A song for you
I have never been nervous before one of my concerts, not at all. I've always felt comfortable and safe on stage, no matter how many people were staring at me while I was singing. It was like a safe place for me, where I could just stop thinking about everything and embrace myself and do what I was passionated about. Singing and writing my own songs has been my passion for such a long time.
It all began when I started uploading low quality videos of me singing when I was young, thinking it would be fun. But what I definitely didn't expect was that they suddenly became more popular through the years. People were commenting on my videos, they wanted to hear more.
When I was old enough, I had barely turned 18, I started playing gigs at a bar or at weddings with my guitar or the piano. I didn't get much money for it, but I enjoyed it and that was all that mattered for me. After a few years I was offered to sign a contract with a small record label and I was able to play at bigger places and the crowd grew bigger each concert. I had never expected to become popular, I was just a little kid who loved to sing and I loved to upload videos of it on the internet. And my best friend Sebastian, who I grew up with, has always been by my side and came along to my concerts to sit backstage. He was the one who convinced me to upload these videos. Without him, I wouldn't be where I was now and I was more than thankful. No matter when I needed him, he was there for me. He supported me, helped me to overcome my stage fever during my first gigs. But there has always been more than that for me.
And today, I felt my heart pounding faster every minute and my hands were shaking wherefore I wasn't able to sit still at all. I was walking around behind the stage, I checked my outfit and my hair in the mirror for at least ten times, I went through the set list again and again even though I knew what songs I was going to sing and I felt like I was close to freaking out. People kept asking me if I was okay and my answer was a smile and a "yes", because I didn't want to tell anyone the reason why I was so nervous.
I could faintly hear the crowd, a crowd of at least a thousand people waiting for me to come on stage. I wasn't ready. What if my plan goes completely wrong? What if I'll be standing on the stage and I'll make a fool out of myself? I can't do this. Thoughts were running around in my head and they were driving me insane.
"Jesus, Chris, you really need to calm down. What is going on with you today? And where is Sebastian?" My friend Robert asked. Robert was the owner of a famous disco and he was always busy with running his business, but today he decided to come along since he had a day off. He was sitting on the big couch with his legs on the table and grabbed a bunch of grapes from the table infront of him and put them all in his mouth at once. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and sat down next to him.
"I don't know," I answered and ran a hand through my hair, but of course I knew exactly what was going on. "And Sebastian is going to watch the concert tonight."
And that was the reason why I was so afraid of the concert. I changed the set list and only told the band to play an additional song at the end. Nobody but them knew about my extra song I was going to sing. It was a special song. For him.
"I've never seen you like this, are you sure you're okay?" I nodded and grabbed some grapes too and downed a glass of water afterwards.
"I'm okay, Robert, trust me," I said and tried not to look him in the eyes since I was a terrible liar and he would definitely notice that something was going on here. He didn't ask twice and unlocked his phone and minded his own business. I stared at the table for minutes, until one of the organizers told me that the show is going to start in a few minutes and I had to get ready. I got up from the couch, Robert told me to have fun and that I should keep calm, then I left. I was now standing infront of the door which parted the backstage area from the stage. The crowd was even louder than before.
As soon as I got on stage, the anxiety I've had before was suddenly gone and I had the biggest smile on my face. I was searching for Sebastian in the crowd but he was nowhere to be found, it was too dark and there were too many people. The people were cheering and screaming and their excitement made me happy. I greeted all of them, told them that I was happy to be here tonight and then began so sing my songs.
Time flew and suddenly the concert was almost over, only the last special song was left. I could suddenly feel my heart racing again. Sweat from the spotlights on the ceiling was dripping down my forehead. I gulped and took the microphone from the microphone stand.
"I decided to add a special song tonight. This song means a lot to me and I want to dedicate it to a specific person who's standing somewhere in the crowd tonight. I was always afraid of telling you what I feel, so I'm singing this song just for you." My voice was shaky and so were my hands. Everybody in the room went silent, they were looking around confusedly because they didn't know to what person I was talking to. I took a deep breath. Should I really do this?
"We've been friends for a long time, but I've always felt more. I hope you feel the same...I-I should just stop talking and start...so...this one is for you, Sebastian." And then I closed my eyes and I began to sing. For him.
"What time you coming out?
We started losing light
I'll never make it right if you don't want me round
I'm so excited for the night
All we need's my bike and your enormous house
You said some day we might
When I'm closer to your height, till then we'll knock around and see
If you're all I need"
I decided to sing Fallingforyou by The 1975. To be honest, I normally wasn't a sensitive person, but I cried the first time I heard this song. It has been my favourite song since then and it always reminded me of Sebastian. Sebastian, the person I've loved since we went to high school together. The person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He has always been the only one, and I wanted him to know this tonight because I've never had the courage to tell him in person.
"Don't you see me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And don't you need me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
On this night, and in this light
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And maybe you, change your mind"
I couldnt see his face in the crowd but I wish I could. I wanted to see his reaction. Did he feel the same?
"I'm caught on your coat again
You said, "Oh no, it's fine"
I read between the lines and touched your leg again
I'll take it one day at a time
Soon you will be mine, oh, but I want you now
When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive
Do you fancy sitting down with me? Maybe
'Cos you're all I need"
And suddenly, someone backstage was moving around one of the spotlights and stopped at the place where Sebastian stood. I could see his face. Tears were running down his face. But he was smiling. And God, how I loved this smile. I wanted to see this smile everyday for the rest of my life.
"According to your heart
My place is not deliberate
Feeling of your arms
I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck"
The crowd suddenly started to sing along, and they held up the flashlights of their phones. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.
"Don't you see me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And don't you need me I
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
On this night, and in this light
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you
And maybe you, change your mind"
I stopped singing. It was the end of the song. I let go of the microphone and took a step back. Nobody was cheering. The people still held up their flashlights. The band stopped playing and the whole room was silent, you could hear a pin drop. The crowd suddenly moved and parted and I could see a person heading towards the stage. It was him. I could still see the tears running down on his cheeks. He came closer. The closer he came to me, the more I could feel my heart beating.
I wasnt even able to say anything to him because as soon as he got on stage he put his arms around my neck and pressed his lips against mine. It was a soft, cautious kiss at first but then I put my hands on his hips and pulled him closer to my chest. I could feel his heartbeat.
"Yes, I do feel the same for you. This is the most beautiful thing a person has ever done for me," Sebastian whispered with a smile on his face as he removed his lips from mine. The crowd was taking picture of us, they were smiling and cheering and it was the best feeling ever. Even though Sebastian was now standing next to me with his arm around my neck while he was waving at the people, I could still feel his lips on mine. It was like a dream.
Robert suddenly rushed on stage and stood infront of Sebastian and me, his mouth wide open.
"I knew it!" He yelled and laughed, then he hugged us both. I couldn't stop smiling. Sebastian leaned in to whisper something in my ear.
"I love you, Chris."
"I love you, too," I answered.