Love Love
Pandora is fucking oblivious. Maybe she’s just not queer. Maybe people don’t usually flirt with her. But Marlene is starting to think she’s bad at it and she doesn’t like it.
“Please tell me I didn’t lost all my flirting abilities!” She yelps, falling dramatically on the bed on which Sirius and Mary are already sat.
“You didn’t lost all your flirting abilities.” Mary confirms with a nod.
“Are you telling me that to reassure me?” Marlene asks, narrowing her eyebrows.
“You fucking told me to tell you that!” Mary says.
“But what do you really thinks?” Marlene cries, putting her head on a pillow.
“Maybe she’s just not interested?” Sirius proposes.
“You’re not helping, Black.” Marlene answers, turning on her back.
“Well, for what I saw, you’re still able to flirt.” Mary says while Sirius nods. “Could it be something else?” She ads with a fake innocent tone.
Marlene knows what she’s talking about because Mary hasn’t stopped making insinuations. But also because she’s still not able to push Dorcas out of her head. And Dorcas is still everywhere Marlene goes.
Maybe flirting with one of her friend doesn’t help.
The thing is: Dorcas is not as bitter as she used to be. And that, for a fact, makes Marlene bitterer around her, like if she has the need to compensate. So she’s even more unbearable than before. And, fucking hell, why is she always thinking about this girl?
“She’s probably straight.” Marlene nods, ignoring Mary’s comment.
“Or she’s not interested.” Sirius says. “That happens you know.”
“Sirius, have you seen that?” Marlene says deadpan, pointing at herself. “Everyone is interested.”
Sirius bursts into laughter and nods. Marlene throws the pillow she put her head in earlier at him and he smiles even more.
“Don’t you have things to tell us anyways, Sirius Orion Black?” Marlene asks.
“What things?” Sirius asks, looking at her with wide eyes.
“Remus?” Mary asks, turning to Marlene.
Marlene nods, still staring at Sirius, “Have you two talked?”
“Not really.” Sirius says, falling dramatically on his back. He glances at them carefully before he hides his face with his hands. “But we kind of made out. It was so fucking amazing.” He ends his sentence with a groan and put the pillow Marlene threw him earlier on his face.
“You what?” Mary shouts in disbelief.
“Like all the ways or, you know?” Marlene asks in turn, knowing that Remus and Sirius already ‘you know’ before.
“Well, not all the ways but more than, you know.” Sirius replies.
“What is ‘you know’?” Mary asks feeling left out.
“Snogging and well, slightly touching.” Marlene says.
“But we didn’t talk. And like, I don’t know how to do that. And he, well, he didn’t apologise. And I didn’t either I think, well, in some way.” Sirius finishes with a grin which makes both girls laugh.
“Do you want to have a conversation?”
“Well, I fucking love him Marls.” Sirius lets out.
“You what?” Mary asks startled. “Like, love love?”
“Yes ‘love love’ Macdonald. I fucking love Remus Lupin! Love love!”
There’s a silence. Because Marlene sat and, at the door, watching them with wide eyes, stands Remus fucking Lupin himself, mouth half open. Marlene stares at him, mirroring his expression and soon Sirius sits down and gazes at Remus too, a panicked expression on his face.
“Since when are you here?” He asks in alarm.
“A moment.” Remus replies, not letting go of Sirius’ gaze.
“Oh.” Sirius lets out.
They stare at each other for a while, like if the world has stopped. And Marlene is certain that it did for them. Her and Mary don’t move a millimetre, they barely breath. Holy fuck, Marlene thinks, holy fucking fuck.
The scene passes like an eternity and a snap at the same time. Remus still at the door, Sirius, Marlene and Mary in the exact position they were.
“Maybe we should talk.” Remus says after a lifetime.
“Maybe.” Sirius answers but he is still not moving.
They stare at each other for a while longer and finally, Marlene finds in herself the force to move and pushes Sirius out of the bed.
He follows Remus out and they close the door without a word.
“Fucking fuck!” Mary breaths. “What the fuck?”
“What is the possibility of this exact situation happening?” Marlene asks, a hand to her chest.
“I don’t know. Very thin.” Mary nods.
“Why do I feel like it happened to me?” Marlene says.
“You’re too involved. You must even know more about Sirius’ feelings toward Remus than James. You’re like, the godmother of their relationship. And Lily is the other one.”
“Yeah. Probably.” Marlene says falling back on the bed, her hand still on her chest. Breathing.
So, this is it. Marlene asks herself if they are finally going to be together. But at least they are now going to have a talk. That’s something. That’s more.
“I have to find Lily.” Mary says, leaving the bed. “I have to tell her!”
With that, Mary leaves the dorm, not without blowing a kiss to Marlene, and Marlene finds herself alone.
***
For the next hours and a half, Marlene hadn’t had any news of Sirius. She saw Remus from far away, not looking at his best and she went looking for Sirius. She found him at the astronomy tour, his knees brought up to his torso and his arms wrapped around. It was bad. It was really bad.
Sirius told her one day that his cousin, Andromeda, told Regulus and him to put themselves in this position when things were bad, when they felt sad or like crying. Regulus kept it as an everyday position but Sirius only does it when things are really bad.
She sits next to him and he doesn’t acknowledge her.
“Sirius?” She tries.
He doesn’t answer. He just stare at the wall in front of him. Marlene asks herself if he even knows she’s here. She sits next to him in silence. Just waiting for him to be ready to talk.
“Why do I always fuck everything up?” He asks after several long minutes.
Then, he bursts into tears and hides his face in his knees.
“What happened, Sirius?” Marlene asks gently.
“Can you get Regulus?” He asks back, suppliantly. “Please, can you go get him? Can you bring Regulus?”
“Yes, yes I can.” Marlene says standing up, a hand on Sirius back. “I go get him. He’ll come, okay? It won’t take long.”
And then she’s gone. She doesn’t like the idea of letting Sirius alone but if there is one thing she knows about Sirius is that if he begs for his brother, no one else will matter. Marlene cannot compare to Regulus. James cannot compare to Regulus. He is Sirius’ baby brother. Sirius must be shattered if he wants Regulus to see him like that. Because that’s something else Marlene knows about Sirius, he won’t show any weakness in front of his baby brother.
In her way to the Slytherin dorm, where Regulus has to be, she meets Remus. He must see the anger and worry on his face and understand because he speaks extremely carefully.
“Marlene, where is-”
“Not now, Remus.” She says, not stopping to talk to him.
She’s not angry or upset at Remus since she doesn’t know the story. Well, maybe a bit because she hates to see Sirius like that. But maybe Sirius is wrong. Anyways, she’ll probably defend him. He defended her when her ex-girlfriend broke up with her because she was ‘ignoring her’. She was, in fact, ignoring her, but Sirius still stood by Marlene’s side.
She finally gets to the front of the Slytherin common room. For a moment she just stands here, not knowing how to get to Regulus.
“What are you doing here? Pandora is not a Slytherin.” A voice says behind her. Dorcas.
She turns, “I’m not here to see Pandora.” She says defensively.
“Why are you here then?”
“Could you get Regulus for me?”
“Why?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“It is. He’s my friend.”
“He is my friend’s brother. Just go get him Meadowes. I’m not going to hex him.”
“Won’t you?” Dorcas says, raising an eyebrow.
“I don’t have time for these bullshits!” Marlene bursts, letting her hands fly. “Could you, please, bring him here?”
Dorcas stares at her for a moment then finally nods. Marlene lets out a relived sigh and Dorcas disappears in her house. She waits for a moment, walking around. Some people look at her, noticing her worried pace. Finally, Dorcas reappears with Regulus.
“What is it?” He asks.
“Sirius.” She answers, almost out of breath, “Astronomy tour. Now.”
“What?”
“Go see Sirius at the astronomy tour. Now!” She repeats, “He asked for you.”
Regulus doesn’t need more. In a second he is out of sight. That’s something else. If one Black brother needs the other, the one needed would run to him. It’s some kind of wordless agreement between the two. They’re always there for each other, because there was a short period of time in which they weren’t, and their relationship has never been exactly the same ever since.
Marlene stays there, looking at nothing. She doesn’t really have anything to do. She can’t go to Sirius and she doesn’t have the motivation to go look for her other friends. She realises that Dorcas is still there too. Marlene stare at her, with no intention to talk. Dorcas stares back, visibly unimpressed.
“What was that all about?” Dorcas asks, raising an eyebrow.
Marlene lets out a sigh. She’s not in a mood for a fight but it seems like Dorcas is in a mood for one. She doesn’t want to give it to her, “Well, that’s none of you businesses actually but anyways. Sirius is not going well, he asked me to bring him Regulus.”
“Why didn’t you bring him then? You just told him where to go.”
“I won’t have been of much use.” Marlene snaps, annoyed. What is the point of this conversation anyways? “Why do you even care?”
“You’re here.” Dorcas simply says.
“And?”
Dorcas doesn’t answer. She’s not looking at Marlene anymore. When she’s about to leave, Dorcas talks again.
“You talk a lot to Pandora recently.”
Marlene face her once more, “Yeah. We get along.”
"She’s a friend of mine.” Dorcas says, almost warningly.
“None of your friends are your age, right?” Marlene asks, bitterly.
“Have you seen the Slytherin of my year?” Dorcas answers with a sharp laugh, still not looking at Marlene. “Snape and Mulciber, no thank you.”
“So you stay with Regulus, Barty and Evan?” Marlene raises an eyebrow. “Pandora is not even a Slytherin.”
“She’s so much with us that it’s almost the case.” Dorcas says, smiling fondly. She lays her gaze on Marlene again and Marlene’s heart skip a beat, “I don’t know what you’re trying to do but if you hurt her in any way, you don’t want to know what I will do.”
Marlene is not easily intimidated. But there is something in Dorcas’ tone that makes her shiver. They stare at each other, not saying a word again.
“Is that all?” Marlene asks after a while and Dorcas just looks at her, not answering.
She turns heels, not standing to stay here longer. Why does Dorcas always appear when she’s already not in a good mood? And how is it possible that every time she makes it worse just by being there? She didn’t know someone could be that infuriating without doing anything.
Snape is infuriating but this boy is an arsehole. Dorcas isn’t bad. She isn’t mean or anything. She’s just, just herself. And other people don’t seem to be bother by her so Marlene knows it’s just her but it doesn’t change the facts.
Maybe what infuriates Marlene the most is not the hatred she feels toward Dorcas but that other feeling that appeared after the party. That odd thing deep inside her that she cannot name. Slight discomfort? Guilt?
“McKinnon!” Dorcas calls behind her and Marlene ears the sound of her shoes on the floor.
She barely has the time to roll her eyes, turn and say ‘what is it?’ before Dorcas’ mouth is on hers.
She doesn’t realise what is happening instantly. She doesn’t move at first. But then she answers the kiss. Not that she wants to kiss Dorcas but, fuck, her body wants to and who is she to tell otherwise? Marlene’s mind pushes Dorcas Meadowes away but her body only wants her closer and closer. One of them deepens the kiss, or maybe it’s the two of them in some kind of wordless agreement. They kiss, like Peter would say, full on the mouth, tongue and all.
Marlene doesn’t know how long the kiss last but when they break apart it’s only because they are out of breath. It’s only the two of them in the corridor.
“Fucking hell!” Marlene breaths, staring at Dorcas.
Dorcas looks at her in silence for a moment before she turns heels and runs into her common room, leaving Marlene alone in the empty corridor.