Guilty thoughts
Bucky and Steve were waiting in the doctors office for their four month appointment with doctor Cho.
Bucky was lying on the table while Steve sat in the chair to his right.
Steve was still feeling guilty for his thoughts about Sharon, and the fact that he was still thinking of her.
It had been a week since they'd met but Steve just couldn't get her off of his mind.
He knew it was wrong to think of another when he was dating someone. Especially someone as great as Bucky, but he couldn't help himself.
Doctor Cho entered the room. "Hello, James its good to see you again. And you as well Mr. Rogers. How has everything been going? Have you been feeling sick or achy?" She asked, looking at Bucky as she took a seat on a stool next to the bed.
"I've been getting morning sickness, but it usually stops around noon. And my hips have been a little sore but other than that I've been fine." Bucky told her.
She jotted down some notes in his chart. Asked a few more questions, to which he answered.
"Okay, so we're gonna do the ultrasound today. And were you two planning on finding out the sex of the baby?" Both Steve and Bucky nodded, they'd discussed this last night and decided that both of them wanted to know what their baby was.
"Alright, so I'm just gonna take some of your blood, send it to the lab and we should have the results in about a week." She walked over to a desk drawer and pulled out a syringe, uncapping it.
"What arm do you prefer?" Bucky gave her his left arm, and grabbed Steve's hand. He squeezed Steve's hand as she pushed the needle into the crook of his elbow. It didn't take long and before he knew she was finished.
Steve rubbed Bucky's should and smiled at him, trying to help him relax.
A few minutes later and doctor Cho wheeled over the ultrasound machine.
"Can you lift up your shirt and unbutton your pants for me?" Bucky did as instructed, Steve couldn't help but smile every time he saw Bucky's small bump.
"Okay, this is gonna be a little cold." Cho told him. Bucky inhaled as she squirted the gel onto his belly. After moving the wand around for a moment Cho made a sound of success.
"Okay do you see that little peanut? That's your baby. And this..." a thumping sound filled the room. "Is your baby's heartbeat." She smiled at the couple. Bucky's eyes began to water and he raised his free hand to his mouth. Steve took in a deep breath as he listened to the sound of his child.
Thump thuh thump.
It was a beautiful.
_-_-_-_
Steve dropped Bucky off at the apartment he shared with his best friends Natasha and Clint. He walked him to the door and kissed his cheek, saying that he had to get back home to work on a commission when Bucky asked if he wanted to come in.
When he got home he put the picture they got printed from the ultrasound on the fridge, so he could see it everyday.
It made him smile to think of his baby, his future life with Bucky and their child.
He wondered who the baby would take after, if it's hair would be brown or blonde. Who's eyes they would receive, his baby blues or Bucky's stormy grey. If they would be an Alpha, a Beta or an Omega. Although that doesn't matter to him, he would love his child no matter what their designation is.
He walked to his art studio to work on the painting for Sharon. He'd started on it last week and had made some good progress. He wanted it to be good for Sharon, she deserved a beautiful painting.
He was painting the water, when his phone vibrated. After cleaning up his hands he picked it up to see a text from Sharon.
Nervously opening it.
Hey Steve, I was wondering if I could come over and see how the painting was going?
He should say no, that it would be inappropriate. He had an inkling that she liked him, and this just confirmed it.
He shouldn't let his temptation win because no matter what feelings he had for this girl he was in a relationship.
With Bucky.
Oh god, Bucky doesn't deserve this. Bucky deserves to be worshiped. But Steve is weak, he can't help himself.
Before he knows it he's typing out his address and telling her that yes, she should come over.
He tells himself that nothing is going to happen. She is just a client and she wants to see how her investment is coming along, and if she wants more from him he will tell her that he is in a committed relationship.
Steve walks to his living room to start tidying the apartment, goes to the kitchen to clean the dishes. Then to his bedroom to change his shirt, trying on a few other tops before he settles on a dark blue button up.
It's only courteous to be presentable, especially to a client after all.
_-_-_-_
Steve was sitting on his couch continuously looking at his watch, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans.
Sharon was set to arrive any minute now, and Steve was really starting to see how idiotic this was. He's a bad person, this is horrible. Why on earth would he agree to letting her into his home.
For all he knows she just wants to see how the painting is coming along. That's all, she probably isn't even into him.
He keeps repeating these things to himself, trying to make this sound better. To ease the guilt building heavier and heavier in his chest.
Before he can dwell on it any longer, there's a soft knock on his door. He stood and rushed to look through the peep hole. Sharon was standing on the other side, with a small smile on her face.
He opened the door. "Hey, Sharon." He said.
"Hey, I hope it's okay that I'm here?" She asked, smelling slightly nervous.
Steve was about to reply when he noticed her dress, her very short dress. It was black with pink flowers and it showed her legs quite well, her long, long legs.
Steve forced his eyes up, only to see her smirking and the scent of her nerves gone.
"Yeah, of course, its fine. It's great. Um come in please." He moved out of the way to let her in.
She walked past him to the living room. He couldn't help but stare after her. Watched the way the dress hugged her, how her hips swayed in a mesmerizing swish.
Steve was brought back to himself when he heard her speak. "I'm sorry, um what was that?" He asked her to repeat. She smiled at him as he blushed. "I said you have a lovely apartment, very cozy."
She looked at him through her lashes, and he got lost in her eyes. "Thanks. Uh would you like to see my art studio? It's where the painting is." She nodded and waited for him to lead the way.
They walked down the hall to the big studio. it was a little after 5:00 so the sun was shining through the big windows. Casting a beautiful glow on the room.
Sharon scanned the paintings and sketches that littered the walls and his desk.
He made a motion towards his easel to indicate where the painting for her was. She looked at it for awhile, before her gaze met his and she grinned.
"This is absolutely incredible, my aunt is going to love this. Thank you so much Steve." He blushed more, he was never good at taking complements.
"It's not even finished yet, but I'm glad you like it so far. I think I should have it done in another two weeks or so." He told her, inspecting his work.
When he turned he realized how close she'd gotten, standing almost chest to chest.
Or her face to his chest, considering the hight difference. He cleared his throat. "Would you like something to eat? I was just gonna order a pizza but you're welcome to stay." Why did he say that. No, she needs to go.
She smiled and touched his arm. "Sounds great, maybe we could watch a movie?" She asked, her tone was suggestive and all of Steve's willpower was gone.
He nodded and led her back to the living room. She sat on the couch as he ordered the pizza. When he went to sit next to her she was already looking through his DVR for a movie, she settled on Mrs. Doubtfire.
"I hope this is okay?" She asked looking at him with big eyes. "Yeah, this is fine. Pizza should be here in 20 minutes." He couldn't take his eyes off of her, as she smirked at him. "Can't wait."
They'd just finished eating, and the movie was half way over when Steve felt a hand on his thigh. He was to scared to look down, especially as the hand moved higher.
He looked over at Sharon to find her watching him, she moved her hand from his leg to his cheek.
She smiled at him, and he could smell her want.
Was sure his own arousal was evident in the air.
He wasn't sure who kissed who. If it was him who leaned down, or her who leaned up. It could have been both of them, colliding into each other in a flurry of passion.
Everything left Steve's mind when Sharon's lips were on his, all he could detect was her. Nothing else mattered, she was surrounding all of his senses. She was an explosion of color and taste and he couldn't get enough.
Things progressed and Steve fell further down this rabbit hole. But mistakes have been made, and the wrongs from the rights were getting harder for Steve to decipher.
But to Steve, this felt right.
_-_-_-_
Bucky
When Steve dropped Bucky off, he was confused.
Steve had been acting strange the whole day, and he always stayed when Bucky invited him in. But he did have a lot of commissions do by the end of the month, so he couldn't be that disappointed.
When Bucky stepped inside it was to the smell of garlic, which meant Clint was making dinner. Thank god, Bucky was starving.
He made his way down the hall and to the living room.
Natasha was sat on the couch flipping through channels on the tv. She looked up when he laid his coat on the back of the couch.
"Hey, how did the appointment go?" She asked.
He took a seat next to her.
"It went good, everything was normal Dr. Cho said the baby was developing well. She gave us a picture too, wanna see?" He asked, excited at being able to show of his child.
She nodded eagerly.
He grabbed his jacket to search its pockets for his wallet, pulling the picture out with gentle care, not wanting to tear it.
She was reaching for it before he could hand it over.
She smiled down at it, then looked up at him. "This is going on the fridge." She told him, turning off the tv and standing to go into the kitchen.
He followed her, and the smell of dinner only made his stomach growl and his hunger grow stronger. "What are you making?" He asked Clint, who just took a pan out of the stove.
He looked over to Bucky and smiled. "Spaghetti and homemade garlic bread. Hope you're hungry cause I made a lot. Bucky nodded eagerly, already moving to grab a plate. He wasted no time getting his food and walking to the dining room.
Dinner was always a fun affair with Clint, who told story's through the movement of his hand gestures.
Going on and on about this women in the store, who wouldn't move her 'big old lady butt' from in front of the milk.
Then there was Nat who talked about wanting to 'slap that stupid goatee' right off Starks face for apparently talking her ear off about Pepper.
Then it was Bucky's turn.
"Acting weird how?" Clint asked.
Bucky shrugged. "I don't know, just, he seemed kind of nervous. I don't think it was about the appointment either, he was just zoning in and out of it all day." He winded pasta around his fork and took a bite.
"Maybe he's lying about something, maybe he has some deep, dark secret." Nat joked with a smirk and a raise of her eyebrow.
"Yeah, maybe he collects beenie baby's? And he's scared you'll find out and leave him? Or maybe he's a murderer? Oh my god Bucky you could be carrying a murderers child!" Bucky rolled his eyes, and Natasha flicked Clint.
"He's not a murderer, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't collect beenie baby's Clint. He's had a lot of commissions recently so he's probably just stressed out." Bucky said.
Clint rubbed his forehead where Nat flicked him. "You're probably worrying over nothing, James." Natasha told him.
"Yeah probably. I'll text him tomorrow, see if he wants to hang out."
8:09 AM
To: Steve
Hey, I was wondering if you were free today? Maybe we could get coffee at that little shop by your place?
_-_-_-_
Steve was awoken by the bright morning sun streaming through his bedroom window.
He looked over to his bedside watch, discovering it to be almost 7:30 in the morning.
He was about to get up to make some coffee and take a shower, when a small huff sounded by his ear.
And a tiny hand landed on his chest.
He froze as memories of the night before flashed through his groggy head. Bits and pieces of last night coming together, flashes of blonde hair and a soft voice. The flowery sent that engulfed his room at this moment.
Sharon.
Steve hardly remembers how it even happened, he was so drunk on her sent that the whole ordeal was like a blur, only coming back in little shocks.
He was so stupid.
How could he do this, it's the worst thing he could have done.
He's never been a cheater, ever. Always thought people who would cheat were awful, but here he is, a cheater.
How could he hurt Bucky like this? Betray him. Bucky who is kind and beautiful and one of the most loving people he's ever met.
Bucky who is carrying his baby.
How could he let himself be so careless, so unthoughtful to not only Bucky but Sharon too. Sharon assumes he's single, she did nothing wrong.
Steve has no idea what to do.
He should come clean, tell both of them what's happened. What he's done.
But he doesn't want to hurt them, this information could only end in pain.
He shouldn't lie, he shouldn't have done this in the first place.
But what happens when he tells them.
Will Sharon hate him for letting her partake in his unfaithful path?
Will she feel disgusted?
Would she even mind. Steve doesn't know her very well, she could be fine with it. Maybe he shouldn't tell her, after all this isn't going to happen again, that's for sure. After he's done with her commission he'll never see her again, why harm her if it isn't necessary.
But then there's Bucky.
He has to tell him, they're starting a family, a family that can't be based on lies.
He doesn't want to hurt him, that's the last thing he wants. But this will hurt him, cause him to lose his trust in Steve.
But what if he left? If he decided he didn't need Steve, didn't want him. Why would he want him? After what he's done.
They were happy, still getting to know each other, but happy.
Bucky's so amazing, and Steve was lucky enough to be with him. But he screwed up.
He wouldn't know what to do with himself if Bucky left, took their baby and found someone better.
Someone who would take care of their little family, that would love them and never hurt them. Because Bucky deserved better, and dammit Steve was gonna be better. He was never going to let this happen again, so what was the point in telling Bucky? it was a mistake, one mistake that he will never make twice. Telling Bucky the truth would only hurt him, so there was no point.
Steve's made his decision, he's not gonna tell anyone anything, because this isn't gonna happen again.
Steve is brought back to the present when the small body by his side rises from the pillow.
Sharon looks down at him and gives him a sleepy smile. She leans down to give him a kiss. Steve doesn't move. "Morning." She says, voice scratchy from sleep.
Steve takes in a breath. "Morning, did you sleep okay?" He asked nervously. All he had to do was act normal and get her out of his apartment.
"Yeah, slept great. How 'bout you?" She asked, her voice was low, seductive. "Alright, I guess." He replied.
She bit her lip and looked him up and down.
Steve needed her to leave now.
"We should probably get up, I uh, have a pretty busy day." He squeaked out. She looked disappointed but nodded. "Yeah, I guess we should."
After they found all of their clothes (having to search for Sharon's left shoe for five minutes, it was under the couch.), Steve walked her to the door.
"So, this was fun. Maybe I'll see you around?" She asked.
Steve just nodded nervously. "Bye Steve." She told him. He waved before closing the door.
Steve leaned back against the door, letting out a long sigh.
He is such. A. Fucking. Idiot.
His phone buzzed on the coffee table.
8:09 AM
From: Bucky
Hey, I was wondering if you were free today? Maybe we could get coffee at that little shop by your place?
Steve texted him to meet him there in an hour. He couldn't risk Bucky coming over and smelling Sharon.
He went to take a shower to rid himself of her scent. Making a note to clean his apartment when he got home, and to pick up some scent blocking air fresheners.
Once he was cleaned and dressed, he grabbed his keys and made his way to Bucky.