After
“Buck!”
He smiles and huffs out a hard breath. “Hey, babydoll.” Sweat drips down his brow which he hastily wipes away as he turns. “What’re you doin’ here?”
Y/N lets her bag drop to the floor and grins. “Guess who’s officially done with college?” She spreads her arms wide and gives him a toothy smile.
In an instant he’s pulling her into his arms, “Congratulations, Y/N!” One of the first things Y/N had done after they were back together again was figure out how she could finish her last semester of college. After giving themselves time to settle. After going to therapy. After finding an apartment for just the two of them. “I’m proud of you, doll.”
“Thanks, Buck.” She kisses his sweaty temple and pulls away, worry now etched on her face.
Anxiety floods him suddenly, immediately echoing hers. “What? Why are you looking at me like that? What’s wrong?”
He keeps his arms tightly around her waist as she reaches up to rest her hands on either of his biceps. “Nothing. We just need to talk.”
Ice water seems to be swimming in his veins instead of his blood now. “About what?” He asks cautiously, knowing nothing good ever came from the words we need to talk.
“Just something,” she doesn’t look at him. “I don’t know how you’ll react and so I’m a little wary.” A weak smile pulls on her lips as she presses a kiss to his jaw. “So…me, you, a little wine? Our bed? Say eight? I’ll tell you then.” Her mouth travels down his jaw to his neck where she nips at him a little before soothing her tongue over the small sting. “How’s that sound?” His eyes flutter closed for a second as he stifles a quiet moan.
Bucky reaches up to curl one finger under her chin, so she’ll meet his eyes. “That sounds like heaven, babydoll.” The worry he felt is quickly dissipating for the moment. She wouldn't want to have dinner and lie in bed together if she was planning to break it off with him, or something equally as horrible.
“Good,” her hands sneak under his shirt. There’s a mischievous sparkle in her eyes as she says, “Can’t wait to get my hands on you.” Her hands flit over the waistband of his shorts.
And just like that she’s gone, flitting away from him with a small laugh. It’s like watching two different people almost. Y/N from before the ordeal would have teased him more. Her fingertips would have ran over the outline of his dick as she whispered both filthy and goofy things in his ear. She would have laughed loud and wild when she ducked away. But Y/N after the memory loss wouldn’t have done any of that, would have been too nervous and hot to do anything other than kiss him and fret over whatever it was she wanted to tell him later.
She’s a strange combination of both now.
It doesn’t matter. Because she’s still her, fundamentally, at her core. They’re connected in a way that’s apparently very hard to sever, if not impossible. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Bucky watches her pick up her bag and coat. Winter is now firmly upon them and he can’t say he minds after last summer, after last spring.
A quick wave is thrown his way before she dashes out the door into the snow. He used to hate the winter. Because of his parents mostly, the way they could toss him outside, deny him proper clothes for the weather, send him out with wet hair. He was always so cold but now, as he watches Y/N spin around and tilt her head back to catch a snowflake on her tongue, he doesn’t mind so much.
Especially when he knows that later he’ll get to keep warm with Y/N in their bed, his naked skin pressed to hers. Especially when their spring and summer had been one of the worst of his life.
~
“You want to do what?”
“Eat on the balcony!”
Bucky stares, arms folded across his large chest, “Why?”
She pouts, “Fine. We can eat in here.”
And Y/N looks so put out that he reaches out for her and winds his arms around her body. “Just explain to me why, sweetheart.” He presses his face to her neck and sighs, “Can’t you just tell me what it is you need to tell me? I’ve been worrying all day about it.” She doesn’t seem to realize his concern is actually deep anxiety.
They’re standing in their kitchen by the stove, food ready and covered by tinfoil to keep warm. “I wanted to be romantic,” she grumbles against him. “The balcony is covered so we wouldn’t get snowed on. We could light candles and take out all the blankets. We would eat and then snuggle. And when it started to get really cold you could pick me up and take me to bed.” She pulls back and wiggles her eyebrows at him suggestively. “And warm me up that way.”
Deciding to humor her and willing to do anything for her anyways, he sighs. “Alright. I’ll get the food. You go get some blankets.”
She smiles brightly and presses a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you, Buck.”
It only takes a few minutes for them to get setup outside. They sit with their backs to the wall, the table in front of them filled with hot food. Y/N lights candles and uses one of her overly large blankets to drape around both their shoulders as they huddle together on a bench seat. Another blanket is pressed over their laps, their legs tangled together.
Y/N hasn’t stopped smiling and it’s such a nice change from the haunted look that often adorns both their faces that he can’t even be bothered by the harsh cold.
They’ve both been in therapy since Bucky was released from the hospital. They both often have nightmares and wake in cold sweats, grasping roughly at the other person. There were nights when neither of them could sleep and they paced the floor of their apartment until one might think they’d wear a rut into the floor. Somedays they ran on coffee and somedays they couldn’t get out of bed.
But they made it work, because they had to.
So he pulls Y/N as close as he can and lets her talk about her last day as an undergrad. She tells him how she can’t wait to have her degree in her hands. Bucky just buries his face in her neck and listens to her, voice soft and careful in the silence of the winter night.
He draws the line about sitting outside when Y/N starts to shiver uncontrollably. But she tugs him to a stop before he can move. “I’m going to New York.”
Something like panic fills him, every muscle in his body going taut with tension. “You’re-,”
“Bucky…look at me.” His eyes meet hers. “Sam told me what they offered you in New York. That’s a big opportunity and you said no. You didn't even ask me about it. So, I applied for grad school. In New York.”
Bucky stares at her. “They only want me because of our story.”
“They want you because you’re good.” She smiles gently and places a hand against his cheek, “The publicity only helps.” A few months ago someone had heard their story, about Bucky’s boxing career and about what had dropped him of the game. Then a reporter had called and the next thing they knew there were articles about them in several major newspapers and online. “And I got into Columbia. Again. And I want us to go together.”
For a while its silent as Bucky mulls it over. She presses her nose to his neck and huddles close, trying to keep both of them warm. His arms wind around her, whispering into her hair, “I didn’t want to upset you.”
“Why would I be upset?”
“What if you wanted to stay here? We’ve never lived anywhere else. We know this place.”
She sighs, “I think it’s time we started a new chapter. Somewhere else.”
“So…you want to?”
A loud laugh leaves her, half-startling him. “I’m the one asking you!”
“Then, yeah. You already know I’d follow you anywhere, doll.” His lips whisper over hers. “I’d follow you anywhere. I’d do anything for you.”
Y/N frowns then and pulls away from him. “But do you want to? I don’t want you to do things you don’t want to do because of me. I want us to be happy. Both of us.”
“Oh, baby,” he whispers when tears start to track down her face. “I know things have been hard. I know everything isn’t perfect. But I do want this. I wanted it when they offered me a spot there but I thought it might be too much change. We’ve been through a lot together and I don’t want to do anything to disturb the peace we have. I don’t want to ask too much of you. How could I ask you to leave?”
Tears continue to stream down her face as she wiggles close again. “No. You've never asked for too much.”
“Then let’s go.” Bucky squeezes her tight, “Next adventure.”
Y/N kisses him then, hard and full. It’s a wet and cold sort of kiss and it takes Bucky nearly no effort at all to convince her to let him take her to bed. He carries her and lies her down softly, everything on the balcony forgotten. “You’re mine,” Y/N whispers, staring up at him with loving eyes.
“I am,” he murmurs reverently. “I am. I always will be.”
Their skin is ice cold against each other, mouths hot and desperate. “How soon?” She murmurs as Bucky rids her of her jeans and panties.
A kiss is pressed to her belly, “Summer.”
“Good,” she gasps as he presses his tongue to her folds. “My pr-program starts in the fall.”
He wraps his lips around her clit and sucks hard, happy when she moans and grips his hair, hips grinding toward his face. “Keep tellin’ me about it, baby. Love it when you talk to me.”
Y/N tries to, Bucky quickly turning it into a game. If she mumbled or slurred her words or stopped talking entirely, he’d stop what he was doing and pull back. He’d watch as she squirmed, desperate for some friction, some sort of pleasure.
It’s good. Bucky fucking loves it as he can hear how her voice becomes more desperate and wrecked as time goes on. Her voice cracks on every word she speaks as she describes her perfect apartment. A moan leaves him when her hands tug hard on his hair. “Please Buck,” she whispers. “I need it. I want you to make me come.”
“You want to? Wanna come on my face, baby?” She moans loud and gives an affirmative answer. “Better keep talkin’ to me then,” he laughs against her. “Tell me about what you wanna study-,”
Y/N thrusts her hips upwards, “I wanna have you on your knees in that apartment. Telling me how much you want me. I want you to come home every night and ravish me. I want your cock on my tongue-,” she starts to tease him back, voice a heady moan, when he presses his mouth back where she wants it. It’s then she notices him grinding his own hips against the bed. “You little shit. If you get off before me-,”
“I want you to come,” his voice is desperate suddenly. “Please Y/N, I need you to come so I can get inside you. Baby, please-,”
“Not sure I want to now. I’m having fun. Thinking about you taking me against every flat surface of our new place. Or better yet…giving you head in every room. My lips wrapped around you-,” she cuts off in a laugh when he whines desperately against her, determined to make her come. “You’re so good with your mo-mouth, James.”
His stomach is in a tight ball, need twisting around his spine, “Please come, Y/N. I can feel you holding back. Stop teasin’ me-,”
A tiny mewl works its way past her lips as he hastens to put his mouth back on her. She comes hard, Bucky lapping gently at her, tasting everything she has to offer, until Y/N pushes his head away from her sensitive folds.
Bucky moves up her body to kiss her lips then as she smiles. “Can’t help it,” she murmurs. “It’s fun to tease you.”
“And we’ve never been serious have we?”
“Never.” She kisses him sloppily, licking at his bottom lip. “Love you.”
He moans against her lips. “Love you too, baby.”
“Show me,” her eyes are alight, happiness and laughter shining there. “Show me.”
Bucky does. Over and over, as many times as he can. She looks like heaven when she comes, thighs shaking, mouth open, pretty eyes rolled back. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be. The only place he ever wants to be is where Y/N is.
They fall asleep curled tightly together, their skin covered in drying sweat.
~
Y/N has her fingers buried in his hair when he wakes. He’s cut it short again and so recently she’d taken to massaging his scalp rather than playing with the ends. “Nightmare?”
“Yeah.” Before he can ask she continues on to say, “Same as always.” She leans forward to brush her nose against his. “What do you want to do after New York?”
He chuckles lightly and meets her eyes. “Already planning past New York?” He's only teasing her, really happiness floods him that Y/N is thinking about the rest of their lives.
Embarrassment floods her and so she stays quiet, hoping Bucky won’t notice. But he does, as he always does. “Hey…what is it?”
She shakes her head softly, “Nothing.” She smiles. “My dream wasn’t quite the same as always. We went to New York and you forgot about me. There was a prettier girl who wasn’t so keen on settling down. Fun, you know.” He opens his mouth but she continues. “I wanted to settle. Somewhere small and safe when you were through with boxing and you laughed.”
“Baby…I told you already. I want to be where you are. I’ve always wanted to settle down. You know that. We’ve seen enough drama to last a life time.”
She buries her nose in his neck and huffs out a breath.
Silence stretches until he whispers that he loves her against the shell of her ear again. “Wherever you go, I follow. Nothing is as important as you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He chuckles, “Maybe we skip New York altogether?” She shakes her head no but he can feel her smiling against him.
The next day they start packing and Bucky gives her a ring. She slips it on and kisses his cheek and he knows. The ring never comes off her finger, once slipped on it stays forever.