The first time Matt realized Foggy stress cleans is surprisingly half way through freshman year. He stepped out of his shower expecting to hear nothing, assuming Foggy was out celebrating after his last class of the semester ended, or at most the sound of Foggy’s heart beat as he relaxed in their room. So, he was shocked when the smell of strong chemicals hit him as he stepped out of the shower.
He stepped into the bedroom trying to figure out what his roommate was doing, “Foggy?” he asked carefully.
He heard Foggy’s heartrate spike at the sound of Matt’s voice, “Hey, Matty,” he said, obviously trying, and failing, to keep his voice calm, not stopping in his scrubbing.
Matt cocked his head, “You cleaning?” he asked.
“Yeah, just thought the place needed cleaned, who wants to come back to a dirty dorm room, and I need something to keep my mind off of school any way,” he said spraying something and frantically continuing to scrub.
“Why? What happened?” Matt asked walking over to Foggy.
“Failed like 3 of my finals. At this point I have no chance of getting an A even if I work my ass off for the rest of the semester. I’ll be lucky if I pass at this point,” he said aggressively wiping the counter.
“Hey that’s not true. What classes? I can help you,” Matt asked gently as he stepped forward hoping to disarm Foggy of the cleaning supplies and get him into bed preferably after feeding him until he felt like he would explode.
“Fucking environmental law, English how the fuck do I fail my native language, and Punjabi apparently I can’t pass any language,” he said laughing dryly while continuing to clean the same spot he had been since Matt walked in.
“It’ll be okay,” Matt said cautiously stepping forward again.
“No, it won’t I’ll fail law school. Then what will I do? Maybe I’ll become a butcher like my parents always wanted,” he said switching cleaning products to something scented like lemon but still overwhelmingly chemically.
“Foggy,” Matt said, “Here give me the cleaning supplies,” Matt continued leaning around Foggy and grabbing the spray bottle and tried to pull it gently.
“I’m fine Matt. I just need to finish cleaning,” Foggy insisted pulling the bottle back.
“Foggy,” Matt said gently, “It will be okay.”
“I said I’m fine Matt,” Foggy snapped, “I just need to… I just,” his voice began to fade and break until he was practically sobbing the last words.
“Oh Foggy,” he said pulling the cleaning supplies out of his hands setting them on the counter and pulling Foggy to him.
“What if I can’t make it? What if I’m not good enough?” Foggy sobbed into his shoulder shaking.
“You are. It will be okay,” Matt said rocking him and stroking his hair.
***
That may have been the first time he caught Foggy stress cleaning but it wasn’t the last. Every time he found Foggy cleaning desperately, like his life depended on it, he slowly coerced him into giving him the cleaning supplies and got him into bed. He would sit vigil the whole night to make sure Foggy slept but he always made sure to be gone by morning. Every time Matt smelled cleaning chemicals he tensed and his heart broke a little more.
***
Matt finds him the night they leave Landman and Zach’s vigorously scrubbing the toilet. Matt comes over pulls him away, feeds him, and watches over him until he slept. He knew this was his fault Foggy could be successful without him. What was he doing dragging Foggy out of a comfortable life to be broke with him? What was he thinking? This was all his fault.
***
The night Foggy found out about Daredevil he went home and cleaned his apartment till his hands were raw, his eyes burned, and he had to sit hunched over the toilet vomiting from the fumes. Matt isn’t there to stop him so why should he bother.
***
He comes back, of course he does he can never stay mad at Matt for long. Eventually over the course of a year Foggy rebuilt his trust in Matt. Ultimately, they got together, Karen said she called it from the start. They moved in together to save money and so Foggy didn’t worry quite as much. At least this way when Matt comes home well past 2 in the morning Foggy knows he’s safe, knows tonight isn’t the night he dies. He never tells Matt about the night he found out about Daredevil. The guy has enough catholic guilt he doesn’t need that on top of it, it doesn’t stop Foggy from cleaning while Matt’s gone. If Matt knows because of the smell he doesn’t say anything.
***
Then one night, Matt comes home with at least 3 broken ribs, a concussion, a gunshot and a knife wound, how he managed to get both is beyond Foggy. He doesn’t know what to do, he knew Matt always felt guilty if he cleaned he could see it in his face. He tries pacing until Claire leaves, with a full diagnosis of everything she can see and the horrible possibilities of what could be there, including lots of internal bleeding in horrible places. He still tries to only pace but it isn’t enough he needs to clean he needs control. So, he goes into the kitchen and starts frantically opening cabinets until he finds the cleaning supplies.
Matt, laying half-conscious on the couch, strains to hear what Foggy is doing past the sound of his frantic heart. He can hear Foggy banging cabinets in the kitchen. He’s trying to hear more but his heart still gets in the way, it’s like Matt can’t hear past it. It’s beating so fast Matt is starting to become concerned it will explode out of his chest. That’s when the chemical smell hits him.
“Fuck,” he said quietly pulling himself up and limps, trying not to flinch in pain, to where Foggy is standing in the kitchen scrubbing the counter and drapes himself over Foggy, “Foggy. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Foggy said quickly, too quickly for him to be telling the truth, his heart still beating rapidly, “It’s okay, I just need finish cleaning the counter then I’ll come to bed. You should go through honey. You have to be exhausted,” he said far to happily and quickly.
“Foggy,” he said softly.
“I just need too…” Foggy said desperately heart rate through the roof. His voice cuts out as he continues to scrub. Matt sits draped over him until Foggy’s heart rate slows to still too fast but it sounded much less like it would explode so Matt counts it as and win and tries again to get Foggy away from the cleaning supplies.
“Come to bed,” Matt says gently pulling the cleaning supplies from his hands.
“I’m fine,” Foggy insists.
“I can hear your heart beating,” is all Matt has to say. Foggy knew this, of course he did but it didn’t stop him from trying to make Matt leave him here to clean.
“I know,” Foggy snaps whipping around, “you don’t think I’m aware of that. That’s the whole reason I worry about you, the whole freaky ninja power thing. What if one day you don’t stop? What if one day your senses make you hear something that gets you killed because god knows if it means saving others you’ll sacrifice yourself. What do I do if they find your body? I’ll have to pretend I didn’t know or I’ll go to jail. I would let them if you died because honestly what’s the point of lying. They wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe me if I was in their place. Oh sorry officer I didn’t know my blind boyfriend was a vigilanty. Oh the knife wounds I just always thought he was clumbsy. But most importantly if you die where does that leave me? I love you god damnit,” he sobbed shoving Matt, “I love you and it hurts because I never know if you’ll come home alive,” Foggy sobbed pushing his way out of Matts arms and continuing to scrub the counters with a different bottle, “So god dammit let me clean because at least that I can control.”
Matt doesn’t know how to respond to that. He had done this to Foggy, he had made him terrified and out of control so much so that he was cleaning the kitchen at 3 in the morning despite Matt’s pleas to go to bed.
“Foggy,” he said putting his hand on his shoulder which Foggy immediately jerks away from, “I come home every night because of you. I do stop and always will stop because of you. I know what they could sentence you with if people find out about me, I’m not stupid. I love you too. I don’t plan on leaving you. Now please Foggy come to bed. Everything will be here in the morning. Just come get some sleep,” Matt says reaching out like he was reaching for a terrified animal.
Foggy finally just nods, exhausted with no fight left, and leans into Matt’s touch. Matt drags him to bed and wraps himself around Foggy until his heart slows and eventually his breathing evens out. Matt doesn’t sleep that night but it’s okay because Foggy’s heart rate remains steady. It’s okay because he caused Foggy the pain so he can miss sleep to make sure Foggy remains calmly asleep. He caused this so he was going could suffer to fix it.