Dr. Sorens had been expecting this discussion for some time. The other side in the Argument (as she put it to herself) had come back about 3 months ago and she had been sure that the adjustment would be stressful. Tony had held up fairly well, using their sessions to walk through anything he needed time and space to say. Dr. Sorens knew that James Barnes was still not at the Compound and that Steve Rogers was unhappy about that, so she wasn’t surprised when Tony started the session by talking about helping James Barnes. She had no objection to that per se, but Tony was obviously very unhappy with his decision and disturbed by the idea of aiding the former Winter Soldier. In fact, he seemed to be trying to convince her, and by extension himself, that aiding Barnes was an obligation. It wasn’t working, at least for her.
“It wasn’t his fault.”
“What does fault or responsibility have to do with the way you are feeling?”
“Well, of course it does…”
“Well, ask yourself this question: are your parents any less dead if James Barnes was not in his right mind when he killed them? If he was, in fact, not in control of his actions, does that make their deaths anything other than murder?”
“No” but it was a slow reluctant no
“Tony, your emotions exist because your parents were murdered. The circumstances of the murderer are irrelevant to you emotionally because your emotions are about the act and its consequences, not about James Barnes. You would still be grieving if the murderer was unknown or was someone who was beyond any doubt responsible for their actions.” She paused to allow Tony to consider the weight of the words she had just spoken before going on, “The measure of what you should do at this point has to be the damage or solace it gives you. So, will helping James Barnes bring you any peace or closure? From what you have expressed, it seems like it wouldn’t.”
“I don’t want to help him – it feels like I’m betraying my mom!” This was anguished.
“Then don’t.” He stared at her, nonplussed by the bald statement. “Tony, you are not a unique power that holds the only key to his recovery. We have discussed how your tendency to take on responsibility in situations is related to your fear of having no control. “Fixing’ James Barnes will not in fact give you more control over your grief for your parents. And, like the situation with Wanda Maximoff, it might do more harm than good. In fact, it would probably be better for his recovery if you weren’t involved. You represent all of the horrible things that he did and I, if I was his therapist, certainly would recommend against your presence until his recovery is well underway.”
“But BARF is unique.” The man was so stubborn!
“Then provide it at arm’s length.” In response to his look, she continued, “SI has a medical research arm. License the tech to them and have them run tests. They can work with an established program like the one at NYU. If the technology can help Barnes, he can apply to the program and they will evaluate him. Tony, with all due respect to your genius, you don’t actually know if BARF could help. Let people with expertise in the field determine what it can do. That way, you are helping many people, and if Barnes is one of those, it is neither your responsibility nor your choice.”
“I’m the only one who knows how it works. But, you’re right, that’s a pretty poor excuse. And, maybe it could help other people.” This was said hopefully. She could see the relief as he saw a way past the destructive guilt he had heaped on himself.
“Exactly. Tony, this is one of those situations where you are taking on far more guilt than the situation warrants and it’s self-destructive. If someone came to you and said, there is this guy who was mentally ill and he killed my brother, am I responsible for helping him? What would you say?”
“No, that’s what professionals are for and you should take care of yourself first.” Tony wasn’t looking at her as he said this; he had his eyes trained on the window that sat just behind her to the right of her head. The placement was deliberate as it gave clients a place to look other than her face without being blatantly rude. The sentence was delivered in a monotone as if Tony had said the same line to himself many times, or someone else had.
“I understand,” Dr. Sorens continued quietly, for here was the heart of what she wanted Tony to hear, “that Barnes may be a victim – but, Tony, he is not YOUR victim. And he is not a victim in the murder of your parents – you are. You do not have a moral responsibility to fix the damage imposed on Barnes by other people. That you might want to is a different story. But you still have the right to protect yourself first and to refuse to assist if that action would cause you harm.” In response to his look, she added, ”And emotional harm counts as harm.”
“But everyone is saying that I should help him.”
“Who is ‘everyone’?”
“Well, I guess…mostly the other Avengers. Mainly the ones I fought with. We’re still…feeling each other out and this situation with Barnes is really hard. I think my grieving process is making it hard. I’m still so angry and…well, all those emotions we have already talked about.”
“Tony, your grief may well be inconvenient for certain people. You are undeniable. You are the face of all of the victims of the Winter Soldier. Without you and your grief, it might be possible to ignore the terrible cost in lives and pain that has allowed James Barnes to survive all these years.” Tony hadn’t mentioned Steve Rogers’ name, so Dr. Sorens was going to respect that. “But just because your grief makes other people uncomfortable, they don’t have the right to tell you not to feel it or how you should feel. Just like you don’t have the right to tell other people how to feel about something, no one can tell you how to grieve for your murdered parents. What do you hear from people who have no stake in this situation?”
“Like Rhodey, Danvers and Strange?” At her nod, Tony mused, “Well, Strange is a self-confident dick, which I guess you have to be if you want to cut into other people’s brains. His attitude is that there isn’t any quick fix and BARF isn’t a magical” (Tony grinned for a minute) “solution, although it might help. Carol has been shutting down the conversations when they occur in meetings as she doesn’t think the subject is relevant to the team and she doesn’t approve of the pressure. Rhodey is just pissed. I asked Pepper though…” he paused here.
“And what did she say?”
“Basically, the same thing as you, but not anywhere near as nice. That it wasn’t my responsibility to fix Barnes and that I should keep my nose out of the whole mess. She told me that the others were assholes for talking to me about it and pressuring me and she was perfectly willing to go all CEO on their asses at a moment’s notice.” Tony suddenly looked round from the window he had been staring out during their conversation, “The two smartest women in my life are saying the same thing – I wouldn’t be a genius if I didn’t listen. I’ll get Pepper working on the BARF patent and maybe have the Maria Stark Foundation sponsor the research.” Seeing the therapist wince, he added, “And I’ll come up with a better acronym.”