If You Love Me Don't Let Me Go
Her hands are cold. In all the time he's known Skye her hands have always been warm and smooth against his own. How many times had she run these fingers through his hair in comfort, how many times did these hands make him fall apart, put him back together? Skye is still beside him face pale lips lifeless. He can't breathe nothing makes sense how the hell did this happen? It Skye should never of been caught in the war between Shield and Hydra.
He should have been there sooner to that base, maybe if he stopped for gas sooner just spared one second, ran a little faster he could of gotten to her in time. This is his fault. His wife is going to die because of him, because his sins caught up to her finally. She's paying the price he needs to, it shouldn't be Skye in this bed barely hanging on. Ward prays and prays and prays to take her place but it never happens.
''Don't do that boss, this wasn't your fault''. Kebo says, putting a hand on his arm.
''Of course it's his fault he probably pulled the trigger''.
Grant grits his teeth but not at all surprised that Shield is blaming him for this, they will only ever see the worst in him. ''Coulson I would never do that to her''. The Director of Shield scowls at his former agent, ''I don't believe you''.
The only reason May hasn't put him in handcuffs and locked him away in Vault D is because they have a plan and they'll need someone like Ward to get it done. There's a serum called GH-25 the same stuff that saved Coulson has to save Skye, they just need to find it. It's been a few hours since Skye was shot and Ward hasn't left her bedside, he's too afraid to take his eyes off her for one moment.
Which creates another problem, he wants to go with Shield to find this last chance cure for Skye. But he also doesn't want to leave her alone here. What if something happens while he's out and god forbid he can't say goodbye? What if her heart stops beating while he's away, it is maybe a little selfish but he wants to be here if she goes. He can't imagine being elsewhere no matter how painful this is.
Kebo gives him a look that says, 'remember those twenty four hours Garrett gave you? They're running out, what are we going to do'? To which Grant has no response. John is the farthest thing from his mind right now ( he has considered the possibility if there is more of this drug to take some for John and yes he hates himself for that too.) Time has never been a luxury so Grant looks over to Coulson and makes his choice.
''If she doesn't make it''- ''She will''.
''If she doesn't survive this you can arrest me and lock me in a hole for the rest of my life, I'll go willingly''.
A world without Skye is no world at all. He'd rather her be alive and hating him for the rest of his days then have her never breathing again, her body in the ground. ''And if she does?'' Phil asks crossing his arms, May ever stoic at his side. Grant does not answer but the look on his face says it all, if Skye makes it out of here alive Grant will be long gone as soon as she's stable. He sees May exchange a look with the Director before pulling him outside.
They don't have time to discuss whether they can trust him or not, Skye is lying here dying and Phil wants to weigh his options? He doesn't have any, Ward is his best chance and they all know it. Ward spies Simmons lingering by a few other doctors, none look at him there's this nervous energy in Skye's small corner of the medical wing. On a noraml day the guilt of what he's done to his old team eats him alive.
If this were a few weeks ago he'd be apologizing to Fitz and Simmons, trying to convince Coulson he isn't the monster they think. But there's not any room in his heart for guilt or past mistakes all he sees is Skye and if she dies, that's it. There's no coming back from that. Kebo is not a fan of Ward's plan, he's known the other man long enough to tell that without him even voicing his opinion.
Kebo knows what Grant is going through and he'd tell him that giving up is the worst thing to do. It doesn't help the sorrow will just consume you, the right thing to do would be to keep on living. To try and be the man Skye would be proud of, turn his back on Garrett and try to make amends. Ward just can't bring himself to make that promise to Kebo, his life never really had any meaning before Skye came into it.
Just endless missions and bullets, faceless cities and faceless women, cold empty apartments and hotel rooms. It was all just a blur until she smiled at him, and that is when Ward really started to see everything differently. Skye made him believe even just for the times he was with her, that he was more than a robot a machine that pulled the trigger. Some days he catches himself believing it still, but it was always easier with her.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees the agent named Mack pace. Glances at the gun on Kebo's hip, scowls at Ward. Which he ignores, Mack has probably heard every horror story Shield could tell on the subject of him, there's no point in trying to see otherwise. ''Was this an accident boss?'' Kebo whispers, leaning in close so no one can here. Ward sees the tips of his fingers graze Skye's elbow, Ward can also sense Kebo's deep fear. It's similiar to his own.
''Hydra didn't shoot her on accident Kebo''.
''That's not what I meant and you know it. You shouldn't of killed the man who shot her, when this was over we could have asked him a few questions''.
''What kind of questions?'' Ward knows what is friend is insinuating and it's not appreciated.
''I don't need to remind you what your insane mentor said before we left''.
Ward sits up straighter and his tone makes it loud and clear to back the hell off, ''John didn't do this he wouldn't''. The response is automatic, defending Garrett even here.
''You sure about that? He's been looking for a way to get rid of Skye since the day he found out about her and you know it''.
''Kebo shut up''.
''You know I'm right''. ''Don't push me''.
''You don't intimidate me Grant''.
Before Ward can think of a response Coulson, May, Bobbi, Hunter and Trip walk in all in mission mode. It also hasn't escaped Ward that Fitz is nowhere to be seen. ''You brought the whole team along Phil, we're flattered''. Grant elbows Kebo in the ribs to stop talking. Coulson just fixes his glare at Ward, in fact all of them do. If they expect him to get on his knees and forgive him during a time like this he's going to laugh.
''I hate that you're here, in my base looking at Skye like you still love her. I hate even looking at you Ward much less talking to you, but I know you didn't do this, we looked at the security footage from the Hydra base. So here's what's going to happen, you're going to help us find this serum for Skye. We bring it back and save her life, what isn't going to happen is you making the rules. When Skye survives you will still be locked in Vault D.
Consider it a mercy Ward that I haven't let May kick your ass yet''. May raises an eyebrow, ''there's still time''.
''And then you're going to tell me everything you know, every piece of intel and everything about John Garrett. If you try anything on this mission I'll shoot first and ask questions later, do I make myself clear?''
''You know Phil you really should have taken a lesson or two at the Academy over the art of intimidation. You suck at it''. Kebo comments expecting Ward to join in but he doesn't. Just nods at Phil and goes back to looking at Skye. ''I'll look after her boss''. Kebo mutters as Coulson informs them to be ready to go in two minutes. Grant knows Kebo wants to go with and make sure Ward stays safe, that May doesn't shoot him after they get the cure.
But Skye needs him too, and Grant would prefer Kebo be here just in case. Grant takes both Skye's chilled hands into his and kisses her knuckles, fights back the tears. He begs her not to go to stay here because he needs her, Shield needs her she can't leave them leave him alone. Ward stands and leans over her, reminding him of other hospital visits full of tears. He has to bite his tongue to keep from crying both from old pain and the new.
''I'll be right back baby okay? Don't go anywhere. I love you I love you so much''. He kisses her forehead, clears his throat to find Simmons nearly shaking in anger. He can't deal with that right now but she doesn't seem to care.
''How dare you''. ''Agent Simmons''. Coulson warns but she pay him no mind tears filling her own eyes.
''How dare you stand there and say those things to her! Do you have any idea what she's been through these past months? Do you know how many times I heard her calling for you in her sleep, or sobbing late at night in her bunk when she thought we couldn't hear? You don't love her Ward because you don't destroy the person you love, you don't ruin them. You can't be a murderer and tell her how much you care about her.
She hates you or did you forget that?'' Oh how could he ever with Skye reminding him most days lately? ''Skye will never forgive you and if you think saving her will make her want to reconcile with you''- ''I don't''.
Ward takes a deep breath Skye's hand still in his. ''I'm not doing this because I have some twisted logic that it will make her want to be with me. I'm trying to save her because I love her Jemma, I don't care if you think otherwise. I'm sorry for what I did to you and to this team but right now making sure Skye stays alive is my main priority''. He gives Kebo a look before walking out of the room, dragging his hands through his hair.
Coulson informs him once they are in the quin jet that he'll be accompanied by guards at all times, if they suspect anything off he will be put in handcuffs. Ward just rolls his eyes and buries himself in the tiniest corner in the quin jet, ignoring the expression on Trip's face. It's funny about Trip, he's basically everything Ward should have been. Picked Shield over Hydra, maybe in the end Trip did the right thing.
''You better hope Ward knows what he's doing or I swear to god I'm going to lose my shit''. Kebo tells Skye, squeezing her hand.
''How could you be loyal to a man like Grant Ward? Don't you know what he's done?'' Simmons asks and Kebo sighs ever so dramatically.
''Can you please shut the hell up? You don't know a damn thing, Ward is a better man than any of your precious Shield agents put together''. ''He's a killer''.
''And so is Phil Coulson, the Calvary and Trip. We're all killers Agent Simmons and if you stick around long enough you will be too''.
They find the GH-325 serum in the same place Coulson was treated when he died. Ward doesn't dwell on how it feels to work with Coulson and May again, how much he's actually missed them. He's missed having a team around him, the idiots at Hydra don't count. They fall in line and let Ward do his job, complete the mission get the hell out. No one yells at him or makes any nasty comments. He can almost pretend things were back to normal.
That they didn't hate him.
But reality comes back like a slap in the face when they make it back to the Playground and the drug that could possibly save Skye's life is whisked away and Ward finds himself held back by guards. It's their mistake really, did Coulson honestly expect him to just stay put and not check to see if the serum would work? It takes a punch in the face each to knock them out and Ward sprints back to the medical wing still in full tact gear.
He swings the doors open so hard they nearly break but no one pays that any mind, all the attention is on Simmons who's inserting the needle into Skye's arm. The room is quiet as a tomb, he's about to speak up when her heat rate spikes and she starts seizing, arching her back off the bed. Ward doesn't hear himself yell her name can't feel his legs but they carry them over to her, fear drenching every inch of him.
He has no idea what to do. If this doesn't work, then that's it. Coulson is yelling at Jemma everyone is asking her what's happening to which she replies she doesn't know, she's flustered and sweating they all are. The sweetest sound he's ever known follows shortly though, easing the panic almost immediately, Skye's heart beat evens out. She starts breathing on her own, Simmons after a few minutes deems that the drug is working.
Skye is going to be fine.
Ward let's out the breath he's been holding for what feels like days and takes her hands again, they aren't warm yet but they are no longer ice either. Brushes her hair back with shaking bloody fingers, kisses her forhead. Doesn't care about his own tears dripping onto her now flushed cheeks, about the injuries from the posion or the few he got on the mission to save her. He cries into her shoulder again thanking god or whoever is listening that she's okay.
Kebo has a supportive hand on his back crying as well, ''told you she was a fighter''. The men aren't the only ones crying, even May looks misty eyed. Ward just for a second knows that Skye belongs here. Her home wasn't with him after all, it was with these people. There will never be a a place for him at the Playground but Skye has created a life here. A family. And isn't that what he always wanted? It's what she deserves.
The hand on his back tightens after a few minutes, once Simmons checks Skye's vitals and assures them if she makes it through the night she will be back to her normal self in a few days. Kebo is warning him that if they want to go it needs to be right now. Ward can't just leave her, it's harder than he thought it would be. Skye nearly died in his arms her last words her wishing she could understand him, what is he supposed to do with that?
It's dangerous being here he knows that but everything inside is telling him to stay here holding her hand, wait for her to wake up. He only has two choices and neither of them end with him staying in this room anyway, seeing Skye awake and moving around will have to be on his terms not Shield's. Kebo tugs on his sleeve again, scratches his nose. It's a signal, letting Ward know he has a plan to get them both out of here.
So with a knife in his chest Ward stands kissing the space between her eyebrows, whispers that he'll see her soon and stands up straight. Bobbi and Trip are on alert of course and prepare themselves for a fight, Coulson just looks at him and summons the guards. ''Well Phil it's been so much fun really, I've enjoyed my time here but we're leaving''. Kebo says hand on Ward's shoulder, assurance for Grant or for himself that this is going to work?
''Take Grant Ward into custody''. No one even has a chance to move before Kebo sticks his hand into his jacket pocket and pulls out a detonator, shifting the material so everyone can clearly see the explosive device strapped to his side. ''One move and we all die''.
''You're bluffing''. Bobbi says but they all back up as one.
Kebo jiggles the device in his hand, his thumb on the button, ''you really want to take that chance? Oh god look at Coulson's face! Ward can you take a picture? I'd really like to capture this moment''. At Ward's expression Kebo rolls his eyes, ''you just can't let me have a moment can you?''
''Kebo how long have you had that on you?'' Ward never saw him even put it together much less strap it to himself. Instead of answering Kebo takes his free hand pulls out his phone, holds it at arms length and snaps a selfie, Coulson's annoyed slash terrified face in the frame. Kebo looks down at the image fondly before tucking it back into his jacket, ''had this baby on me since I left the safe house''. Before or after he took the drive to Garrett?
''You won't get away with this Ward we will find you''. May snarls after they start walking out when the moments of heavy tension died down. Ward for the first time in a long time cracks a sarcastic smile, ''no you won't''. He looks at Skye one more time and then follows Kebo out the front door.
Skye wakes eight hours later a long lost image of Ward in her head. Where is he? Where is she what happened? Her head is heavy her body doesn't feel like her own there's a foul taste in her mouth.
''Oh you're awake, are you alright?'' That's Simmons, Skye opens her eyes to bright white light and winces. Isn't even aware that she asks for Ward before Coulson is standing in her line of sight. ''Skye, Ward left you in that alley''. That, that can't be right. She remembers his face, it's fuzzy but he was there between the blood and bullets. He woulnd't leave her. She was shot right? Isn't that what happened?
''Skye when Bobbi found you, you were alone''. It's all a blur of colors and an IV drip Skye can't tell what's real what's the truth before falling back asleep.