Ever Wonder About What He's Doing, How It All Turned to Lies?
It's the memories that are the worst. The kind that hit out of nowhere while she's eating breakfast, training, or on a mission. Sometimes she remembers Ward sitting at their kitchen table drinking coffe in the morning or working out in the garage from a homemade gym. Others it's his voice over the spray of bullets where a mission went wrong, his calm but demanding tone that she find cover and get out safely.
Other times it's when Hunter says something stupid and Skye finds herself automatically turning to catch Ward's response, he'll give her the look which will cause her own eyes to roll in agreement. It's hard to move on from someone who you love so deeply and then they stab you in the back, hurt you so deeply. Nearly impossible. Skye never expected it, never saw the blow Ward was going to deliver until it was too late.
For Skye being in and out of fosters homes as child she never had a real one to begin with, until she found Shield. And then somehow Ward became her home too with his warm smile, that's all broken and gone now, he played a part in it. She spent six years with the man. That's six birthdays six christmases, all of which Ward was never particularly fond of. But with Skye he grew to love them only because of the smile he recieved when he gave her something.
Skye misses the comfort and security Grant always provided, with him she always felt safe no matter what. She's cold here and constantly watching her back at every turn, also something she never saw coming. When it all fell down Skye expected Ward to be with her, stand at her side as they watched Shield burn. Pick up the pieces together as a team, support each other and their friends.
Most days when she turns a corner she's expecting Ward to be there his eyes lighting up when he sees her as they always did. Or when she goes into the training room he'll be there at the punching bag, in the armory cleaning all the weapons, taking stock of everything. In the early morning meetings with Coulson to hand her coffee and then stand there all stoic like with his arms crossed, listening to everything Phil is saying.
This morning though has been rather rough. She dreamt of him last night on a beach somewhere, kissing her softly like he used to like she was something so precious and fragile. When she walks into the kitchen blurry eyed and still half asleep, Lance hands her a steaming cup of coffee and she's so grateful she could kiss him. ''Morning love''. Skye grunts out what she thinks is a response and sits at the table.
''Bad night? You look terrible''. ''Something like that''. Bobbi and Simmons walk in and they always reserve the same expression for Skye. Pity mixed with concern, actually come to think of it pretty much everyone does. Poor little Skye who fell in love with a big bad Hydra agent. The coffee is so hot it burns her throat but she keeps downing it like it's water, so the grimace she wears they will assume it's because of that and not the thought of Ward.
She misses him and wants to punch him, loves him but hates him. It's all a very thin and confusing line. ''Skye the Director wants to see you''. Honestly these days it's never good when Coulson calls her to his office. It means one of two things, one he wants to discuss the growing threat of Hydra and to send her on a mission. The other is to talk about Ward, see if there's any intel she might have remembered that he might of let slip.
But that's just it he didn't. Grant never let her see anything but the perfect cover he mastered, Skye never saw all the parts he kept hidden from her. Not once not ever. Six years is such a long time to keep your wife in the dark but he did without hesitation without a flaw or scratch. Bitter? Perhaps she is. She likes option one a hell of a lot better. Jemma gives her shoulder a squeeze as she walks out, Bobbi tells her to keep her chin up.
Her coffee is finished by the time she reaches Coulson's office and the first person she sees is May. Standing at the corner of his desk stone expression, arms crossed feet apart. Just like Ward would. Skye is hoping that one day her long lost husband will not occupy every other thought in her brain, but today is just not that day. ''DC you needed me?'' Coulson turns around in his chair and she just knows by the look in his eye how this is going to go.
''We recieved a tip about a local Hydra base. I'm sending you and Agent Morse to check it out''. ''Yes sir''. She and May exchange a nod and this causes Skye to ache for the way things used to be. It seems like so long ago the three of them along with Ward and Fitzsimmons were sitting at a bar laughing about nothing, Skye warm with Grant's arm around her and the world just made sense. Everything is so much darker here.
May sends her the map of the area along with all the other intel she needs and then Skye is in the car with Bobbi, silent and fidgeting. Notices Bobbi watching her from time to time but doesn't say anything. Hydra makes Skye nervous for more reason than one, there's always a possibility that she could run into Garrett or Ward on these missions. It's something she has no desire repeating, for either of them.
The last time she saw her husband and his deranged mentor, well it's a memory she'd love to forget it's burned into her brain so violently. ''You ready?'' Bobbi asks when they arrive and Skye nods, she's ready for anything. During missons recently Skye has discovered that if she channels all the anger and pain onto the mission, uses it to focus and ground herself it's a hell of a lot better than just going through the same old motions.
The anger the hatred drives her, gives her a new focus she didn't have a few weeks back. It goes the same for training, most mornings she pictures May as Ward or Garrett, a faceless Hydra agent and if her SO can tell, she never comments. Turns out it's not the two men that appear out of the smoke of the Hydra base Skye was so worried about. She and Bobbi take down the agents easily and Bobbi cleans up the mess while Skye hacks into their main server.
She's pulling out a flashdrive leaning over a computer when a familiar voice sounds behind her. ''Well well well look what the cat dragged in''. A brick wall of memories hits her so hard it's difficult to breathe to think. She and Ward laying on the couch listening to another one of Kebo's war stories with a beer in his hand. Ward laughing at the ridiculousness of his friend, no one ever could make Grant laugh quite like Kebo.
Kebo has been apart of her life for five years, Ward kept him hidden away for the first year they met for safety reasons. He was Grant's best man at their wedding, was there every time they needed him. Ward never did never does go very far without Kebo at his side. And Skye supposes she should hate him too he's Hydra after all. Just like Ward just like Garrett. But Skye knows the real reason Kebo joined Hydra and she just can't fault him for it.
A cluster of late nights at home talking with Kebo, going out to dinner just the three of them, Kebo holding Ward close as another visit to the hospital resulted in heartbreak. Skye learned very quickly that he and Ward were a package deal, Kebo is his very best friend. Which is why Skye starts crying the second she hears his voice, it gets evey worse when she turns around and sees him leaning against the doorway like he's got all the time in the world.
Kebo is all height in a dark leather jacket, guns strapped to his hips, silver flask hidden in various pockets. Having him here when she hasn't seen him in weeks is like a small piece of her old life has returned. She isn't sure if that's a good or a bad thing and she doesn't care to dwell on it. He's smiling at her and she's running to his arms, hugging him tightly that he whines in protest but she doesn't let up.
''Missed you too cupcake''. He's stroking her hair, cheek pressed atop her head. Skye takes a deep breath against his shirt and fights off the wave of sorrow crashing into her ribs drowning her it's all Ward Ward Ward with his black Henleys standing in the kitchen, the small smile greeting her in the early mornings, a lingering kiss as they headed off to work. It's private jokes and clutching each other so hard it's a miracle they didn't break into a thousand pieces.
''Don't go crying on me now. Hey you cut your hair it looks really good''. He tangles a hand into her new fresh bangs and she chuckles. Shakes off the sadness and leans back to look at him. Frowns quickly as the sight of a new bruise on his cheek but he's quick to wave her off. ''Don't worry about me I'm fine''. ''What are you doing here?'' Kebo shrugs and releases her but keeps one arm across her shoulders as he directs her back to the computer she was at.
''Just hanging out really. Please continue to take down Hydra one computer a time my dear''. Kebo is about as loyal to Hydra as Simmons was when she was briefly undercover there a few weeks ago. He's watching her carefully drinking in the new hair and the muscles May has developed, how she favors her left side. All the details he can soak in so if Ward asks about it later he has information.
It's an unspoken rule between he and Skye that they don't talk about Grant. Since the fall of Shield they have met quite a few times over the past few months, Skye has cried on Kebo's shoulder multipule times, breaking apart bit by bit a side of her she can't afford to let Shield see. When she first found out about Ward Kebo was her rock, and she knows it had to of been the same with Ward.
Being apart can't be easy for him either. She doesn't like to think about that, it just makes her sad. Skye listens as Kebo rambles on over nothing of importance, just something to fill the silence as she works. His commentary is amusing and entertaining, always has been. ''Just admit it you're totally stalking me''. She says as he wonders aloud what exactly he's doing here. ''Honey cakes I love you but I didn't just drop by and risk my life to look at you.
I honestly don't remember why I'm here''. ''Probably because you were drunk whenever someone gave you the order?'' Skye finishes up and turns to him, he's giving her a wink and sipping from the flask. ''Probably. You busy tonight? Want to go for a drink?'' ''Sure''. The sound of gun fire makes her jump and probably always will, it shatters to her left and she's ducking for cover behind a desk.
She and Kebo return fire and he's complaining about saving her skin once again, if her hands were free she'd punch him. Bobbi is in her comm saying she's on the way to help and Skye is telling Kebo to get out of here, when somehow there's suddenly a sharp pain in her shoulder. She's been shot before the sting of the bullet has her crying out and then Bobbi bursts into the room, taking out the enemy targets like it's no big deal.
Skye is laying on the floor applying pressure to her shoulder to find Kebo gone and Bobbi is leaning over her. ''We need to get you back to Simmons''. Skye nods in agreement as Morse helps her up, ''got the intel''. Bobbi grins as Skye hands her the flashdrive, ''you're a rockstar''. An hour later she's in the lab and Simmons is applying gauze to the wound. Skye can't help but think how she's seen Jemma do this a hundred times for Ward.
He'd sit on the examination table or a stool and not make a sound, let Skye hold his hand not for his comfort but for her own. Back at home or in the early days his apartment, she'd kiss his skin and baby him for days on end, which he pretended like he hated but secretly loved. Jemma remembering this as well gives Skye a sympathetic look. ''It will get easier''. Skye does not agree but nods anyway.
Later on she's in the lounge watching Hunter and Mack play pool, beer in hand when a message from Kebo comes through. He's taking a rain check on drinks tonight he's terribly sorry, and asks if she's bled out from the bullet. Skye sends back that it's okay and she's fine, he comments on her 'stupid vague reply' and she ends the conversation after that. Turns in early after checking on Fitz, who's in the lab pacing back and forth, doesn't even notice her.
Her bedroom is dark, cold so cold even with four blankets and five pillows. Nothing is the same anymore, life without Ward is a lonely sorrowful place.
She will never love again.