Chapter Forty-Eight
That night Steve settled into bed beside Bucky, worn out from the events of the day. After getting Runa and Happy Sam checked out by Doctor Banner, Doc had allowed them to use his sitting room so Runa could talk to Titus and Iris without the Rumlows breathing down their necks and casting accusations at them. Iris had said that she would be happy to take over the cooking at the ranch, which was a load off of Steve’s mind. Doctor Banner had said that Happy Sam and Runa were both doing well, but both of them needed to take it easy for a few more weeks, something that neither patient was happy about. Steve knew that Wanda needed help around the house, but he wouldn’t allow Runa to give it, not at a risk to her health. With Iris doing the cooking, some of the pressure would be taken off of Wanda.
Not for the first time, Steve found himself wondering at how his little wife had managed.
Because she didn’t have any other choice, came the unbidden thought, which he dismissed with a more forceful thought: That is going to change.
It had been arranged that Bucky would pick up Iris and Titus the following day, after the execution. Steve didn’t want Runa to watch, and he wanted to keep her company during the morning, knowing she would be anxious and feeling guilty over the entire thing, even if there was nothing for her to feel guilty for. Bucky said he would go into town on their behalf and make certain the deed was done.
“I was thinking that we could rearrange the rooms tomorrow. Iris and Wanda can share a room with Runa, and Happy Sam is well enough to share a bed with someone else now, so we can get at least one person off the floor.” Steve murmured.
Bucky was silent a minute. “I think it’s about time that you and Runa started sharing a bed again, Steve. You need to have that talk with her that you keep putting off.”
Steve felt a churning in his gut. He doesn’t feel the same way, he reminded himself. “I haven’t put it off. Runa and I have talked. A little.” There was still so much more to say to her, but she knew how things currently stood, at least. “We won’t be sharing a bed for a while. Once the new bunkhouse is finished and the house is built, we’re going to have separate rooms-”
“You what?” Bucky demanded sharply, sitting up and glaring down at Steve accusingly. “So, you’re just giving up? You’ve got a wonderful woman in there and you’re calling it quits?”
“It’s not like that.” Steve protested as he sat up as well. “I care for her, and she knows it, I just… I can’t be with her like that. Not yet.”
“And why the hell not? What’s wrong with her? She’s sweet, works hard, is willing to help build up the ranch-”
“-If you like her so much, why don’t you marry her?” Steve demanded sharply, though that suggestion almost made him feel ill. The two people he cared for most, together as a couple? That would be a nightmare the types of which he couldn’t fathom. Didn’t want to fathom. “You still can. We’ll get a divorce and you can marry her and it will be fine.”
“I don’t want to marry her,” Bucky scoffed, “What are you, crazy? I’m not the marrying type, and you know it. Now come on. Something is going on here and I can’t help you unless you tell me what it is.”
“Buck, you can’t help with this.” Steve ran a hand through his hair, frustrated, not certain how to explain this to Bucky, who was going to keep pushing until he had an answer that satisfied him.
“Bet me. Now what’s going on?”
He might as well tell the truth, or at least a part of it. It might help get rid of the churning in his gut. Might help to set things straight between him and Bucky so that he could be with Runa without feeling so damn guilty, or as if he was being torn in two. “There is… Someone else.”
There was stunned silence in the room for a minute. “I’m sorry, what?”
“She knows. I already told her I couldn’t be with her yet, and why. I’m trying to get over it, just… It’s damned hard.”
“Well… Damn.” Bucky sounded completely flabbergasted. “Who is it?”
The silence stretched between them, a gulf that Steve felt he could never cross, before he finally answered. “You. It’s always been you.”
There was more silence. Then, “Stevie…”
“Look,” Steve interrupted, “I know it was never serious for you. I know you don’t-”
“Steve.” Bucky’s voice was firmer this time, a command there as he reached for Steve, pulling him closer, lips crashing down against Steve’s and all Steve could think of as he returned the kiss heatedly was that this was right. This was how things were supposed to be.
They finally drew apart slightly, just far enough to snatch in breaths of air.
“It was always serious for me.” Bucky managed, “I thought it wasn't serious for you. That you went looking for a wife because it wasn't serious.”
The mention of Runa caused a slight pang of guilt in Steve. He shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be saying these things to Bucky in the intimate darkness of his room, especially not while they were sitting in bed together. “Buck…” Steve started, but then stopped, uncertain of how to continue.
“Steve, shut up.” Bucky ordered, before tangling a hand in Steve’s hair, pulling him closer, kissing him once more. Bucky’s lips were like a brand against his, the kiss searing in its intensity, the hand in his hair keeping him right where Bucky wanted him. Steve returned the kiss with all the heat and longing that he’d been bottling up the past several months; feeling as if the intensity of their emotions would burn him to a cinder, leaving nothing left but ashes to be scattered on the wind. He fisted his hands in the fabric of Bucky’s nightshirt, before drawing back again, just long enough to hastily pull the fabric up over Bucky’s head, needing to feel Bucky’s hard form against his. Then Bucky was pulling off Steve’s nightshirt with a desperation that he hadn’t felt since the first night they had come together as more than friends, as true partners, in every sense of the word.
Partners.
And Steve had gone and broken that partnership.
No, he decided, I can’t think about that. Not right now.
He knew that if he stopped to think, his mind would go to Runa, and if he thought about her for more than a fleeting second that his guilt would come flooding back, and if that happened he would stop this. He was going to be selfish and damn the consequences. This felt too good to stop, to natural, too right.
It was almost perfect.
Once their nightshirts were off their drawers followed quickly, and Steve was falling back against the bed with a moan as Bucky shoved him, then dragged his lips down Steve’s neck, then lower, teeth scraping over collar bones. Steve clung to Bucky, running his hands up his chest, around his back, trying to re-learn the landscape of his lover’s body, as if he had forgotten it in only a few months, while Bucky tried to reacquaint himself with the taste of Steve.
Bucky moved low enough that he could lick a slow stripe up from the base of Steve’s cock to the head, causing Steve to let out a moan that started like a yelp and ended as a shaky sound of pure need wrapped up in a thick layer of desire. When Bucky wrapped his lips around the head of Steve’s cock and began to suck on just the tip, Steve arched off the bed so completely that his back was a near perfect half circle. He was unable to keep from crying out again, so sensitive after their months of abstinence.
Steve clutched at the bed beneath him as Bucky curled an arm beneath him, hand coming around to curl at his inner thigh, tug his legs wide that way and worked his length with his other hand and his mouth, building Steve into a frenzy, bringing him so near to the pinnacle of pleasure but keeping him on the precipice instead of letting him tumble off the edge. He’d twist his hand just right, but then slow down. He’d undulate his tongue, or swirl it around the head of Steve’s cock, getting him so close… Then it would be an eternity before he did it again. At least, it felt that way.
Steve reached down and tangled his fingers into Bucky’s short chestnut hair, trying to guide Bucky into changing his rhythm, but Bucky refused to move with him. Finally, Steve let out a frustrated snarl.
“Bucky!”
Bucky drew back with an obscene pop. “You say something, Stevie?”
Steve sputtered at that, until Bucky licked along the length of his cock again, then jerked it slowly in his fist, holding Steve’s gaze the whole time, causing the blonde to almost whine with need.
“I know you’re enjoying this.” Bucky practically purred, “And I know that you know that I’m going to get you where you want to go. That I’ll get us both where we want to go.”
“Not going to let me return the favor?” Steve breathed out.
“Hell no.” Bucky leaned down again and bit at the flesh just below Steve’s belly button, causing the muscular blonde to jump slightly and moan at the feel of Bucky’s teeth. “You’re too good with those hands of yours. Get me to go off like a rocket in under a minute.”
Steve choked out a strangled laugh. “Two minutes.” He countered.
“No deal.” Bucky grinned, making certain to stay out of Steve’s reach. Steve growled again, coming down from his high of ecstasy, but still hard and aching, hungering for release. “Buck…”
“I think I want to ride your ass.” Bucky breathed out, Steve letting out a needy whimper as he remembered what that was like. The memory was almost enough to make him come then and there. “Ohh, you like the sound of that, don’t you?”
“Yes.” The word came out as a plea, sounding as if it had been pulled from deep inside him.
Bucky drew back and reached down to flip Steve onto his stomach, Steve going easily, eagerly. This was one dance he knew the steps to, as long as Bucky was his partner.
Bucky leaned over and reached into the nightstand with practiced ease, pulling out the jar of specially ordered oil. He deftly opened it and coated both hands with the viscous fluid, then he moved back between Steve’s legs, reaching down and lightly stroking his oil slick fingers down the cleft of Steve’s perfect ass, making Steve shudder in anticipation. It was Bucky’s turn to whine with need as Steve went down with his cheek against the bed, ass lifted, making it easier for Bucky to get him ready, easier for him to reach around and stroke Steve’s cock slowly.
Slowly, Bucky pressed a finger into Steve, drawing out another whimper from the brawny blonde beneath him. After a few minutes of just teasing with that single digit, Bucky then added a second finger, scissoring them wide inside of Steve, then releasing Steve’s cock to grab the oil once more and pour it directly into Steve’s body, working to get the oil deep inside of him, making sure he was coated good and thorough, as well as working to make certain Steve was ready for him. Not that Steve ever needed a lot of preparation; his body was always just as eager for Bucky’s as Bucky’s was for his.
Bucky worked a third finger inside, other hand returning to Steve’s cock to tease it with slow strokes, and when he scissored his fingers, Steve cried out, dropping his head against the pillow. Bucky felt for a certain spot, massaging it once he found it and getting Steve to shout out again as pleasure spiked through him. He stammered out Bucky’s name, trying to warn him that it was almost too much. Bucky would read the tone of his lover’s voice and, after twisting his fingers up against that walnut shaped bundle inside of Steve, he backed off, withdrawing his fingers and giving Steve a moment to start to come down.
“You’re doing good, Stevie.” He murmured as Steve took deep shuddering breaths, his pulse beginning to slow.
“Looking forward to doing a bit better.” Steve chuckled hoarsely.
“We’ll both do better in a minute.” Bucky promised, before slowly pushing himself into Steve, both of them moaning with the pleasure of it.
This is what heaven feels like, Steve couldn’t help but think, feeling as if every nerve ending in him was buzzing. His entire body was thrumming with pleasure and energy, leaving him needing more. He pressed suddenly back against Bucky, eager for more, needing more, trying to tell him without words, causing Bucky to shout in pleasured surprise. That was enough to spur Bucky on, and he began riding his lover hard even as he reached around to stroke Steve’s cock while he did.
It was too much for Steve, who began to feel as if he was about to burst from his skin, that the orgasm he was chasing would be the catalyst to free him from the cocoon he was trapped inside so that he could be something more than crude flesh; that it would allow him to be pure bliss, pure energy, pure freedom, simply… Pure. Free. Perfect.
Then it was happening and he was crying out once more, this time as he spilled against Bucky’s hand, as hot and white as the stars that took over his vision as he transcended the existence of who he had been before. Bucky thrust hard and fast, free hand curling around Steve’s shoulder and tugging him back into his thrusts, which had become desperate and merciless. Just when Steve didn’t think Bucky could get any deeper, he pushed just a little further, and Steve groaned to feel the hot pulse of Bucky’s release.
When he finally came back to himself, he was sprawled on his side in bed, Bucky spooned against him, softening cock pressed against Steve’s ass but no longer penetrating him. They were tangled together, their bodies as inseparable as their souls were. Steve slid a hand down to cover Bucky’s, giving it a squeeze and letting him drift pleasantly as their heartbeats slowed to normal and their breathing evened out in preparation for sleep to take them.