It had been months since Steve had left New York. Months since he had last seen Tony. Months since Tony had single handedly crushed him with less than 25 words.
Less than 25 words!
Steve has been haunted by a lot of things. His own mistakes, the loss of loved ones and friends, and the wars he seen. The innocent faces of men, women and children caught in cross fire. So many things, but words? He hadn't known words could hurt like this. Could linger and torment. Even when he had been a scrawny teenager and bullied on a daily bases their words had never cut the way Tony's had.
With just his words Tony had cut him wide open. Left him bleeding and wondering. Steve has an excellent memory so it is not a thing for him to recall the exact words the other had said.
Loved.
Tony had said loved.
Love is present but loved, that is used for past tense.
For reasons he isn’t even sure of, the declaration makes his heart hurt. Why does the loss of love he wasn’t even aware of or even reciprocate tearing him up?
He hadn’t been aware.
Right?
How could he have known? They had been close, sure. But they all were. Maybe there had been moments between them. Lingering glances. Ghostly touches and brushes that left skin tingling. Had those things meant something?
Something Steve had never seen? Had he missed out on something important?
Steve feels deep inside himself that Tony’s love was something he was going to come to learn he really missed out on.
Something he will forever regret.
~~~~
There’s a heavy apprehension on his chest as the jet settles on the landing pad of Stark tower.
A new threat is looming over the horizon. A man from space by the name of Peter Quill had made contact with them. Well T’Challa to be exact and had told them about a being called Thanos.
Apparently he wants the Infinity Stones, and his next target is Earth. From the information Quill had gave them this threat is going to be the biggest ones they have faced so far. After a lot of deliberating the King of Wakanda had put his foot down and convinced them that even with the help of the vastly approaching “Guardians of the Galaxy” they would not be able to face this alone.
They needed Tony and anyone he may have to aid them.
T’Challa’s words hit him like a truck. Hadn’t he always assumed it would be the other way around? Tony coming to them for help? It’s why he had sent him the phone. Because at the time he had been confident that it would play out that way. But just like Tony and Peter had told him, he hadn’t needed them. They now, needed Tony. They had been right and the contrast between his confidence then and now knocks the wind right out of him.
He had been wrong. Again!
The threat may be settling on him but the heavy apprehension comes from seeing Tony again. All he had done for months was take every memory, conversations, and moment he had ever had with Tony and rip it apart. Analyzing, looking at everything with now opened eyes.
With a sadness he can't measure he had come to realize that all the signs had been there. Tony had never been exactly subtle until it came to Steve. That was his biggest clue. The man had always treated and handled him a little differently than the others. But Steve, he had been blind.
Now all he can think of is the difference of loved versus love and how he thinks deep in him he had reciprocated Tony’s feelings all along.
He knows now. He loves Tony, where Tony now had loved him.
The knowledge comes with torment and guilt. He isn’t handling it well.
Steve has feared a lot and not feared things he probably should have. But seeing Tony again after making such a crucial revelation terrifies him. Right down to his core. What is he supposed to do when he is face to face with the man again?
“Come on Big Man. Our space buddies are already here and if we don’t save them Tony might corrupt them beyond repair.” Clint says, clapping him on one shoulder as he steps over Steve to exit the craft. Steve cringes and wants to say something. Anything to try to make his comrades see past their misjudgments. But like the idiot he is, keeps his mouth shut and climbs out after the archer.
With them is himself, Clint, T'Challa, Wanda, Sam, and Natasha. To Steve, Wanda looks a little apprehensive too. It might be because she will be seeing Vision again for the first time in months.
“Hey has anyone heard from Thor yet?” Sam asks, arms crossed and mouth frowning. “No. No wordfrom Banner either.” Natasha adds in walking close to Clint. They exchange glances as they head to the large entrance to the tower.
Before they arrive the door flings open and of all people its Thor who greets them. He sweeps his arms open wide, a beaming smile on his face as he greets them.
“My friends! It is good to see you again!” he yells, voice as boisterous as ever.
Steve is relieved to see him and easily lets himself be pulled into a crushing hug. He tells them of how he has been here at the Tower for a few days surprising them all since they had tried contacting him. How had Tony managed it? He entertains them with stories of glorious battles and feasts as they descend to the common floor. As they go lowers, his nervousness goes higher.
Once the elevator opens up to reveal the floor, Steve is surprised at the amount of people present. Some are familiar and some not at all. But Tony, he is always familiar and Steve’s eyes find him immediately.
He is off in the kitchen with some interesting faces. The man is smiling as he sips on his drink, talking to a big man with no shirt, grey skin with red designs almost like tattoos that littered his skin. He looks better than Steve remembers. Thicker, more handsome. Something about him is different. Something Steve can’t put his finger on but Tony is glowing, happy and healthier than Steve has ever seen him. His heart clenches painfully in regret and longing. Had the feeling of longing been there before? Had be just misread it? He doesn’t know.
Thor loudly makes their presence known catching Tony’s attention. He immediately starts towards them and Steve notices Peter is hot on his trails.
“Ah Tony you never change.” Clint muses, his voice edging on malicious as he belittles the man with just his stare. “We’re here to find a way to save the world and you’re already drinking.” He finishes gesturing to the cup of dark liquid in the glass and Tony just comes closer as if Clint’s words are literally just washing over him.
Then he stops in the middle of the room, which has gone quiet, the chatter disappearing as everyone just waits. This was the first time a lot of them were in the same room since the big battle that happened between them. Tensions are high for sure. Even the faces he doesn’t know look like they’re waiting with baited breaths.
One of Tony’s eyebrows rises in that confident Stark manner as he looks curiously at his cup. “Very observant of you Legolas, I am drinking. It’s a common thing to be thirsty.” He says nonchalantly before taking another big drink. Steve cringes internally. He had thought some things with Tony had changed. Apparently he had been wrong and now everyone is a witness.
“Pete gets thirsty too right?” he asks, obviously still putting on a show as he offers the glass to the teen beside him. The skinny kid grins mischievously as he takes it and literally finishes the glass. Steve feels horrified and as he glances around he sees various different reactions. Those who had been here before him don’t seem too concerned, some even amused. While the others that had come later look either horrified or furious.
“It’s just tea you jack-asses.” Peter finally says his eyes hard and pointed, daring one of them to say something. A few of the others hold up similar glasses with amused looks, verifying both Tony Peter’s statements. Suddenly the man with the red and grey skin lets out one loud bark of amusement as he points a finger at Clint. “Oh! You thought they were drinking alcohol! You are quiet foolish indeed!” he says, his voice almost as loud as Thor’s before roaring with laughter. Speaking of Thor he eagerly joins in, seeming to already rather like the strange man.
“See even Drax is smarter than you Clint. Getting a little slow in your old years my boy.” Tony says, grinning with real amusement now. “You won’t find an ounce of alcohol in my tower.” It was a promise and a declaration for them all to hear.
For only a second Tony’s eyes meet his but then he turns to start introducing them all.
If Steve was honest with himself after his last visit when the young Peter scolded him, opening his eyes and Tony himself validated it and basically gave Steve a final goodbye he had still thought Tony would eventually come seeking them. Him, specifically. If not for help of some kind, because he needed people in his life.
He had realized then that after the fight they had all split and the family they once had was split in two. Part of him felt bad for inadvertently causing some of Tony’s once friends to turn their back on him. But some deep, dark, selfish part of him wanted Tony to need them. Because Steve felt like Tony still needed them to function. In a weird ironic way Steve needed Tony to need him. To feed something inside himself he still hasn't figured out.
Man had he been wrong.
Over the course of the evening he found out Peter basically lived in the tower. Always there, having his own personal access whether Tony is home or not. His delinquent friend who helps him fight crime with the foul mouth name Wade also spends plenty of time in the tower. Mostly when Peter is around but not always and Steve could see the fondness he had for Tony and that Tony reciprocated easily.
Rhodes lives in the tower full time now. The two friends becoming closer than Steve thought possible.
Thor visits quite frequently, according to Natasha more than he visits Jane.
Vision had never left, either because he simply did not want to or it could have something to do with his link with Jarvis. Steve isn’t sure.
Stephen Strange who is still a bit of an enigma to Steve seems to have a very close and comfortable relationship with Tony as well. They easily joked, teased and bantered throughout the night. Peter had not so subtly mentioned in passing that Mr. Strange also spends quite a bit of time with Tony doing strange experiments with technology and magic.
And then as the night was winding down and Tony was showing those who were not familiar with the tower where to find rooms to bunk in, a tired looking Bruce Banner emerged from the elevator.
Steve had been shocked but he thinks Natasha might have been even more. She had searched for him. Almost relentlessly but he had successfully disappeared off the face of the Earth.
But here he was. With messy hair, a cautious and anxious look in his eyes that Steve noticed immediately searched for Tony. The owner of the tower had swooped in throwing his arm around the man who seemed to relax a bit at the contact as he told them all he was disappearing for the night and that Friday would answer any questions they may have. Then he quickly ushered Banner back in the elevator, quickly followed by Peter, his friend Wade and Mr. Strange.
Steve suddenly understood why Tony never called, why he never reached out for them, why he seemed different.
Because Tony really was different now. He had overcome himself and had collected a new little family around himself. The protective way Tony had cradled Bruce and swept him away told Steve that Tony was set on not losing the people that had gravitated around him this time. Tony didn’t need them. He had self-worth and drive now. He had people who saw Tony as Tony. He didn’t need Steve.
And it hurt worse than anything he could ever imagine.