Chapter 8
The first careful glimmer of morning sun brought out all the tiny crevices and grooves etched into the windshield. The rays that got through comforted Ward with their warmth. He leaned on the headrest and let the sun create intricate patterns and colors inside his eyelids. The thrill of ridding himself of his father had faded and left him with an emptiness he didn't quite understand. Wasn't this what he had always wanted? To finally be his on his own, and not have anyone dictate what he could or couldn't do?
Ward opened his eyes and had to lift his hand in front of his face in order to see anything. He considered putting on his sunglasses but decided against it. It would have felt a bit too much like he was spying on someone. Which he wasn't. He'd just happened to drive this way on his way home, after cleaning all evidence from his father's apartment. He had parked 100 feet away from the cafe, on the opposite side of the road. He sat there, staring at the closed security gates, letting his thoughts fill out with nothing.
Movement stirred him from his slumber. The security gates were rising, glistening in the morning sun. Immediately after that, the door opened and Lumi stepped out. She walked over to the neighboring flower shop, tapped on the window and gestured something to whoever was inside. She went back into the cafe and came out carrying a round folding table, which she set up into the sun. A few minutes later two chairs followed. While she was back inside the cafe, a woman holding a small flower arrangement in her hands came out of the flower shop door. She set the bouquet on the table, arranged the flowers until she was satisfied with how they leaned against each other and sat down, facing the sun.
Lumi came out shortly afterward, carrying a tray with two steaming coffee cups and a plate full of croissants. Ward felt his stomach grumble. When was the last time he ate? He couldn't remember. Food was something he ingested in order to keep functioning, nothing more.
She sat at the table, back against the sun and reached to smell the flowers. The two women started a lively conversation; hands gesturing, smiling widely and leaning on to each other like they shared secrets no one else was supposed to hear. On occasion they seemed to take up more serious matters, faces somber, shoulders slumped, eyes downward. Then a comforting touch or a hug. Like friends could do. Ward felt a twist in his guts. There had always been so much he'd needed to hide, so many secrets he'd had to keep, and no one to share them with. He wondered what it would be like, to have someone he could talk to about anything and everything. He couldn't imagine it.
Ward felt the trembles start again. It wasn't time for another pill yet, but he couldn't risk being debilitated by the lack of medicine in the meeting set by Lawrence. He swallowed one dry. He had a couple of hours to put his act together, for both Joy and the current chairman of the board. He should be on his way home by now.
Ward watched Lumi and her friend under his heavy eyelids. He needed sleep, but he knew it would avoid him like the plague. The images of his father disappearing under the murky water, his expression when he realized what Ward had done, his weight on the tarp when Ward dragged him to the car. The feel of the knife pushing its way through his abdomen. All of it whirled around his head like a mindless kaleidoscope. All of it spiced by simultaneous exhilarated relief and overwhelming guilt.
What had he imagined he'd achieve by going to see Lumi yesterday? Why had he wanted to bring his troubles to her? Troubles that she hadn't asked for, or didn't need. There was nothing she could have done for him. The whole thing had been a huge mistake, letting her see what a clusterfuck his life had become. What he had become. There was no way he wanted to infect her with the sickness that was his life. It was better for both of them to stay away.
He dug out his sunglasses from the glove compartment and started the car. There was enough traffic now so he wouldn't be noticed driving by. The last thing he saw of Lumi was her cradling the coffee cup in her hands, smiling at something the woman opposite her had said. She looked happy. Good. She would stay that way as long as he kept himself out of her life. He would have to find a new place to get his coffee from.