two cups of tea laced with Baileys and proceeded to listen to him share his fears with you until he fell asleep. In the morning, he woke up to find the two of you still in his bed with your hand clutched in his. He squeezed your hand and you squeezed back. In that moment, Clint felt safer than he had in a long time.
Sometimes, Nat needed the same thing. Human contact is a powerful thing and both agents needed someone to hold onto in their moments of weakness. She never felt she had to protect you from her darkness. When it came out you never did more than blink. Even her scariest demons couldn’t scare you. You made the devil run for cover.
Tony and Bruce saw you once a week for tests and samples. It amused you to let them try to find something. Everything always came back “normal” as if you were a regular human being. It drove Tony crazy and baffled Bruce. You never spoke to them and followed their instructions docilely. Occasionally, Fury would show up to observe and you’d chat with him about the most mundane things.
Oddly warm weather for this time of year.
Have you heard that new pop song on the radio?
I saw the cutest picture of a cat the other day.
It was an odd coexisting but it was working.
~
“Is there something you wish to share with the table, Clint?” you ask as the archer squirms in his seat for the fourth time this morning. “You’re going to fall out of your seat if you keep up all the fidgeting you’re doing.”
Clint chances a glance up to meet your searching gaze before turning back to his eggs benedict. “It’s nothing.”
You snort and pour more coffee for Nat. “Liar. Every time you lie a new speckle of blackness seems to settle over you like soot. I wonder why lying bothers you so much… I digress. What are you keeping from me?”
“Steve told us Barnes wants to meet with you again.” Nat speaks up as she toasts you in thanks for the coffee. “Something about Bucky having nightmares about crows. It is making Steve go crazy to see how Bucky is acting now.”
“Oh?” you muse with subtle curiosity. “Does the lost soldier need a shoulder to cry on?”
There’s a moment of awkward silence.
“No,” says Clint, breaking the silence. “In fact, he’s doing rather well for someone who’s been waking up screaming for months. Steve said he’s gone quiet and that’s what’s freaking him out. Do you want to speak with Bucky?”
You shrug and nibble on a piece of bacon. “I would not say no if the sergeant wanted to talk to me. Though it may not be as helpful as the captain wishes.”
“Good.” Nat states as she downs her coffee in a giant swallow. “They’re coming to visit after breakfast.”
“I suppose I should change then.” Looking down at your silky pink robe with butterflies on it you realize that neither soldier would appreciate your casual dress. It might amuse you to shock them with your scandalously short robe, but it wouldn’t give the impression of seriousness. Neither Nat nor Clint minded your wardrobe of bright colors and silly patterns. The other day you’d found a pair of bunny slippers online and remarked how adorable they were. Two days later you had a pair of white bunnies with little pink noses on your feet and your two roommates had never seen someone so happy. For all your affinity for darkness and shadow, you tended to enjoy bright colors and fun patterns. A stark contrast to what they expected.
The elevator dings.
“Too late,” mumbles Clint, taking his last bite and basically fleeing the kitchen area.
You glare after him and call, “Traitor!”
He turns and gives you a quick grin and a wink before heading to his room.
The door opens and the two supersoldiers appear, neither looking pleased to be there.
“Gentlemen, care for some breakfast?” you ask from your seated position beside Nat.
Both stare at you in shock as they take in the elaborate breakfast spread, then your attire, finally looking at Nat who is still wearing her Harry Potter pajamas. Decked out in silver and green, her house colors, she gestures for one last cup of coffee as she continues to read the novel sitting before her on the table.
“Ignore me,” she says without looking up as you refill her cup. This time adding a dash of creamer to achieve the creamy brown color she likes best.
“We need to talk.” Steve demands as he takes a seat across from you with Bucky on his left. “After last time…”
Chuckling you stand to grab them each a cup for coffee. “Decided if you’re a hero yet, Captain?”
Visibly irritated Steve shifts in his seat and doesn’t reply.
“I cry ink.” Bucky breaks the silence that was beginning to build. “Your crows made me.”
“Did they?” you pour them each a cup and slide them over the table. “Did you feel better after crying?”
Bucky frowns, “I- I don’t know.”
“You look better.” You state bluntly. “The darkness isn’t drowning you. Part of you is accepting it and that will make life easier. Have you been dreaming of your past? Of those people whose lives you took because they made you? Do you see the birds?”
Now, Bucky leans forward and the two of you seemed locked in a moment that the others cannot even try to be part of. “They’re loud and angry as they circle the dead… They peck at their corpses and seem to laugh at me. Every time I close my eyes I see giant black birds with shiny wings that seem to carry the souls of the dead. Then I open my eyes and they’re still there - outside my window or flying overhead. Why do they haunt me even during my waking hours?”
“Does your past stop haunting you when you wake? You can’t escape fear or guilt.” You don’t move as he leans even closer to you; almost straining across the table. “Feed the birds. Accept the guilt and embrace your fears. Don’t let them rule you. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. You didn’t ask for yours.”
“And what about yours?” counters Bucky with a slam of his metal hand upon the table. It creaks and looks dented but no one notices. “How is your sister doing? Have you been thinking about her warning? Should we be worried about another world killer showing up?”
Instead of getting mad, you smile. “I prefer the term destroyer to killer. And I haven’t heard from my darling little sister since that time. She’s in no position to be contacting me. What about your sisters? Do you remember any of their names or has the good captain been filling you in?”
Bucky and you lock gazes in a charged stare.
“Just stop bothering him.” Snaps Steve, breaking the connection between you and Bucky.
Blinking rapidly, Bucky slouches back into his chair quietly.
With wide eyes, you blink at Steve. “Stop bothering him? Captain, I haven’t seen Sergeant Barnes since he tried to talk to me that one time. If he wants to be left alone he shouldn’t let his darkness rule him. After all, darkness is my specialty.”
Your eyes flutter at your words and for a moment the lights flicker off before coming back on as if nothing ever happened. Getting up, you place your dishes in the sink to wash later and walk to your room aware of the three sets of eyes that watch you leave.
Neither Steve or Bucky has ever been intimidated by a woman in bunny slippers before, but today both of them watched you leave with tendrils of fear wrapping around their hearts and squeezing to the point of pain.
“You shouldn’t harass her, Steve.” Nat says, turning the page of her book. “If you continue to it won’t be her that makes you stop… It’ll be me.” Slamming the book shut she leaves the two of them stunned and silent.
After she’s gone, Bucky turns to Steve. “I think…” He trails off and stares down at his hands as he wraps them around the coffee mug before him. “I think she understands me. I’m not afraid of who she is anymore, just what she can do. You’ll never understand me, Stevie. That’s okay, but she gets it. When she looks at me she’s not seeing flaws that need to be fixed. No, she sees something to be accepted. I need that, Steve.”
He drains the coffee from his mug and smiles at it. Not a big smile, but the beginning of one.
Steve watches with a frown. “Maybe we should lock her back up. The testing is going nowhere and she’s not doing anything.”
“What will a cage do?” Bucky asks as he stands. “Chains couldn’t hold her and neither can a cage. Darkness is everywhere.”
He leaves Steve sitting there as he goes down the hall to your room.