Vultures
“Tony, are you sure you don’t want me to go with you? I really don’t mind,” Steve said, following his friend outside to the car.
“I’m sure,” Tony replied, getting in the car. “Are you going back to the tower?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Steve said.
“There’ll be a car here to pick you up in ten minutes,” Tony said, pulling out his phone.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome Capsicle.”
The car pulled out, and Tony let his mask fell once the searching eyes of Captain America were nowhere to be found.
To say that Tony Stark wasn’t a fan of appearing before the media was an understatement. Sometimes, he would prefer to risk his life in battle than allow himself to be left to their nonexistent mercy. He hated how they always seemed to know everything about his mistakes, but nothing about the good things he had done. The unforgiving camera flashes from the paparazzi and the merciless scolding from the reporters always set him on edge, even when he wasn’t still filled with anxiety about the thing they wanted to talk about.
The New York incident.
He couldn’t even walk down the street anymore without one of the vultures finding him and pounding him with questions and accusations.
Tony sighed and placed his head in his hands. His breathing shook for only a second before he quickly shoved his feelings aside and pulled on the mask that seemed to be constantly needed. Tony refused to think about what he was going to face for the rest of the time in the car.
+++
“Tony, is it true that-”
“In the battle-”
“Do you approve of the statement-”
“Is Stark Industries-”
Tony tuned out the dozens of voices assaulting his ears all at once and ignored the headache already forming. Even though he would rather be anywhere else but here, Tony smiled as he got out of his car and never let his mask slip.
“Merchant of death-”
“Iron Man-”
“Mr. Stark-”
He heard all of his names being called and he ignored them. They’d all have their chance to berate him once he was inside.
When he finally walked through the doors, he immediately began searching for Pepper by the podium. When he spotted her, he made a small wave and walked over, expertly hiding his relief to see a familiar face that wasn’t only there to make him feel like human trash.
“Hello Ms. Potts, nice to see you,” Tony muttered when they were close enough to talk without being overheard.
“It’s nice to see you appear at one of your own conferences for once,” Pepper joked.
“I thought I should do something other than disappoint you for once,” he replied.
“Tony you don’t-” She tried to reassure him, but he was already walking away towards the podium. ‘I’ll talk to him later,’ she thought, upset that Tony thought he was disappointing her. Well, he did disappoint her sometimes, but he didn’t always. Pepper understood that he was very busy with the Avengers, and his job with Shield making tech. Sometimes he couldn’t make a conference or meeting, and that was fine. She hoped he didn’t think she thought so low of him as he just suggested.
“Hello! In case you didn’t know, I’m Tony Stark! If you were surprised to hear that, you should probably leave now.” Tony paused to let the crowd’s laughter die down. “I understand that some of you have something to say, so I’m going to shut my mouth for a minute and allow someone to ask a question.” Hands flew up immediately, and Tony scanned the sea of faces before him. “You, blondie in the back row,” he said, pointing to a tall woman wearing a blue dress in the back row.
Standing up, she wasted no time to get straight to the point. “Hello,” Tony zoned out as she introduces herself and the company she worked for because he really didn’t care. “I wanted to ask you if you knew how the portal was closed.”
“Good question! So, my friend the Black Widow hacked into the computer system that generated the thing, and was able to shut it down,” Tony answered, easily passing along the lie that he was told to pass on to the public. They were not allowed to know Loki even existed.
“Thank you,” the blonde said, sitting back down. Tony smiled, glad that they were going easy on him.
“Next question! Yes, you in the black suit,” Tony plowed on, pointing to a middle-aged man in the front.
The man introduced himself and then asked a question. “Knowing your reputation as a man who rarely shows responsibility, why should the public trust the Avengers to take their job keeping us safe seriously?”
Tony felt that one like a punch in the gut. Of course, he didn’t show that on his face as he smiled through the pain and tried to answer with dignity. “I promise you, I take my place on the Avengers very seriously, and I rate it above anything else I do. There is nothing I value more than keeping the world a safer place.”
The reporter was scribbling on a notepad as he sat down. ‘Probably finding a way to turn that against me,’ Tony thought.
“Who’s next? Um, how about… YOU! In the third row, with the blindingly bright dress!” Tony said, seemingly unfazed by the previous question.
The girl who he had referenced stood up blushing profusely in her neon yellow dress. She said her name and magazine, and Tony sighed inwardly. He hated magazines, they were the best at twisting his words to make him look bad. He cringed just thinking of the headlines. “My question is about the missile that was heading for the city. Where did it come from?”
Tony closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember the story SHIELD told him. His thoughts were flying through his head, mixing around and only making the headache worse. Giving up trying to figure out the original story, he made up his own. “I’m sorry, I have no idea where the missile came from, but there are currently people working tirelessly to figure it out.”
The room was suddenly filled with sound as everyone tried to figure out what the vague message meant. Tony let them speculate for a minute before he tapped on the mic, signaling to the room that he was ready to continue. When hands went up, Tony briefly thought of a classroom. Everyone squirming to answer the tricky question. This time he called on someone randomly, pointing in a general direction.
A man in a grey suit stood up and didn’t bother to say anything to introduce himself, he was so eager to ask his question. “Based on footage taken during the attack, we’ve all seen that you flew into the void in the sky with the missile. My question is this: What was it like?”
Tony Stark was speechless. The crowd waited silently as they waited for a response but soon grew anxious when Tony stayed silent. “Next question,” Tony said.
There was a wave of raised voices and exclamations. One glare from the usually cheery billionaire shut them up. Tony motioned silently for a woman in a pantsuit to speak, who immediately asked what they all wanted to know. “Why didn’t you answer the last question?”
“Because I didn’t want to,” Tony replied. “Next question.”
Another woman stood up and continued to pry for information on a subject Tony clearly didn’t want to speak on. “Mr. Stark, why do you continue to avoid the subject of the portal?”
“I just told you, I don’t want to talk about it. And. seeing as this is my conference, I am allowed to not answer questions.” Tony angrily answered. “Who’s next?” Tony’s mood changed back to his usual cheeriness so quickly everyone, including Pepper, thought they had imagined the hostility.
The conference continued, everyone cautiously avoiding talk of the portal. Tony thought everything was fine.
Of course, that was until one reporter decided not to leave well enough alone.
He was young, no more than twenty- five. Tony would always remember him.
“Excuse me, but I was just hoping you could describe what space was like…” He trailed off. Tony was silent, staring at him. Suddenly, an anger Pepper had never seen before flashed in Tony’s eyes.
“Do you really want to know? Well fine, here it is. Everyone get your fucking cameras, record this or whatever, you obviously all want to know! Here it is: The official story of Stark in Space!” Pepper did nothing but watch Tony fall apart, the wall he so carefully built crumbling down before her eyes. “Well, as you all know, there was an unidentified explosive flying towards New York. It could have leveled the whole city. So, I grabbed it against all of my instincts and flew into space with it. I tried to call my friend, but they didn’t pick up. After that, as I threw the bomb, I lost all communication with Earth, and I even lost my AI as the suit powered down.
“It was extremely cold, the vacuum sucking out all warmth from the air, leaving the unforgiving cold to cover my suit, creeping in, freezing me. The little air I got left from my weak oxygen tanks was sharp in my lungs.” Tony didn’t look angry anymore, he looked lost. “The painful air was better than the nothing that I got after that. When my oxygen tanks finally failed, I was gasping at nothing.” Pepper didn’t realize the tears falling down her face. “It was dark, so I didn’t realize the dots in my vision, showing how close I was to death.” Tony wanted to stop talking, wanted to shut up before he said too much, but he couldn’t. He kept going because it was the only thing keeping him from being swallowed whole by the memory. “Honestly, it felt like the darkness was suffocating me just as much as the lack of air. And the silence… the silence was deafening.
“I was dying. I knew it, but it didn’t seem upsetting. Really, it seemed welcoming. I wanted that level of peace, I wanted to escape. When I finally did die, it was like slowly falling asleep…” Tony seemed completely lost in himself, and the press just watched, open mouthed. “When I fell to Earth, I was brought back from a mix of shock, and the force of the Hulk catching me thrusting air back into my lungs forcefully.” Even though he’s never admitted it to himself before, Tony knew what he said next was completely true. “Sometimes I wish I had stayed dead. I feel like you can’t just leave the world like that and just come back. I don’t really belong here anymore.
“No matter how hard I try, I’ll never truly fit back in. I don’t belong in this world anymore. I constantly feel the urge to leave again, to get away fro here again. I want to feel the peace I did before.” Tony just realized what he had done as he finished his confession. Before the people around him had a chance to recover he sprinted away from the room, not caring about Pepper, who was shouting behind him. He didn’t care about the news’s cameras following him as he left.
He jumped into the car that was waiting for him outside. “Drive,” was all he said. The driver complied and hit the gas, quickly leaving the place in the rearview mirror. Tony let himself fall apart completely and cried all the way back to the tower.
+++
When Steve walked into the tower, his only thought was the training room that took up a whole floor on the tower. He was worried about Tony, and couldn’t shake a bad feeling as he destroyed a few punching bags. He glanced at his clock. He had only been upstairs for ten minutes, and he had destroyed four punching bags.
Sighing, the Captain decided to go get some food to comfort himself with. He knew stress eating was bad, but he couldn’t force himself to care right now. He didn’t know why, but he felt guilt clawing at his heart, ripping his insides to shreds.
When he reached the communal floor, he walked towards the kitchen but stopped when he saw the TV was playing on a News station. When Steve saw it was Tony’s press conference, he decided to watch it, to ease his guilt for not going. Just as he sat down, a young man stood up. Steve froze in terror when he asked his question.
Things only went downhill from there. Tony had pure loathing for the people in the room in his eyes, sharing the space with an anger so strong Steve could feel it through the screen.
Steve watched as Tony’s anger faded into something so tired and sad that it broke Steve’s heart to the point of tears, shattering his usual resolve.
When Tony talked about his death, Steve was shocked to the point of speechlessness.
At the end of the speech, Tony ran from the room. Steve told Jarvis to get the team in the living room immediately.
“What’s going on? Cap, is everything okay?” Clint asked as soon as he, Bruce and Natasha were all in the room.
“Sit,” the captain said, motioning for the team to take seats on the couch. When they did, he told Jarvis to replay the news from where he walked in.
By the time they were finished watching, the team was all reacting in their own ways.
Bruce was clenching his fists, green shining in his eyes behind a wall of unshed tears.
Clint was crying silently, staring blankly at the screen, as if he didn’t believe what he just heard, couldn’t understand.
Natasha’s face was blank, and she looked as if she had just shut down.
Bruce was the first person to speak, having recovered first. “Jarvis, play the footage from Tony’s room last night on the TV,” he ordered the AI, remembering some things Tony had said. Luckily, Tony hadn’t blocked access to it yet.
Bruce fast forwarded until he got to the part that he wanted. “Watch this.” Steve immediately recognized the scene, with Tony sitting with Steve and Bruce. Tony began to talk.
“Sometimes I regret going up there, fucking myself up so royally, but then I think of all the people I saved, and I know I did the right thing, I know I'd do it again. But at the same time,” Tony paused. “At the same time I wonder why. Not why I'd do it, I know that answer. I wonder why this is what I get for saving people. I saved a city and all I get is these memories. I know I've fucked up so much in my life- Christ, I probably deserve all of this. I just want to know how I can ever make up for everything so that it can stop. I just want it to stop…”
“Obviously Tony is going through a really hard time right now, and we all need to help him,” Bruce said.
“Oh my god,” Natasha said. Everyone was shocked to see her usual wall fall away, and a single tear fell down her face.
Suddenly, Jarvis’s voice filled the room. “Sir’s car is outside, but he is not leaving it.”
Clint jumped up immediately, shooting the rest of the room a hard look. “Let me take care of this,” he said. Bruce opened his mouth to protest but stopped when Clint gave him a pleading look. “Please.”
Nobody made a move to get up. Clint went to the elevator and went downstairs.
He walked out the glass front doors towards the car outside alone.