Chapter Twenty-Eight
Runa fell asleep on Steve’s shoulder once again as he drove them home. It was far later than they usually stayed up, and she had danced herself out. Steve was surprised her shoes weren’t worn out completely from all the dancing, the way the princesses’ shoes had been in the old fairy tale his Ma had read to him.
As the wagon rumbled up the drive, he saw two figures emerge from the bunkhouse, and smiled slightly when he drew closer and saw it was Happy Sam and Falsworth. Happy Sam always remained behind on the fourth of July, or any celebration that was sure to last into the evening or night. Someone stayed with him every year, because they didn’t want to run off and leave him alone while they had their fun. This year Falsworth had volunteered, using the excuse that he wanted to keep an eye on the gravid mares and the new foals. Happy Sam knew better, of course, but no one ever said anything about it. It was an unspoken arrangement.
Steve slowed the wagon to a stop in front of the house, and Runa sighed as the wagon stopped, but she did not wake.
“I’ll get the basket in and do the dishes, Mister Rogers.” Happy Sam said quietly as he approached the wagon, seeing Runa sleeping against Steve’s shoulder. Steve smiled.
“You don’t need to do that, Sam. We can get to them in the morning.”
“Best to do them tonight so we have them for breakfast tomorrow.” He countered.
“Looks like the missus is plain worn out.” Falsworth added, “You should get her along to bed. I’ll take care of the team tonight.”
Steve frowned. “You two have done enough today-”
“If it was just you, I might have to agree, but I’m doing this more for Runa’s benefit.” Falsworth drawled as Runa let out a sleepy murmur and started to raise her head from Steve’s shoulder. Falsworth winced, and hastily lowered her voice. “We’ll be fine, Steve.”
Steve nodded, giving them a rueful smile, before he carefully moved to scoop Runa up and then try to get down from the wagon without sending both of them tumbling down into the dirt. With some help from Happy Sam and Falsworth, he managed, though only just. Steve mouthed his thanks to them, and carried Runa inside with ease.
She was light, Steve mused. Too light, even for her petite stature. He could have carried her with one arm quite easily. He actually did a few times, mostly when opening and closing doors quietly, not wanting to disturb her rest.
Steve laid her down upon the bed and caressed her cheek softly, watching her by the light from the moon that shone through the window into their room. She leaned into his touch, so innocent and sweet, before she frowned slightly, as if realizing something wasn’t right. Then her eyes flew open and she sat bolt upright, looking rather bewildered.
“It’s all right, it’s all right.” Steve said, holding up his hands in surprise, using the same tone he would use when talking to a spooked animal. “It’s just me. You fell asleep on the ride home and I carried you in to put you to bed.”
“Steve.” The way she breathed out his name was almost music to his ears, so relieved to know it was him, and with a note of sweetness to it. “I’m sorry. I was… It was a strange dream.”
“That’s all right. Those weren’t exactly usual circumstances for waking up, or going to bed.” Steve smiled slightly. “Do you want me to leave while you get ready for bed?”
Silence hung between them, and Steve realized belatedly what it meant to ask her that, letting her choose.
“No.” She said softly. “I think we’re a bit past that.”
He sighed at that, recalling how she had looked standing before him in only her shoes and stockings, so trusting and vulnerable. And then he had gone and betrayed that trust. The memories of that night shamed him, but they were still somewhat arousing, remembering how her breasts looked, pale apple blossoms tipped with a deeper pink. The soft curve of her waist, her hips.
Steve almost cursed. He was getting hard just thinking about her nude, which was not what either of them needed after tonight. He turned his back to her, managing to make a sound of agreement as he moved to remove his boots. He could hear the bed creak behind him as she stood, hear the soft rustle of fabric as she undressed. The sounds were loud in the otherwise silent room, and Steve felt a sudden need to fill that silence.
“I’m sorry.” He managed as he undressed. “About tonight. I… I wanted to dance with you, I did, I just…”
“You didn’t want to make a fool of yourself.”
He sighed. “Exactly.”
“I’m not very good at dancing, but I do enjoy it. Maybe… Maybe I could show you how, before next year, and we could dance then?” She ventured after a moment.
“I’d like that.” Steve smiled slightly in the darkness, thinking on what things might be like in a year. How would things change? Would they remain the same as now? His smile faded slightly at that thought. No, he told himself firmly, things can’t keep on the way they are now. It isn’t fair to any one of us.
“Runa?” He asked quietly as he finally stripped off the last of his clothing, “I… I want to talk to you.”
“Hm?”
“Not right now, it’s a bit late for a talk, but… Soon. I want to talk about us. About why… Why things are the way they are. Why I’m the way I am with you.” He tugged on his nightshirt, keeping his back to her.
“Are you sure?” Her tone was a mix of hope and worry somehow combined.
“I’m sure. It’s long past time we had this talk, but… I wasn’t exactly ready for it.” He sighed. “I think I will be in a day or two.”
She moved across the room, but it was so she could open the bureau and pull out her own nightgown. “Then we’ll talk about it in a day or two.” She said, her tone more neutral now. He turned to watch her then, in time to see the soft fabric of her nightgown slide down over her body as she tugged it into place. She reached up to unpin her hair, but he reached out and caught her hand.
“Leave it tonight.” He suggested, “You can brush it out in the morning.”
“Sleeping with pins in isn’t very comfortable.” She countered softly, gently pulling her hand away so she could reach up and pull the pins from her hair. “But I won’t worry about unbraiding it until the morning.”
“All right.” He moved to get into bed, watching as she placed the pins in the chipped china teacup she kept them in next to her brush atop the bureau. Finally she got into bed herself, settled herself beside him as she did every night, but tonight Steve didn’t intend for it to end like every other night, with the two of them lying with their backs to each other or staring up at the ceiling. Tonight he rolled so he was facing her, and then he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close. Her startled gasp was loud in the stillness of their room, but she said nothing, relaxing in his arms after a few minutes.
“I do like you, Runa.” He murmured softly. “I truly do. Please believe that. I know it’s hard to believe, with how I’ve treated you, but I do like you, and like having you here.”
“Then why-?”
“-I’ll tell you soon.” He promised, his heart feeling a bit heavy, an icy churning in his gut. “For now don’t think on it. Just get some rest.”
“All right.” She hesitated a moment. “I like you too, Steve. Rather a lot, despite everything.”
Steve smiled sadly in the darkness, holding her a little tighter, hoping she still liked him after he tried to explain to her about him and Bucky. He doubted it, but he still hoped.