Dating for eight months should have grown a relationship a lot better already. But no, not for this couple— Mina and Momo.
They’ve known each other for more than three years because of a mutual friend but, up until now they were already dating, they still haven’t broken their shyness and awkwardness on each other. They haven’t kiss yet. Haven’t hold hands and can’t even hold to look at each other’s eyes for a second that just doesn’t make sense for others. Their friends were even doubting their relationship, that maybe they only decided to date because of the similarity of their personalities and not because they truly like each other. That they were just forcing their selves for the sake of this commitment.
Funny, because even one of this couple thinks the same way now.
Five minutes…
Momo needed five minutes before pressing the doorbell on Mina’s apartment. And Mina, needed few more seconds to get ready before opening the door though she’s been expecting Momo since earlier.
“H-Hi… C-Come in.” Mina’s greeting was so stiff, that Momo can only smile back to Mina as a response.
As Momo enters following Mina inside, her eyes got glued on the floor. They have been dating outside doing some couple stuffs like movie date, dinner date and even group dates with their friends but this is obviously their first time for this set up.
“Y-You may sit.” Mina offered the couch to Momo, who did awkwardly seat down as she’s told. Her hands rubbing on her knees, didn’t know why she’s feeling uncomfortable. Mina on the other hand was just self-consciously standing on the side, looking everywhere but Momo.
“Ah…” Momo slightly muttered, remembering she brought some snacks for Mina. “I got you something. Though I am not sure if you’ll like this.” Momo gave Mina the paper bag, worried that it wasn’t enough since she’s not sure what to offer actually.
“T-Thank you. You don’t have to but, I’ll like this for sure.” Mina claimed it, gladly grinning after eyeing the macaroon and more sweets inside the paper bag. They have the same taste, so Mina knew she’ll like everything Momo will give her.
Though the awkwardness is floating around them, they still manage to go on and watch the movies they both recommended to watch.
“This last movie is crazy. The ending really betrayed me.” Momo, who slightly got adjusted uttered, while Mina laughs at her from the kitchen.
“It’s fun, right?” Mina asked and gained a nod from her girlfriend. Mina was glad Momo liked the movie she picked. Now, she’s readying the foods for their dinner. Mina wasn’t the best cook. Knowing this and looking forward to this night, she even enrolled in a cooking class to learn. That’s how devoted she is for this night. Because for this night, she finally made up her mind.
“Dinner is ready.” Mina announced. And Momo took her step to the dining after leaving the phones she’s playing games at the couch.
Momo eyed the foods. She did not expect that much but it all looks delicious into her eyes. Mina saw it, Momo gulping hungrily that made her satisfied.
“Sit. I’ll just go to the bathroom for a minute.” Mina quickly excuses herself. Goes to the bathroom and the moment the door closes, she breathes deeply like she’s been suffocated for a long time. She quickly holds on to the sink, slowly looking up seeing her state on the mirror.
“It’s okay Mina. You can do this.” She muttered to herself, counted ten seconds, before she breathes in again, stands straight and smile.
“Let’s end this like how you practiced.” Mina composed herself before opening the door. There she saw Momo, innocently waiting for her. She forced a smile, walking closer.
“Sorry. I took too long right? Let’s eat.”
Momo felt so hungry waiting, that she did not hesitate to get the spoon and took a bite first. Mina was genuinely smiling this time. Happy Momo is always enjoying herself when it comes food. But it gradually faded, getting wary again. In the end, she’s not ready like she thought so. But she think if not now, she probably won't be able to do this next time. And Momo, will be stuck in their awkward relationship forever. She doesn't want to weigh Momo down anymore.
“Thank you for the food.” Momo told Mina after finishing her plate. Mina on the other hand didn’t ate that much. She can’t even swallow her food now.
Mina lifts up her head slowly and faces Momo, that it suddenly changed the atmosphere not back in the awkwardness, but it’s different this time.
Momo thought Mina was acting unusual, especially Mina was staring directly at her eyes that they never did before. It’s making her nervous all of a sudden. She gulped, was about to open her mouth and say something but Mina’s sudden wistful smile made her stunned.
“Thank you for coming here tonight, Momo. I truly appreciate and enjoyed this night.” Mina halted, her emotion slips out of her control that she needed to bit her lower lip. “I truly loved every second with you… but I guess this is how we should end this. Let’s end this… Momo.” She swallowed all her emotions, just so could tell Momo that straight without stuttering. But….
“H-Huh?” Momo was unsure. No. Momo was aware what Mina means by that. She was just, caught off guard. This is all of a sudden. It’s still processing through her head.
“I thought of this for a long time Momo…” Momo wasn’t that dense when it comes to Mina, after all they almost have the same personalities as others keeps telling them. They are both introverts. Hates talking, crowded places and loud people. Loves home. Thinks the same way most of a time. Act the same way. So right now, she knew what Mina was trying to do… And she’s just, feeling empty for a while.
“You’re breaking up with me.” Momo muttered unfazed, before she snickers, felt her pride got trampled on. Momo stands up, looking down on Mina who can’t look back at her now.
“Okay.” It was low, but surprisingly it echoes around the room. Momo walks out and goes to the living area to get her things, casually like nothing had happens.
Just like that Mina’s heart squeezes tight, not expecting this conversation would end this fast. She did not even manage to say what she practiced for a week. Now she’s just seated, staring at the plate Momo finished off while hearing Momo fixing her stuffs.
Now Mina is getting reminded how they started.
Gathering all her courage she’s the one who confessed. She asked Momo to think about it first, but Momo did not let that day to end and quickly given her reply.
‘There’s nothing I don’t like about you.’ That was Momo’s response. Mina was confused that time. Does Momo mean she like her too, or Momo’s just trying to be careful not to hurt her feelings. The meaning got answered when Momo suggested them to give it a try. Dating. Mina concluded Momo likes her too, and quickly grabbed that chance.
But it wasn’t like what she expected. She thinks them dating, just turned them into a total stranger. They haven’t, gotten closer to each other. Instead, they’re getting farther. And farther away from each other. So, Mina decided. She should end this delusion of her. They... are not meant to be like she hopes so.
“I’m boring, right?”
Mina’s silently breaking down got disturbed by Momo whispering that. Slowly looking up, she saw Momo’s back who’s just standing in front of the door and right hand on the handle.
“I thought I should just go and leave you with the choice you wanted for us.” Momo tightened her grip on the handle, throwing her madness in there. “But I think I won’t be able to sleep tonight not knowing the reason why.” Mina got weaken even more. She thought, Momo won’t react this way. “It’s because I’m boring, right?”
“N-No…” Mina frustratingly denied it, “I thought- I just thought—” Wanted to tell her reason but Mina can’t form a word.
“I’m sorry…” Momo chuckles, mockingly. “That was so dumb of me. It’s probably because you don’t like me anymore.”
“No!” Mina quickly refuted while standing… “I like you!” bursting, that she’s even shock to herself as she shouted. She waited, for Momo to do or say something but Momo only stayed still.
“I still do…” She whispered, but enough for Momo to hear. “…but I wasn’t sure if you do, like me too. After all it’s just me who makes effort every time. You never said it. I’m sure about my feelings but you, I’m clueless.” Mina honestly told what has been running into her mind.
Momo, never felt so betrayed like this before. “I thought I did something. But never thought it was this worse.” She’s being beaten, by herself. She tilted her head back and Mina was surprised, first time seeing Momo’s lonely and hopeless expression.
“I wasn’t good at talking.” Momo still gently muttered... Her tears quickly formed thinking how she wasn’t good girlfriend to Mina but she refuses to cry. “You know it. But seems like I failed to show it to you. This is solely my mistake then.” Mina instantly shaken her head, took a step wanting to explain clearly but doesn’t know how.
“When you confessed to me, I was too overwhelmed that I messed up. I told you, there’s nothing I don’t like about you instead of telling directly that I like you.”
Mina’s eyes widened, heart stops beating…
“Since you said we’re ending this, I wanted to tell you this.” Momo… was really sad knowing this. That Mina, never ever felt secured about her feelings. “I had a crush on you for a long time before you admitted yours to me.” Momo’s clearly confessing this time. And Mina, doesn’t know what to feel about this. “Until now actually. I’m still stuck in this pace so dating you still felt surreal to me.” The way Momo talks softly right now, gazes fondly with sadness at the same time, it’s making Mina felt so guilty.
“My heart feels like floating just by seeing you every day. Reason why I’m always nervous around you and my face turns red every time my friend teases me about you. When you’re not looking at me that’s my chance to look a little longer at you… And I’m always thinking, what did I do to deserve you? Why did you choose me? I’m, no fun at all but why me?” Momo’s tears fall, and her voice started to get shaken. Now it’s Mina’s turn, to be beaten seeing Momo broken.
“I don’t speak that much because I like hearing you speak better. I don’t ask you out for a date because I want to do all the things you wanted to do instead. That’s what all matters to me. I can’t stare directly at you because my heart can’t keep up, yeah… I like everything about you.” Momo was indirectly saying, eight months is not enough for her crushing stage to end.
“I like you. So much Mina.” Momo said that, locking her eyes to the receiver. And Mina was unsure. She should be happy, but why is she so sad right now? Mina got her answer immediately. It’s because she’s the one at fault. Momo, has always been inlove with her, but she was so blind to see it. Now, maybe... Maybe it’s too late for her to take back her decision. Maybe…
“Was this enough?”
Mina lifts her head up confused on what Momo just asked her. Momo smiles weakly, before she looks down to her feet.
“I wasn’t good at anything.” Momospeaks again, while Mina waits for her. Hopeful… “I’m too dumb, timid, and conscious.” This time Momo faces Mina carrying the little confident she gathered just now… “But Mina I can’t give up yet. If the reason why you’re breaking up with me was because I wasn’t vocal about my feelings, then was this enough? I just told you. I like you.”
Mina broken down, lost all her strength to her feet and kneel as she hide her mouth with her trembling hands and cries. Momo watch that scene, aching, before she walks closer and stops just in front of Mina.
“Give me a chance. I’ll show you better my feelings this time. I won’t hold back anymore. So please, don’t break up with me yet, hm?” She seated down, holding both of Mina’s shoulder. Her heart keeps poking seeing Mina, crying out of breath.
She hugs Mina. Gently. “Why are you crying? Don’t. My heart is weak already. And seeing your tears hurts more than you, leaving me.”
Mina burst out even more. She keeps shaking her head. Her guilt won’t fade away.
“I-I’m sorry…” Mina muttered on her cries, “Momo, I’m really sorry.” gripping tightly on Momo’s shirt.
“No... I understand your reason. You don’t need to apologize.” Momo hugs tightened this time, as Mina buried her face deeply on Momo’s shoulder. Crying. Silently.
“I was selfish. I should’ve trusted you instead. I should’ve known better. I’m so sorry Momo. I love you. I love you so much.”
Momo never thought her heart can beat even faster than before but, hearing Mina saying she loves her, she knew she’s never going to let go and make happen this again. She’s going to hold and treasure this, forever.
“This time I’ll say it back. I love you too, Mina.”