Bucky couldn't sleep. He had went to his bed to rest after he got the news, but still, all he could think about was Peggy. About when he went to visit her. He had somebody text an old burner of his when she died, making them promise not to tell Steve. It hurt, but it didn't —the memory of her half faded.
~~
"Sergeant Barnes?" The frail, but strong, woman asked. It made him smile. "Peggy," he smiled. "Tell me about Steve."
"We had a date."
"He was different and pure."
"We were each other's right partners."
It was mostly just ramblings like that. Bucky had grown tired of it soon. He couldn't help it. He was about to say goodbye when she said something that struck him in the heart, "Oh and you know, I loved him and he loved me, Bucky, but what he shared with you...it was entirely something else."
"What do you mean?" He asked, somewhat frantically.
"It wasn't an okay thing back then, not really. But I could see it, and it became more clear after you died. He had never been like that before. It was the way I was for the first week after he died.
"You know, he never wanted to kill anyone, but after he lost you, he didn't care if he killed anymore. I'm sure he did actually care, but it was like he didn't care enough to listen to himself."
Bucky looked down at his hands. "I always told him not to do anything stupid while I was gone."
"He must've wanted to get your attention," she smiled sadly. "He tried to get drunk, too, but he couldn't anymore. The serum made his metabolism burn right through the alcohol.
"And I don't think anyone else noticed it... you would've, but he always had tears in his eyes the moment he had time to himself. You were his anchor. He loved you. And I know, I know because I loved him, that you loved him back."
~~
Bucky turned and felt a damp pillow. He was crying that whole time without realizing it.
He fell asleep soon, but his dreams filled themselves with the faces of all he had murdered. He had nightmares about all the electrocution and memory wipes he had endured. He even dreamt of the war. Only once did he dream of his time with Steve, and that... that was enough to keep him grounded.