Groot lets out a small squeak as he yawns, burying his face into the soft fur of Rocket's chest. The expert pilot had shed his normal jumpsuit for loose pants and a looser tank top, the white fabric streaked with greys and browns from various oils and engine fluids. The small being didn't seem to mind and given the way Rocket was curled up into a C, his tailing coming to cover Groot like a blanket, it seemed perfectly fine for the two best friends to sleep like this even if Groot was fast getting to a size that would make snuggling hard.
Sensitive to his friend’s vocalizations, one red brown eye opened, “Settle down, bud.”
Groot snickered but did as he was told and content, Rocket closed his eyes and dozed in his seat. Peter looked away from the pair because it was hard to look at Rocket nowadays; he had atleast stopped imaging a distended belly given how lean the raccoon was. Yet somehow, it was even harder to keep from looking, imagining things like Rocket grooming a small pup or nestling around five little lumps versus one fast-growing flora colossus. He also imagined that...maybe he and Groot were the only ones who knew. It didn't seem like something Rocket would hide from his best friend, if he would tell Peter when provoked but how could Groot act like that, let himself be coddled when it might just be a reminder to their furry teammate? It seemed cruel but... lately he had suspected that maybe...maybe Groot filled the hole the lost litter had created. If one thing, Rocket clearly liked being needed, liked having a baby to wrap around and fuss over.
Did Rocket ever think about it, maybe trying again in the future? Peter winced because no, probably not. Having them was non consensual in the first place and what if Rocket wasn't even interested in males? He hadn't seemed interested in either sex, to be honest, and having a family did seem to conflict with his personality and love of weapons. But then again, it could be a cover because Rocket was great with Groot and while he wasn't amazing with the scarce children they'd encountered, he hadn't hurt or insulted one yet.
It just, fuck. It was really messing with him because Rocket had said he had hated them but he kept replaying the other things he'd said about protecting them and it hit home for him. His mom used to cry every time the kids bullied him, would worry and fuss over every scraped knee and winter cold...what would it have been like, knowing what was in store? He hadn't been a planned pregnancy but he'd been wanted and loved. God, Rocket probably hadn't had parental figures at all and so for him to be so certain of what was and wasn't a mother-
Was it mercy, and love, that made Rocket so angry? Because he wished his children death instead of a life of torture, and this wish had been fulfilled? He wondered if maybe...maybe Drax would be a good person to talk to. Not Gamora, no; she couldn’t have children thanks to Thanos’ experiments. Still, Peter was probably the least qualified in helping Rocket, in case their smallest crewmember (as of Groot’s last growth spurt) wanted help in dealing with this. But he had to try, didn’t he as the leader and as the accidental confidant. And somehow, the words come bursting out the second Rocket shifts again, “There was a book my mom was reading, ‘bout the time she was hospitalized...”
Rocket grunted, showing he was listening.
“It was called Sophie’s Choice, which talked about this Jewish woman who escaped a concentration camp. See, on Earth, we had a big war against another country that was trying to eliminate a specific race and well..Sophie was one of the people they tried to kill, by putting them in camps where they were starved and beaten and...experimented on by this sicko named Mengele, “ Peter pauses, hands trembling, “ Anyway, she was taken to this camp with her two children and...they make her choose. Which of her children the soldier shoots. Which of her children she gets to keep.”
“ And?’
Peter swallows hard, “ Don't know. Didn’t finish the book.”
“Che. And here I thought you were gonna make an intelligent point for once. Next time you wanna say something, why don’t you tell it to someone who cares? And why we gotta be out here in the first place when the autopilot’s clearly got it handled, I don’t even fricking know.”
“Look man, you opened this can of worms. I’m just trying to deal. “
Rocket flinches and after a long pause admits, “ Yeah, well...I...wasn’t really plannin’ on saying all that, anyhow.”
“I kinda figured but...but now I know what to avoid saying. Everyone has issues and now I know that jokes like that aren't appropriate.”
“I ain’t traumatized, Quill. Was just pissed off you kept calling me Groot’s mom. He ain’t as much of a child as you all think. He’s playing it up, the little brat. Plus he’s my buddy, who literally died for me. Of course I’m gonna take care of him. “
“Either way...I think maybe it’s good that you got it off your chest. I mean, we’re suppose to be here for each other and out of all of us you’re the most closed off. “
Rocket sighs, “ And this is a good example of why that’s a good thing. You’ve been messed up about it ever since I told ya. And guess what? I’ve got a whole bunch more fucked up stories where that one came from.”
“I know...and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m so bad at dealing with this-”
“There’s no need to get all sappy. I don’t need to deal with this, and you don’t need to deal with this either. We should all just forget about it-”
“What, when obviously you haven’t? Rocket, man, this isn't something you just get over or shove down into some dark corner in your brain, “ he talks over some annoyed, nervous grumbles, “ It’s something you’re clearly not over and...that’s okay. Fuck, I don’t know if I’d ever be the same if-”
Rocket sneered, temper rising, “ I ain’t a wuss like you. I don’t care. I’m happy they didn’t live. Heh, can you imagine? HA! A bunch of little monsters running around, biting your ankles and calling you Stardouche?”
“All I’m saying is that it’s okay to have loved them.”
“What?! Fuck off! How dare you even- ”
“I am Groot.”
There’s a long, tense pause. Of course Groot would know exactly what to say to get under Rocket's skin and Peter can see the internal battle, can see how the unknown conversation is affecting his co-pilot. At long last, he receives a strangled response that makes him wish with every fiber of his being, not that Rocket had never mentioned this depressing secret, but that such a horrible, heartbreaking thing had never happened in the first place.
“You...you guys don’t get it, “ Rocket whispers as tears dribble down his furry cheeks, “ I ain’t upset about that. I know it was better for them to have never gone through years of procedures. I-I just, for a split fucking second, one fricking moment in my whole life...I wasn’t alone. And I was fricking happy. Happy that I'd been r-ra... that we were trapped, in a tiny cage in some krutaking lab! How, how sick is that!?”
“I don’t think it’s sick, “ Peter says, swallowing down nausea as he thinks about what he can’t say; I just think it’s probably the saddest thing I'll ever hear.
“I can still hear them, “ Rocket sobs, “ T-they screamed when they took em. Damnit, I hadn’t even cleaned ‘em yet and they just reached in! Tried to tuck em under me, bit and scratched but I was so fucking tired after it all- Fuck, they just keep screaming. Hungry! Cold! Hungry! Scared! And I was so fucking selfish. I actually wanted them to fucking live long enough for me to see them again, to live so I didn’t have to be the only dast one. What kind of mother-”
Groot pulls the hysterical raccoon into a tight hug and Peter is shaking, tears streaming down his cheeks as he whimpers. He can’t even imagine what that would be like because just imagining how Rocket feels now, in the aftermath, feels like his ribcage is being pulled in two. He can feel the radiating agony and regret and already, he’s mourning for Rocket. But he still didn’t want to have to face this, have to think that something so horrific had been done to a member of his family but if Rocket had to live with this, with the memories and consequences and emotions, what kind of coward was he that he thought he could just avoid facing it?
He stands up, picking up the tangled pair and holding them tight in his lap because he can kind of feel that, not wanting to be alone.
“Th-they were mine, t-th-they were me ....”
“Shh, buddy, “ Peter hiccuped, lying through his teeth, “ It’s gonna be alright.”