Chapter Twenty-One
Runa cried herself to sleep, but sleep proved a fickle mistress and she slept fitfully, a part of her listening for the sound of horses returning to the ranch. She even left the window open so she could better hear their return. She had heard Steve leave even through the window, and then Bucky must have followed not long after he checked on her. It was several hours before she bolted upright, hearing the plodding of hooves outside. Her heart sank as she realized she only heard one horse, not two. That meant that one of them had remained in town. Her traitor mind whispered that it could mean something worse than that, but she refused to listen. As upset as Steve had left her, as inadequate as she was, she didn’t hate him, and didn’t particularly want harm to come to him.
Well, mild discomfort maybe. Like falling into a stream or some prickly bush. But not actual harm.
She lay back down in bed, her heart in her throat as she hoped that Steve would come in through the bedroom door. Instead, she heard another door open and shut, and she rolled onto her side, fighting the urge to cry once more, before finally giving in to it.
She woke early the next morning and ignored the empty spot in the bed where Steve usually slept. She dressed and went to the kitchen to fix breakfast. As the men filed in they looked about, but they kept their mouths shut as Bucky motioned them to sit at the table.
Well, except for Junior.
“Where’s Steve?”
Runa frowned slightly. “At the moment I do not know, nor do I particularly care.” A few of the men winced at that, while Junior looked shocked by her words.
The rest of breakfast was a mostly silent, awkward affair. Everyone hurried through it, wanting it to be over with as soon as possible.
As everyone left the room afterwards, Runa moved to gather up the plates as she usually did. This time, Bucky remained behind to help. “I’ll go and get Steve soon. He should be sobered up enough to make it home by now.”
“He went to the Desert Rose last night?” Runa might have been new to Amaranto Springs, but she had seen the saloon, had briefly heard about Nat and her girls from Laura while they were working and the children hadn’t been present.
“Yeah.” Bucky affirmed reluctantly.
“So he went to see a whore.” Runa clenched her jaw and blinked back tears, turning away from Bucky so he couldn’t see her trying not to cry. She had cried enough over her husband and how he treated her.
“Runa, it isn’t like that, he just went for a couple of drinks-”
“-It is exactly like that.” She interrupted, remembering what Brock had been like, how he had spent his hours drinking and whoring about. Oh, they weren’t supposed to know, but it was clear enough to the household what was going on, even though his mother was in denial about her son’s activities. She had thought Steve would be different, had hoped, but… It turned out that he wasn’t. She had started to think there was something between Steve and Bucky, something more than just friendship, but not if he was going off to visit whores. Not that either option was a particularly good one as far as she was concerned.
“It’s… It’s all right. I understand. I was stupid to think I’d be any man’s first choice.” She turned and carried the stack of plates into the kitchen, blinking back more tears. Bucky followed, not willing to let things rest like that.
“You were his first choice.” He protested. “He got scared, Runa, that’s all. Steve, he’s… Not so great with women. That was why he put out the ad for a mail order bride. He knew if he tried to do things the regular way he’d get awkward and mess it all up.”
“So he decided to be even more awkward with a wife he doesn’t seem to want.” She said quietly as she put the dishes into the wash basin.
“He does want you.” Bucky protested. “He just…”
“No, Bucky.” She whispered, “You didn’t see him last night. It was like…” She shook her head. “I repulse him.” She choked out, before another sob escaped her. She couldn’t stop the tears once they started coming. She could still see Steve’s face from the night before, the horror when he had been about to touch her, before he turned and fled the room. That look haunted her, and the memory of it caused more tears to fall.
“Aw, no, don’t cry.” Bucky said, before placing a hand on Runa’s shoulder and forcing her to turn. She reached up to wipe away the tears with the heels of her palms, but more kept coming. Then Bucky was pulling her into his arms, holding her close and making soothing sounds, rubbing circles against her back with a hand as she sobbed against his chest.
“It’ll be all right.” He promised her as her sobs started to subside. “Steve is… He doesn’t know the first thing about women, for all that he grew up around my sisters. Last night that man was scared out of his mind that he was going to hurt you. He started drinking to get up the courage to come back to you, to explain, but… Well. He had a few too many. Doesn’t know his limit.” His words earned a derisive bark of a laugh from Runa, who was clearly still upset. “Hey, if it’ll make you feel better I can just take him out back and shoot him.”
This time Runa really did laugh, drawing back slightly and thwacking Bucky on his shoulder, using the other hand to try and scrub away her tears. “You wouldn’t be able to, and we all know it.” She managed, tears still staining her cheeks but no new ones falling, a faint smile on her lips.
“Hey, he hurt you. It’s the least I could do.”
She shook her head. “I’m mad at him, but I don’t want him hurt. I actually like him when he isn’t being an… an ass.”
“Why, Missus Rogers, did you just curse?” Bucky asked in mock shock as he released her, but did not take a step back.
“I don’t know if likening someone to an ass is cursing.” She countered. “I’ll be fine, Bucky. Thank you. Just… Go and get him, if that’s what you want.”
“But what do you want?”
“Right now, I want to be left alone to do my work in peace.”
Bucky nodded. “I can understand that. Work the hurt away.”
“That and if I don’t get started on the laundry soon, I’ll be doing it tomorrow as well, and I’d rather only do the washing once a week.” She sighed, smiling slightly. “Leave out your things before you go.”
“Yes ma’am, General ma’am.” He grinned at her, earning a soft little laugh. Well, he mused, at least she’s feeling a bit better. Now to go take her tears out on Stevie’s hide.
~*~
When Bucky returned with Steve a few hours later, Steve looked miserable and Runa was busy hanging up the laundry to dry. Steve and Bucky dismounted, but Bucky was the one to lead both horses to the stables while Steve approached Runa. She could smell the perfume on him as he neared her, and she wanted to cry again.
No. she told herself firmly. She was not going to waste another tear on him. Chin up. Don’t let him see how much it hurts. She took a breath and put steel in her spine, then refused to look at him as he approached while she continued to hang the laundry to dry.
“Runa, I-”
“You didn’t set your laundry out.” She interrupted. “If you want it cleaned you’d best do that quickly.” She bent over to pull a pair of trousers out of the wash basket. “And bathe. I don’t want the smell of her perfume in my house.”
“No, Runa, it wasn’t like that-”
“Don’t tell me it wasn’t like that. Don’t tell me you didn’t leave me here and run off to a whore.” She spat out. Well, so much for staying cool and distant, not letting him know how much his actions had hurt her. She had wanted to believe Bucky’s words, but with Steve covered in the cloying scent of someone’s perfume, well… It was hard to remember what Bucky had said and easy to believe the worst. Runa dropped the wet trousers back into the basket and turned to glare at him. To his credit, he looked chastened, but then he took a deep breath.
“That is exactly what I’m going to tell you. I’ll swear it on a stack of bibles. I just got drunk. They put me up in a bed at the saloon because I couldn’t get on the back of a horse, but the girl whose bed it was slept somewhere else. Bucky will tell you the same thing. So will Nat and her girls, and if you don’t want to believe them, you can ask Tony Stark, Doctor Banner, and Sheriff Rhodes. They were all there last night, watching me make a fool of myself.”
Runa’s shoulders sagged slightly, and some of the anger left her. Not much, but some. Only, now she felt more dejected than of angry. She couldn’t argue against that many witnesses to Steve’s behavior. “Why did you go? We just… I thought… What did I do wrong?” She finally asked, blinking back tears. It was a question she had been asking herself all night, all day. What was wrong with her to scare him off like that? Make him change his mind so abruptly?
Steve reached out and wiped away the tear that managed to escape with his thumb, then cupped her cheek in his hand. It took all she had in her to not lean into his touch. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Runa. It was all me. I… I got scared and panicked. So I ran. I couldn’t run to Bucky or anyone else here, so… I ran to the one place I thought I might find someone to give me advice. But on the way there I realized what a fool I had been, leaving you like that. I wanted to forget what I did, and I thought I could drink it away, that if I didn’t say anything and I just kept drinking I could forget, and things would go back to how they had been.”
“It doesn’t work quite like that, Steve.” She said as she looked up at him, his hand still on her cheek.
He drew his hand away. “Well, I know that now. I wasn’t thinking too clearly last night, even before I got most of a bottle of whiskey into me.”
“Most of a-? Were you trying to kill yourself?”
“Maybe a part of me was. The headache today is making me wish I had.” He gave a pained grin.
She sighed. “Go get clean clothes and take a bath. Leave your old things outside the bathhouse and I’ll wash them. When you come out I’ll fix up a few of the cures we used to give Mister Brock after a night of drinking.”
“Runa… Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I haven’t forgiven you, and one of those cures supposedly tastes vile, but he swore by it.” She said pointedly. “Now go.”
She had finished hanging the laundry by the time Steve came out of the bathhouse, and was in the kitchen preparing dinner when he entered. She looked over at him before moving to gather a few things. Steve watched as she mixed cider vinegar and bicarbonate of soda in a glass, topping it off with water. “Drink this.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.” As he forced himself to drink the concoction, she moved about the kitchen, a malicious little part of her rejoicing in the absolutely disgusted face he made after drinking the cure. She hid a smile, slicing a couple pieces off loaf of fresh bread and spreading them with butter and honey, before presenting them to him on a tin plate. “Now eat that, and go to bed.” She ordered. “I’ll wake you up for supper if you haven’t woken yourself up by then.”
“What about dinner?”
“The bread and honey is your dinner. You need that and sleep more than anything else.”
“Whatever you say, General.”
She couldn’t help but smile slightly at the nickname, even though her heart clenched when he called her that so fondly. “Eat and get some rest.” She ordered, turning away from him to start work on dinner, not ready to forgive him just yet.