Puppy Love
Sirius
I sat bolt upright, Mother’s scream still ringing in my ears, and looked around the room, the boys were still sleeping, I hadn’t woken them thank Merlin. I crept quietly out of bed and got a quick drink of water. Returning to the dorm I crept slowly past my own bed to Moony’s and slipped between his arms trying my best not to wake him.
“Hmm… Pads?” He shifted slightly, a part of me felt bad but at the same time, this did allow us to be more comfortable. “Everything alright Love?” Even at the low volume the care in his voice boomed above the shrill echo that was Mother’s voice.
“It’s fine, just another nightmare,” I murmured curling into him as he wrapped his arms lovingly around me and stroked my back slowly.
“Another? Sirius, that’s the third day in a row… at least… are you sure you’re doing alright?” He was right, of course, I’d never tell him though, He’d worry too much if he knew. The nightmares had actually been going on much much longer, they hadn’t stopped for more than a weekend here and there since that night…
“It’s okay Remus, it’s just temporary, you know the start of the school year’s always bad for me, I’ll be over it soon, promise. I’ve got you now, what more could a young man need?” I joked kissing him on the cheek reassuringly.
“Okay… I trust you. You’d tell me if it was really bad, right?” He looked at me with those big brown eyes and I nearly blurted everything, saving it just in time with another kiss.
“Of course Moons. I’d tell you anything.” It tore me apart, lying to him that way but I couldn’t burden him with this, especially so close to the next moon, He’d have enough on his mind, it’d just hurt him more knowing I was hurting. “I love you, go back to sleep okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yeah okay, love…” He yawned, “See you in the morning.” With a quick kiss on my cheek, he slowed his breathing, shifted a tiny bit more, and started to allow sleep to overtake him once more. I gently rubbed his cheek helping to ease him into sleep and only once he had fallen back to sleep did I allow myself to start drifting off again.
I woke up facing away from Moony’s side of the bed, I rolled over and reached for him but found nothing but the bed sheet. I sat up and looked around the room, empty, I was just about to get out of the bed to go find everyone when the door opened. My head jolted abruptly to the door where Moony stood, plates full of food in his hands. “Sorry Pads! Didn’t mean to startle you, I thought I’d have enough time. I brought you breakfast!” I smiled warmly, melting at the sight of my love.
“Oh, Moons! You didn’t have to!” I gushed as he made his way back sitting beside me on the bed. “I would’ve come down if you’d woken me, Love.”
“I didn’t want you to. I thought you deserved breakfast in bed with me.” He handed me a plate piled high with my usual Sunday breakfast.
“Thank you Moons, I love it.” I rested my head on his shoulder as I picked up my first bite. The scent reminded me of Sunday afternoons at James’ waking up late to Effie’s cooking. Suddenly the fear and doubt of the night before seemed to fade away to nothing as we sat cuddled up and eating. “You’re the best boyfriend in the world Moony, I love you.” He kissed the top of my head.
“Pretty sure that's you Pads, I’m not the one who spent nearly a year studying just to accompany my boyfriend for a day once a month after all.” I shrugged.
“James and Peter did that too… not just me.”
“And I appreciate that they did but you started it, you were the one with the idea and the one who found out that it was possible.” He tensed and I could tell the spasms were starting, I grabbed the plate from him and set them both on the side table before helping him to lie down. I sat by his head rubbing his cheek until the wave of pain ceased, a pained look on my face the whole time. I had grown to hate the full moons I had eagerly awaited in childhood as they now meant nearly a week of watching the love of my life suffer constantly. Remus was never fully free of the pain but the rest of the month it was far less intense than the week or so surrounding the full moon. “Thanks, Pads…”
“Do you need anything Moony?” He moved to lay his head on my lap.
“Just this.” He murmured. I smiled and went back to rubbing his cheek. “Actually, there’s a book in the drawer.” He pointed to the side table. “Read to me?” His voice was quiet, almost childlike. I nodded as I reached for the book.
“Of course Moons, anything.” I opened the book to the page Moony had bookmarked and began to read. We sat there, his head in my lap, as he listened I read two chapters of Moony’s most recent favourite book. As I closed the book Remus spoke up.
“Pads… you think you can take notes for me the next couple of days..? It's bad, this month.” I felt tears forming in my eyes as I nodded. Seeing him in so much pain hurt more than the nightmares, at least those weren’t real, felt real sure but Remus’ pain? That was real. That was as real as the events the nightmares were recreating. “Hey, don’t cry love.” He reached up from where he lay brushing the tears away. “I’ll be alright, I promise. Don’t worry. I appreciate the notes, hope I don’t miss too much.”
“Promise me something Moons?” He looked into my eyes waiting to hear what he was agreeing to. “Don’t come back if you’re not ready, Please… I can take notes, just, promise you won’t rush it. I… I still remember the day in second year when you came back too early and fainted because of it, I didn’t know why at the time and I was still worried sick. I don’t want to know what it’d be like knowing what you’d gone through.”
“I promise Pads.”