Steve opened his eyes staring at the white ceiling for a moment. He blinked and lowered his gaze over the window on his right, the curtains slowly moving at the light wind coming from outside that brought the noises of the traffic from the city inside the room.
“Good morning, soldier.”
Steve blinked again and turned to look the other side: Peggy Carter was sitting next to his legs, her hands clasped together on her lap. She was smiling that smile… that hidden smile of her, almost ready to explode.
“I think you’ve slept more than enough, don’t you agree?” She said, “I have to admit, you were sleeping very peacefully.” She added with irony.
Steve just looked at her, her lips painted dark red, her brown and warm eyes always focused on everything and everyone; her long brown hair brushing gently over her shoulders in perfect order… She was wearing the white shirt and the brown skirt that he loved so much.
“How are you feeling?” Asked Peggy after a moment.
He moved to sit, looking down at the white SSR t-shirt and brown trousers he was wearing, then outside for a moment before stood up in one quick movement and grab the sides of the window: New York was there, the city he remembered, in the sunset’s light. The New York of the year 1943.
He was… he wasn’t…
“Steve?”
He turned when a hand gently rested on his shoulder and Peggy was there. Peggy, he’s Peggy was there with him again, looking worried now. “It’s really you?” he felt stupid asking, but he couldn’t… he already lived that moment, he was almost sure he did, and the first time wasn’t-
She punched his shoulder, strong enough to woke him and make him flinch, “If you’re trying to save yourself from that dance you own me, well this isn’t working.”
Steve suddenly hugged her as if the world was going to end in few seconds.
“That’s better.” She smiled, with a sigh of relief, hugging him tightly, “Did you have any idea of how worried I was?”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’ll need something better than that.”
Steve huffed a laugh, despite everything, looking around in the little room, without leaving her: there was only one bed, a table close to the door with a little pot of flowers and a radio on it, passing the news of the day. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, hiding his face against Peggy’s neck, smelling her perfume.
“I thought we’d lost you…” She said softly, “That I lost you.”
“I’m sorry, Peg. I’m so sorry… I- Can you tell me what happened?”
She moved a bit from him, staring into his blue eyes, “You don’t remember?”
“I think I remember too many things, but not the ones that I need.”
Peggy studied him for a moment, “Sit down.” She said, moving him to the bed again. She stayed in front of him, thinking, and then sat back next to him, “You remember what happened with Red Skull? The plane?”
Steve nodded, “Yeah. I stopped him and then…” he took a breath, “I crashed in the ocean?”
Peggy nodded, her eyes betrayed a flash of sadness mixed with fear, “We lost you for some weeks… and then Howard and his research team finally found you. You were- you were stuck in the ice, and once we get you out of it, we couldn’t wake you up. Until now.” She sighed, “You made us wait almost a month, you know?”
He smiled a bit, “Sorry.”
“I guess the serum actually saved your life this time. We were sure to find a dead body inside that plane…” Peggy looked down.
Steve grabbed her hands, keeping her close, “But I’m not dead. I’m here now.”
“I know… but it still feels like a dream.”
“Yeah, same for me.” Steve breathed long and deeply, staring at her. A dream where I was dead for years and when I woke up, my world was gone… my family, my friends weren’t there anymore…
“Steve?”
You weren’t there anymore.
Peggy slowly grabbed his arm and he blinked, focusing on her again, “It seems that it was more like a nightmare for you.” She said.
Steve just nodded and forced himself to smile a bit saying, “So Howard found me…”
“He never gave up on you.” Peggy said with a serious face, “None of us did. All the team kept working on finding you.” She smiled, “You’re not going to run from your duties yet.”
“Never tried to, ma’am.” He caressed her hand as if he wouldn’t have the opportunity to do it anymore.
Peggy looked at him for a bit and then asked, “Why did you ran to the window, before? You were searching for something?”
Steve huffed a laugh, “You have no idea…”
“I’d like to.”
He looked outside again, while the radio was now singing –It’s been a long, long time-, “You’ll think that I am crazy…”
“Did you forgot that I work with Howard Stark?” she said, raising her eyebrows.
“No,” Steve laughed, “no, you’re right, but it was like… I think I’ve had the strangest dream of my life… or maybe was a glimpse of the future, I don’t know.”
“The future?” Peggy was looking at him in full attention now, “You think that what happened to you… the crash and the serum allowed you to see something during the time you spent in the coma? Something about the future?”
Steve took a deep breath and, still grabbing her hand, said, “What if I told you that I remember waking up in this exact same room, but outside all the rest of the world was different?”
She frowned, “Different how?”
“Different like seventy years in the future after my crash.”
Peggy tried to say something, then just closed her mouth, staring at him while the words were trying to have some sense.
Steve nodded, “I woke up in here and there was a nurse dressed almost like you-“ he continued, noticing a little-disappointed look on her face that made him smile, “But it wasn’t you, and there was the radio too… talking about a match, but it was wrong.” He looked at the radio, still filling the room with the soft music, “I remembered because I was there, so I- I ran away and…”
Peggy grabbed his hand, trying to provide him some kind of comfort.
“And the city wasn’t how I remember it. It was… it was 2012.” He continued and she smiled amazed at that, “I know, I told you it would sound crazy, but it’s true. It was. It looked true... It felt so real.”
“So you are telling me that you didn’t wake up right after the plane crashed?” She said and then, thinking, she corrected herself, “That no one managed to find you after the crash.” Her voice sad now.
Steve kept his eyes on their hands tangled together.
“We didn’t give up, and we are in the 40’s.” Peggy said, “They didn’t managed to save you before seventy years?”
Steve sighed, “I guess I just imagined a different side of the story.”
“A very sad one.” She said slowly, and then asked, “And the dream ended there? With you lost in the future?”
Steve smiled and shook his head, “No. I- I was working with an organization that you had founded…”
Peggy watched him in amuse, “Oh. The irony.”
“I fought for them- and with them. With a team-“ Steve stopped there, lost in the memory of the battle with the Avengers, against Loki.
“Another war?” Asked Peggy.
He looked up at her, “No… not like the one we fought here, at least. Something… someone was threatening the Earth and we stopped him.”
Peggy smiled fondly at him, “And once again you were there when the world needed you most.”
“Let’s say that we’ve been just lucky enough.” He snorted with a grin.
“And you said you had a team…?”
Steve nodded once, “Kind of. They weren’t really soldiers, but good people that decided to fight together to protect everyone with everything we had… someone having something more than others.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean with powers I’ve never seen before or- or technology that-“
“Technology? Like Howard’s?”
“Yeah, he-“ Steve stopped and smiled a bit more, “I’ve met his son.”
Peggy looked puzzled at him, then in disbelief, “Howard’s son?” and when he nodded, she covered a big smile with a hand, “Oh dear.”
“I know…”
“You met Howard’ son and fought with him in a dream. I think I understand now why it was like a nightmare.” She smiled.
Steve shook his head, “No, he- he was actually a… a good man. Brave, on his own way… very similar to Howard.”
“I’m sure Howard will want to know everything about this... How did he called his son?”
“Tony. Anthony.”
“Anthony.” Peggy repeated thoughtfully, “It’s a nice name. Probably not Howard's idea.”
Steve smiled a bit, “He was an inventor like his father and- and I the future allowed him to create things we can only dream about.”
“But not something to find you.” Peggy said and saw his smile fade a little, “I know it was just a dream, but just thinking that it would took them seventy years to found you…” she breathed deeply, “You should’ve known that it could be only a dream. It couldn’t be real.”
“Easier to say now that I’m here, alive.” Steve said calmly, “I wasn’t angry at them... and I’m happy to be here with you now.”
She nodded slowly, “But?”
He shook his head, “But… it still feels weird.”
“Weird.”
“Off…?” He tried and she smiled patiently, “It was my life, Peg. More than one year of life that now turned out it was just a dream. The people I’ve met, the things I have done and said… it felt so real.” He looked at her like in search of approval, or help, “I fought a war, I- I think more than one, and I saw things that...” some strange memory came to him, of terrifying creature made of metal, an army of them, and then a city floating in the sky...
Peggy felt his grip tighten, but she didn’t let go, doing the same, “You fear that it could still happen.” She said.
“I don’t know. I mean, maybe it could happen, but… I’m here now, so…”
She laughed a bit, “So you’ll be ready to fight everything will come as a proud old man?”
“No doubt on that.” He said and both of them laughed.
“And what about me?” Asked Peggy, “I was still in charge of that- organization?” She saw him look down in silence. “Oh. I- I retired…?”
Steve nodded slowly.
Peggy took a deep breath, “I see. Well, I guess I had a pretty long career.”
“You weren’t-“ Steve looked her like she could disappear at any moment, “You retired, but you were… still there.”
“You found me?”
“Yes.”
“But you slept for all that time, so I presume I wasn’t… exactly like you remembered me.”
He shook his head in a silent no.
“Did I still remembered you?”
“Yeah... yes, you did, and you had a long, happy life. Despite everything.”
“Despite having lost you.”
“You lived your life, Peggy. I’ve never been more proud of you.” He saw her eyes fighting to keep the tears from falling, “You couldn’t wait for me forever, Peg. Seventy years was…” Steve shook his head, caressing her face, “I would never ask you that much.”
“But it wasn’t fair for you.” She said placing a hand on his, “You are the last person to deserve something like that… not even a nightmare like that.”
“After what I did, I wasn’t expecting to wake up at all.”
“And I hated you for that.” She said, pressing her nails into his hand, “I hated you so much… I hated everything after you were gone. The mission, the war... even winning wasn't fair without you there with us. With me.”
Steve didn’t move, watching the woman he loved so much staring at him so angry, so sad, and yet so beautiful, “It was my choice.”
“I know. But I hated that choice every day until now.”
“I had to…”
“You choose to save a city sacrificing your life.” A tear rolled down from her eyes, “You had to do it, even if you didn’t want to. That’s why I hate it.”
Steve took a breath and hugged her again. He had forgotten how good Peggy was at reading his mind. She knew it from the beginning, and during that last transmission from the plane… she already knew. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your apologies, Steve.” She cried against his shoulder, “I don’t want to imagine a world when I lost you like that. Almost losing you was enough.”
He took a deep breath and nodded, hugging her tightly, “No more close call.”
“You better promise me that, soldier.”
He smiled, “I promise.” Then he moved away to look her now smiling a bit with her face covered in tears. Steve placed his hands on her face to wipe them away and kiss her, then resting his forehead against hers.
“What the-?”
He looked behind them and found Howard Stark blinking in surprise. Steve smiled, “I guess I own you more than one this time.”
Howard frowned, in his usual elegant suit, and looked at Peggy, “Mind to explain?”
She smiled at him, “It’s my fault.” Then looked at Steve again, “I shouldn’t have...”
Steve was the one confused now: her words didn’t match with the smile on her face. “What?”
“You’ll keep your promise?” She asked calmly again, “Will you?”
“I… I will.”
“You what?” Howard almost roared to Peggy.
“I’m sorry.” Peggy’s smile loosened a bit, “I’m very sorry.”
Steve frowned, looking at Howard one last time and then at Peggy and he froze: Peggy’s eyes were bright red but before he could say or do anything, she covered his eyes with a hand.
“I’m sorry. Don’t be afraid.” Peggy said from the darkness, “Everything’s fine. You just need to come back.”
“What- Peg, what are you doing?”
“Listen to my voice.”
“I don’t-“
“Steve, listen to my voice. Listen.”
Steve kept his hands on her cheeks, not ready to let go yet, despite the confusion, but then suddenly something was clear to him: that wasn’t Peggy’s voice.
The music from the radio already gone.
-.-.-
“I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped.”
“Let him go. Now!”
“I’m trying.”
“What the hell-“
Steve keep hearing different voices until he snapped and grabbed her wrist and she wasn’t Peggy anymore.
Wanda tried to say something but then stopped, lips partly open, looking at him with tears still rolling over her face.
Steve blinked again, and again he saw Peggy for a second, and then she was gone. He stared at Wanda then at the room that was changing at every blink: the little room in the 40’s becoming a big living room with modern furniture and lights. The woods outside the window, then the old New York with it’s smoke fuming here and there, then woods again.
“Cap? You ok?”
He blinked and looked at his left: Howard was still there, and then there was his son. Howard again and Tony Stark after another blink, both of them frowning at him, worried.
“This is real.” Wanda said quietly, and he looked back at her, “It is. I am sorry-“
Steve tightened the grasp on her wrists for a moment, face hard like stone, before let her go. He closed his eyes, head low, breathing fast and hard.
“Steve I’m sorry. You said it was fine to try… I tried to pull away but-“
“Pull away from what?” asked Tony, voice still angry, “What the hell have you done to him?”
“I… I was trying something with my powers- he said that he would like to help me. I just-“
“Hold on, did you- did you played with his mind again?”
“I warned him. I told him what could’ve happened…”
“Jesus…”
“He said that it was fine. I wasn’t expecting to not be able to take him back.”
“Of all the people, you really thought that the soldier from the past that woke up from a suicide mission after seventy years was the best material for mindfuck tests?”
“I just…”
“Damn it, Wanda.”
“It’s ok.” Said Steve and they both looked at him, “I need some air.”
“Steve, you shouldn’t-“ Wanda watched him stood from the couch and leave. She shook her head and looked at the other, “You need to stop him.”
“Why? What else did you do?”
“The connection with his memories was strong. He- he wasn’t ready to let go yet.”
“If you’re trying to be ironic…”
“I mean it.” She said, “He’s still… confused.”
Tony sighed, “Friday, lock the floor. No need to see him running around screaming.” He said, leaving the room.
Steve, meanwhile, just got downstairs, stopping on the stairs for a moment, looking around the building that was like the SSR HQ after a blink and the Avengers HQ after another. He placed a hand over his eyes, trying the fight the urge to destroy something. Of course it couldn’t be real… the 40’s weren’t real anymore, but… but Peggy was there a second ago…
“Hey Cap?”
The life that he should’ve had… he saw it there, he touched it. How the things should’ve gone… He just saw what he should’ve found opening his eyes after the plane crash.
“Steve, c’mon… look at me?”
Steve shook his head at the voice coming from behind. He wasn’t ready to let go. He didn’t want to.
What if he could actually stay in the life he just saw? What if this sad version of his story was the fake one?
Wake up with Peggy still there. Wake up in a world that didn’t leave him behind…
“Ok Sparkle, time to-“ Tony regretted grabbing him by his arm the second he did it: he found an angry, confused and apparently ready to cry Captain America grasping his shirt and waistcoat, smashing him against the wall hard enough to hurt his back. “Wrong time… -k then.” He said grabbing his arms, even if was useless.
“That's what I was thinking, exactly.” The other said in a low voice.
“I know, but- late to be mad about the past, don’t you think?” Tony said with the few air he had, trying to reach the floor with his feet.
Steve blinked and he was keeping Howard in a choking grasp. And after another, there was Tony again.
Tony. Wanda… the Avengers. The real side of the story… for how sad it could be.
“We aren’t the people you saw a moment ago, uh?” Said Tony.
“No.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but-“ Tony coughed a bit, “Wanda said it could take a while before you’ll be back into the real world, so…”
“Tell me the truth.”
“I am trying, she said-“
“The truth.” Steve pressed him harder against the wall, “The truth about Peggy. And about Howard.”
“Well, that sound way funnier that it should- OK, ok, not in the mood for jokes, got it.” Tony stopped himself, the grasp of the soldier tightening even more, and he started to feel more and more like a sandwich there, “Peggy Carter lives in London, she’s 90 now. And Howard is dead years ago. Being his only son, I’m pretty sure that’s the truth.”
Steve’s eyes were watery, but all his attention was on the man he was keeping so close, between the wall and himself.
“Sorry for the sad reminder.” Tony continued, still grasping his arms, but now more to balance himself, “That’s why I never let Wanda come too close to my head. She didn’t mean to hurt you, we both know that… but let her test her powers on yourself was a stupid idea, if you ask me.”
Tony’s voice slowly helped him to remember everything, about where he was and when... with who.
Who he was, who had become, in the future where he had lost everyone and everything else.
“Peggy was- she was there.” Steve said, “She was there and the city was so close that I could touch it, but…”
“If it’s too good, it’s probably fake. Story of my life.”
Steve took a deep breath, watching him, but still focused on the memories he just saw. “Wanda showed me how things could’ve been.” He said slowly, “I think it was… how I wish things would’ve been.”
“For what it worth, even here someone is happy that you’re still alive. Maybe isn't who you hoped to find after your awake, but… it’s something?”
Steve blinked and finally looked actually at him, no more Howard Stark.
Tony sighed, almost hearing his heart still beating fast, “It’s not enough, isn’t it?” he said, voice low and veiled of sadness. He watched the soldier press his lips in a tight line.
“I thought it was.” Steve answered, looking down with a so sad expression, so lost…
Tony felt his heart break a little looking at him, “Come here, big guy.” He said, dragging him down into a hug, pressing his head against himself. “Can you stop being the tough soldier for a second?” he asked, feeling him still tense into the hug, “Only once? Then we’ll go back to Wanda and force her to cook dinner for you for a week.” He felt him huff a little laugh over his shoulder, “Not enough? Two weeks then. Breakfast included. Deal?”
Steve closed his eyes, hugging him back, “Deal.”
.
.
.
end