Epilogue
On the one year anniversary of the day Tony almost jumped, Anthony Edward Stark traveled back up to the roof and sat on the edge, looking out towards the city.
Of course, he had put a railing up there, and the way he sat ensured that he was safe. He had his legs in between two of the metal posts, and his arms slung around a beam.
“What’re you thinking about?” Steve asked. He walked loudly so he didn't frighten the engineer.
“How far I’ve come,” Tony replied, not looking as the captain took a seat next to him. “This morning, Jarvis told me a year ago today I almost died at my own hand. Of course, I asked him to tell me, but it was still a surprise.”
“Do you regret not going through with it?” Steve knew it was a dangerous question, one he might not like the answer to, but he knew that Tony should talk. He held up on his promises that he wouldn’t get professional help.
“Sometimes,” Tony replied truthfully, sucking in a breath of the crisp air. He glanced at Steve and saw his friend following his lead and breathing deeply. “But then I think about all of the things that are worth living for, and I come up with a list.” Sigh. “It’s not always a long one, but if there’s anything on there, I tell Jarvis to lock me in my lab and contact someone to watch me.”
“That’s good,” Steve said. “And if there’s nothing there?”
“There will always be something worth living for Capsicle, sometimes we just gotta search for it,” Tony answered.
“What kind of things are there?”
“Feeling down?” Tony asked, looking his friend in the eye for the first time.
“Not in that way. I just want to know how you think. I’m trying to understand you,” Steve said.
Tony felt laughter fill him, bubbling out and filling the air with the sounds of his joy. “And how has that been going?”
“To be honest? Easier than you might think,” Steve said, surprising even himself with the declaration. “You’re not as cryptic as you like to think.”
“Oh really? How do I think then? Please, evaluate me,” Tony smiled as he spoke. In the past, hearing that would have been upsetting, and he would’ve put up his walls and fortified them even heavier. Now he just felt happy that people were stubborn enough to get through and see the real him.
“You’re damaged,” Steve began.
“Woah, starting off a bit strong, don’t you think?”
“Let me finish,” Steve replied. “You’re damaged, but you don’t let it stop you. You’re stubborn in a way that is endlessly frustrating, but at the same time it’s admirable because you always stand up for what you believe in. If someone you care about is in danger, you will fight to your last breath to get them back. You are as generous as you are spoiled, and you would spare no expense to keep anyone safe, especially your family.” Steve almost didn’t say family, but he felt the word fit.
“You guys are my family, aren’t you?” Tony said. “We’ve been through a lot together, Steve Rogers.”
“We sure have.”
The two men sat in silence together, one looking off at the sun shining off of the buildings and enjoying that he was still alive to witness it, and the other overjoyed that he was too.
“It’s weird, coming up here again,” Tony stated suddenly. “I’m even closer to the edge than before, my legs are literally dangling off the edge. Yet, I feel more grounded. I know I won’t fall this time.”
“You didn’t fall last time,” Steve reminded him.
“True, but still. Of all the times I almost died, that is the most memorable,” Tony laughed.
“It is.” Steve stood up. “Want to come inside? We’re setting up a movie.”
“Sure, I’ll come up in a minute. Just give me a bit,” Tony said, not moving to get up.
“Okay, I’ll tell them to wait,” Steve smiled as he turned around.
“Thanks,” Tony whispered, but he knew the super soldier heard him. As the footsteps grew fainter as they walked further away, Tony spoke again. “Hey, Steve?”
“Yeah?” Steve turned around at the doorway that would lead him to the stairs inside.
Tony pulled away from the edge of the building and stood up, looking at Steve for a moment before speaking. He took in the baby blue eyes, always filled with concern for others. The man before him was so great, so good, and he chose to work and live with Tony Stark.
Tony Stark, the man who used to build weapons, who was responsible for the loss of countless innocent lives, who was probably more trouble than he was worth. Who was still sometimes called the merchant of death.
“You’re one of the reasons,” he said finally.
“What?” Steve asked, not understanding at first.
“You asked me what kinds of reasons I had. You. You are a reason to stick around,” Tony said.
“Tony, you are a reason to stick around too.”
+++
On the two year anniversary of the day Tony almost jumped, he was feeling down.
The Avengers had been called in a lot, and they were facing a losing streak.
And Tony blamed himself for most of them. To him, it was always because his reaction time was too slow, it was because he hadn’t made the suit strong enough to withstand that hit.
So when there was a giant robot falling from the sky, Tony thought about flying under it. He thought he was just burdening the team, and saw a way out.
So when he tried to go through with the thought, it was a crushing sight for everyone else to see.
--- (Flashback)---
“Sir, may I ask why you just turned off your com?” Jarvis asked cautiously.
“Mute,” Tony instructed his AI with a shaking voice.
There was only the sound of the wind whipping past as he flew the suit straight towards the ginormous limp bot falling from the sky.
“Iron Man, what are you doing?” Steve yelled into his comm when he saw the flashy metal suit shooting itself towards the quickly descending figure. “We’ve gotten the bot offline and there’s nothing underneath its body. Get back over here, now!” When he saw that the man in the suit was not turning around, and there was no response, he tried again. “Iron Man, did you hear me? That was an order!” Still no reaction. Usually Tony would at least make some sarcastic response about taking orders. This silence was unnerving.
Quickly, he pulled out his phone. “Jarvis?” He said into the app Tony had made in his one of a kind Stark Phone.
“I believe Sir Tony is in danger of hurting himself,” was the only response the AI gave him.
“Hulk, go grab Tony now,” Steve yelled, a hint of hysteria creeping into his voice.
He watched silently along with Clint and Natasha as the giant green form of the Hulk bounded off towards Tony Stark. It was difficult, but soon he caught him. Tony struggled, but soon the Hulk had grabbed Tony out of the air and was running back towards the rest of the Avengers.
When they reached them, Steve immediately clung to the iron suit in fear he would try to take off again. He pressed the emergency release button that only the Avengers knew about, and the faceplate opened up, revealing the broken eyes of Tony Stark.
“What the hell was that?” Steve growled, even though he already knew the answer. They all knew the answer.
“I- I don’t know,” Tony said blankly.
He had relapsed into a state he hadn’t been in for two years.
“First, we’re getting you to medical. Then we are going to talk. You need help, Tony. After all this time, you’re still facing your demons, and I need to know that we’re doing something, anything, to kill them,” Steve said.
“Okay,” was Tony’s only response.
---(Flashback over)---
+++
The three year anniversary was also Tony’s last weekly appointment with his therapist. He had spent the last year meeting with her once every week, and a PTSD counselor once every other week.
And he had gotten better.
Of course, he could still call and make an appointment any time with either of them, but for now, the annual ones were done. He agreed to meet on the last week of every month with his therapist, but that was only if he felt he needed to talk.
He felt lighter after his final goodbye to the doctor.
When he came home after the appointment, he was greeted by his teammates, and a movie night all set up.
This time, he accepted the invitation into the fort.
+++
Four years, and Tony rarely ever thought about the portal. He had nightmares occasionally, but he was usually able to chase them away, and if it was too much, Steve or Bruce would still come to help him. Lately, even Natasha or Clint would come.
+++
After all of that time, and Tony’s life was the same and it was different in many ways.
He still went on missions, and Steve was still over controlling on the battlefield. Tony was still uneasy around silent situations, or ones where he would be in complete darkness, with his Arc reactor covered. He still had the occasional nightmares.
But now, he had people who he would always consider his family. He had Pepper by his side always, and the Avengers, his family, would always be there for him.
Tony would always have the scars that the portal left him with, but as long as these people were with him, no matter what, Tony was sure he would get through.
+++