Chapter 19
Peter stood at the doorstep of his old home gripping the strap of his backpack. There was a wreath on the door. A few of the neighborhood kids were running though the snow. He glanced back at the festive decorations, a few snowmen occupying the streets. They were a few families gathering together, the streets full of lighthearted chatter and laughter. He kept his eyes to the door knocking again. This time he could see Aunt May making her way to the door through the window.
"Peter," she greeted as the door swung open. "Oh it's so good to see you sweetheart," she said as Peter hugged her.
"You too Aunt May," he mumbled into her shoulder. The smell of home sending him back. It was a pleasant, nostalgic smell. It wasn't exactly full of good memories but they weren't bad either.
"Come in," she laughed leading them to the kitchen. Peter shut the door behind himself before following. It looked like she had already started dinner.
"Need any help?"
"I'm done with most of it now I'm just waiting for the oven. How are you dear? Tell me everything," she said getting two mugs from the cupboard. Peter set his bag down by the table and retrieved the milk from the fridge. He grabbed the sugar from the corner next to the refrigerator then set them both beside his aunt where she poured warm coffee into both mugs.
"It's going good. I finished all my mid terms, Mr. Stark's talking about giving me a job. I don't know if I'll have one for long at the Bugle," he murmured. Jameson wasn't pleased that Peter hadn't been able to turn in any new photos of Spiderman. He was planning on taking new ones after the holidays. He hoped Jameson could hold off that long.
"Good." She set the mugs down at the table, each of them taking a seat. "No offence or anything sweetie but that Jameson man is awful."
"Trust me aunt May, I know," he sighed bringing the cup to his lips. "How's work?"
The woman sighed running a hand through her salt and pepper hair, "tiring. They have me working at odd hours, not long enough to get all my paperwork done. Then they let the other nurses leave while I'm on shift so I have those patents and their paperwork," she stared down at the cup. "They want so much done but they won't hire anyone else. It's the same as usual I guess."
"Why don't you retire," he asked setting the mug down. She had a couple years left but she had never taken a sick day or showed up late. She was a model employee. She'd been working for them for over thirty years now.
"It's just two more years," she said with a small shrug. "If I go through to the end I'll get all the benefits. It'll be worth it."
He frowned but didn't push any further. If he had the money he would have paid off the rest of the mortgage and anything else she needed. But he had nothing to offer. He couldn't even take care of himself. He could put all his efforts into school. If he did well enough he could get a job in a big company like Stark Industry. At least he hoped so. Something that could let him pay off the student loans and still give him enough to help out his aunt.
"I think the oven's ready now," May said getting up.
----
They had managed to eat most of what May had made. It left them both in a food coma but it was so nice to be warm and full. They both sat on the couch watching a claymation christmas movie next to the small christmas tree May recovered from the hospital. Peter pulled the neatly wrapped gifts from his backpack and left them on the table for her to open whenever. It was just a pair of scrubs and a new pair of shoes. She had gotten him a pair of new sneakers in his favorite color. They shared the plate of freshly bake sugar cookies, laughing over old memories. It was like every christmas they had before.
"Aunt May," he said twisting his the end of his long sleeve. "I uh, I met someone recently."
She immediately turned all her attention to him. "Met someone? As in..."
"We aren't dating but I mean," he cleared his throat. "I-I'd like to."
"Oh Peter I'm so glad you're putting yourself out there again. Who is it? Someone from school?"
"No, I mean I met...him...at school." He gave his aunt an anxious glance. He had never told her of his sexuality. Honestly he wasn't so sure for himself. When he met someone he just knew what he felt. He knew what to do.
She stared at him for a second before smiling, placing a hand on his cheek. "He makes you happy?"
"Yeah," he said face going heating up. "He does."
"Good, tell me everything," she patted his cheek before settling back into the couch.
"We talked during a break in my classes and he came by the next day to give me lunch. He's older then me, he funny, loud, smart, really strong. He's uh...between jobs right now. He's kind of seen in a bad light but he's got a good heart. He's been trying really hard lately." The more he thought about him the more he missed Wade. "He's a good man."
"I'm happy for you Peter," she smiled. They shared a laugh and May began telling stories of how she first met uncle Ben. They talked until the movie restarted, May nearly falling asleep on the couch until Peter woke her up. They bid each other good night.
Peter decided to stay the night there, he'd go back to the tower tomorrow morning. He went to his old room, hit with more nostalgia as he looked around. Nothing had changed. Old photos still sat around the decade old computer at the desk. There were still a few leftovers from his projects with the webshooters, stay tools hanging around. He never needed them now that he had access to the Stark Tower lab.
Everything about the place made his head spin. He wandered to the closet finding all his old clothes still inside. They were old, stretched out and worn. One of the first things he worked on getting when he moved out was a new wardrobe. He was comfortable wearing more fitting clothes now. There were still a few oversized clothes he kept but rarely wore outside the house. He was glad that at least now he had a pair of new shoes. The old ones had begun to tear.
With a sigh he flopped onto the bed staring at the wall on the other side. It was cover with a collage of old photos. Friends from high school, some of his aunt and uncle, from when he first met the avengers, mostly of Gwen. He sighed plucking on of them off the wall. The blonde girl what smiling widely, blue eyes squinted, nose crinkled, freckles spanned out across her face. She looked so happy. He clenched his jaw sticking it back to the wall. Any time he saw her he was reminded of that night in the clocktower. He could still see it behind closed eyes. He could still feel the weight in his arms.
His eyes watered, a sob suck in his throat. He turned away from the wall only to find more pictures of her on the desk. Turning his head into the pillow he gasped pulling it close to his face. The memory of losing her was always so vivid. It never failed to send him back down that dark train of thought. It left him feeling heavy and hallow at the same time. With another gasp he got up, wrapping a blanket over his shoulders he went to his window. It got stuck a few times but he pulled it up enough for him to climb out onto the awning roof.
He sat with his back against the wall, blanket tight around his shoulders. The street was lit with different colored lights. The snow making them seem brighter, ice making colors reflect. The cold worked on waking him up. It nipped at his skin giving him something to focus on. His breath was visible. He could feel his tears freeze on his lashes. The smell of the cold city air, the sound of cars slowly driving over ice a few blocks away. All his senses woke to distract him from himself.
He took in the freezing air gratefully, face pressed to his knees. Looking out on the empty street gave him some assurance. He let out another sob letting himself cry as he sat in the cold. The pain from years ago had still surfaced, almost giving him a panic attack, instead he just cried. The sound muffled into his legs. He cried until his eyes were too dry. Until he throat ached. Until he couldn't anymore.
He was reduced to shuttering sobs when he finally looked up. His body jolting with each heavy breath. He set his chin on his knees staring out at the shimmering street. There was a buzzing noise that distracted him. He lifted up the blanket finding his phone in his pocket. He pulled it from his pocket seeing a message from snapchat. He opened it, a picture of Wade showed up, a filter with a mess of christmas decorations around his face. He was grinning above the words Merry Christmas. He took a picture of the street with a text reading Merry Christmas. He got a message seconds later.
Dedp00: are you on a roof???
PeterPrkr: yeah
Dedp00: why? Ptr that's so dangerous pls be careful
Peter smiled down at the abriviation of his name. Wade had done it when making fun on his username.
PeterPrkr: it's just the awning.
Dedp00: that's a strange place to be at night
PeterPrkr: more dangerous then the thirty second floor with no ladder??
Dedp00: it was for a mission and the ladder fell AFTER I WENT UP THERE
PeterPrkr: you jumped off the ledge.
Dedp00: I caught myself on the fifteenth floor
PeterPrkr: then broke your arm and fell the rest of the way.
Dedp00: I healed
PeterPrkr: I didn't. I can still see your broken legs in my mind. Why did you send me that picture?
Dedp00: because my legs made a 69!
Dedp00: sorry baby boy didn't mean to scar you
PeterPrkr: it's okay, just please be more careful. Also please don't send me anymore of your horrible injuries.
Dedp00: can i call you?
Peter stared at the screen not expecting him to ask. He knew he still sounded hoarse from crying. But hearing his voice might help him get back to normal. Instead of answering he called the merc.
"Peeetey Piiiiie," Wade deep voice sang in his ear. "Merry Christmas!"
"It's still Christmas Eve," Peter murmured with a small smile.
"You sound off. Where you crying?"
Peter blinked staring at the snow, "uh, a bit. It's just...old memories. They always come back on the holidays."
"Do you want to talk about it."
Peter picked at a stray thread on his blanket. "There's just a lot of people I've lost that I miss. I just," he took in a deep breath fighting off more tears. "I wish I could see them again."
There was a deep sigh on the other line, "that's the worst. I'm sorry baby boy. Is there anything I can do?"
"Talking to you helps," the hero muttered.
"Aw if only I could be there. We could cuddle up and drink hot chocolate."
"And eat cookies," Peter chuckled wrapping his free arm around his legs.
"And tamales! We'll sing some carols, take some super cute selfies by the christmas tree, stay up all night to catch the fat man who breaks in." Peter laughed resting his head on his knees again. "Maybe we'll end up under some mistletoe," he murmured almost silently.
"I'd like that," the younger man whispered with a blush.
Wade chuckled almost nervously, "really? Even with my face?"
"Because it's your face."
"I know you're totally bullshiting but I'm gonna flail around like a teenage girl anyways." There was a sound as if he really was that made Peter chuckle.
"I miss you," he said softly making the other side quiet. "I mean I know we text like every day but I miss you."
"I miss you too." Decided that it was time to go back inside, his runny nose was starting to freeze. He struggled to get himself back in with one hand and ended up falling on his face with a grunt. "Pete?"
"Ow," he moaned dragging the rest of himself inside.
"Peter? Did you fall? Please don't tell me you fell off the roof. Can you move? Wait don't move yet!"
Peter pulled the phone back to his ear. "'M fine. Just fell coming back in through the window," he sat up with a wince rubbing his nose. "Facefirst."
There was silence for a second before Wade's laugh came though. It made Peter smile. "Sorry Pete, that sounds hilarious."
"It was pretty funny," he admitted standing up. He glanced at the wall of pictures as he peeled off his now wet socks.
"How's your face?"
"Bruised," got situated in bed glancing at the alarm clock above his head. It was almost midnight. "I'm staying in my childhood house at the moment."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's kind of weird. Like I went back in time."
"Good weird or bad?"
Peter stared at the pictures on the desk, "I don't know."
"Hmm, I bet it's super nerdy in there. High School Peter was probably in the chess club."
"Academic Decathalon," Peter muttered.
Wade laughed again, "aw! Did you wear turtle necks and glasses?"
"I had glasses," he glanced at them on the shelf with the rest of the stray gadgets. "They were v neck sweaters."
"Ohhhh my god please continue."
Peter grimaced thinking about the pre-t years and how he had lost some of his closet friends after coming out. "I wasn't special I just worked hard. I needed a scholarship."
"Any boyfriends? Or girlfriends? What are you into by the way?"
The younger cleared his throat, "I'm bi, I guess. I had a few crushes?" People just thought he was a butch lesbian. He wasn't very lucky in the dating department except for... He glanced at the pictures of Gewn. "I don't want to talk about it."
"That's okay. I'm just thinking of a tiny Ultranerd Peter. You're so adorable."
Peter blushed pulling the blanket up over his shoulder, "I'm really not."
"Would you want to meet up soon? I have a place we can meet at."
"Yeah," Peter said pulling the blanket over his head. "Sounds good." Peter would tell him. He had to tell him the truth.
The was silence then Wade cheered, "Merry christmas baby boy." Peter pulled his phone away to look at the time. It was midnight.
He grinned, "Merry christmas Wade."